Women w/ ADHD Inattentive Type – anyone out there?

[Anonymous]

Folks, tell me more about midlife and ADD. I am finding that I used to be able to keep on top of things – everything just took me longer and was more scattered – but I coped. But lately my short term memory has been particularly bad. I have been shedding extra responsibilities as fast I can, work is actually not too bad at the moment, and yet I feel less on top of things than the previous year which was quite chaotic. I was diagnosed a few years ago but had held off on meds as I was getting through life quite well… now I am going to try Adderall starting at 5 mg. It better be worth it, I am not keen on meds.

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[Adrienne508]

Moka – wow, I didn’t realize feeling anxiety from aggressive people was an ADD thing. I definitely experience that!! Thought it was just me, not me with ADD. Thanks so much for sharing this!!

Did the coaching help you cope with the aggressive folks? I totally freeze up and cry in those situations. Not so much because the person is hurting my feelings, but because of my apparent inability to respond even though I very much want to! So frustrating!! It has definitely hindered me in my work life numerous times. I even quit a job because of a colleague whose behavior constantly had me on edge. I also had a boyfriend who later told me he just wanted me to argue back with him when he’d get annoyed at something. I would literally just freeze or say I’m sorry over and over and feel sick about it. I still do this. Rather than state my side of a disagreement, I freeze so as not to get the other person upset at me. As an ultimate people-pleaser I can’t stand it when someone is unhappy with me!! I self punish like crazy!!

Does anyone else relate?

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[walkwithfarmgirl]

Adrienne508: Neither did I realize it was an ADD thing. I always thought that I just had problems dealing with conflict, often reduced to shaking, blank thinking and wiggling chin.

It’s such a relief to hear/share with others that this is in their lives too.

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[Anonymous]

Adrienne508, walkwithfarmgirl: It’s so good to know that the anxiety is also something that others are experiencing!! Whew! I was wondering if my anxiety and difficulty handling conflict, especially aggressive conflict, was part of the ADHD. I started having panic attacks when I went through a divorce. It was just one more thing that I attributed (…blamed) on the divorce – now I see almost all of it was/is related to having ADHD. I left 3 different jobs because of it too. I’m also an ultimate people-pleaser – wonder if that’s common for women with ADHD?? Wonder if this is a characteristic in young girls that gets misinterpreted as “sensitive” – has anyone ever said that about you? I have books and books on ‘the highly sensitive person’…now I see why I never made it through any of them (lack of focus, no reading comprehension, lack of focus). Do you take a different medicine for anxiety than you do for ADHD? I’ve read that some people have to.

Here’s a another possible facet – I’ve never been able to maintain realistic expectations of people and sometimes it feels like a daily struggle. It leaves me constantly disappointed in others. No matter how hard I’ve worked to improve this about myself, I just can’t seem to get my brain to register – in the same way that I can’t make the decision to do something when I know I need to, such as run errands, do laundry, clean, start/finish a project. Does that make sense? Do you ever feel this way?

Foxtrot: Short-term memory loss started for me a few years ago too. I read an article in Bottom Line that said fish oil helps with memory loss, as well as ‘scatter-brain’. I began taking 2/day then and saw improvements within a couple of weeks. Thankfully the fish oil helps lots of other things too and you don’t have to get a prescription!

The laundry thing is really cracking me up – who knew?! What a relief!

I read in another forum that someone has difficulty with Facebook – does anyone else have difficulties or insecurities about Facebook?

Oy. I just re-read what I’ve written above and it screams “HI! I have ADHD, can you tell? How about now? Now?” – I’m exhausted.

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[Anonymous]

Actually my anxiety aggravates a reaction I get from agressive callers. I seem to react to a tone a voice. I think I got something bad anchored to that. The severe anxiety was diagnosed with my ADD by a neurophychologist. It seems relevant to it. My family doctor and my actual neurologist both don’t really believe in the anxiety diagnosis. So I’m not treated for it.

