Dr. Umesh Jain
is now exclusively responsible
for TotallyADD.com
and its content
Dr. Umesh Jain is now exclusively responsible for TotallyADD.com and its content

The Forums Forums Most X-treme! Where I Struggle Most The issue of who to tell and who not to tell about my ADHD

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 35 total)
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  • ancientgeek

    The term “neurotypical” is so “right on the money”. I only tell people that I, and my family, are ADHD is when I value the person enough to be prepared to educate them. But first, you must educate yourself.I like the Canadian films “ADD and Loving It” and “ADD and Mastering It” for starters. ADHD books by Thom Hartmann (The Edison Gene) and Hallowell are also useful.

    The odds that one or both your parents are also ADHD is about 40%. About what you would expect from a pair of recessive genes. The problem of giving or selling your medication is that eventually you will be “caught”, and thereafter, your doctors will be less willing to trust you with them. You never outgrow your ADHD. It’s genetic. At best, you can learn how to manage your brain wiring more effectively.


    This is an OLD thread. I wrote in here a4 or 5 months after being diagnosed with ADD. So… Here is a follow-up.

    I never did tall anyone in my office, until a while ago. One of our people had some trouble with one of their conditions. We started talking, and during the conversation they shared the circumstances and reasons for the trouble. We discussed my ADD and Autism, and how I sought treatment. Outside of that one person, nobody knows.

    I treat it like a state secret. It is on a need to know basis and if you need to ask, you don’t need to know. Basically, it’s nobody’s business whether you have ADD and are being treated for it. I know it sounds harsh, but look at it like Diabetes, or Color Blindness. Unless it directly affects you, you would never know if you were around people with those conditions.


    @justagirl– It is not something to be embarrassed of. Never be embarrassed to be who you are.  You are a little different and that’s okay. You may have some challenges and need help with some things, and that’s okay too. But there is nothing wrong with you.

    And the bread also will not grow mould if there is no mould present to grow. It may have something to do with the preservatives, but it is more likely that it just hasn’t been exposed to any spores.

    @friendlymathematician– I have tried to hide it by pretending I’m tired, or just “coming down with the flu”, or “having a bad hair day”. And it has not gone well. Eventually, you run out of excuses and start repeating yourself and people figure out that something is going on. And they usually assume the worst, that you’re just lazy and disrespectful and don’t care if you’re on time or finish your work by the end of the day. Maybe it works for you, but I am glad to have a diagnosis and a real medical condition that I can finally say is the cause.

    I am just going to be more careful about who I tell and how I approach the subject in the future. The thought just never occurred to me that people would react negatively, that I could even lose my job because of it. I guess I need to get out more. But in my world, it’s no big deal. It just makes sense. I have ADHD, and depression, and anxiety…. and that explains everything.


    I am in 100% agreement with Scattybird and those who want to change the terminology of this “disorder”. I was hyperactive when I was a kid, now my hyperactivity is all in my mind (literally). But paying attention is the least of my problems as most of us can attest to.

    I think those of us with this issue (disorder? neurological abnormality?) need to start a movement – no, seriously – that would give this condition the title it deserves, like Impulse dysfunction, Adrenaline deficit, Neurotransmission defect or Executive Function Failure or something similar. More accurate and more about what is actually happening.

    I now engage in a a minimum of 30 minutes explaining what I mean when I say I have ADD to those not familiar with it and why it really isn’t Attention Deficit that’s the cause of all my weird inconsistent behavior, but something more sinister and pervasive.

    I have quite a few family members (siblings, cousins) who have
    undiagnosed ADD and they’ve spent their lives in misery, never knowing why everything is so difficult, from relationships to jobs, substance abuse and money. Most of them don’t believe in new fashionable disorders and/or mistrust the medical profession outright. Attention deficit just means they need to work harder and drink some coffee.

    Some of them nod their head, and say it sounds accurate after I’ve lectured them for a while on what the symptoms are, but they never seek treatment – because they have a motivational deficit (another term) and they’ve pretty much given up.

    I think we need to start some kind of campaign to change this misleading name.
    Thoughts anyone?

