The Sixty-hour hyperfocus COMA

[Anonymous]

hyperfocus was my best friend at college- cos i’d smoke myself stupid and fritter the term away playing cards in the cafeteria, and then pull something stunning out of my arse on the last week- having locked myself in my bedroom with a stack of art equipment and a walkman on, practically refusing to come out except to pee and eat instant noodles, sleeping amidst the rubble.

its my nemesis now though- cos i’ve lost about the last 6 years on the internet, on a few message boards- writing 12,000 epic posts on one, 20,000 on another, helping newbies with the same really stupid questions that they could find answers to using the search function within seconds, googling whatever comes into my head, over and over again, and so on. and i can’t stop. i’ve asked the bf to take the modem to work, but he won’t.

my impulse control is absolutely zero, and the internet provides that instant gratification with minimal physical effort that i apparently lust after- as soon as my bf goes to work my adrenaline kicks in with excitement, i turn on the computer, and if i’m not careful i’ll find that i’m still there- in my jammies, unwashed and very hungry, dishes still stacked in the kitchen from days ago, cats meowing for attention (the guilt, the guilt!) when he gets home 10 hours later.

i’ve tried to get back into art recently as an internet diversion- and thats turned into a hyperfocus frenzy too- for a week i did nothing but paint a stack of little wooden birdhouses from michaels (which i then discovered will just turn to mush if they go outside to dangle off a tree -grrr! – and therefore discarded)… i’ve moved on to re-painting 8 inch fat plastic duck garden ornaments that were on sale in lowes now- thankfully they were totally discontinued before i amassed a huge collection of them, not that i didn’t beg and nag and coax the bf to let me buy them 20 at a time for 2 solid weeks (failing, thank heavens).

sewing causes the exact same issue- i’ll get rapidly ‘into the zone’, the machine starts whizzing along, and 14 hours later the bf comes to ask me if maybe i think i might want to eat, drink, or sleep at some point, and often has to literally pry me off my chair and tuck me firmly into bed, and refuses to say anything to me other than ‘go to sleep!’ – cos i just cannot for the life of me stop by myself. if i was more patient, it’d be great- but because my skills don’t quite match my lead-footedness, all i seem to manage to create is a big zigzagged, puckered, unwearable mess that sits half finished, hemless and mis-shapen in an ever growing pile of its peers, while i move on to the next brilliant idea for a dress that’ll also never reach fruition- let alone get worn.

i’m unpicking seams currently- buying cheap but practically unworn thrift store xl mens shirts for a few bucks each, and killing them with a stitch ripper- unravelling the thread on the seams- the plan being that at some point i’m gonna turn them into smaller shirts, dresses, etc.

……i’m desperately hopeful that i will, at least- the unravelling and unpicking process is so much fun and do rewarding that i’ve aquired a mountain of sleeves, collars, cuffs, buttons, pockets, plackets, yokes and other bits and pieces of shirt, but i have little to no desire to try and pin them back together into some sort of botched unwearable mess at present.

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[Anonymous]

To me the difference between “hypomania” and “hyperfocus” is I actually am aware of feeling “high” in a “hypomanic state” in a “hyperfocus state” I’m only aware of what I am doing like I became a “zombie” doing what I am doing.

K

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[Anonymous]

yeah, hpyerfocus is more of a semi-trance glued attention kinda thing. mania has more frenzy and chaos in it.

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[Anonymous]

Wow… all of this is very interesting, and let’s face it, funny! My hyper focused times rotate between about four hobbies. I’m either doing birding, photography, knitting, or dog activities. My birding friends know that I will disappear for months when I’m into my knitting or dog events. Can’t really say when it’s going to happen though. Though, I can combine the photography with most of these activities. But, if you want me to knit you a pair of socks and I’m birding… you’ll just have to wait. Interspersed are the more short term hyper focused events… like the slippery slope of You Tube.

The best thing I read on hyper focusing and ADD is that we enjoy it because it is one of the only times our brains are focused on one thing. We don’t like to stop because this makes us feel good… actually being able to focus. Unfortunately, we don’t spread it out throughout the day, like others… we save it up. But it sure feels good when it happens… and that makes it hard to stop.

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[Anonymous]

@Haggis “we enjoy it because it is one of the only times our brains are focused on one thing. We don’t like to stop because this makes us feel good… actually being able to focus.”

Despite it being totally obvious, I had never thought of it like this. I enjoyed the hyperfocused periods, even though it was disappointing sometimes to snap out of it and realize I’d poured hours into something totally useless. But didn’t think of it as feeling good because we normally can’t focus. But when I think about it, it feels just like a lovely quiet drive in the country. Just coasting along the road and looking out the window. vs. driving in downtown Toronto, where there are a zillion cars honking and traffic lights and road signs and construction and all kinds of things to look out for. The single track is so peaceful even though I’m still speeding.

I feel like, if I could turn the focus on and off, I could conquer the world (aka my life).

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[Anonymous]

Isn’t it the truth! It is a relief when you can just focus on one thing without the urge to go “everywhere at the same time!” and YES! If we could only control the ability to focus we could conquer the world i.e. our world, our lives. The sad part is even if other people can understand our predicliment it changes nothing we all still need to satisfy lifes demands and on lifes terms at least some of the time.

