i'm never actually going to amount to anything, am i?

[Anonymous]

i’ve been thinking about getting a job since 2006. yeah, i should probably do that. but i don’t wanna screw it up, again.

i’ve been thinking about gong back to school for 4 months now. haven’t managed to read more than 2 pages of university websites. i don’t see much potential in actually getting a degree. i can’t even get the bus.

i’m surrounded by unfinished sewing projects, half started crafts, and mess. i wish i could build a nest under it and sleep forever.

i’m tired of watching everybody else moved forward, or helping them move forward, watching them move forward, and knowing that i’m never gonna sustain that momentum myself, of feeling that i’m gonna be looked after like a child, and continue to slip out of touch with people as they move on, and mill around being generally useless until i’m enevitably left alone one day, then poof. what a waste.

it’s really bloody tragic.

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[Anonymous]

@jeneticallymodified…

I recently came into awareness that this add thing is what causes me to “be generally useless.” I feel you. I myself am surrounded by unfinished crafts and remnants of notes from my latest “big idea.” So, the question is, what are your strengths, and what ARE you doing? I recently began making a very short list of things to do for the day.

1. Buy toilet paper

2. Call Grandma

That’s it. if i get those two things done, I have conquered my maladaptive tendencies for the day. If I get more done, Hey! look at me! I have also just begun to search out the right medication. My memory for future plans/events has improved greatly, and I m proud to say it has been 6 weeks since I last lost a Planner! Also m list can now be 3 things long a couple days a week. It’s a work in progress but I am amazed and proud. If you have not gotten on meds, perhaps you should consider it.

The biggest thing for me is accepting myself. For us, perhaps we should consider changing our environments to suit us. I decided to ditch the traditional way of doing things to suit my weird habits. I keep my deodorant by my keys so I remember to put it on. I keep my wallet attached to my keys so they can’t be separated. I bought the most environmentally friendly disposable plates and cups I could find because let’s face it… I do the dishes twice a week at best. If I take off my socks, I throw them as close to the hamper as I can so at least when I finally decide to clean, things are pretty close to where they should be.

You may be past all this… I dunno. But I hope you look for help if you have not already. If you have, look for different help! You are obviously creative and inspired. Sit back and accept the awesomeness of you, then move from there. I wish you luck and give you my support! <3… big hug!

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[trashman]

hi all I have a job but I can’t seem to keep one more than three months. so the question I have is how do we have a life if I keep losing or quiting my job . I ofen wish the earth would open up and swollow me up . I can’ t even tell my wife because she will freak and I’ll be in the dog house again. sometimes i wish I could die but I can’t kill myself because I probably would do that wrong. I am so glad that I can say what I am thinking and I know you can’t help me nor do I expect any thing. but sometimes I feel I am on this earth just taking up space

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[Bibliophile]

@jeneticallymodified Having moderate to severe ADHD does make life hard, I will most certainly not argue that with you. But, I would keep at it. You will find a job. It might not be the ideal one, but you try and make it work. Going to university can help you find a subject that you do have a passion for, which will make its stickiness a bit easier, but certainly not remove the roadblocks of ADHD.

You know you like sewing. Maybe find a craft that is quicker to complete. Speed does help. The shorter the tasks takes, the greater the likelihood that we will complete it.

I can’t help you on the social front though. Friends that understand ADHD or put up with it are rare and should be treasured. It certainly does feel like everyone is speeding past us on the highway of life since it takes so much more effort for us to accomplish the same things.

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[billd]

You already have at least 1 friend (me) and I don’t find you a waste.

If you ever come to my area – visit – and you can see my TWO garages/shops LOADED with unfinished projects, some of them worth thousands of $$ if completed. However, I have knowledge and info that every once in a while I get thanked for.

Went to a car show recently – was thanked many times for running the forum I run, and all the valuable information shared.

Isn’t that in a way what you are doing?? Sharing yourself here?

Hang in there kid – I already like you. So that means you have touched other lives, and any human that does that is worth something.

