February 25, 2011 at 3:35 pm #89203
shutterbug55ParticipantFebruary 25, 2011 at 3:35 pmPost count: 430
I know this isn’t an ADD thing, or maybe it is… I’m still new to thinking about the world in terms of ADD. For the last several weeks, I have been working with a counselor in identifying what parts of my thought processes are ADD, Dyslexia, coping mechanisms, and avoidance behaviors. Throughout all of this, I have been dealing with demands of work and home.
I can’t remember when. A coworker told me that he noticed my work and that he thought it cool, that I did my work quietly and with no fan fair and it always got done. I thanked him and beat a hasty retreat to the bathroom where I locked my self into the furthest stall. Little did he know the turmoil going on in my head on a second by second basis and the effort it takes to complete a series of tasks. I do things quietly, because I don’t like being noticed.
I am sure we all get complements, but do we notice them? How do you react when you do?REPORT ABUSEFebruary 25, 2011 at 9:03 pm #101260
CarrieMemberFebruary 25, 2011 at 9:03 pmPost count: 529
At first I would always disagree when someone complimented me… Take art work for example… I would paint something and people would adore it and tell me how good it was. I always disagreed because this colour didn’t blend to well, or its not the way I had seen it in my head, or this eye is slightly bigger than that one etc etc. I saw all the flaws in it… Same if they complimented my looks. I would go through everything that I found wrong with me….
I now smile and say thank you no matter if I agree or not with them. I chose to believe and trust them that maybe it isnt as horrible as I thought. I still tend to look at all the bad things about it, but am working on looking at the good, the fact that drawing, or art comes naturally to me. It may not be perfect, but that leaves room to grow and learn! Heck, if I was perfect, I would have nothing to strive for, or see improvements and feel accomplished about!
As for not liking to be noticed… that reminds me of a lady who I complimented… she got her hair cut and I told her it looked good… She got upset because she too didnt like to be noticed and liked to blend in the background… She didnt like to be noticed because she had been hurt bad before and figured if she blended in, no one would notice, and couldnt get hurt by anyone or anything.REPORT ABUSEFebruary 26, 2011 at 1:19 am #101261
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 26, 2011 at 1:19 amPost count: 14413
SB 55….what a question!!! You got me going’……sometimes I just smile, sometimes I say thank-you, sometimes I blush, sometimes it’s hurmph, sometimes I’m rude, sometimes I’m humbled, sometimes it’s a funny retort, sometimes I ignore it……god I’ll stop now. Now I think more about it….I guess it depends on the context, the sender, the situation…… my mood, so many things……… opps guess I didn’t stop like I said I would…..hahahahahahha
Good one, you made me giggle….. I like that…
toofatREPORT ABUSEFebruary 26, 2011 at 2:17 am #101262
laddybug3MemberFebruary 26, 2011 at 2:17 amPost count: 226
Shutterbug55 My friend is trying to help with complements. She will wait until I say yes, which takes away. I normally say I know, right? Sometimes I can’t tell it was complement. As for running into the bathroom, I have done that. One of my friends was impressed with my knitting skills, and that I could carry on a conversation. (Blame that on ADD) I stop and picked out a mistake to make me feel better. She just looked at me and told me she couldn’t see one.
Here are my tips:
1) Say thank you and think of something else.
2) Take a sec to process what just happen.
3) I look for the exit and think that is where I will probably go.
4) ignore the impulse to do just that (number 3)
5) Say to yourself it is just a moment and then it will be gone.REPORT ABUSEFebruary 26, 2011 at 5:18 am #101263
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 26, 2011 at 5:18 amPost count: 14413
…. i say thankyou! – i’m thanking them for being kind and thoughtful enough to try and say something nice to me, for taking the time to do something that they think will make me happy.
…..whether or not i think they’re existing in some kind of alternate reality where my haircut is cute/handwriting is nice/i’m kind and funny, or they realise that i feel like dying inside over the fact that it has become apparent that i was pretty noticeable instead of managing to be the stealth ninja-chick i was aiming for, they did make the effort to say something nice, and it just shoots them down if i brush it off.
refusing to accept a compliment is kinda like ….someone trying to give you a present that they’ve chosen just for you, and unwrapping it infront of them, and handing it back because you don’t want it….. a bit rude. although quite often i think ‘yeeeeaaaaah, they must be a bit mental to think i’m funny/clever/whatever’ later on, at least they bothered to try and give me a nice guesture, so i aint gonna shove their gift back in their face (i just mentally donate it to charity in private).