The coach helped me in the sense that she gave me a clue as to what was triggering the attacks. And she gave me tricks to focus myself on something other than the caller’s anger. And tricks to get the caller to calm down, feel understood. She made me realise that the tone of voice is key in avoiding an escalade in agressivity. As of now, it’s working I think. Although, I haven’t had a real agressive caller in a while (or I have and it’s really working ’cause I calm them before they get really furious?!).

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[Anonymous]

I am a woman of middle age who never suspected I might have ADD until recently. Over the last 15 years I was diagnosed first with depression, then with anxiety. I was on SSRIs for years but have not been on anything for about the last 5 years. I thought I was doing pretty well until I went through menopause. Now the brain fog is so dense I’m having difficulties at work. I am a nurse and I’ve found myself making mistakes I never would have made a few years ago. In considering whether I might have ADD I realized that my inattentiveness was present even in childhood, but having a high IQ and a relatively good memory saved my butt over and over. Now the memory is shot. I, too, have seen information about fish oil for memory loss. But being the overly analytical perfectionist that I am, I have to research the best value for the money, considering the quality of the product (I don’t want any of those nasty toxins like mercury!). Any suggestions on a brand?

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[Anonymous]

This is a great thread! Lets see, I’ve seen a couple thingsabout memory issues and brain fog. I think short term memory issues just go with ADD–at least in our family. Brain fog can be exacerbated by allergies–both food and environmental/inhalent. And ladies, anytime your hormones change, your allergies change too. Yilppee. I think someone asked about the allergies. We had had allergy testing done through an allergist and it showed the inhalents, but not the food. The allergy shots we got from them were useless. We went to an ENT who specializes in Environmental Medicine and tested us using intradermal testing–totally different way to do it than the allergist. Now that we’ve gotten the allergens out of our systems–especially the food, our ADD is easier to deal with and we don’t have the brain fog and as much anxiety/depression. Amazing stuff!

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[Anonymous]

For the fish oil information; I heard a while ago that omega 3 supplement (capsules) made from fishes are effectively very good for ADD. Especially from anchovy oil. The same source told me that in fact, Ritalin is based on anchovy oil.

fidgit4 – I got a few allergies… dust, cats, pollen. Milk products and nuts also affect me. I didn’t know it could affect the fog. And the hormones affecting the allergies… I’ll certainly look for more info on the subject. Thanks!

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[Anonymous]

mnbkwrm: Wow – I’d not heard/thought about the mercury being in Fish Oil supplements – good to know! The brand I have is Nature Made…but only b/c the big bottles were buy 1 get 1 free at the pharmacy

If short-term memory loss gets worse with menopause, I’ll have NO memory left! EEP!!

Having just been diagnosed a week ago, I go back to the Dr tomorrow to see what the next steps may be. I’m thinking he’ll determine which medicine is best. It’s a little frightening. Actually it’s a lot frightening. NO matter, I’m ready to get this show on the road!! Funny as it may sound, the past week has been the best week of my life thus far. It’s wonderful to finally have an understanding for what’s been going on upstairs all these years. It’s even more wonderful to know that I’m not alone

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[Anonymous]

Wow, this is truly amazing. Thank you all very much for having this conversation.

Is it a common trait, do you think, for someone with ADD to have a problem with others being aggressive or even just a little displeased? I haven’t been diagnosed yet,but I think that I have ADD, I think primarily inattentive but I also display a little impulsiveness and impatience. Anyway, I’m really sensitive to hostility and/or tension in people’s voices. Actually I’m just sensitive to other people’s emotions. but anger/hostility is a point of real sensitivity. I have a problem with speaking up for myself and/or being assertive, though I’ve been working on it, but people used to/well pretty much still do, walk all over me and I would “freeze” mentally.

I get anxious too.

Thank you again.

