People are always coming to me for advice

[Curlymoe115]

I think it is funny that most of my friends treat me as the final stop for advice. They call to tell me their problems because I always have an answer. Meanwhile my house is a mess but I do have good intentions. They are lost in the city, they call me for directions. Because I can picture things in my mind, I can usually tell them how to get to their destination if I have been their before. Or I go to the computer and google map it. I remember the return policy of most stores, can get things repaired for them, act as a reminder for their appointments, or just there to listen.

I give great advice that I just can’t follow in my own life. I know how to set up a budget, I just can’t stick to one. DH says that I am so busy advising others that it leaves me little time to look after everything here. I could if I didn’t procrastinate. What I need is a staff that I could tell them how to do what I want done, and I just didn’t have to actually do it. In July I went through 2 boxes of papers. I put all the papers we didn’t need anymore into the recycling box to shred. I just shredded the box of paper last week. In the meantime it sat in the living room for 10 months. With the shredder not 2 feet away. Even if I started shredding a few papers a day it would have been done by September, but I just kept putting it off. And piling things on top. I bought a Kobo reader so that I didn’t have to get any more paper books, but since that time I have brought home 200 books. We go someplace that has used books at a good price and I will buy a dozen or so. So now I have stacks of books again. Yet I go to a friends house and I can help them organize a closet in minutes and prompting them to rid themselves of useless things. No offense to teachers, but I think the old saying “Those that can do, those that can’t teach” may just be on to something. 😆

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[Anonymous]

Good for you Curly……you got skills your willing to share, nice, and your a good good reliable friend!!! What more??? Curly for me, that stuff is the measure.

So books are your thing…nice to have a “thing”???? Cool……….just so you know I have a flat surface phobia……any flat surface must be covered by something……actually many things is even better. I think it is actually a sin to waste a perfectly good flat surface!!!

toofat

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[Anonymous]

I am the greatest person in the world for making a schedule but the worst person in the world for taking action based on it.

Books, don’t even get me started. For shredding, we do have a box too, last fall we took them into the back yard and had a nice fire in our outdoor firepit. Very satisfying and the constantly changing flames were very interesting!

Years ago, when I was working as chief accountant for a small manufacturer, I hired someone to file my paperwork. It only gave me more time to generate even more paperwork. I was still buried in it 😥

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[Anonymous]

Ha! Too right! I recently whipped up a quick email to help a friend with her son’s high school application while my own daughter’s application sat unfinished on the table – and I needed to do much less for our application as we have sibling rights and only needed to fill in basic details. I sewed up 10 little patchwork bags over a couple of days to help a friend, but it has taken me weeks to even start on one for my mum (my friend got me going, and knew to expect the bags, but mum’s is for a gift so there is no pressure to finish it….I can always go buy something if I don’t get the bag made….or, more realistically, forget a gift completely, yet again!). I can give great advice on helping kids with homework, keeping things organised, keeping food interesting and healthy, and can work most electronic gadgets with ease. But my kids rarely do their homework, my house is a mess, I always misplace things, I struggle to cook even a basic meal two or three times a week, and never go to the trouble of recording my favourite TV shows because it’s too much effort and I’ll forget I’ve recorded them anyway. I organise all sorts of things in my brain over and over, but it rarely translates to reality, unless of course I give someone else advice and they convert my ideas to reality. Then they come back and say “your advice really worked – thanks a heap”, and I am left trying to remember what advice I gave them?!!

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[Curlymoe115]

I understand completely

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[Anonymous]

Thanks for this post, I am realizing that I do stuff for friends too whenever they ask but my husband is the one that sits rolling his eyes as I put off other things to do it.

I do web and flyer design for a friend (not my main business but I really love doing it), and a friend of hers now wants me to do the same for her ($$ involved). I would normally just take it on to the detriment of all my own work. Now I realize that I should just say NO. It’s so hard to say no when the distraction is sooooo appealing and rewarding.

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[Anonymous]

no_dopamine, I hear that. My ex used to be the same. He would tell me to say no but I grew up taught that family is so important that I would always give too much of myself away, and in the end have nothing.

They are never there for me for what I need, just wasing in for what they think I need. trying to bully me although they don’t see it like that and the time I do say no I get guilt trips.

I so don’t care anymore I just turn off my phone and get petty texts from my sister about blocking her phone number which is not true. I hear we understand, so we left you to it, and all that the truth is I needed help it’s so easy to “leave me to it”.

I am working on me now and this is how it has to be.

so I JUST SAY NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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[Anonymous]

My sister excommunicated me 4 weeks before my mom died. I spent the next three weeks taking care of my mom & dad. It was convenient for my sister, she didn’t have to show up or hear anything about what was going on, and she could skip the memorial a month later because it was “MY” fault. On the plus side, I got a chance for a rare experience, it affected me deeply and I’m still dealing with that, but it was in a way a gift from my mom since she passed away very peacefully, had great care during that time, and was never alone.

We don’t have to spend time with or put up with our families. Society makes us feel guilty for not doing so. But there are really no rules, someone just made up an arbitrary set of them eons ago. Now that my mom (the glue in our family) is gone, I don’t have any obligations to see my family. I do talk with my dad and my older brother (we’re co-executors for my dad’s estate) but the other two siblings I never hear from and don’t bother them.

*** note – parents excepted, of course you have to take care of your children ***

It’s better to listen to your husband since he’s the one who can give you an outside perspective rather than you continuously believing what’s going on in your head. My husband lets me know when I’m doing too much and not spending enough time with him. NOW I NEED TO TAKE THAT ADVICE MYSELF.

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[Anonymous]

I always say that you shouldn’t put up with ANY form of abuse from another human being, even if one day you may need a kidney and they are the only viable donor. We spend so much time beating ourselves down, because we’ve been put down in one way shape or form our entire lives. Sometimes it’s out of frustration from people who know us and love us but cannot handle some of the idiosyncrasies that ADD/ADHD bring, or just flat out ignorance. I LOVE that you are getting so much positive reinforcement Curlymoe, because every bit of it is deserved. If you read the most recent blog on ADHD and eating, you’ll see this ‘affliction’ is probably what affects most of us. Caring for everyone else, not for ourselves.

I don’t know about any of you, but I’d rather have these ‘issues’ than be a sociopath or serial killer. We have eons of damage to undo, but just remember that on your lowest day, you are so special. One of my best friends told me once “You don’t really understand your affect on the world around you, what you do for the people you love.” I think that our BIGGEST PROBLEM is that we have to love ourselves at least a fraction of what we do for others. Again, not bad homework to have, but a daunting challenge nonetheless.

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