Is modern life and work just too complex to keep up with?

[Anonymous]

I definitely understand where you are coming from Curlymoe and it is possible I would have similar comments if I were on the other side of this post. Aside from my time management failure, this career resonates very strongly for me and it feels right for me to be here. So far, I’m doing emotionally really well. Over the years, I pretty much know my stress limit. I got into a really serious car accident in December and fractured my pelvis in four places and needed emergency surgery <I ran through a solid red light because I was daydreaming >. I had to move back in with my parents and I was in a wheelchair for 2 months in ridiculous amounts of constant pain. I sat in the chair, detoxed from the opiates, completed my part time online doctorate classes, passed my certification exam, and got back here and found a job. Losing the job would be horrible and I want to do everything in my power to avoid that, but the stress I feel at this moment isn’t that bad. I’m working only three days a week which is helpful.

Really, my biggest issue in life right now is my 6h->11h days and I get a fair amount of relief coming onto this site complaining about it! No one around me really understands my time management barrier and frustration. I’m getting a lot of odd looks and silences. Taking the med and getting to 7 hours was a huge relief for me and demonstrates that the 8 is right around the corner (hopefully). and 8 means I keep job.

I wish I could work that fast! It feels like I do everything in slow motion (except for talking!). I wasted about 20 minutes today trying to fax a one page document (next time I will totally leave it for the assistant!). <the med had worn off because I forgot to bring the afternoon dose to work>

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[billd]

>>Borderline 5-7 is not a no.<<

Agreed 150%

A good “doc” will use interview and use other means besides or beyond “tests”.

To me 5-7 simply means DO get a proper check, and keep looking until you are satisfied that they can explain what’s going on, in either case – do, or do not.

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[Anonymous]

I had an INSANE computer virus this week and haven’t been able to read the forum!! I’m serious when I say that withdrawal was intense

I was initially started in treatment for Bipolar disorder 8 years ago, we worked hard (the doc more than me because I was so very noncompliant for SUCH a long time) and my doc decided to try some meds for the ADHD when we were certain that I was stablized on my bipolar disorder. I never thought that I was bipolar, I would have given myself ADD waaay before manic depressive disorder, but much like ADD, there are so many levels to it. My psychiatrist also has a background in neurology so he was able to explain things to me. I thought of people who were adrenaline junkies or who spent large amounts of money or had crazy indiscriminate sex. With that comparison, I was the most boring bipolar person ever. My mania manifested itself in sped up talking, excitement that turned into agitation and then agression over nothing, marathon cleaning and organizing sessions and binge eating. Part of my initial non compliance was that I just didn’t believe that I had this problem, all that I needed was to be more self disciplined, more mature, just put my nose to the grindstone and DO IT! Yeah, ask me how that went…

I think that the thing that I learned, and the thing that I tell everyone is that no one knows you better than YOU, and when people attempt to rationalize or explain ‘away’ your problems, it’s more to comfort them than you. We’ve come so far in the treatment of any kind of mental illness, but we still have the stigma, we still have the people who don’t believe that these things exist and we have the shame that prevents a lot of us from even trying to get help. My family had the best of intentions, but when you have a loved one who is diagnosed with 2 different ‘mental illnesses’ between the age of 28 and 33, I think that the guilt is universal. I talk to my sisters and we can ‘see’ certain trends in my life. I think that we’re not the only ones who wonder why we don’t ‘catch’ the problem sooner, and sometimes, it’s those feelings that come out wrong. I came from a stable home, married parents, 2 siblings, my mom looked out for me (or ‘coddled’ me according to my sister) and when she died the wheels came off the plane. Explaining my initial diagnosis to my dad was hard, he said “I don’t understand, you weren’t abused. We didn’t lock you in closets…” Once I advised him to quit watching “Sybil” and explained to him the science behind the diagnosis, he is now far more open to discuss my treatment. Hearing people respond to me with “But you seem so ‘normal'” used to cause me to grind my teeth, now I see it as a testament to the power of a correct diagnosis and a good doctor who wanted it for me even when I didn’t really want it for myself.

Every step you take towards getting better is a step in the right direction. Even if you pause for a moment in the same place, you’re good. Just recognizing that there is a problem that you desperately want to solve and looking for ways to fix things is epic. I went through 28 years of my life with absolute blinders on and didn’t even attempt to get help until reality hit me in the face like a bag of bricks. Keep working, keep trying, and keep questioning. I find that’s the only way to get adequate answers.

Memzak-my hand is tons better. 3 solid days of no feeling in my fingers and thumb, but considering what ‘could have been’ I’m very lucky. When I went to mow my lawn this weekend, I started to laugh hysterically thinking “Keep your hands away from the muffler, Steph!”

