Inappropriate behaviour/comments

[Zita]

I was just diagnosed with ADHD about 2 months ago, I’ve found through out my life I’ve been really bad for saying inappropriate things and making inappropriate comment. I would laugh at all the wrong times, I would try to hold it in, but only make my self look worse by the noises I would make trying to cover the laughter, like coughing….the kind of thing. It Especially bad at my parents….the things I would say, and horribe thoughts that would come into my head just for the shock value, or to make a point.

For an example, when I was in grade 8 a girl in the school I went to died of meningitis…..about six months later I was at a dance and this guy shared his pop with me….yup you know where this is going….he was hesitant of it….so I said it’s not like I have meningitis…..I didn’t say what I was thinking…..”if I had said it’s not like I had AIDS”…..had I said that it wouldnt’ have meant any thing to him because he didn’t’ know any one with AIDS, I wanted to explaine that to him but I didn’t. I really wish I had. We both really cared about the poor girl who died, she was one of the sweetest kindest people I’ve ever met, I’ve felt bad about my comment ever since. I would like to add at this point, I know AIDS can not be passed on by sharing a drink, my point was people that die of AIDS or any other other illness are just as important or valuable as the people that we know who die of a different one. I do this kind of stuff all the time, it drives me crazy!! At my parents it’s really bad, making sexual comments just to get a laugh, it’s really not funny, the laughter comes from the shock of that fact that some one would have the audacity of saying some thing like that. After all these years my parents are used to it, so they are now doing it to me.

Does any one else have this problem? I was also bad for gossip, now I feel really bad for the things I have said about people, the things I have repeated…..I’ve tried to apologize to people, some have been kind and accepted my apology, others have not. Now I’m in the position of just wanting to be well. I just want my family and my self to be happy and healthy. All four of us have ADHD, my self, my two kids and I’m sure my husband does too, my husband has not been diagnosed or medicated, the kids and I have.

Another example of my uncontrollable mouth is when the pope died, I thought it was kind of gross the way they passed his body around for every one to see. I had endless jokes about that, and in my own circle of friends it’s fine, but out in public is just mean. Anyway, I am relieved I finally have a handle on what comes out of my mouth, 9 times out of 10 I think about what I’m going to say before I say it, I just wish I would have had this kind of control in the past.

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[Wgreen]

I call it “blurting.” It’s a compulsive behavior that many ADDers have and also includes cutting people off when they’re talking and completing sentences for people. It is annoying to others and embarrassing for us. The only effective solution I’ve found is duct tape.

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[Zita]

LMAO!!! Duct tape….love it!! lol Yup I’m guilty cutting people off too, it drives my husband crazy!!

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[Anonymous]

just need to spend more time around people who appreciate that type of humor . I do. Nothing is off limits for my friends and I. cannibalism, AIDS, cancer, dead babies, racism, religion, homosexuality, anything related to genital regions… equal opportunity inappropriateness. fun times no guilt

Recently, I babbled on and on about skin cancer and pale skinned people and how black people need to worry less (although should not ignore it completely). An African american acquaintance’s father had had skin cancer…. (I did apologize later) *foot in mouth* rinse and repeat. I’ve started conversations with people I have not met before about cannibalism. Those who cannot handle it make for boring friends Over the years, I am learning restraint in work situations.

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[Zita]

Yeah not too much is off limits in my circle of friends either, but yes I would try to harness it at work!! lol I made a really bad comment at my daughters school band concert….we were waiting for the band to start and my husband and I were talking about how this lady was rude to him. Both my husband and I are over weight, while my husband was signing our son up for football this lady was passing out these papers advertising parent boot camp. She offered one to everyone except my husband….she assumed because he was big he wouldn’t be interested….well that kind of stuff just drives me nuts!! So as we were sitting there talking about things I said, louder then I would have liked “well if her and I got cancer at the same time guess who would live longer!!” I was so embarrassed and horrified I would say such a thing!! So yes I have to learn to harness my mouth in public too!! Just so you all know I’m really not like that, I dont’ wish ill on any one, I was just so insulted by this woman.

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[Anonymous]

I am guilty of the same thing. Thankfully I have a thickskinned family who are almost as bad as I am when it comes to having a sick sense of humour, but I have been very good at putting my foot in my mouth in general. I am not good with secrets, unless they are very important, so I try not to promise to keep them. My ADHD son also has the same problem. He gets rather rude, crude and disgusting when it’s the least appropriate, and because he is quite smart, he can come out with some rippers. We really try to encourage him to think before he talks, but the two of us have our special times when we both go over the top together in private and cackle our hearts out over the most inappropriate things, listen to explicit versions of songs, and generally act immature and impulsively. I think it really helps to have that sort of release, as it makes it easier to keep a lid on the impulsive comments the rest of the time. Otherwise they just seem to build up until I just HAVE to make an inappropriate comment because I get sick of laughing on the inside at my funny thoughts and really feel obliged to share

Now I just have to work on my interrupting. I just can’t seem to help myself and it drives my hubby nuts. My daughter just seems to be patient with me and reminds me gently that she hasn’t finished talking yet, and my son interrupts me just as much as I do to him, so our conversations are often interspersed with loud expressions of frustration (usually swear words lol) as we argue whose turn it is to talk, until we both forget what we were talking about in the first place!! I think this sort of thing has lead to my social anxiety, as I have been put in my place for butting in uninvited, and I have also felt a conversation stop when I have tried to join in, so now I worry that I will butt in where I am not wanted, so I tend to stay on the sidelines where I can’t be tempted to intrude, and wait for someone to talk to me instead. So I really dislike parties!!