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[Anonymous]

Lord knows I know exactly where you’re coming from. I know now that I lost the last three of my jobs due to ADD. So now I either stress about trying to find work or how long before my ADHD gets me fired. I just don’t know how to read people, and to make matters worse, my internal judge is quick to imagine every negative thought they think of me.

It’s hard to be rational about it, because it is so easy for our emotions to overwhelm us. When we’re emotional, we stop thinking. Even though I’m taking medication to try and keep it under control, it sometimes feels like someone’s opening the floodgates inside my head and letting everything wash over me – I panic.

I used to pooh-pooh meditation – how can one be calm when one’s mind is racing? But I’ve learned to accept it as one small tool in my arsenal. When I feel the emotions are trying to take over, I close my eyes, breathe, and get them to subside. I don’t consider it “real” meditation (I don’t think I have the patience for it) but it works as a bit of quick mental first aid.

I wish I knew the answer for landing and keeping the perfect job. I wish I could share my thoughts with my co-workers without fear of putting my foot in it. Just know we’re here for you. Talking helps.

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[Anonymous]

sorry about the 1am meltdown. i feel a bit sheepish now. i have hormones too, which don’t help.

i just… it’s just… everybody else seems to manage this whole motivation and direction thing. and i feel so exasperated, it’s like i turn in rather small and very messy spirograph type circles and keep grinding against the plastic cog bits and blunting the hell out of my pencil. how colourful of a metaphor.

my friends (and peers) from school… even some kids who i consistantly got better grades than (with a 50% attendance record, dire home environment, and major mental health problems) and whom i KNOW i’m quite possibly as smart, or even smarter than in some cases (no offence- i’m english, we don’t do self-complementing- it comes out as arrogance), are now teachers, bank managers, doctors, one is a professor at an ivy league school, another is a lawyer, a graphic designer with a thriving company, head of PR at a famous museum/gallery, editor of a popular magazine… while i’m looking out of the window of a truck-mechanic 20 years my seniors’s ‘fixer-upper’ house that backs onto a highway, that we’re holding onto the mortgage of by the skin of our teeth cos i’m not paying any bills, in my pj’s, at 2:30pm, surrounded by cats, eating chocolate cake for breakfast, having dropped out of college twice more than 10 years ago and um… yeah. not exactly done much since.

when i actually get going, i’m flying. awesome on a stick. employers love it. i have friends. etc. but i can’t. bloody. do. it. myself. or. keep. it. sustained. i ask the bf to help me get started and he won’t cos apparently he gets an earful in the process, and ‘i’ll do it when i’m ready’. my mum used to nag and prod and question and reiterate me into action, but i’m 31 now.. i think she deserves a break. if i’m doing something for somebody else, or it seems exciting- off i go. but the motivation.. the stamina… the continuity… yeah. no. if stuff appears wit a thud in my lap and waves and shouts and jumps up and down at me, it mgiht get my attention for 2 minutes. maybe.

*sigh*

my strengths seem to be writing, and troubleshooting/problemsolving (outside of the box thinking stuff) and i seem to be a half-decent muse when it comes to other peoples problems, sticking points, etc (oh, the irony). i’m pretty good at teaching things too.

i *am* spending the vast majority of my life on the internet, just typing. i used to be a messageboard moderator until i managed to quit that cold turkey after 5 years (). i make people laugh with my facebook comments, etc. i’ve asked the bf to take the modem to work with him several times- practically pleaded, but he won’t- he says what if i *need* it? (answer: i could go to the neighbours and use theirs. in my jammies. at 2pm. covered in cake crumbs).

i do wickedly well with lists- when i actually remember to write them, and have a cheerleader to encourage my use, and celebrate my success. like a 3 year old.

i have a little diary/planner… but i never seem to get appointments off the cards and written into it. i remember them at 2am the night before, when i wake up in a panic knowing there is *something* happening tomorrow (i guess thats a plus, at least) and feel guilty for wasting it cos my mum bought it for me.

i have a bucketload of meds, too:

effexor/venlafaxine: stops me from lying in a paranoid weeping suicidal bundle under the bed (which is good)

+ wellbutrin: ‘omg it laughs, smiles, and doesn’t have intrusive and vividly rendered thoughts of horrible doom, nor eat mountains of carbs all day’,

+ straterra: the magical ‘down to one or two thoughts at a time lasting a few full seconds each, with occasional peaceful interludes of complete brain silence’ pill.