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[Anonymous]

SG, borderline is hard, but at least you are pretty much ON the border. If you look at your past in a different light, you may find that your scoring changes anyway. I did well when you look at things one way, as I have a degree and a good job BUT I can see my struggles. I was a bookworm, but I couldn’t focus on textbooks unless I was in peace and quiet. I loved short answer and multiple choice tests and my success there covered for the fact that I often failed to hand in major written assignments. I enjoyed maths but I got poor grades because I needed more time than the exams allowed (I struggled to interperet the written format of the questions and translate them to straight math equations), and times tables have never been a strong point!!

I told one of my son’s previous teachers about his ADHD diagnosis and he seemed quite surprised initially. He said “but he was so quiet in my class”. But when I pointed out that so much else was explained by the diagnosis, he agreed with it all. I think people tend to forget about the inattentives. Just because he was quiet, doesn’t mean he didn’t have any ADHD symptoms. They were just all inattentive with a couple of the less obvious impulsive and hyperactive traits chucked in. Just like me. And his teacher certainly agreed that ADHD explains an awful lot about his primary school difficulties. Both my son and I score 9/9 for inattentive traits, and have 4-5 of the hyperactive/impulsive ones. I have only “failed” one online test – because I wasn’t hyperactive enough! Maybe I should start printing them out (in all the various formats) and take them to my psych’s appointment 😉 Just in case he thinks hyperactivity is a must for an ADHD diagnosis.

Now I just need to get my daughter sorted. She has enough autistic traits for her psychologist to have looked further into it, but not enought to result in any diagnosis. So she is on the wrong side of the border there. So unlike my son, she will never get concessions for her issues. She also has generalised anxiety disorder from the pressure of school, though she has a great teacher this year and she is so much happier and more relaxed. I worry about high school next year though. Her teacher and I have a plan in place to set her up for high school and get her used to regular homework (a real anxiety provoker for her), so I am hugely grateful that she has him as a teacher this year.

What a nutty family we are 🙄

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[memzak]

@sugargremlin, I found when i took the test on this site that I had been in denial about the hyperactive part. It is very hard to be objective about yourself. Ask people around you that you trust. My daughter was very eager to tell me how “busy” I am even when i am sitting “still”. I had to watch the show three time before I could admit that maybe this was me, even though each time I watched it I was having “aha” moments. If you think about it and talk to other people you may be scoring higher than you are without the feedback.

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[Anonymous]

steffie 101

I too am from supportive married parents. I was diagnosed BP when I was 22. I did get a lot of judgmental “what is wrong with you with this awesome life” type of crap. The symptoms were such a huge mess that no one knew what we were dealing with. I read about my med on the internet after my therapist contemplated BP. then tadaaaaaaaaaa. I did some pretty weird things, but most of the time it was just an emotional trainwreck. I did the excessive talking agitation thing..binge eating too >_<.. I think I have only done that manic cleaning thing one time. I HATE cleaning no matter how I feel.

I never really appear normal. My baseline is excessive talking non-sequitor statements interrupting. Sometimes it is hard for me to tell the difference. maybe it is the ADHD part? ack who knows.. I am done with thinking today….done!!!!!!

I know billd.. i talked my way into it with jargon-talking super powers My actual psych will be a bit more thorough I’m sure.

KrazyKat- I think your family sounds lovely the best treatment for borderline autism spectrum disorders like Asperger’s is social skills training.. However, i wouldn’t self-diagnosis that one on your own.

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[Anonymous]

memzak. I scored below threshold on the hyperactive stuff.. however, it really depends. I am not very physically hyperactive, but I am a high energy person who talks too much, must be entertained, and can’t help interrupting! hard call really. maybe impossible to be truly objective. i think I am just confusing myself at the end of the day!

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[Anonymous]

I can relate to the confusing yourself!!! Ugh!! I really need to stop reading about ADHD before I self-combust . I am all in a spin with the am-I-aren’t-I sort of questions I ask myself throughout everything I read. To start with, reading about ADHD gave me that real “OMG!!! I am reading about ME!!!” feeing. Now I am at the stage where I can find info to back up my self-diagnosis, as well as refute it. I am reading too much into everything and I just can’t let it go. Hmmm. I need a computer virus to put me out of computer action and then I might regain some sanity

My daughter is nearly finished a social skills course. She was the first one I took to the psychologist, as she was falling apart due to school and social pressures and had huge anxiety issues. She has been diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder, but missed the Asperger’s diagnosis due to lack of a couple of key symptoms, predominantly the lack of empathy, and preoccupation with set subject(s). She has rigidity of thinking, fear of changes, poor social skills, some ritualistic behaviours, sensitivities (noise, tags in clothes, hunger (man, the tempers we have had from her when she has been hungry)), soothing behaviours (swings and food always calm her), difficulty with inferences (she often doesn’t get jokes), and she has poor hand-eye coordination. But, her anxiety disorder can also cause some behaviours that present similar to Asperger’s. So we (the psychologist and I) decided our money was best spent in social skills classes, and possibly tutoring, rather than further assessment, and we will keep an eye on things as time goes by (next year will be a real test, as she starts high school). It was following one of her social skills classes that I let vent about my son’s organisation problems and asked the psychologist what the hell I could do about it. She then suggested testing for ADHD. I was unsurprised and floored both at once. Then I stressed for two weeks until his assessment!!