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[Anonymous]

sometimes I just own it at parties and serve as entertainment… I am working soooooooo hard to stop interrupting people, but really not worth the effort for a bunch of acquaintances at a party. I really want to be a good friend who listens and doesn’t just go on and on about herself. However, I often do this without even realizing it. I concentrate and wait for people to pause before saying something. sometimes I take deep breaths.. sometimes i say to myself..wait..wait..wait..wait. My friend recently told me that she notices that I open my mouth..make a tiny little barking sound and pull at my hair..then let her finish talking. She laughed and told me that it is her cue that I really want to say something. I was talking to her about possible ADHD. She had no clue about how much constant effort it is for me to not interrupt people. thank goodness I am so (over)stimulated at work that I don’t do this with clients!

I recently at work went on and on with this monologue to this really cute guy about how excited I was to use the bathroom >_<. long day, right? either charmed or totally put off. excellent filter, but I really need to not do this at work.

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[Curlymoe115]

I am a social junky. I get a high off the crowd, and it usually causes me to be on. Then I start blurting the most outrageous things. My kids also say some pretty outrageous things just to get a reaction or a laugh at school. The teachers and administrators are not amused. My daughter has been suspended because she and a friend were discussing dismembering and cooking babies in Late detention. When I was faced with the vice principal and teacher they look at you like you raised a monster. I asked them if they had ever dealt with a child with ADHD before. Usually we say something just to get a discussion going. I am also a hopeless eavesdropper and conversation but insky. When I get bored I usually start to eavesdrop on people at the grocery store, library, restaurants, hair salon or wherever. I think I have a pretty terminal case of open mouth insert foot disease. So many incidents that I can look back at where I say something completely inappropriate. And with my visual memory skills I can usually picture exactly the scene as it happened. At my wedding I had had so many compliments on my dress (iridescent green taffeta) so finally it was time to talk to the museum archivist. I blurted out “And isn’t this a great dress” like we had been chatting about it. That was 21 years ago and it still haunts me. Especially his deer in the headlights expression. Oh well, we don’t mean to hurt anyone.

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[Anonymous]

curlymoe, your baby story reminds me of the most hilarious TV incident I ever saw, it was Howie Mandel on the same program with Martha Stewart. Martha was trying to make cookies, and Howie was making amoeba cookies, he totally stole her spotlight. Martha was NOT amused!

About not blurting stuff out, I need duct tape to keep me from interrupting others!

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[Wgreen]

Curlymoe… What? “Your daughter “has been suspended because she and a friend were discussing dismembering and cooking babies in Late detention.” ??? Lord, In some American school systems she would have been arrested! What happened?

She wasn’t responsible for this, was she? http://www.edmontonjournal.com/news/edmonton/hear+about+stolen+front+lawn/4940133/story.html

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[Curlymoe115]

No she is too much of a slacker to steal a whole lawn. I can’t even get her to pick up her towel. Forget moving dishes to the dishwasher. The teacher was just about in tears relating how disturbed she was about what she said. Sure wouldn’t have wanted to teach my younger brother let me tell you. He would have kept telling her these things until she was openly weeping just for the amusement it would have given him. The funny thing with Pigheaded is that she opens her mouth and never knows what is going to come out. But we have animals and she is always caring for and fussing over them. So I know it is just talk. And I don’t allow a closed door to keep me out, so there are no guns in her drawers and she is not building bombs here.

A lot of people have lost track that words are not actions. Yes they can be extremely hurtful if you are on the receiving end but they don’t really kill you. A lot of the truly depraved killer seems like the nicest guy on earth. Neighbours and friends can’t say enough nice things about them. No one sees this coming, but a mouthy kid (or adult) and suddenly everyone sees budding serial killer. 😆

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[Anonymous]

This makes me feel old, but I fondly remember the days I could sit in class and talk about cannibalism, dead babies, dismembering etc for just amusement and no one really batted an eyelash. It was just stupid silly talk, but now there is so much publicity of people actually doing these sick things!

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[Anonymous]

Curlymoe, you are too right!! Everyone pegs the crude, disgusting, outspoken child/adult as a potential psychopath/rapist/child abuser, but when it comes to the crunch, the real offenders have learnt to integrate into society so well that nobody would pick them from a bar of soap, except maybe in hindsight.

SG, I remember those days too. Nobody thought twice about a child “testing the waters of grossness” when we were young. It’s a pity they are penalised so heavily for it now. It’s why I allow my son to share “gross” time with me, because it can be very therapeutic to let your mouth wander wherever your thoughts take it and know there will be no consequences.

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[Anonymous]

lol at gross time!!! I still need gross time!

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[Zita]

That’s a very good idea, we all need to let off some steam some times; my son was going through this stage where he wanted to scream out the car window while we were driving “I love cheese” this drives my husband crazy!! So one night when it was just the three of us, my husband was at home we drove around and I let my son scream to everyone that was walking that we past that he loved cheese…..he hasn’t done it since, i guess he just had to get it out of his system.

I find one of the worst times I have is when we’re all in the car, the kids will be acting up and I’ll be in one of those mischievous moods where I just need to instigate and every thing seems funny, my husband gets sooooo cranky, it seems the madder he gets the funnier it strikes me…..it usually ends with Sean (my husband) pulling over and getting the bus home.

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