    Instead of “neurotypical” why don’t we just refer to non-adhd people as “Muggles”? A lot easier to type and a lot more fun too.

    As for changing “Adhd” to something different, perhaps we should call it, “spontaneous, multidisciplinary exceptional giftedness”, or, maybe “Wide Angle Neurological Kynematic Exceptional Responsiveness”?


    Well both those names are fabulous….. until you look at the acronyms. 🙂



    @BabaD… Not sure what to make of the sarcasm. If you think my post is dumb or some other form of annoying, then my apologies. If I misinterpreted your intent, perhaps you could clarify it?




    The inspiration for my post was this Russell Barkley lecture.


    @Pallist – don’t be concerned about BabaD’s post. I doubt it was meant as a slight to you or to me. Sometimes ‘we’ have a warped sense of humour – I know I do.

    I wondered whether his/her post should be taken as an insulting one or just as a joke and I am choosing to believe the latter. The reason is that it’s good to be able to laugh at ourselves and I really wouldn’t want to believe that ‘one of our own’ would want to offend – not within this forum – not within the forum that is our haven and where we can be honest, seek advice and feel safe in what we divulge about ourselves. That sanctity should not be broken.



    @Pallist Scattybird is right a there was certainly no insult intended in my post. I’ll admit it was posted somewhat impulsively, but was intended with an element of jest associated with an attempt to illustrate my opinion of attempts to “sanitize” langauge nowadays.

    Yeah, ADD/ADHD is referred to as a “disorder”. So what? I see it as a name, nothing more. And, in actual fact, I think it’s quite accurate, especially when you look at the state of my living room at times…

    We with ADHD think differently. For me, my thoughts jump around all over the place, making connections between things that other people miss. In essence, my thought process is “out of” or “dis” -ordered.

    I get the point – you see the final “D” in ADHD as a word with a negative connotation. It makes it sound like an error, or flaw, or a psychological malfunction. In a way it is, I suppose, but, then again, it is what it is, and makes me who I am.

    And I’m okay with that.


    @BabaD scattybird That makes sense.. I’m pretty familiar with sending posts on impulse: I usually have to edit several times before hitting the send button, and there a few where I didn’t wait and regretted it. So I totally get that, as well as the offbeat sense of humor :-}.

    Must be that hypersensitivity kicking in since I was dead serious. For me and my family, this disorder has been a life/death issue…

    Anyway my issue wasn’t with the term disorder. I actually agree with that part. It’s the Attention Deficit part I find objectionable, inadequate and inaccurate.

    The link I referenced above better articulates what I was trying to get at. Dr. Russell Barkley’s talks (many of his lectures are on YouTube), really affected me because he was doing the whole “telling my life with his words” thing. And since he focuses on the most recent studies and what actually goes on in the brain when we do something neuro-atypical that no one understands, it becomes clear how it’s caused by faulty functioning in our frontal cortex and neural connections.

    So based on the research, both genetic and neurological, our brain activity – or lack thereof – often leads to behavior that is counterproductive and detrimental to our well-being – at least for some of us. I’d call that a disorder. I also appreciate that we need to laugh about it because as of now there’s treatment that does help – on many levels, though there’s no cure.

    But based on all the aspects of one’s life that ADHD can affect, especially when you don’t know you have it, lack of focus is the least of our concerns!


    Uh-ohhh, wrong link! this is the correct link to the lecture I was talking about: it’s actually short so hopefully the word lecture won’t be a turn-off https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQC-Nk5OOfE&list=PLbYYEJj_e1GxHUwG-bN2rNW1x25rrM964&index=5

    we need to watch the hypersensitivity thing, of course, but we also need to be careful not to overcompensate as well. I’ve regretted NOT letting myself get upset at times.

    That being said, I’m not going to agree about the word “deficit” either. The word deficit implies “lack” which, as I see it, is precisely what we have – a lack of dopamine, leading to a lack of attention/impulsivity/hyperactivity.

    I think it’s a perfectly reasonable and fine definition of the condition.

    I suppose we could try “Easily Distracted and Divergent Impulsive Expressiveness” (EDDIE)…?

    (I like silly acronyms, what can I say?)


    I think I like EDDIE better than WANKER…

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