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Should I or shouldn't I?

Should I or shouldn't I?2011-09-27T12:05:02+00:00

The Forums Forums The Workplace Who to Tell? Should I or shouldn't I?

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  • #108562

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    Post count: 14413

    I’m with billd on the interpretation of Russ Barkley’s seminar. While the initial explanation of ADHD paints a rather glum picture, I think this is done to drive home exactly WHY traditional methods do not work, and to drive home just how much ADHD is a true neurological disorder rather than a behavioural one. Later in the series, or in a different section, he discusses treatments and such. He says that while ADHD is THE most serious outpatient psychiatric disorder, it is also THE MOST treatable disorder out of all of psychiatry.

    For good ADHD management ideas, see “Managing and Accomodating ADHD” under “Essential Ideas For Parents” in the CADDAC websites series of videos. While it is about managing kids, it also has ideas for adults too. You can use them in order to plan for your specific accomodations in the workplace, if you choose to disclose your ADHD, or to help you work around your areas of difficulty regardless of whether you disclose or not. The topics under “Productivity and Strategies” are also interesting. I got some useful tips from there too.

    As to whether to disclose or not, that is entirely dependent on the workplace, and the people in it. One of the Dr Barkley videos on the CADDAC site touches on this topic too.

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    #108563

    billd
    Member
    Post count: 913

    Too many watch a video here, a video there, and take those clips out of context. He’s got a reason and a plan – it takes that sort of thing to drive Congress in this country to action, shoot, it takes an act of congress to get congress to act, and then the Senate will block it.

    If you don’t paint something as a total disaster, almost life threatening to their own families, it’s ignored.

    Our lawmakers, doctors, teachers, employers all need to know this – and he’s trying hard to drive it home with them – to knock them across the face with a 2×4 to get them to PAY ATTENTION like we cannot.

    They need to know that there are people like ME with ADHD who are so severe with it that the folks treating me are concerned about me driving in heavy traffic, concerned for my safety. They’ve even worked me in as quickly as possible in some cases. One said “you need to be here now” and opened up an appointment.

    I guess that’s a plus with my brand of ADHD – I can see where he’s going with it, and support it. I use similar tactics all the time.

    In my case, the workplace is an agency that deals with handicapped people attempting to find useful employment…….. go figure when they can’t understand ADHD and how it impacts ME as an employee and are skirting all around it, not really willing to listen and learn.

    OTOH, some of us believe there’s a bit of retaliation for my being a whistleblower and blowing open the fact that there was illegal activity at work and the boss tried to hide and minimize it. Even the FBI told me I did the right thing – but alas, not enough evidence as it was wiped off the computer……………….. so now, I’m a really bad person here, one to be watched, spied on, and treated differently.

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    #108564

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    Post count: 14413

    I found in the beginning I would tell more people, but then I wondered if I was telling them, in part, to make a preemptive excuse for myself… For example, I used to always show up late. Telling people was, I think, my way of letting them know why. Now, tell very few people and, for me, this is better — just telling certain people in confidence (my partner, my closest friends, my closest family members, my direct boss and, in the past, my close professors.) I also ask them to help hold me accountable for my behaviour, rather than excuse me for it.

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    #108565

    billd
    Member
    Post count: 913

    I’ve been telling folks – I let them know that it’s still my issues to deal with and I’d rather it not be excused – but instead, I ask that they help me work in the issues – nag me, smack me, keep reminding me, don’t let me slack off, don’t say “oh, it’s ok…….”

    I tell them that I’m telling them only to assure them it’s not on purpose, I’m not ignoring them, and it’s not that I don’t find them important.

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    #108566

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    Post count: 14413

    I have come to the conclusion that I am going to have to ask for “accommodations.” The purpose is so that I can better give them the high quality of work they know they can expect from me. I have to figure out the right way to phrase it so that they can see that I am not complaining, nor asking for a free ride, simply that there are some things that get in the way of me doing the best possible job. I will let them know that my mind is put together a little differently and that is what gives me the special qualities that they cannot get from others. I will let them know the best ways to get the best out of me.