Now I feel like I am in limbo. Waiting for things to fall into place with my son and school, waiting for my daughter to show her true colours again (she sort of crumpled in on herself and stopped showing her inner self for a long time), and waiting for my assessment. I guess it’s no wonder I have fallen apart. Hubby seems to continue on as if nothing’s the matter. He sympathises to a degree, but seems more concerned with his own problems, that he sees as bigger than anybody else’s and he sort of resents that I spend so much time dealing with the kids’ problems and not with his. Sometimes I wonder where we will end up. I know I need to support him more than I do, but I just don’t seem able to. I know I need his support but it just doesn’t seem to be there when I need it most. I don’t want our marriage to fall apart, but I also don’t seem to be able to find it in me to care if it does. Probably because it is not in the here and now, so I don’t think about it. I see the same sort of behaviour in my son. Oh well. We will get there. Life will go on. I am dissatisfied at times, but I am not unhappy with my life overall, despite all my grumbles. I just need to vent, as we all do.

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[Curlymoe115]

Krazykat For the kids there is a great website for resources that may help you to cope. http://www.conductdisorders.com. When pigpen was little this was my lifeline. They have a huge number of supports on there to help you get through the initial hurdles and a place to find other parents who are going through the exact same things and tips from experts on how to cope with the process, advocate through the school and every other problem that you as a parent are having. DH is probably in denial like a great many fathers are. Not that they don’t care just that the scope seems so much bigger then they are ready or willing to handle. Turn to these ladies and gentlemen and see if they can offer you answers and alternatives.

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[Anonymous]

KrazyKat-

my best to your daughter. I had a horrible time when I was in school due to bullying and anxiety . being unique is only cool after high school >_<.

if there are problems in your marriage… they MUST MUST MUST be addressed. all relationships need maintenance!!!!!

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[Anonymous]

Yeah, I think DH is in denial to a degree, as well as being frustrated that he didn’t get the support he felt he should have had when he was younger. So there is some jealously there too. His mum has GAD (not that she would admit it!), and he was talked out of many activities he really wanted to do because his mum was worried he might hurt himself, so he feels like our kids are getting all the opportunities and support that he should have had. I really think he needs to talk to someone and get it all off his chest, but I can’t force him to. He was even reluctant to come to the psychologist to discuss our son’s ADHD diagnosis. I think he will work things out in time. He is good with our daughter’s issues, maybe because he has seen GAD in his mum for a long time and has acccepted it as a real problem, and he feels more able to cope with it. I think he has trouble believing that ADHD is not just something that can be willed away, so to speak. He once told me that I would be able to use a diary if I really wanted to, and that I struggled because deep down I didn’t want my efforts to work. Grrrr!! That went down like a lead balloon!!!

Thanks for the website Curlymoe. It looks good.

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[Curlymoe115]

The website saved my sanity many times, and it helped me depersonalize what was happening with the kids and realize the issues weren’t about me. They also were a great resource to send educators to where they could learn all the latest information that was available at the time. As you read through a lot of the stories it also helps you appreciate how fortunate you are to have a spouse that is even somewhat supportive. And I learned as bad as pigpen was (and she was really bad) it could have been a whole lot worse or there could have been twins. Good luck to the both of you. DH should be encouraged to take a look at the site. It provides some information for the two of you and it allows him to see that this isn’t about inadequacy but about providing a strong foundation to be the best person that both of your children can be. Once your son has a little time to mature and address his issues then things will settle down for a while.

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[Anonymous]

Thanks!! I think it has just been overwhelming because it has all happened so fast, one thing after another. My daughter was first, and as we were sorting her issues out, I began getting concerned phone calls from the school about my son, and in researching ADHD, I then realised that I could well be a candidate for it also. So I had appointments to attend, appointments to make, referrals to get, school paperwork to deal with, as well as dealing with other places who needed to know about my son’s ADHD. And all that on top of my daughter’s social skills classes and doing everything that I need to do as a mother and wife. Phew!! But you have all got there in the end, and I know I don’t have it as bad as so many other people, so I will take a deep breath and try to relax

Just after my son’s diagnosis, I ordered a heap of books about ADHD, including two for younger children (9-12 year olds) and one for teens. The ones for younger children arrived on Friday and I was thrilled when my son looked at them and pronounced them “Great” and “Set out just how I like books to be”. So despite his aversion to reading, I think he will read them. He is very curious by nature, and when he hit puberty, he devoured any books we gave him on the subject, so I think he will soon be very well informed about his disorder. Which should serve him well, I hope. The fact that I am similar to him also helps, as he knows there is one person in the house who understand him and how he thinks.

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