giving one back can help to minimise discomfort as well. it doesn’t hurt to say ‘awww, thankyou- thats really kind/sweet/thoughtful of you to say!’ with a big grin. then they walk away feeling good about themselves, even if you can’t manage that yourself (and doing something nice- like thanking them- gives you something to feel good about!).
it’s taken me a long time to get to the point where i can accept a compliment at face value without being suspicious or dubious and thinking “ok, what do they want?’ but i’m getting there. and at least i don’t SAY “ok, what are you after!?” and give them a shifty look any more….. thats a start!REPORT ABUSEFebruary 26, 2011 at 1:01 pm #101264
trashmanMemberFebruary 26, 2011 at 1:01 pmPost count: 546
Well some very good post on this topic. I myself have a bad habit of running myself down when someone says something nice about me and then try say something funny to change the subject. I have started to try just to say thank-you , but old habits die hard.REPORT ABUSEFebruary 26, 2011 at 3:38 pm #101265
Patte RosebankParticipantFebruary 26, 2011 at 3:38 pmPost count: 1517
It takes a bit of getting used to. Especially when, as a child, any compliment you got from the other kids was inevitably followed by the rug-pull of their laughing at you and saying, “Yeah, right! I can’t believe you fell for that!”
For several years, I’ve often been complimented on my clothes. It’s even sweeter when it’s an outfit I designed & made myself. I’m still always pleasantly surprised, but it’s a habit now to smile and say, “Thank you”…occasionally followed by, “I made it myself.” Sometimes, those people even ask me to pose for a photo. So posing anywhere, anytime has also become a habit. Besides, I have to practise, in case I become famous someday.REPORT ABUSEFebruary 26, 2011 at 5:16 pm #101266
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 26, 2011 at 5:16 pmPost count: 14413
Ah, compliments are part of communication. Something that we all struggle with, some more than others, so i’d have to say yes it is a ADHD related thing.
Anyways, I told myself i’d try to keep this short, so…. Yes, I am horrible when it comes to compliments. I have a lot of talents and hobbies, a lot of people know this about me, whenever I am into something new or just the old stuff and a stranger sees me interacting in whatever it is i’m doing, they might give me a compliment and I never know what to say in return other than thanks.
It even feels uncomfortable afterwards cause I have no follow up. Just thanks. and an blank expression.
i’m getting better at it but its deffinately something that i’ve had a problem with since I was a kid.REPORT ABUSEFebruary 26, 2011 at 5:30 pm #101267
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 26, 2011 at 5:30 pmPost count: 14413
When it’s about my work, I don’t like compliments because I feel that now I have to maintain the quality or whatever. Which is hard work, trying to keep vigilant and focused not to make mistakes and all. But in any case, I don’t like it because I don’t like to be noticed as well. I’m trying to accept compliments though. Just saying thanks.REPORT ABUSEFebruary 27, 2011 at 12:12 am #101268
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 27, 2011 at 12:12 amPost count: 14413
… ah…. the “i made it myself!” one is good. i say that when people compliment me on my accent (english-english in english-canada)- they generally look confused and wander off… its quite weird being complimented on something you didn’t exactly do on purpose thats very normal where you’re from.REPORT ABUSEFebruary 27, 2011 at 6:55 am #101269
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 27, 2011 at 6:55 amPost count: 14413
i think the inability we have to accept compliments – or more like the sense that we don’t derserve them – is tied to that whole “oh my god someone at some point is going to realize what a huge fraud i am and my whole world is going to crash down around me” thing we have going on in our heads that was discussed on another thread.
if that makes sense…REPORT ABUSEFebruary 27, 2011 at 1:39 pm #101270February 27, 2011 at 3:14 pm #101271
trashmanMemberFebruary 27, 2011 at 3:14 pmPost count: 546
so now that I have taken time to think about it .I am thinking part of being adhd is low self esteem, or is it as a result of a long time of falling short according to the world around us? so what do you think?REPORT ABUSEFebruary 27, 2011 at 3:34 pm #101272
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 27, 2011 at 3:34 pmPost count: 14413
OMG! Rufina, how did you get in my head? And what other thread is that? I want to read it!REPORT ABUSEMarch 1, 2011 at 5:42 am #101273
AnonymousInactiveMarch 1, 2011 at 5:42 amPost count: 14413
trashman- i think that for me its a combination of a naturally very cynical perspective, the experience of years of being given hassle by a parent, teachers, etc (anti-compliments!), and low self esteem caused by both depression, and from what seemed like repeated experiences that turned into screwups and failures -that everyone else seemed to stroll through without a second thought- let alone a struggle.REPORT ABUSE
How do You Handle Complements?shutterbug552011-02-25T15:35:10+00:00
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