I would love to hear from others who were diagnosed with having ADHD in their 40’s. I just wish I would have known much earlier. Playing Monday morning quarterback, when I look back , I think I could have avoided a lot of pitfalls had I known earlier. Some may disagree and or be prone to believe that each persons life was predestined to follow a certain path, and understanding each lesson learned while along the way, would prepare you for the next. I’m a christian and the bible lets us know that God has good thoughts of his children, not evil, for an expected end. So I get that and understand that my steps are ordered by God. But the bible also lets us know many people face unneeded stress and peril for not following a certain way, mainly for not having knowledge. The word says that God’s people perish from a lack of knowledge and understanding. What do you guys think? Would your life be much different if you could have addressed the ADHD at an earlier age in adulthood? And for those who were diagnosed in their twenties and now middle age, do you think getting the diagnosis early on helped your life? Did it hurt your life? Just curious the know.kc5jckParticipant
I’m 59, diagnosed last year. I can see how my life could have been far different without ADHD. I can’t say that it would have been better or worse without ADHD, just different. As a Christian, I believe that God gave me what I needed to live the life He had planned, not that I did, but He provided me with all I needed to do so. Without ADHD, I would be a different person. I am not perfect, there are things I would change, but I like who I am.
Upon being diagnosed as an adult of 30, 40, or more years old, one might imagine that if diagnosed earlier, that a “successful” treatment would have ensued, followed by a “successful” career, and a “successful” marriage, etc. etc. Kids would not have ADHD, the dog would not piss on the rug and goosegrass would not encroach into the yard. New Year’s resolutions would be kept and the beach body could be claimed as one stayed focused on one’s workout routine. How often does that happen, ADHD or not?
I think things would be different but not necessarily better. There would still be responsibilities and problems, different perhaps and perhaps more onerous. And regardless, one always reaches a point of assessment and wonders about choices made and time spent. There is no intrinsically right or wrong answer.
I think that most people would find that if they really examined what they wanted in life, it could be had with a lot less pain and heartbreak than is commonly experienced. People too often look externally rather than internally to set goals and measure their success.
Don’t beat yourself up over the past. Don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t measure your success by the standards of others. Try always to make the best decision with the information available. Sleep well.AnonymousInactive
I turned 40 last month and only recently found out that I have adhd. I’m at the beginning of learning about it and have had a lot of ‘what if’ moments. Overall though, I am pretty happy with the person I am. I may not be overly successful in my career but I’m kind, trustworthy and fun. I’m kind of grateful that my adhd impulsiveness compelled me to do some (in hindsight) crazy things like backpack alone through Asia, climb an active volcano, go tubing on car tyres down rapids and so on. There are so many things I’m interested in, lots of projects I pick up and never complete but while I’m hyper focusing on them, I have so much fun. Like you guys I’ve cried about what could have been and then I think ‘how awesome am I?’ to have gone bumbling through half my life with this problem and still be a decent and optimistic person
On the down side I have a lot of shame about my lack of productivity at work and the professional reputation I have for ditziness. I wish I had been diagnosed earlier not so much for myself but so that I could have been on the look out for it with my children and helped my son when he was younger. Instead we went through several years of really hard times wondering what was wrong with him. It also explains a lot about my dad who I suspect had adhd as well. He had a lot of addictions (alcohol, smoking and gambling – went through many jobs etc). He died of lung cancer at the age of 60 estranged from his family, including me, and feeling angry and like a failure. If we had known maybe 10-15 years ago it would have saved our family a lot of heartache.
But what can we do? We can torture ourselves about things we can’t fix or we can make sure the rest of our life is great. I intend to use all the knowledge that’s out there now about adhd to help my son and I have a better life. I’m very forgiving of myself too. If the house is a mess I don’t sweat it too much and I celebrate even the tiniest of achievements. Good questions gmanlive. Got me thinking and putting all my confusing ponderings into words.AnonymousInactive
I’m forty and just found out last week.Yes definitley life would have been different without a lot of turmoil but like Red Squirrel I am happy with the things I have done in life. Which isn’t to say I don’t have a lot of regrets because believe you me, I do in all aspects ~ work, school, relationships etc. I can’t provide a lot of insight at the moment because as stated earlier, I just found out but yes life would have been easier or so I think.RobboMember
What phreakin super thread! TotalyADD Gold!, Truffles…
I know this is long, I tried to edit it… skim away frens.