    It scares the hell out of me, but I need to do it before I get so frustrated that I do something drastic. I should be doing my job, not having an emotional melt-down.

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    #108567

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    Post count: 14413

    I’ve been telling people now. I really didn’t until my formal diagnoses and medication. I’m much better able to focus and multitask so I am better at my job. Plus I did great in the 2 month temporary leadership position. I’m just understanding why I’ve done so poorly on promotion interviews before. I am waiting on an interview date for yet another promotion I’ve put in for and hoping/striving to do much better when I’m able to focus more and not get lost in my answers. Since the diagnoses I could technically ask for some type of an accommodation because ADD is recognized by the Americans With Disabilities Act. But, I don’t want to get the job that way. I’d feel like I don’t deserve it if an accommodation is made to allow me to pass, while the others that put in for it must do it the normal way. I know things are harder for us sometimes and a behavioral interview with multipart questions and answers is especially tough for me.

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    #108568

    Scattybird
    Participant
    Post count: 1096

    TheGameGuy – you have obviously thought about this hard since your original post.

    Maybe if I could make a suggestion but ignore it if not appropriate……

    Since you’re in emotional meltdown as you say, then it might be best to write down what accommodations you need and how they will help you to be productive etc and maybe what is happening at work to hold back your productivity.

    Don’t expect your boss to have any understanding of ADHD – rather you need to be business like and give him or her the bottom line – ie this is my productivity now and this is what is holding be back and if I can have x then my productivity will improve.

    That sort of business like approach might be best. You could write it and come back to it when you’re less stressed and see if it still fits. If so, email your boss and ask for a meeting to discuss the points raised. That will give your meeting structure.

    I would tackle it like that because I would probably melt down or garble total c**p if I tried to do it verbally.

    Good luck.

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    #108569

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    Post count: 14413

    I spent most of my career in management………and I’m certainly not a typical management type….but I do know what is typical managerial behavior. So if I might share this, my experience and observations…they (mgrs) are mostly very cold hearted…..self involved, and interested solely in advancing their own personal careers and looking good to their boss, not matter what the cost to you. Most management could give a shit less for any employees issues, real, or otherwise, and are not beyond trouble shooting a problem by systematically and methodically eliminating it. they get huge points for that!!! There…. that is true, and I found it is a majority of manager’s mindset. If it’s you or them that is going to look bad, it’s you…….if it’s you or them that is going to feel that heat….it’s you. If something has to give……..it’s you, every time!!!

    Like I said I was anomaly in that world……that is not my personal take on things. I would suggest that you think this over carefully before you open that door in your workplace. What I share here is not true everywhere….but more often than not, it is.

    Just a note if you have an HR department….be aware, they are also there for management…..not for staff, not by any means…..smiling snakes is my best description of HR. I watched people fall into the pit more often than not……..and it went very poorly for them. To look for compassion, justice or even good old fairness in the workplace is maybe…….maybe….slightly naive. Please be aware before you leap of the one sided-ness of the ring you are about to enter.

    Best to you……

    Toofat

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    #108570

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    Post count: 14413

    Hi TooFat. Great post. Pretty much mirrors my experience in managemnent in Toronto.

    I left that for saner, self employ 10 years ago, but the rules you pointed out are not changed.

    I would be very careful about who I told about anything personal. Especially, don’t rely on rules or laws to protect you.

    Can your work be done on a contract basis .. or as a contracted party?

    Find something very good to offer your bosses well before asking them to do you a kindness. Just sayin.

    Too bad no-dopamine is gone, consider how slowly her complaints are acknowledged, and apply that to a work place. :) .

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    #108571

    Scattybird
    Participant
    Post count: 1096

    You are a very wise man Toofat and sadly I think you are right in your analysis of management.

