Misunderstood Optimist Vent

[munchkin]

OK – So my glass is half full – is that so bad? I have had extremely severe consequences in life due to my ineptitude with anything that has to be kept up with… inability to keep my mouth shut.. inability to concentrate when operating dangerous equipment like power tools and automobiles… and other disasters I just can’t even bear to write down. I can do some things that are really exceptional – once… but I can’t be relied on to do anything consistently. So – I’ve had some great successes, followed by massive disappointments, followed by further sucesses – well, you get the idea. From the mountain top view of the best things I’ve ever been able to do – I can believe I’m a success. And I prefer that view. I use it to get me through the rejections, humilations, character assassinations, etc. Sometimes I also think that when you are able to accomplish things, it builds up false hope, just to be destroyed each time when it all crashes down. Is that an advantage? Sometimes I wonder… I consider myself a master of scraping myself off the pavement and starting over – a phoenix of sorts.

I also notice that when I do have some kind of success, there’s always someone there to shoot it down so quick. Saying that it means I don’t really have anything but an attitude problem or i would perform that well all the time. Or saying that seeing people like me succeed makes them sick, and makes them feel like crap, and that I don’t get what it’s like to fail (wha-wha-what??????) , that I think everyone should be able to do what I do, etc. etc. that I think I’m better or that stuff came easy for me….blah blah blah.

Just because I want to high five or share something that worked out for me doesn’t mean that I’m judging anyone if that thing won’t work for them. I don’t have a clue what’s going to work for anyone. I am not trying to compare myself to anyone else – i’m just comparing myself today to how I’ve been at other times in my life, and I’m grateful that it’s better right now, and I hope it won’t get worse, but I know it probably will.

I choose to “paint on a smile” and make my own decision about what it means to be a success. I’m sticking with that because it’s my own personal choice. I don’t believe that’s what anyone else should or shouldn’t do. That’ just me. I know what it’s like to consider myself a failure, and I don’t want to do that anymore. But I empathize with people who are living with that – I was – and probably will again – and I never knew how I got there or how I could ever get out. I still have days, quite often where my life seems like a bad joke. I can’t tell anyone how to become more optimistic… I think that is completely individual – if it’s even something you would want to do. (Believe me, it’s not too fun being sneered at and called “Happy-Dappy”)

So – I’m just venting to get it all out so I can shut up already. I don’t mean for my optimism to be a downer for anyone else – I just want to express my thoughts in a place where I can hopefully be understood a little better than usual. (Believe me – when I go negative – it’s just way too dark for public consumption.) So any other optimists out there – I get you – and I’m happy for anyone’s successes, even if I know it can never happen for me. That’s OK – I’m still celebrating with you. You’re you, and I’m me – two completely different hands of cards dealt, and only you can tell if you’re playing your cards the best way you can.

Thanks for letting me vent. Y’all are the best

-Munch

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[Anonymous]

Good on you Munch!! I like to keep a positive perspective on things as much as I can too – not that I don’t do my fair share of venting and complaining at times. But how quick can a person in a miserable mood bring down the mood of everyone they are surrounded by?! And how much better is it to work with somebody who always looks on the bright side of things?! I certainly know what sort of effect I’d rather have on people.

We have a person at work who nobody asks how she is anymore – because she will tell you….in long and laborious detail…about all her ills and ailments and woes. Not fun! We’ve heard it all before. Many times. Nobody has any sympathy left for her anymore. We all have problems in our lives, and don’t want to have to deal with sharing her problem load every day. She’s too much hard work to be around, emotionally. I just have to take one look at her to help me to find the “happy” in my life – I don’t want people feeling like me the same way I feel about her!!

Sure, my life is a yo-yo of successes and failures, but that makes the successes all the more precious, and the little enjoyments (a hug from my kids, a sunny day, a compliment) something to be savoured. I may as well find happiness where I can, because nobody else is going to hand it to me!! And I am sorry if my generally upbeat attitude offends, but why should I be miserable ALL the time, just because life is a struggle. Life will always be a struggle, but I don’t want to always be miserable because of it!

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[munchkin]

Thanks Krazy Kat – Good for you too

I just had to spew my “happy dappy” a little bit so I don’t keep writing squishy things on peoples frustrated posts.

guess there’s a time and place for everything, right?

