Insensitive shrinks

[Anonymous]

I’ve had a journey that has originated from my childhood. Looking back my grade school guidance counselor was the best shrink in comparison to everyone else the so called experts that I ever had. Just recently I went to get my meds and he asked me about my staus and I said that I did not have enough cash to go to NJ to visit my Mom’s grave. He then asks me about the problems with my Mom. Did you have to read that again? Yes you read that right. He said it. I’ve also had shrinks that have constantly interupted me when I’m pouring my heart out which I find so rude and inconsiderate. I’m the one with ADHD why is it that they are missing what I’m saying and asking me to repeat myself. When I cry they just sit there and observe me like a guniea pig. When I’m drained from pouring my heart out they say well that’s good let’s take that up next week or next month or whenever. one shrink even told me when i started spacing out, “see it’s hard to listen attentively stop giving me a hard time.” bitch! you get paid very well to listen attentively. you make more money than I ever will. I actually had one shrink that told me that I should stay on disability because god wants me on it and forget that i graduated from a demanding university years ago. Miguel

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[Anonymous]

To add another point. I’ve had shrinks that would patronize me or insult me or act otherwise insensitive. Whenever I got mad and lashed out they would be taken aback and ask if I had been taking my meds or that I should be put on a higher dose. My family would say the same thing whenever I got mad at them for the same reason. Miguel

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[Scattybird]

Miguel – what you describe here is terrible. It sounds like your shrinks have been complete ar**h***s!!

I don’t know how these people stay as registered health professionals. Are there any local support groups you could join rather than relying on a shrink for the support aspects?

Also maybe you could check on line to see if anyone has used a particular shrink and whether there is any on-line feedback. I found some feedback on line about my shrink but I guess it also depends on whether you get any choice in who you see.

Hang in there.

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[ashockley55]

In my experience, the shrinks (for me that means specifically psychiatrist as opposed to psychologist or therapist) tend to be more clinical, less sensitive, so I’m not surprised to hear this. I think technically they are supposed to be able to provide some level of counseling or advice, but, like I said, I’ve found them to be lacking in that area, and I’ve always just seen them to be assessed for medication. I’ve always had someone who works specifically as a therapist to do my therapy. I’ve had psychiatrist try to give me advice or guidance and, while they haven’t been wrong, I usually have just sat there and nodded my head and waited for them to make their decision that week about my medication – continue, increase, decrease or change.

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[Patte Rosebank]

Doctors and specialists are supposed to have a certain degree of detachment, to be clinical observers. However, many of them take this to extremes, and seem to develop something of a “God” complex. They’re so coldly clinical that they lack the empathy to properly communicate with patients.

Dr. Rob Buckman (the well-known oncologist and humourist, who died last year) became acutely aware of this, while battling the major medical condition that nearly killed him, about 10 years ago. He was so shocked by this lack of empathy, that when he recovered, he set about trying to change these attitudes. Today, an MD’s medical training specifically includes communication & empathy, so that the doctors will encourage patients to get involved and work with the doctor, instead of viewing any patient involvement as a threat to the doctor’s supremacy.

My brother and I are very similar types, on the Myers-Briggs scale. He’s an INTJ (Introverted Intuitive Thinking Judging), and I’m an INFJ (Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judging). These are the two rarest types, with mine being the rarest of all (less than 3% of the population).

We’ve both seen psychologists and psychiatrists at various times (though I’ve done this many, many more times than he has), and we’ve both noticed that we get far more benefit from talking with each other than we’ve ever gotten from talking with psychologists and psychiatrists. When you think how much it costs for an hour with one of these formally trained professionals, you’d expect them to be more effective than talking with a sibling. But in our case, perhaps because we’re both so analytical and intuitive, that’s not the case.

I wonder what would have happened if we’d become psychologists…

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[kc5jck]

” you’d expect them to be more effective than talking with a sibling”

What’s more effective than talking to a sibling . . . . . . Talking to yourself.

2455998.24368

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[sdwa]

I’d say about 20% of the therapists I’ve seen over the years were somewhat competent and helpful, and the others completely clueless, useless, and at times actively harmful.

For one thing, it is important to work with someone who truly understands ADHD, and if that is not a big part of their professional focus, find someone else.

Even then, in my opinion, it’s an iffy proposition.

Just being able to communicate with other ADHDers is helpful for me, because I am better able to appreciate that the diagnosis is real, because we all have common behaviors and ways of functioning. It’s helpful to know I’m not alone, which by itself can take the pressure off.

The “experts” say it is important to find a therapist that makes you feel heard and understood.

Yeah…good luck with that. I’ve had glimmers. But I also want to feel that the person I work with likes me enough to wish me well, to want to see me become more successful. Maybe that’s the wrong way to think about a therapist – and often I can distance myself emotionally enough to just listen to their advice on an intellectual level – as professionals who are offering information and methodologies – no more cozy that talking to a lawyer. Ultimately, I am the one who has to do the work, because most of them are not that great at facilitating. I get more help often from self-help books that provide steps for dealing with specific problems.

Plus, therapy is so prohibitively expensive – I can’t afford $50 an hour let alone $150 or $300. Nice work if you can get it, I suppose. I’d probably be a better therapist than most of them, so maybe I should get a psychology degree and start charging other people up the ying-yang to talk to ME.

TImely topic because I have been struggling emotionally lately and WISH I could talk to someone, but I don’t have four million dollars and also, past experience indicates it will not help that much, if at all.

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[Anonymous]

Personal experience…yes, Shrinks are very clinical……testers mostly. They seem to rely on looking for patterns within a barrage of clinically designed tests. Ok I guess……but hmmm…..then what….more meds???? In some cases yes, and that is a viable for some…just a start for others maybe.

I am an advocate of “talk work” (not news)….it was the best thing that ever happened to me!!!!! AS SDWA mentioned, the right counselor is critical…it’s everything. Also a few weeks or a month or two may not make a lot of significant change or deep change come about. Short term crisis counseling has it place, but deep seated issues and behavioral and vision or perceptual patterns (from what I know) may take significant time and effort to work through. I had a counselor tell me a general rule of thumb is one month for each year of life. Do the math!!

My personal take is….there little difference when it comes to ADD counseling and non-ADD counseling….this is my personal view and I’m not offering advise, just sharing. It goes like this……people are people…..issues are issues….acceptance is acceptance….as are developing understanding and pattern and vision exposure and re-direction. To me, the fact one’s brain works in one way or another may or may not have any bearing other than in developing a relationship with the counselor and developing some root understanding of where you came from. History can be important…..not for dwelling in…but as a guide to how we got here.

Either way (I believe) there is no short cut…….. no magic……do the work, work hard, be fearless in the face of the fear…. stay the course….if there is no deep seated desire and effort…there likely will be be no significant change. Personal change….deep personal change is maybe the hardest thing I ever did….ever…..without question. It is also (for me) the most rewarding…..it brought me to a good life, a good vision, contentment….a positive life, without regret. What more could I ask???

I cannot over state….I owe it all to my mentor/counselor….all of it!!!!! Another counselor may not have had the insite, personality and life history that was the perfect combination to work with me. He knew how to guide me….to enable me to open myself up…and do my own open heart surgery…..get in touch with who I was/am…..and rebuild myself to what I always was.

Anyway…this is not up for debate……it’s personal….it’s mine….to share.

Toofat

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