Not soo new anymore…not so exciting…

[Anonymous]

I don’t know if this sound familiar…. when I realised this was the right diagnosis for me it was like a light had finally just turned on. I was putting pieces of the puzzle together for the first time.

I had alwast felt like I was “defective” without being able to name it… so many lables had been put on me in the past… conduct disorder, substance abuse, attachement disorder, major depression, anxiety, sleep disorder, bipolar… seriously I’ve had enough medication trial and errors in my life, self medication, self-destruction…. this was FINALLY the one that fit it ALL!!! It put everything together… I wasn’t crazy! I just adapted as best I could!

I was excited… like a new world had opened up! Besides… the prognosis for ADHD when treated is much better that any of theese other ones!! LOL!

I couldn’t wait to try the meds… I could see a change right away… in so many aspect of my life! I couldn’t believe that it was everywhere I looked!! I was beginning to understand ME!! Putting the pieces back to back… I really see what I was doing!! My hyperfocus tendencies made me read at least 20 books in 2 months… all the while realising that my spouse was right about my not being mentally present! LOL!!

The medication dosage wasn’t quite right… it was wearing off too early so I thought I would really be better once I had that ajusted… but now I’m at the max… It’s working all day… I’m not soo enlightened anymore… like the down after the really big high… I guess it’s reassuring to know that I’m still me… flaws and all…

I work in the field so I was telling parents this all the time: “Medication doesn’t do everything!, Certain things have to be learned… they aren’t wired to be naturally good at that even with medication, the meds will support their efforts in learning this new tast that they haven’t naturally developped but it doesn’t magically implant a new set of skills in their brains”

It’s Ironinc that I have been working with children with ADHD and it took me soo long to figure out what adult looked like untill the fabulously funny documentary… it’s Ironic that I know all of this stuff but I still go through the same acceptation cycle… I guess not being able to see everything so clearly protected me from seeing a certain reality that I now see a little too sharply now?? I’ve been looking for a therapist that specialises in ADHD in adults in my area… I guess there is no amount of knowledge that can protect you from your feelings as you go from the cycles of motivations and discouragment…

Anybody remember feeling this way after a few months?

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[nellie]

Yes I can relate to that!

I started meds in October and could see an improvement with the way I carried out tasks. Although I was still adjusting the dosage, I felt much better and thought I was getting things done. Then a few weeks ago I suddenly thought – hey what real big changes have I really made? I still haven’t accomplished all those amazing things I thought I would by now. So I made a few improvements again by analyzing why things aren’t working and I can see slow and steady changes day by day. Although I would love it if some fairy god-mother appeared, waved her magic wand then, after a blast of smoke and a loud poof!, everything was suddenly perfect!

So the most important thing I’ve realized there is no quick fix and you really have to work at designing your life to work the way you want it to. I guess it’s like going on a diet and expecting to lose 50 lbs all in a week. It didn’t take you a week to gain it in the first place so you just have to be patient to see changes

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[Anonymous]

nellie and gotta,

I find your honesty about ADHD inspiring. I am a late 20s husband and father. I have anger management problems, hyperactivity and no patience for life’s minor setbacks.

I am glad to hear that both of you are finding some relief with medication. I have thought about taking meds many times over the years but have instead found some success with counseling and exercise.

The exercise helps “empty” the cup that always seems to be overfilling. The counseling is helpful in dealing with my behavioral patterns that are a detriment to my daily life.

Everyday is a struggle, but I feel better today than I did a year ago. Hopefully i will continue to improve.

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[Anonymous]

YES I SURE DID!!! I was in grade 4 when I was diagnosed and first medicated… and even at that young age I can still remember the change I felt. My life didn’t seem so foggy anymore… I felt like for once I could breath!

I do love that you acknowledge though that meds don’t make everything all better. They aren’t meant to fix everything all up. They are meant to help bring you to a place where you brain can be stimulated so you can focus on the life in front of you. I am a very strong believer that meds and counselling go hand in hand. they need each other. One helps you to be in a place where you can receive the info… and the other teaches you how to use the tools to deal with life.

I also loved that you feel that you are still you on the meds. I try to point that out to people who are against the meds, feeling that they change who you are. I am still me good and bad… but at least now I can focus on the tasks in front of me and enjoy my life more… and not feel so lost and frustrated.

I know how liberating it was for me when I was properly diagnosed… so I can’t imagine how you must have felt after years of drug testing for so many other things. Im so glad that you feel like a light bulb went off when you were diagnosed. That is a perfect description because it fits my diagnosis so well too!

nick7575 I am so glad that a balance of exercise and counselling work for you! That is so awesome! I love reading about peoples success with their ADHD. It can be so hard when you live in a world where everything is just too over whelming.

Hey nellie… if that fairy god-mother every shows up…. PLEASE let me know! I would love for her to come to my house too! hahaha. Yes meds aren’t exactly a quick fix for sure… but they are a step towards being able to figure out your ADHD brain. I hate drug testing for sure! Ugh I hate it! But I will admit that when you find just the right dosage… it feels so good.