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[billd]

>>I have had extremely severe consequences in life due to my ineptitude with anything that has to be kept up with… inability to keep my mouth shut.. inability to concentrate when operating dangerous equipment like power tools and automobiles..<<

HAHAA – more reasons to keep coming back here. Love it. I’ll remember never to loan you my radial arm saw, chain saw, torch, power nailer, etc. and will keep you away from my show car.

Can ADD people ever really keep their mouth shut? Isn’t it a common trait to shoot first, ask questions later? Or ramble for pages, changing topics 10 times?

Ready, FIRE, aim, as it were?

u 2 r a hoot.

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[Anonymous]

Hey!! I do very well with power tools. I laid our floating wood floors a few years ago…..I must admit that I ended up with a black thumbnail AND I used ALL of the 5% wastage we allowed due to some rather intersting stuff-ups….but I DID IT!!…..well…..it’s not quite finished, as the edging hasn’t been done….hmmm 🙄

And no, I cannot keep my mouth shut! I once insulted my boss, indirectlyt!! A patient wanted to speak to my boss, but didn’t know her name, so she asked for the “short, fat nurse” and I went and relayed the message, verbatim, to my boss. I got told that I wasn’t very tactful THAT particular time was very satisfying!! For the most part, I don’t do too bad with being tactful, but I cannot keep a secret to save myself! And I ramble and change subjects so much I get myself lost 🙄

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[munchkin]

Haha – cut once, then measure twice afterwards – wait, how does that saying go?????

Almost lost a hand to an industrial paper cutting machine – later, I learned everything about the machine and mastered it. In a shop like that, it’s a huge loss of face to get hurt due to disobeying procedure. yuck.

I think holding on to the feeling of crisis way past an event is a tactic for keeping an ADD mind functioning… makes you a bit of a drama queen – but I actually needed to keep that memory of disaster in the forefront of my mind, and it would produce adrenaline, and allow me to stay “sharp” when operating that machine. I was actually the most efficient cutter operator in later years.

Now, on meds, I find myself letting go of that kind of stuff – reliving disasters was exhausting, and I don’t need that “drama crutch” as much anymore. I’m able to follow the proper steps… no visualization of dismemberment needed

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[billd]

munchkin the more you chat here the more I can relate.

I had a ladder slip, split my left kneecap horizontally down the middle (bent the ladder rung, too)

I got the thumb and index finger of my left hand (I’m VERY left handed) in my table saw a few years ago – over 40 stitches to put things back together. Thumb is fine except for scarring, finger, not so good. Doesn’t bend well, aches badly when the temps drop into the 40s due to lack of circulation, no muscle in the last part of finger…. but I still have it. (man, my garage floor, and phone were a mess as I wrapped my hand and called 911)

Too many car accidents to count. Falling, tripping, breaking toes, etc.

Like your post, agree with what you said – hope things just keep getting better for you. Obviously a pretty nice person who has a lot to give.

A Far Side cartoon: Scene is old west. Cowboy holding a smoking gun is standing over a fellow laying dead in the street. Cowboy is asking him “what’s the circumference of the earth” and other questions. Another comes walking up behind him and is saying “Bart, you fool, you can’t shoot first and ask questions later” (or words to that effect)

I LOVE the Far Side! LOVE those cartoons. I’m a fan of Garfield, too – my personality is like that cat’s. I can relate to him.

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[nellie]

Munchkin,

So glad you vented!!

I’ve been thinking along those lines for a while because I’m getting tired – well that’s not a good word but can’t think of another so bear with me – of the “i’m so depressed and miserable nobody understands how bad it is to be miserable all you happy people go away” threads. Seriously, isn’t the point of all this commiserating to be positive and move forward?

I can sympathize if someone has not yet found their way forward but then don’t bite off the heads of people who are trying to help you put a positive spin on it.

Sure maybe I’m not that bad off compared to many others here but then all things are relative. However, with some recents threads I’ve not even bothered to respond since people are just looking for a reason to moan.

So I say keep putting a positive spin on things !! For goodness sake it can’t hurt if things suck already

Anyway hope this was on topic and I read your first post correctly I do that – act before reading everything correctly…

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[billd]

There may be a bit of an explanation for at least “SOME” of what folks feel when they believe others are making it all sound much more positive than they feel…..

Isn’t “finding out” a bit like the grieving process when you discover someone you love has died, or maybe has cancer, or discover that you have cancer?