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[Anonymous]

From what I’m reading on this website and in books, yes. I know that I’ve read why but I can’t remember at the moment. Lol. I’m very sensitive to hostility and tension. I’m a people pleaser, as are many ADHD Inattentive types. If you’re a pleaser and you feel that someone isn’t pleased, you’re going to feel like you didn’t do your ‘job’. If they act angry about it, then it’s going to make you anxious. Feeling disappointed in yourself for not pleasing + anxious + an angry/aggressive/displeased person does NOT equal a happy ADHD Inattentive type person. At least that’s been my experience Difficulty with being assertive is also part of being ADHD Inattentive type.

Hope this helps!

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[Anonymous]

I was diagnosed with ADHD approximately 1 1/2 ago, in addition to having bi polar disorder which was diagnosed in 2003. I have been taking 30mgs of Vyvanse and it has helped tremendously. When my psychiatrist discussed the possibility of ADHD, I thought “Great, one MORE thing wrong with me. ANOTHER pill I have to take.” there was the added ‘bonus’ that a potential side effect of the Vyvanse is that it could cause increased mania (no picnic, trust me!) but we discussed my symptoms. He started asking me questions and this light came on, of course, I spent the next week OBSESSING over my childhood, my behavior in the past, everything. My life was always lived ‘halfassed’. I knew that I was capable of doing things, but just could never ‘do’ them. I could never articulate it to my friends and family because it sounded like an excuse. I was old enough to know better. I should just pull it together. I was surviving. I had a decent job and a roof over my head, but I am living paycheck to paycheck in a place that isn’t my first choice. I let life make choices for me instead of vice versa. From all appearances, I was more lazy than anything else. Once my doctor diagnosed me, I talked to the people I was closest to about the diagnosis, but it still felt like even though they ‘got’ it, they couldn’t truly get it. It was almost as though the thinking was “Okay, now you know what’s wrong and they gave you a magic pill. It should be cured, right?” The medication has been truly a savior for me, but I was starving for behavior modification. I could focus, okay now what? How do you ‘re-start’ your life as a 34 year old who was recently diagnosed with ADHD? So much to fix, where to start? My doctor asks me questions whenever I see him (every three months), but his role is more to monitor the meds and their effectiveness. I got a compass and a map and was told “Go!” I found myself actually getting depressed because I felt so helpless (so much for the fear of manic episodes. Ha!) This site and the film “ADD and Loving It?!” were the very first resources that I saw that spoke to me, and I finally feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I sat and watched the movie and cried. I told my sister it was like a religious experience. FINALLY someone could tell me all of the things that I didn’t know. I had NO IDEA there were ‘coaches’ for people like me. I now visit this website daily and am taking all of the challenges. I know that I have a long way to go, but for the first time since I got diagnosed, I have hope in addition to answers.

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[Anonymous]

Okay, I’m like a crazy person right now. I was finally able to read through the whole stream and Oh My GOD! Everything you are speaking to I have experienced. I have NEVER been good with confrontation. My sister used to joke that I run away from conflict. Ironic that most of the time I can be pretty outspoken, but HATE when people are angry or upset with me. I am also a receptionist in a medical office and if I have a run in with a patient or another dotor’s office, I fixate on it for hours. My mom always said that I was ‘overly sensitive’ and had to do ‘preambles’ when she was punishing me because I would have complete breakdowns at the slightest scolding! I can say that on the Vyvanse, not only do I keep on my laundry, I am even AHEAD of the game, which is shocking considering there were times when I would have to spend an entire day just catching up on my washing, only because I had run out of my ‘stock’ of underwear and socks. When they started talking about self esteem in “ADD and Loving It?!” I was floored. It makes perfect sense that we would be anxious when talked down to, we’ve probably been talked down to our entire lives, without our even realizing it! I love this site. I feel like I’ve found a tribe!

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[Anonymous]

Hi Steffie101 – Welcome to your tribe !!!

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[Anonymous]

The wondrous comments on being a pleaser, avoiding conflict, fixating for hours on any conflict, and being unassertive (and walked all over) are ASTRONOMICALLY helpful! Can someone briefly name exactly how or why these loathsome and crazy-making problems plug into ADHD? (Of course I want to blame these fully on ADHD rather than myself.)

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