…. i tried methylphenidate (was prescribed a stupid generic) a while ago too- i cut out the wellbutrin for that- and rapidly had a return to the horrible doom intrusions… plus i developed wicked headaches 2 days into the methyl- dr says probably blood pressure went up. i liked the calmness from the methyl, but the crippling headaches weren’t really copeable withable.

i feel quite sure that if i had somebody behind me with a microphone and a tazer all day, every day, calling out the basics “get up! look straight! eat! shower! do this boring paperwork, go go go! it’s 2am- get to bed NOW!” i really could be something, and do it well.

everybody always says how funny and smart i am, how i always know the right thing to say when they feel down, how i instantly see the solution to a problem that they’ve been staring at for weeks, how i make them feel good, help them understand, dust them off, get them back on their feet, and have them laughing and seeing things with a bit more prespective too. and how i should write, or be a teacher, or a social worker, or a whatever.

and i just smile and brush it off, because i know that they’re right. but i also know that it’ll never happen, too…. and that if i don’t force a smile i’ll start to cry about the tragedy of that, and then they’ll wanna know why, and i night be good at explaining things, but i’ll never get them to really understand why- or what it’s like to be me every minute of every day. the inside jen and outside jen are very different people.

thanks for listening everybody. i’m sorry, trashman. i’m proud of your detirmination, everyone.

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[Shadow Nexus]

Me, read my most-extreme post. I feel like i’ll be on disability for the rest of my life. Trapped in an economic prison. Anyone else in my position, would put a gun to their head long ago. Why I haven’t is a total mystery to me. ADHD is likely the source. That pig-headed stubborn singled-minded tenacity we all have. With the meds, i’m more focused. I’m pursuing ideas.

I’m so sick of being poor. It’s hard to focus on anything when your mind is on food and money constantly. The guy that was going to work with me for film/tv. It looks like he’s flaking out on me. Bah! I have two true friends. Mostly, I found have to rely on myself to get anything done. Depending on people is usually a bad idea for me. People never fail to disappoint me. And, I wonder why I get drained from being around people.

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[billd]

To this:

>>Mostly, I found have to rely on myself to get anything done. Depending on people is usually a bad idea for me. People never fail to disappoint me. And, I wonder why I get drained from being around people. <<

I can relate – and it’s connect to my “if you want anything done right”………. which in my case is almost ALWAYS the case.

No one else “gets it”, no one else can figure things out the way I can/do, and i’m so picky……. no one can do things the way I ask. We spent 6 grand on landscaping – a retaining wall next to our garage – because I dind’t have hte time or equipment. Less than a year later it was sagging badly because the idiot didn’t properly prepare the ground. Why is it that no one can do anything right?

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[Adrienne508]

Jeneticallymodified – wow, you are definitely not alone! I could cut & paste your description of yourself and use it to describe me exactly.

(side bar: one of the things I’ve been grappling with since being diagnosed with ADD is that many of us seem to be SO similar that I feel entirely predictable and redundant…less of a unique, special individual.)

I too have watched my school mates and peers achieve greater career success/earnings/accomplishments than me even though I am far more intelligent, clever, etc than many of them. All they seem to have that I lack is ‘action’. I have loads of creativity, ‘big ideas’, ambition, and all that – I just can’t get my arse in gear to make anything happen for myself, or to stick with one thing for long. So while others have followed a steady upward career path, I have zigged and zagged, changed gears, and chased shiny, blinky lights so often that I have no clue where I’m going or where I even want to go. Yikes! While it’s nice to help others move onward and upward, I am tired of being left behind.

