Question about happiness

[nellie]

Wow what a topic!

Larynxa makes an excellent point about goals and introspection . I find myself much like Rick mentioned,often  relieved instead of happy with an outcome. However, if I am conscious of how my action fits into a larger picture then I can appreciate it for what it is.

When I started on this journey  of discovery after my ADHD diagnosis and re-examining my life in context of the diagnosis and what it means to my everyday experience, I  suddenly found my self trying to define my values. I swear I had no clue what I valued and what made me happy. Sure, I knew that family was important to me but seriously I had no clue about the rest. Little did I realize that the other “stuff” served to round it out. For example, when I realized that I also valued adventure and craved some way to fulfill that requirement, it became obvious that I needed to add it in to my lifestyle in order to feel happy. There are other values as well and some rank higher than others.

Another example, I also feel a strong need to be involved in my community. However, anyone who has ever done any volunteer work knows how quickly it can suck in your time. Well in my case, while something I valued, I knew that I had to limit my involvement and learn to say no in order to remain balanced. This makes it much easier to take on projects or not. It took me a while to get other people to respect my limits though!

Obviously, there are many reasons why one could be unhappy but I  think the starting point is  to know what would make our life complete – a wish list of sorts. I think defining values is a key to this.

Here’s a random list to start..

http://www.values.com/teaching-values

http://www.selfcounseling.com/help/personalsuccess/personalvalues.html

http://www.stevepavlina.com/articles/list-of-values.htm

REPORT ABUSE

[Patte Rosebank]

@Rick, now that I think about it, I’ve been having the “quiet pride and savouring the accomplishment” a lot more than I’ve been “just having the relief it’s done”.

And I only experience the “dread of waiting for something to go wrong” in a few rare situations—usually if I haven’t prepared properly, or if I’m trying a new method.

I think it’s because I’m in the right job *for me*, and because I’ve learned how to achieve contentment *most* of the time.  And to accept that *most of the time* can be enough (most of the time).

The only places you’ll find “perfection” are mathematics and grammatical tenses.  So why drive yourself crazy, trying to achieve something that doesn’t exist in real life?  “Personal Best” is a much more achievable goal.

(I think.)

I wouldn’t have figured all this out, if it hadn’t been for you, and this wonderful group of “misfits helping misfits” that you started.

I used to think that your purpose was to help me get through life, by making me laugh.  But now, I see that it’s so much more.  (Don’t you dare cry!)

REPORT ABUSE

[shutterbug55]

@Takingbacktyler I think if you talk with your wife and bring her in on your experiences at work, you might not only find an advocate, but a willing partner in your job search. I always discuss big things with my wife. So far, it has kept me out of hot water.

@Rick: I completely understand the feeling of relief, not happiness at the end of a project. I don’t know about you, but I mess things up on a regular basis. Nothing big, but to me it is like the constant drip of a leaky faucet. Yet another noise, yet another drop, constantly ticking away and eventually moving a dish in the sink with a loud crash. I fix the leak, and it is relief that the noise is gone, not accomplishment, and not happiness. Why? Because there is always a leaky faucet somewhere.

Like  Larynxa, I know there is there is always something that will go wrong, and it will be because I forgot something, overlooked something, or didn’t think something was important. I live in constant dread that disaster is right around the corner and as if I had a target on my back, disaster always finds me. It is no wonder to me at all why I am not happy.

REPORT ABUSE

[Robbo]

I feel happy when I just give other folks as well as myself a break. It’s a good idea not to panic too.

REPORT ABUSE

[Robbo]

It happens, I do sleep. 🙂 —

Mainly happiness is the kind of think I have to just plain let go of. Seriously, I just plain gave up. No big deal. happiness is for people that don’t necessarily need it, or want it. Maybe they just discover it. There’s no trick, no special formula.

No special secret weapon. In fact it’s a non weapon that I use. No sword, no plow. Not even a book. (there’s a book or two, or 66 involved though)

Wait for it.

wait.

.

.

 

Surprise!

Happiness happens when we’re too busy trying to help other folks find it. In other words Anything that we do as a means to an end is self robbery. I’ve got an old book called “A New Pair Of Glasses” written by Chuck C. He’s an old timer from AA. I got his book when I was about 10 1/2  months sober back in 1989. My sponsor in AA gave it to me. He’s a gay man. He was gay then and he’s probably gay now. I didn’t care then, and I don’t care now. Yep, I know what the bible says. That’s God’s business. Not my business. I have an niece who is gay. It’s not my business what she does or who she loves or how. My business is about helping other human beings

for free and for fun. (period)

Judgement is not my business. Happiness in not my business. Only Loving Gods kids for free and for fun is my business. I do my business and God does his. The Great Carpenter has a way of doing His business though me and the people in my live. Again, that’s His business. In fact I didn’t even make up ANY of the stuff I’m writing in this post, actually I did make up a lot of it. The best stuff came from other folks though. I just reduce, re-use and recycle it. Chuck C wrote a lot of this. In his book. Charlie was doing The Carpenters buisness. I’m just copying Chuck. It’s all for free and for fun. Ain’t nobody on any pay roll here folks. Accept for the great pay roll that most of us are on weather we like it or not. If you’re in the business of loving Gods kids, helping them, then guess what!. You’re in the same business!. I’m not sure that any of us need to worry about giving anyone any credit.

We just help each other. And it’s happiness that we find.

Not on purpose.

Thanks.

Please drive to the next window.

REPORT ABUSE

[Robbo]

I had to slow down a lil and read these again for them to sink in. This was after I’ve gotten my fill of clowning around today. And that was after a rather difficult morning where I called a friend, they came over and helped me out with a flat I just didn’t have the willingness to fix. Plus the tube had one too many patches in it so I became willing to call a friend indeed. (nope he didn’t have any weed. didn’t even ask). I found out that my friend had a terrible terrible morning today.

He lost his keys… Yep, night mare.

So I bitched and wined and we laughed and got stuff done. I paid him. Friends pay sometimes. He would have helped me for nothing and loaned me money too. Didn’t even ask me for money for the new tube and 2 more new tubes for my mountain bike wheels. With big ass knobbies, so cool under me. Real tough lookin.

He lost his dang keys this morning!!!

His girlfriend told me about that as they were leaving. So I sent him a note after I got done saying stuff like

I can’t beleive it n That dude’s amazing and Wow!, that’s so cool.

The note said… well, it was encouragement. You guys already got lots of advice about keys, n other things that shine, huh?.  Shiny stuff. It’s a nightmare. Then it hurts less.

while something I valued, I knew that I had to limit my involvement and learn to say no in order to remain balanced. This makes it much easier to take on projects or not. It took me a while to get other people to respect my limits though!

Thanks Nellie, that’s good and helpful too. Both.

TTYL 🙂

REPORT ABUSE

[Author]

Posts