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[Carry]

I wanted to post this as a new thread, but I think this is exactly the place to put it:

I have been on Ritalin for almost a year now. The difference has been tremendous. And even though I was aware of the next step, being the breakdown of old habits and the creation of new ones, I haven’t commited myself to that process.

So now, after almost a year, I’m beginning to notice some of my old habits getting in the way again. Only this time, I notice them! (So the meds work! Yes, I started to doubt them again)

I get the feeling that this is happening because the perception of the dramatic difference – which was overwhelming, right from the beginning of starting medication – is now beginning to fade. The meds still do their job, but I start to mess up more often again. If I notice and commit myself to pay attention, things will run smoothly. But if I let myself slip away, I can still lose myself and lose contact with the outside world.

I’m beginning to believe that, if the time is right, the next phase will present itself. So all I have to do is pay attention. Isn’t that ironic?

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[Anonymous]

It’s too bad the excitement of the first months on meds eventually fades. Guess it’s like falling in love with someone, the butterflies disappear after a while, but maybe the (life) lasting, calmer, love is even better!

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[Carry]

I like the analogy! LOL

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[nellie]

Well how ironic to find this post – I haven’t checked in here in quite some time and certainly didn’t remember I’d made it. Still waiting for the fairy god-mother by the way

But the reason I say ironic is that I now have to go off the meds because I am travelling to an asian country where stimulants are illegal. Apparently you can”t even bring them in as part of personal use prescriptions. Don’t think it’s worth risking ending up in some foreign jail and making the news at home as officials ( if I’m lucky ) argue on whether or not to release me or hang me.

Kidding aside, I’m a bit anxious over becoming anxious. Not only have the meds helped me focus but they also helped to some extent to alleviate my anxiety in crowds, stand in line etc. I decided to not take them today to get a feel for how my brain actually feels off meds. Mind you, I keep telling myself that when they wear off at night I don’t turn into a complete zombie either so how bad can it really be?

I am hoping that I’ll be able to use the techniques I learned on meds (at least I hope I learned some!) and to remind myself of how it feels when you do take medication to bring myself back to the task at hand etc.

Carry as you said, now you notice your habits, hopefully this is the sort of thing that gets imprinted in one’s brain somehow. I keep reading that the average time for taking medication is 2 years in order to teach yourself new tricks so to speak. Guess I’ll find out!

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[Carry]

And I hope you’ll be able to at least recognize where your inappropriate reaction to ‘normal’ situations begins. With all that you’ve learned in the mean time, you’ll hopefully be able to bend it around, or to prevent yourself from slipping into the old mechanisms more.

The only thing we need to fear, is fear itself!

You’ll be prepared, I expect you’ll surprise yourself!

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[nellie]

Thanks for the vote of confidence Carry

So far my experiment today has been successful in terms of getting work accomplished and keeping me on track. Perhaps it’s the caffeine which was my pre-med drug of choice. But the most noticeable thing that is missing is that the medication took away that lack of motivation feeling. Not sure how to describe it exactly. I suspect physical activity will help with that but today it’s pouring rain so dragging the dog out wan’t on my list – I have a work project to complete so it was easy to decide on that However I think I will don a rain coat and take out my Lab. Just had lunch so perhaps that’ll help perk me up enough to finish up my work related tasks which I had intended to send in by email today before mid-afternoon.

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[Scattybird]

Hi nellie,

Just of a matter of interest where are you going? I just got back from Malaysia and one of my colleagues didn’t go because he is taking pain killers for something and didn’t want to go in with a cocktail of drugs. I took my Ritalin in and was a bit concerned. I am also going to Indonesia later this year and the people I am going with wind me up so I need Ritalin for that trip to help me regulate what I say to them. Your post has got me worried?! (They are work trips so not as good as they might sound!)

I must say when I don’t take my meds I feel much ‘lighter’ in a bouncy happier way. But the meds slow me down enough to not offend!

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[Bill]

How many months does it take to unwind each decade of self-doubt, low self-esteem and the pain of unmet expectations? How much effort is involved in forgiving self and others? What do you have to do for the accumulated emotional baggage to fall away? I don’t know the answer to these questions, but I think that when the ADHD diagosis comes in your 40’s or later, you should count on the healing process to take a significant period of time.

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[Carry]

I agree, Bill. I got my diagnosis at 39, so it’s gonna take a while and i.m.o. it’s essential to acknowledge and accept that.

After I did, it became easier to stop striving for a ‘healed me’ somewhere in the future. I’m here now!

It’s kind of a paradox. First you have to realize how long things will take to improve, to be able to come back to ‘now’ and enjoy the struggle.

Think about it, we’d miss our old turbulent self, if we’d make it to the Zen-state we sometimes seem to strive for.

I know I would!

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[trashman]

HI Bill ,I found out at 47 and at 49 they put me on disability . so they think there is no hope for me. I AM STILL HOPING.

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[Bill]

Hey Trashman – consider changing your name to trashsurvivor – just sayin.

Carry – your paradox should be told far and wide. I found the same thing. When I decreased my expectations, I accomplished more because I wasn’t so busy criticizing myself. Inner conflicts take up valuable energy, something that is in short supply with ADHD.

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[Author]

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