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[Anonymous]

i have such a headache. why was i still awake and painting a model rocketship at 6am this morning? i wanted to be sleeping!

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[Anonymous]

now if I could just hyperfocus on cracking a code for the winning 649 ticket, I’ll be set for life!

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[shutterbug55]

What drives me crazy, is I can hyperfocus on something, running down all the paths to the Nth degree. Once I am done, I can never recapture that level of attention on the same subject. My latest was writing up a story I had been thinking about. It was raining here in the Seattle area, and kind of chilly (I know. When IS’NT it). So I closed my self into my office and started to write. 120 pages later on Monday morning, I emerged, to get to work. I really want to finish the story, but I can’t even force myself to think about the story. So, it sits on my computer as yet another unfinished project.

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[Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD]

Not to take sides, Dogfather, but what would have been your reaction if your wife had vanished into some online thing for 60 hours straight?

I get how addictive things are. I can still go there if I’m not careful. But after one divorce, I’ve come to appreciate what allowing myself to get too hooked on something is costing me in other areas of life.

In making this website we worked seven days a week for almost a year. My kids are a year older and we did very little together.

I’m learning, or training myself, to stop and come up for air and connect with the world. It’s hard, believe me, but I only have to look back at my life to get what it’s cost me in terms of friendships, affinity with my family, and balance in my health.

Food for thought.

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[Anonymous]

i am the same way. i have acquired a great group of friends including my wife that see this and pull me in for a reality check. I think real friends (depending on the foundation of the friendship too) but as long as you are there for one another in time of need, what more can you ask for. I went over to help a longtime friend with a car repair after pulling off something stupid like 30 some odd hours straight of work. Be there when needed no matter the cost. That has worked for me. Just sayin.

What Rick is saying too…i had to change careers early in my marriage because I had no home and work separation…I worked when i was home…home has become my haven and dedicated time to family, even though i maybe only there 12hrs in a weeks time. mind you this is not year around…maybe just 3/4 of it.

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[Anonymous]

I used to “hyperfocus” all the time, before Vyvanse, now I only do it occasionally. I used to feel like I had no control over it, if something sounded like a great idea then I should do it and I would for days on end until I was bored of it or something else took over. My family suffered for it and I wish I could have been on the correct medication so that I would remember more of my kids growing up. I have much more control now and only occasionaly allow (sometimes it gets the best of me) an obsession. I remember getting into geneology and that is all I did for days at a time for almost 6 months. Next it would be cooking, then a book, then a self-help program and so many years are a blur…… Now I am able to slow down and focus, I have control over my ADHD it does not control me (90%) and I have found the benefits to being ADHD and they can be very useful, at times. I find that I enjoy my life more if I do not allow my self to be swept up in the mania!

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[Anonymous]

The internet has been my hyper focus for about ten years now. Lets see.. ebay was the first one.. shopping in general (also a major clothes horse) Any games that are of a puzzle type.. HOURS wasted doing that. Then my youngest daughter set me up on Myspace.. well I resisted it for awhile.. then I found a few old friends.. they told me to switch to Face Book cause that’s where they usually are.. so then I got into gaming there.. Vampire wars, Mafia wars , Farmville.. and a whole lot more.

Then my other daughter got me to read the Twilight series.. did it in 5 days over Thanksgiving break. Then one of my clients told me about another series for adults .. LOVED it and partially cause I was unhappy in my relationship at the time. So I became obsessed with reading.. read literally about 200 books in less than a year. Met some people online thru a book group .. made more friends on FB.. started a RP group for one of my favorite authors… then I finally moved out and on with my life from that relationship. Met current man in my life.. stopped reading very much.. and almost feel obligated to go online to my RP group. BUT the bad part is my new man (fellow ADDer) Is my new hyperfocus and he has a busy life with only a limited amount of time for me. Plus his ADD of course has him over whelmed alot and I’m still new to my diagnosis and am trying to be patient .. knowing I am the same way sometimes. Ugggg… I just started Ritalin last week with hopes that I can get it all under control.

Sooo.. over all .. yeah feel all your pain! LOL

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[Lindstr7]

Dogfather – re: getting into fights on the internet…Bit of advice…..do NOT go into Huffington Post if you’re at all politically inclined. I’ll pop in to see whats the news, see an article I find interesting and make a comment about it (my opinion must be heard! The people must know the truth!!) ….then someone will respond to my comments. Sometimes a really dumb or racist or rude comment, and then I have to respond to that….back and forth, then others get involved and these quasi teams start forming …. argh…. It can really get heated. Then onto the next article…… its a vicious cycle.

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[bwv155]

Yup, since I bought a computer I’ve found myself lost in hyperspace a lot……….first it was games: diamond solitaire, freecell…..it got so bad I had to call a techkie to remove games from computer. Now if I can just figure out a way to remove YouTube and Google Books.

And oh yes, NetFlix was a mistake. I watched every single episode of Medium over three days, and I really didn’t like the show that much

By the way, I’ve joined TotallyAdd this morning, and I’ve been browsing the site for five hours. Hmmmm

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