How do You Handle Complements?

[Patte Rosebank]

I’ve been rather basking in compliments at work lately, which is a big change from what I got during all those years of futile struggles to fit into the office world.

Two weeks ago, I got the first promotion of my life. Since then, several managers have complimented me on how well I’m doing, and on the fact that when they throw me a change in duties or an extra shift at the last minute, I take it in stride. One manager said that I caught on so quickly that it seemed as if I’d been doing the new job for my whole life. Another complimented me on my judgment in defusing a difficult situation.

I love the praise, and accept it with a big smile. But I’m always careful to remind myself not to get too cocky, because that would increase my risk of an ADHD-related mistake. 🙄

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[shutterbug55]

Larynxa,

I have been getting more since that first one. Whether it is because I am more watchful for them or there are just more now. I do not hide in the bathroom every time it happens, but it makes me uncomfortable. I try to not let it show.

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[Anonymous]

I have been pretty much perfectionist. My number one hobby had/has been cello from five year old. I have been said to have really bad fingertips from crucial practise they had to be very much like wrapped to vaseline or such like (those strings where the one’s which had the umm.. which made fingertips blister and such..:S).

I wouldn’t practise at home i moved to grandmother and father to practise (couldn’t get myself to get in terms with mother surprise surprise).

About the praising part.. Well in the terms of playing the cello, i have been applauded to have nice sound in my playing (hard to chew), always have to be better and never enough. By the way in the other thread in which i poured my mind out in about the same 7th grade this cello-hobby got me exclude myself from other’s. in string-orchestra in which everyone should play for each other i changed from joyful to gloomy…. i turned to upside down. If i could have i had not been too much in my pride i would’ve said i didn’t have everything okay. But i had to think for my mother whom was in the same place as a teacher…..

One of cellopals once straighten me really straightworthy. I belittled my part which i had played and she said that one should take compliment to one’s heart when it comes true. It sure made me feel bad because i realized what i had done. So i went to say i was sorry for not taking it in and that i wasn’t so easy on taking stuff like that. She made me promise to practise to take that praising in and try hard not to be so sceptical on it. Well i sure has got practise and i have some ways done it.

As in short… progress has happened drawbacks as is usual but lately well shortcomings have been happening and it sure has been hard to get praised… all in all well.. one never knows.

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[Anonymous]

I’m really not used to compliments. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a positive feeling when I get them, but also a weird one for me most of the time. Most of the time it’s because I don’t think what I get complimented on is all that great. Usually because I see something better done by someone else. My feeling is usually “when I do something like what that guy did, then you can compliment me.” Don’t do what I do, I’m slowly learning you have to give yourself a break and enjoy what compliments you get.

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[Anonymous]

rufina and trashman nailed for me. I don’t take compliments well as I usually feel I don’t deserve it. I often think the person is being sarcastic. My wife, God bless her, has worked hard to change my mindset with this. I think the one challenge put forth on complimenting others and showing gratitude will help me allow myself to accept and acknowledge compliments that come my way from others. Excellent post ~

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[powcat]

I enjoy compliements when they’re relating to my creative work; I kind of crave these, actually. but when it comes to appearance, I become really uncomfortable. the weird thing is that dressing up is one of my favourite things; trying out different styles and matching and mismatching things together. but when I show up at the party in my carefully-selected outfit and I am complimented in front of a group of people, or I am complimented by several people in a row on the same thing, I just feel like I need to run away. I smile and say thanks of course, but it doesn’t feel good. what’s up with that? still not sure about that one.

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[Anonymous]

I have had to work very hard, as a singer, to accept compliments. I always have the urge to explain to them the million and one things that I did wrong. And in my head I just think of all the time I could have spent practicing, and how good it could have been if I didn’t have ADD to sidetrack me from using time well. So I decided to just start with “thank you” and a smile. It felt so awkward at first and my head was just swimming with all the mistakes I know they must have heard and are just too polite to mention. Over time I’ve gotten better at just accepting the compliment. When I got diagnosed four months ago, even more things made sense and its been even easier to let myself hear that I did something well and that I’m not a fraud or a loser.

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[Anonymous]

Interesting! This got my mind in a whirl before I even read any posts.

This is something I know I am very awkward with. I love the recognition, but I seldom take it at face value. Instead I’m looking for motive, is it sincere, what are they looking for in return, what are they really telling me, or I’m embarrassed because I didn’t think it was a big deal. Rarely is it just a pat on the back, in my paranoid opinion. So why do I feel this way? I’m 41 and spent most of that time thinking I was wrong, being told I was wrong, been shown I was wrong, so when I do something right I’m actually waiting to find out how I screwed up, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

This also got me to learn that being right isn’t as important as listening and asking questions or figuring out why two people see things so different and learn from that instead of deciding they are wrong and dismissing things. So when someone says “Wow that was fantastic, great job!” I can be okay saying “Thank you, I enjoyed doing it.” But I’m thinking, what was fantastic, be specific, what parts were awesome, what parts were crap, do I have to do more, what’s next, will I live up to this standard next time too, do I get a raise now…..Shit I got noticed now I have to be this person. This is a scary thing, living up to you potential.

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[Anonymous]

Wow .. Rufina .. you described me to a T. I love the game of golf but am not that good. I tell everyone that I have a Tiger Woods mentality with the ability of a 3 year old. When I hit a good shot and someone said nice shot it was hard for me to say thank you when I knew or thought I just got lucky. Then I started noticing that everytime I got a compliment on anything, I choked on my reply. I am trying to say thank you now ..

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[Rich]

Hey y’all. I’m right with you on this. While I have learned to ACCEPT compliments – it’s still work to BELIEVE them and “let them in”.

Something I have learned about that I have found interesting is called “Impostor Syndrome” (also know as “Impostor Phenomenon”) …

here is an article about it:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/05/health/05mind.html

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