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    #108572

    munchkin
    Member
    Post count: 285

    I really suffer from the same kinds of issues at work as an employee – and as a manager as well! I can see both sides, but in seeing both sides, I still don’t see any easy answers.

    With myself – I have made up a short list of strategies to try to accomodate myself, and minimize the damage that my failings may cause. That includes reviewing my own job description every 2 weeks to make sure I am not taking on responsibilities that I shouldn’t. Also, when someone gives me instructions, I ask if they can put it in writing, or I write it down as they’re telling me, asking them to slow down if necessary. Then I will write an email back to them recapping what I believe the instructions and expectations to be. I’m sure there are books and resources with more ideas like this, but I’ve only known about adult ADHD for a short time. I actually developed these strategies without knowing about ADHD – I just knew something had to change or I would be fired… I still don’t know what my future holds, but I think the medication is helping.

    With my staff – I have tried to let them work projects out in whatever way works best for them – just as long as results are achieved in a timely manner. Still… I have to answer to the higher-ups, and I think it is legitimate that they require a certain level of productivity. So, I accomodate the needs of staff as much as possible, but realize that I have a responsibility to let them know what the parameters are for them to keep their job. It’s awful when someone can’t meet that, but at least if they were given clear information on what was expected, and allowed to tweak their job environment as needed, I feel they were given the best chance to succeed. (At least the best chance I knew how to give – as imperfect as I am) I even send them to free counseling – if they’re willing to go… but that’s limited in what it covers.

    I hope I can learn more about how to help people reach their potential. A lot of times the employee doesn’t know what is wrong or what they need to succeed. I wish there was more support available to help intervene and mediate between staff and manager with tools and ideas to make it a win-win for everyone. There are so many times when people in organizations get backed into an impossible corner and it never needed to get that way!!

    I know it’s been said too many times but… if we can get to the moon, why cant we achieve x, y and z?? Like helping people succeed – including the outliers who don’t operate within the so-called norm????

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    #108573

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    Post count: 14413

    Munchkin, I think you hit the nail on the head. My frustration stems from everyone running around like headless chickens and I have no clear direction. I think that’s the main issue I wish to address. The problem I suffer from is that I seem to absorb stress from others and it seems to multiply inside me. Usually it happens so fast that I’m already falling apart emotionally before any calming or meditative techniques can be used.

    I can only do what I am asked to do and I cannot do that which is outside my knowledge. I don’t know if I’m having difficulty receiving the information, but I know that I cannot be useful if my mind is betraying me.

    And I do not wish to be a whiner or ask for “special privileges,” especially since I haven’t completed my first year. But we are rapidly approaching a crux where there’s a choice between holding down a job and providing for my family and holding on to my mental and physical well-being. I am suffering and I cannot keep this going at this pace.

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    #108574

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    Post count: 14413

    Munch….I would expect no less from you…….but……I fear good hearts are the exception, just like I posted previously.

    I believe we can change our world……..and only ours. Good on you Tea ….. :)

    Toofat

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    #108575

    munchkin
    Member
    Post count: 285

    @toofat – Being the exception may end up sending me to the unemployment line… Also, the employees I manage don’t always see my good heartedness. Some hate the flexibility and feel it results in chaos. I guess the grass is always greener…

    GameGuy – I’m so sorry you are hurting. I too find myself having to react to situations before I can employ any of the tools or tactics that might help me avoid a stumble. I have not “come out” to my employer, and even though I often dread going to work in the morning, without the health insurance it provides, I wouldn’t be able to get the medication and counseling that might turn things around. So I trudge on each day wondering how long I and/or my employer can continue on like this… my heart goes out to you.

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    #108576

    trashman
    Member
    Post count: 546

    I know where you are all coming from.it is true ,and have been tossed under the bus more than once. my shrink finally said I just was not worker material .I just found it to hard to keep trying to survive under the bus.so know I just try to survive.

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