The Emotional Pain can cut like a knife

[Curlymoe115]

So there is an article in the paper today that states that people shown pictures of ex-lovers after a recent break up show activity in the area of the brain where the physical receptors are housed. Columbia University did the study and they show that a broken heart really can hurt us. Now most ADHD people have had our heart ripped out repeatedly during our lives and have been rejected many times.

I wonder if this is why I have been emotionless for most of my life. We get to the point where we simply can not handle any more of this and we just give up. I have been rejected by huge sectors of people I have met and I am no longer willing to take the chance of doing this any more. I dropped out of the workforce and stay home in my snug cocoon where I am protected from the repeated slings and arrows directed my way. I feel like a failure and a coward a lot of the time but I simply am unwilling to risk it any more. Maybe when I heal then I might try this again. 😥

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[Anonymous]

Chin up. I was surprised when I found out after filling out many of my new Dr.’s questionnaires that I am somewhat emotionally removed from most situations (scoring on punish/reward categories revealed this apparently). First thing the Dr. asked me was when I was young (i.e. less than 7) if I had someone close to me pass away. Anyway, my wife/family never thought I lacked emotions (and neither do I)…. but when the shit is flying… I’m pretty level headed. Dunno if the above anecdote helps, but I hope it does.

It sounds like you are depressed. This might be related to the ADHD or might not. A good physician would know best how to treat and move forward. Look out the window… see the beauty in this world and the beauty that is you. Once you get the body moving you will start to feel better… go out for a walk and marvel at the beauty around you.

Oh… an ADHD support group (if available) would be great… as you would be around a bunch of zany people who get you and won’t get on your case (trust me, they won’t have any reason too).

Hope you feel better soon.

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[Lindstr7]

Curly- I hear you! I’ve holed myself up out of fear of rejection for most of my life. Rejection was the great barrier for me. In reality I think I probably FELT more rejected than I actually was because of my own self-confidence issues. I never put myself out there to find a mate suitable for me and always ended up settling for someone I was sure would ever reject me. Well, after 20 years, 20 lbs. and a chronically messy house, I was finally rejected by the one I thought would never reject me…..OUCH! How dare he! I cried and cried and moaned and bitched and raged until i nearly self-immolated.

That was when I realized that I needed to work on ME and find out what it was that i wanted, what kind of person I wanted to be with, because those were things I thought other people deserved, not me. I would love to one day be with a supportive partner who I can grow together with and share my life with but think that will happen eventually as I become more ME. Now on medication, I find its actually fun, this new self-discovery, I’m enjoying getting to know myself better, what I can do, my full potential. If love happens, great, I’m not going and looking for it anymore though (curse you Match.com!!). Sorry if this sounds platitudinal, but I really do mean it.

@Joel….its interesting that question about losing someone before the age of 7. My mother died when I was seven! However, I’m the opposite….overly emotional. I wonder if it is a gender specific question. My ex-was emotionless and his father left them when he was seven. Seven the magic number!

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[Curlymoe115]

I am married to the most emotional partner. I am cold and logical in a crisis and dh is a basket case. We work well together and have been happily married for 21 years. But I am also always looking for the lie and dh always takes you at your word and then gets really hurt when he finds out you are not as truthful as you seem. But the funny thing is that he is always “putting on the dog” and exaggerates things to make himself and his situation better. Personally I don’t care what people think and that is why I have trouble with co-workers or whoever. I think that it is better to be honest then tell someone a story of what they want to hear because then you have to remember what you told whom and then keep it up.

I always take time to smell the roses and have a good time most of the time. I let people think that it is sheer laziness about why I do not go back to work and then divert them with the number of books I read or the shows I watch. My life is pretty good and I have a partner who is supportive of everything that I do and he is convinced that the world would be lucky to have me at whatever job I would do. So that does boost my spirits up.

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[munchkin]

I feel that the pain is equally bad whether I withdraw or not – just different pain. I found this out through experimenting with totally withdrawing from people, and total immersion in people. Still – I find myself always making new friends, and then avoiding interacting with them. Weird, but that’s what I do… The fact for me is that I am unable to control the level of interaction with people, including the possibility of being humiliated or really enjoying it. At some point I just take life as it comes and react to it however I do. Social life happens TO me, I don’t know how to effectively control or drive it – I’m just on the bus, wherever it goes. This is kind of a situation of helplessness and acceptance and just trying to make the best of a bad situation. Not ideal, but word eventually gets around that I won’t show up for anything, so don’t bother inviting, which lets me off the hook. I am really hopeful, now that I’m learning more about ADD, that there actually are some ideas for dealing with these issues other than just working around them… I think I just might explore this a little further…

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[Gryffindork]

I get so lonely, sometimes. Mostly I get tired of doing everything by myself. But I pretty much hate being around people. I can do one-on-one, if I’m in the mood. But a room full of people wears me out, quickly.

Group outings make me crazy, too. Trying to get a group of people organized and off on some adventure is like herding cats. I have no patience for herding cats.

I thought I was going to die last December when the company Holiday party was looming, We’re small enough that I simply can’t get out of it. I got through it. I always do, but I wish we’d give the tradition up.

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