The first post by -READ- is destined to be a heavy metal song you’ll watch me rip through on youtube some time in the way distant future, kind-of a dream. Then after I study, read, re-read, and hopefully someday manage to digest all of -Fearwidg-‘s post, it will become something else. It’s already perfect. We make another version of perfection that is also cool, I call that ADHD magic. We get to do that. Maybe some kind of stage poetry…
A place in the “BEST of Totallyadd” folder I’m working on. I’m also working on a new thread for “best-of’s n favorite quotes” we can all put the best of the best stuff we find here. All the greatest stuff we quote and comment on that’s here. Concentrate it in one, densely packed super thread. Anonymous, no names, just what people said that helped us… None of us will have to deal with the madness of “fame” or “popularity”, or feeling left out cuz nobody picked out our stuff. That stuff just adds to our ego. A very dangerous part of my brain/mind, our brain?… the meat between the ears. My ego separates me. So I take back what I said on a post a while back I felt especially good about, I wrote my real name, and “I want to be famous” at the bottom. fortunately it’s lost! lol. Lost in a gigantic Gold Mine of therapeutic love, compassion, and brilliance. Totallyadd.com. And also saved in giant supercomputers that analyze humanity, eventually becoming self aware and then it’s “terminater” just like the movie… scary huh? Yep, the Internet is forever. But I won’t let that silly fear prevent me from serving humanity as well as I can during my turn here. My ashes will go in a “urn” maybe it should be named “turn” we all get one turn here, well… that’s what some religions say. But religion is bull shit, we all know that. The fellowship of the spirit however, well. We are stuck in the middle of it. Deny it all ya want. You have your spirit in you. It is connected to the rest of us. Get used to it. Or suffer… suit yourself, whatever you do. Ukay? Do what Rick Nelson says. “can’t please everyone ya got ta, please yourself”
Got to get to bed, I’m looking foreword to reading the rest of this thread. I just made a few new folders to go in my post 2/22/12 ADD folder. So far the sub folders are “Best Threads to check it out” (that’s really the name, a funny mistake I didn’t fix) Grammar’s dum! another sub folder is called “Treads from my profile.rtfd” on a mac a .rtfd file has clickable links. That way I can keep track of all the threads I’ve posted on, that disappear from my profile page. I just copy n paste directly from the profile, computer saves the files clickable. There’s more, just gotta get up early tomorrow, so I’ll write down the rest of em if I ever get it all organized. Wed, is kinda like Friday for me, I think. For some disabled and retired folks every day is saturday. But they are very lonely saturdays. Not any more. My life keeps getting better and I don’t even have much to do with it. The master carpenter does.
PS, I’m considering letting family n friends know about this site, and posting my facebook address here. Anyone got advice? feedback? It’s no longer an impulsive idea. Cuz I’m asking the professional Impulsivity (sp?), idea smorgasbord, and dang I kicked myself in the teeth again experts first. (that’s you folks, here to help each-other quit the -kick self in teeth- routine.
Peace and lub to you my frenz
Robert. AKA Rawbou, people sometimes think it’s pronounced like “row boat”, sorta like a robot. But I like it to sound like Raw boat. Rabbo?, or Rawbo?, a pretty server in a fancy restaurant used to call me that, the way she said it reminded me of Rambo. You know, John Rambo, in First Blood. Played by Sylvester Stallone. maybe I shoulda… Spellins dum. Sorry if I missed some goofy typo’s. eYm tired.
PPS, hmm, actually not that long, huh? Right arm! I got home at a lil after 9:00 pm, bit off a little less than a third of a 5 mg tab of methylphenidate, and I’m still me. It’s just easier to be the me I like best. I’m like totally okay with that. Peace n love to all you rock n rolling gangers. Don’tcha ever give up, ukay?
End of the day, 3-6-12AnonymousInactive
@kc5kjck.. Thanks. I agree with you. It does get down to one accepting him or herself. Even though it sounds simple, its really hard. Especially if we allow others to define what is and isn’t acceptable. I’m getting back to speaking positive things about myself. I look into the mirror and speak positive things.
You are right. Even after getting a diagnosis of having ADHD, I still needed to make a decision of how much I wanted to love myself. What matters most is what am I going to do with the new days and new time that’s ahead of me? I trying my best to choose life, and begin living. Not for others, but for me. Once again, thank you for your insight.allan wallaceMember
Yes, all of this anecdotal stuff is just so overwhelming. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Coming to terms with this diagnosis is much more difficult than I’d anticipated, and I still don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Is there a panacea that will magically eradicate all of the things that would have driven anybody else to lie on some train tracks in the middle of the night?
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