That said, keep ’em laughing and don’t give up on yourself And if you can, marry rich! (just kidding!)

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[Wgreen]

The fact is, the majority of people WITHOUT ADD never “amount to anything.” That’s because we’ve redefined “something.” The advent of cable television and the internet have had the effect of convincing everybody they’re nothing if they don’t achieve celebrity, make six figures, or otherwise do something exciting with their lives. It’s not enough anymore to “get by.” “Just getting by” is a disgrace. Being a nurse, teacher, plumber, construction worker? How banal in today’s world.

Well, I think many professions that pay big money are banal—not to mention often enormously stressful. And besides, no matter what you do, there’s almost always a faster gun.

We all know people who have been extremely “successful” by the modern world’s lights. Good for them. But that doesn’t mean we all have to win the career lottery.

I’ve been guilty of keeping score. Now, I think that’s a very bad idea—for lots of reasons. I’m focusing instead on just being functional. Then we’ll see what happens.

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[Adrienne508]

Hi Wgreen,

I agree with you that “getting by” is no longer satisfying enough for many folks – I believe that all work is honorable. The frustration for me stems from not living up to my potential. I know I am capable of accomplishing more than I have, not just career-wise, but in any goal I may set for myself. I used to think I was lazy or just settled for mediocrity at best; this of course creates lots of negative self-image for me which is only intensified when I see some dolt who can barely structure a paragraph or open an e-mail become a CEO.

I don’t know if this is true for other ADDers, but I tend to have VERY high – unrealistically high – expectations of myself and therefore measure myself against a much loftier standard. Since I never measure up to what I think I should, I beat myself up for it, criticize myself, and hang my head in shame for being a ‘failure’ at most everything I try to do. Not healthy, I know. I’m trying to undo a life-long habit of self-criticism!

Truth is, being functional is a good thing! Heck, even having a job at all these days is an achievement!

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[Shadow Nexus]

I never had much use for that American rich materialist trash(diamonds, big mansions, etc). I just wanted to be middle class.

Mostly studies say you can’t get any happier above 75k per year. All that trash just weighs you down. Junk it.

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[trashman]

I, spend a lot of time on the down side .I can tell you that I have a soft heart and where my feelings on my sleeve The one thing I know that the things that bring me the most joy is making people laugh or helping some one for free . but when it comes to a job for me I like some structure, but yet their has to be some unexpected activities or events . I have done building maintenance , construction and truck driver. that where someone like me without an education can earn the best money. I don’t mind it as long as all the people that I have to deal with are happy or at least able to bring them around. that’s not always possible and those are the times I find very hard to cope when I feel and I do run away from that kind of conflict. I love seeing people laugh and dare to dream and believe in themselves . I wish a person could live working for nothing and making people simile .or get paid for one line little captions in advertising. thats where my creative mind wakes up.but someone with a gr:8 and 3or 4 learning disablement’s . when the stresses of life are not chasing me then life is still pretty good. the key for me is to try not to be so hard on myself. so to finish up it is so great that you people put up with me when I am on a high or happy or down or sad and give me a little pep talk , so to all of you a very big Thank-you.

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[Anonymous]

In my opinion, being a good person ranks one at the top of my respect list. Life is hard and many people roll through a lot of punches in life. Holding on to our good hearts is a gift. Many wealthy “successful” people and those who are scholastically gifted contribute nothing to this world. (my ex-boyfriend uses his intelligence and quick thinking in order to lie and manipulate others to make himself feel bigger. I talk faster than I think in addition to being too impulsive to hold back which all makes me look like an airhead most of the time. His new gf seems to enjoy laughing at me and poking at all my illogic and forgetfulness. However, I suck up my pride and keep chugging along to fulfill my passions). I suppose the definition of “successful” is more of a perspective. Please don’t take this comment to invalidate the very real struggles of finances and personal lives; that is not my intention.

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[Author]

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