There’s disbelief, anger, grieving, and so on – correct? And when someone is in one of those stages, there no way in heck they will get through it faster if you try to make them get out of the slump, and in fact, positive things can do the opposite from what I have seen. They must go through the natural process – and any attempt to stop or block that can be disaster. So I guess don’t take it personally if you have been through the process and have reached the stage where you can decide to move on – they’ll likely bite your head off, but in the future, not realize that’s what has happened.

Listening and support is not what is needed, not telling them that gee, it’s not so bad, really……….

At least that’s my armchair psychologist thinking! HA – and like so many other ADD folks – I know what I want to say here, I understand it in my head, but probably screwed it all up in how I REALLY said it.

Munchkin – keep being you. Good job and I’m truly happy for you. How could anyone not love that personality.

Sorry if I’m one of the head-biter-offers……….. but frankly, discovering that 54 years is lost – or maybe not lost, but was only 1/3 of what it could have been…… well……..

In reality, I’m one who is a “realist” – and when all these docs ask if I’ve ever been “depressed” or suicidal, and so on, or have ever taken drugs, etc – my response is always – no way in hell. I’m too high on living. Depressed? Yeah, I’ve been down, but I come out of it, I have that “snap out of it” moment, and I’m up and moving again. Never needed drugs or treatment for depression – and as a person who has been divorced twice, and farmed for several years – I’ve probably had reasons to be really depressed.

Besides, I’ve got too much stuff to do to stop living now!

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[quizzical]

Casting my vote for continued optimism! I’m feeling the same way, Munchkin – I’d like to be able to celebrate successes, both mine and those of my fellow ADDers! I guess that’s not much of a shock, given that I’m always looking for high fives!

I actually even worry that venting about my own difficulties might offend people, since as a rule they’re not all that earth-shattering compared to what others here are going through.

I guess in the end we just have to stay true to ourselves, respect others, and hope that somebody out there appreciates what we have to say.

Heck, even I change from day to day; sometimes I am motivated by others’ success, and other times – and this sounds sort of mean-spirited – by their failure, only because, well, it lowers the bar: “I can CERTAINLY do better than THAT.” (Trust me, I would never say that out loud! ) So for me, it’s actually helpful to have an array of outlooks to choose from, depending on what I need at that moment.

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[munchkin]

I promote people saying whatever they want to say – even if it may hurt my feelings. I’ll get over it. As long as I can also say what I feel, it’s all good I agree with Bill’s armchair psychology – sometimes optimism (or denial) is not a good thing depending on what you’re dealing with. Still – I don’t like the idea of people feeling intimidated about sharing because they don’t have enough “horrible life” creds – ya know what I mean?

So – If I put a positive spin on something, and it seems icky or unhelpful, I don’t mean anything judgmental by it. I’m not trying to say – quit whining and turn that frown upside down. I’m just trying to say – if you are in a place where it’s hard to see the bright side – I can tell you lots of stories of situations that seemed hopeless, but turned out OK after all… or not…

Love you guys,

Munch

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[billd]

We need a “Thumbs-up” smiley.

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[Anonymous]

Yeah, we certainly do!

I love the Far Side and Garfield. My favourite Garfield one was where Garfield is holding a glass of lemonade, and his face is all sucked in. Jon says to him “Not enough sugar?”. Garfield’s face looks soooo funny, and the understatement of “not enough sugar”, when it’s glaringly obvious, just kills me with laughter every time. It sort of reminds me of some of the doom and gloom around here – I realise it has it’s place, like the lemons in lemonade, but some things need sugar to keep them palatable 😉 So I’m all for supplying the sugar when I can, to balance out the lemons

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[Anonymous]

Cool thread Munch………..I come here for a number of reasons, not the least being …..”You All Are My People”.

So, when I feel challenged here, I remind myself………….”anybody…..anybody, can sing and dance when the sun is shining”.

Hahahaha…fun part about wearing a smile when everybody else is tearing their hair out is…… folks can’t tell whether your happy or nuts….maybe a little from column A and a little from column B…..

Keep it coming………..

Toofat

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[Anonymous]

Thumbs up Munchkin, I can really relate to this post (except the power tools as I did my own bathroom and reno….whait what….shit I think I’m going on week 9 on the bathroom).

I like what you say about feeling successfull, not towards others but towards yourself at other times of your life, really hit home.

I just cant stand people that use a condition, the economy, the neighbour, the weather…whatever…for an excuse to fail and complain!

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[Author]

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