Shyness and ADHD

[ashockley55]

I am both shy and impulsive in my social interactions. This has the unfortunate result of me blurting out some outrageous comment, then turning red. I don’t mind blurting out the outrageous comment, I think there’s a part of me that is very extraverted and dramatic, and I like that part of me, ADD or not, but I just wish that I woudln’t turn red after I said it. It’s like my shy self and my extraverted self are at war with each other. It’s embarrassing to turn red, and then I turn red even more!

REPORT ABUSE

[Shadow Nexus]

I was very shy when I was young. I mostly stayed away from people, very few friends. Old tech before the internet, I had a modem and connected to BBS’s to post and chat live. I developed more social skills. In community college, I developed even more social skill. In the 90’s, I got a modern computer with internet.

Today, my social skills are highly refined though internet and in-person. However, my ability to multi-task non-verbal signals and verbal speech is broken. I can do one or the other, but not both at the same time. If I am listening to what they say, i’m not reading non-verbals. If I am reading non-verbals, I’m not listening to what they say.

Some know how to read non-verbals from the start. I had to learn how to read non-verbal signals(from “normal” people). I have to stop and think ‘what does that expression mean?’. Take a few moments for my brain library to look it up. Then continue where I left off. Needless to say, it takes a large amount of effort to process. So, my brain gets tired quickly from “normal” people socializing.

I can be a social butterfly for a while, but soon I’m back to being a wall-flower. I need long periods to recover from being around “normal” people. The internet is great, no non-verbals to deal with it. Thank you for emoticons!

REPORT ABUSE

[cloud1]

Shyness has always been a problem until age crept up. Finally you jsut stop caring. Ashocley55 is a mental war and if anyone figures out how to make the quiet, reasonable side win (without meds) let me know. But frankly ADD/ADHD hasn’t blurted something stupid out. We just tend to concentrate on our deficiencies instead of our great attributes. Your red might diminish when you let go of caring about what the rest think of you. As ADDers it takes picking your groups of those that accept and love you. I used to take a very deep breathe or clinch my stomach muscles to stop the blush affect. Hoep that helps.

Filmbuff1984 empahtize with you as well. Social interactions deplete me. Careful on the Net commincations though, everyone needs some face-to-face time. Try not to worry about if you “read” them right. You’ll figure it out eventually, if not they will probably explain it to you.

Hang in there Robbo, great suggestions Scattybird.

REPORT ABUSE

[nellie]

I just read an article that describes Add personalities. It’s specific to girls but addresses the shyness.

http://www.addvance.com/help/women/daydreamer.html

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

Ashockly, i get the shy impulsive thing. I am better now but i used to have intense social anxiety. However, when i did talk to people, i managed to be off topic and say something bizarre. And the reactions i got reinforced the social anxiety! Things improved in college when i met people who appreciated nonsequitor bizarre and the social anxiety decreased!

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

What is shyness…..what is being labeled shyness???

People seem to be all over the idea or the converse……but before I can comment on what the topic I need to know what indeed we are discussing? What is the actual behavior(s) or issues that are being collectively called shyness?? It sometimes bothers me when when a catch-all word is tossed on the table and a plethora of assumptions then tossed on top…….like a disfunctional pizza……..if you know what I mean.

So my question stands what problematic behavior is this about……specific behavior….what feelings specifically??? What is the social criteria for it to exhibit?? I don’t know…….??????

Toofat

REPORT ABUSE

[munchkin]

It seems to me that shyness is an observation people make about someone else – because they have a lack of response or low response to social overtures made toward them…

for example you look at someone, and they look away or ignore instead of engaging with the eye contact. Or you say something and the person doesn’t answer back, or gives a short answer that doesn’t continue a conversation. The so-called shy person doesn’t initiate with others to their satisfaction, and the other people describe them as “shy.”

Shy seems to be the nice adjective to use. Other times you can be accused of being stuck up, unfriendly, etc. Basically – because you don’t give a response when it’s expected, and you don’t “join the group”

When I’m being “shy” I don’t think of that word – “shy”. I think about it like – I’m feeling overwhelmed, I have other things on my mind, I’m self conscious, I don’t want to get entangled, etc.

REPORT ABUSE

[Irish10]

This is a viewpoint on introverts, extroverts and shyness from an author interviewed by a respected publication:

SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN

The Power of Introverts: A Manifesto for Quiet Brilliance

By Gareth Cook ; Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Susan Cain – author of “Quiet: The Power of Introverts”

We live in a nation that values its extroverts – the outgoing, the lovers of crowds – but not the quiet types who change the world. Susan Cain recently answered questions from Mind Matters editor Gareth Cook.

Cook: This may be a stupid question, but how do you define an introvert? How can somebody tell whether they are truly introverted or extroverted? 

Cain: Not a stupid question at all! Introverts prefer quiet, minimally stimulating environments, while extroverts need higher levels of stimulation to feel their best. Stimulation comes in all forms – social stimulation, but also lights, noise, and so on. Introverts even salivate more than extroverts do if you place a drop of lemon juice on their tongues! So an introvert is more likely to enjoy a quiet glass of wine with a close friend than a loud, raucous party full of strangers.

It’s also important to understand that introversion is different from shyness. Shyness is the fear of negative judgment, while introversion is simply the preference for less stimulation. Shyness is inherently uncomfortable; introversion is not. The traits do overlap, though psychologists debate to what degree.

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

If we are talking about social shyness then I would think that is part of a persons genetics or environment growing up.

Perhaps the shyness is feeling uncomfortable or disconnected because of ADD/ADHD.

For me I was shy until i hit the later high school years. Still to this day I have the occasional situational shyness..

I think that may be typical for a lot of people.

Most of the time I am a motor mouth with the usual interrupting people, finishing their sentences, highly opinionated

impulsive, etc.

In Nov 2011 the diagnosis was made Adult ADD.

Now I can control it better. I have to STOP myself, think and respond. It is getting better and i can control it

I am mentally tired by the end of the day though. Change is challenging.

REPORT ABUSE

[Author]

Posts