Women w/ ADHD Inattentive Type – anyone out there?

[Anonymous]

So I am not alone in this odd reallity called Earth. I am a overweight 46 year-old mother of 2 girls both ADHD (a nine-year-old and a teenager- fourteen) married to a sweet guy who has ADD as well. Does any one have tips or ideas how to keep sane and not swing from the light fixtures Three of us are on meds.

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[Anonymous]

Wow! Sounds like our house (with me being the overweight motherd=). We don’t bother to avoid swinging on the light fixtures (unless we have non-ADD company :lol:) Seriously, we enjoy our quirkyness. 3 out of the 4 of us are on medication as well. We find it helps to laugh as much as possible–and there is certainly a lot to laugh about at our house! Try to see the funny side of your days and enjoy each other as much as possible!

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[Lindstr7]

Fifty y/o woman here, who as always felt like an “outsider” and that I never fit in anywhere. My eyes lit up when I read about the “laundry” stories. I have a pile downstairs that is growing into mt. vesuvius. I had been thinking about going to the Dr.s to inquire about the possibility that I have ADD, but I kept cancelling the appointments because I felt too much anxiety when the time of the appt. came around! I quit an amazingly great job because I panicked when I was supposed to go to a conference. I was a no show, drove straight to the office, typed out my resignation letter, left it on my seat and went home! WTH, what was wrong with me?? Now, after readingI think I must have ADD. Is there anyone who has improved by taking prescription medications like Ritilan and Concerta? I have seen a homeopathic remedy advertised lately called “Synaptol.” Has anyone tried this product? So happy to read all of your stories. Thanks!

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[anniea]

Hello all, 54 y/o over wt mom of 2 girls. I realized I was ADD when my oldest daughter was getting diagnosed (dx) in grade school. Been on Methlphenydate SR 40 mg . It has helped like crazy. Read about Fish oil in ADDitude and started taking that too, and I think that has some good difference, subtle but there. I have taken an anti depressant since my girls were born, and it helps with the anxiety..and the Ritalin has actually taken it away for hours. Eating protein is very important too, as I can get to carb-ing out and this does nothing for the anxiety or disorganization.

Have always been the square peg in the round hole. this Website has been a godsend. It helps me remember I am not unique or alone. My mind just works differently. I am pretty good at multitasking, and have had several jobs where it was necessary. I think the peri menopause has made this worse tho, as it is more exhausting, and I can’t sustain the energy it takes to do it for 8 hrs. Maybe I never could and just noticed? I don’t mind laundry..as long as I am doing dishes, or vaccuming, it is something to do in-between..you know? I did not like it when I had to pack it up and take it to a laundomat..I still have too many underpants so I don’t have to do it for over a wk..some things just work!!

We have to rmember that ADD manifests differently in women and girls…we “take off” or go somewhere else, hello inattentive!! and had to educate the teachers in my rural community. I have had to educate my bosses too, and some have become believers, so are still skeptic. one of my best bosses was ADHD and very clever…I miss working there, but my direct supervisor was a skeptic, so I don’t work there anymore…

I say congratulations to all who are just learning about why they never fit, AND don’t give up..meds have been sooo helpful!! some didn’t work, but others have made all the difference. Don’t believe everything a MD or Psych tells you, sometimes they are misstaken the first MD I went to thought I was Bi-Polar, meds did nothing for me..so I had to stick to the antidepressants and ritalin..and I changed MDs..and I found couselors have been soo helpful. Every idea is worth a ponder or a try…if it works keep doing it, if it doesn’t..try something else til you or your family notice a difference.. It will happen.

As I have mentioned I live in a rural part of MT, and I am thinking about a coach. I can see where that could be helpful. Or evern another couselor .. just getting to it lately has been a challange.. I would LOVE to have a group to work with..as we are good cheerleaders..

That is all for now, as I am thinking this is getting a little long…onward thru the fog!!!

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[Anonymous]

Wait, you mean I can also blame that laundry Mt. Kilamanjaro in my bedroom on my ADD too? SWEET!

I guess I should still try to bulldoze it down to manageable levels before I have to go buy myself new clothes and bed linens.

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[Lindstr7]

@Brent loll, yep. i do not recommend buying anything new until you get that thing plowed. i found socks I hadn’t worn (or laundered) in about 3 years when I finally reached the foothills of my pile. (they were hARD). urg.

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[g.laiya]

another overweight mom of 2(almost 8, and 4 1/2 yo) here. i’m 47yo – still hard for me to wrap my head around being over 30 lol. son has asd but suspect he and i are both add as well. i’m guilty of the laundry mountains too (and desk mountains and dish mountains)…laundry mostly it gets done when 1 or more of us are out of underwear/socks…and we have lots! the funny thing is i don’t even mind doing laundry, especially on those rare occasions i’m alone – as opposed to just about every other aspect of keeping the home clean and organized. although when i’m “in the mode” , usually fueled by massive amounts of caffeine (starbucks,monster anyone?) i do a pretty incredible job getting stuff done, though it may take all day and night, and only happens if i don’t have the kids with me…..and then i can barely walk because my body hurts so much by the time i’m done. and then i get so frustrated because after all the work i did to find all the pieces to the many games/puzzles/toys and collect all the scattered books and papers and school and art supplies etc and put them away in super organized way so everything is in its place and together with like items and such so they can actually find and play with/use their things…within a day or so it looks like a tornado hit again. and my desk and paperwork….just can’t seem to make a dent…every paper it seems is a distraction…a walk down memory lane or catalyst for thoughts/ideas for future. i’ve had to start and restart my tax preparations over and over and over because i keep misplacing the papers, and i just dread the thought and feel so overwhelmed that the times i actually work on it are spread apart by months and years…which is probably why i always have to keep finding/re-organizing the paperwork over and over……yes, procrastination should have been my middle name. i’m the worst.

a few of the jokes/sayings my mother loved to share about me with me and anyone else within earshot over the years: the first time “dr. marv” (ped) saw me – i was in for my first check up after being adopted – he said i looked healthy/normal but i would need a girdle when i get older (yes, that one was always particularly funny to me…not!), and another was (because i was always late) “you’re going to be late for your own funeral!”, and “you march to the beat of a different drummer”. and my dad used to say “you have 2 speeds: slow and stop.”….which is only partially accurate, as he’s never really seen me when i’m “in the mode” at work or when i was studying for school….which is unfortunately not every day at work or when studying….but that’s for another post

back when i was single and housesitting for about 5 months, and the washer broke where i was living, and the guy who was supposed to come and fix it(son of the owner) couldn’t quite manage to make it by to take a look at it, i wound up going and buying new shirts, pants/skirts and underwear, and doing hand wash, to avoid going to laundymat. it wasn’t a total waste though since i bought things that i continued to wear for years. i don’t have that luxury now – money is way too tight since my work has been pretty erratic and not nearly enough for several months now.

anyway, came to this post when i searched “synaptol” – seeking feedback from anyone who has tried it. although i think i would really benefit from rx med, i’m still breastfeeding(doing the extended bf/child-led weaning thing) so have obvious concerns that i have to do research on; and for my son, he may be candidate for rx med but also have concerns re side effects etc….so….looking for safer alternatives to try – as long as there is reason to believe effective. already started DHA/omega 3, vitamin D, probiotics, a multivitamin, and “attentive child” which has mg,zinc, l-aspartate,DMAE, phosphatidylserine, grape seed extract. i know these things aren’t fast-acting like meds, but figure if i start him on them now, then by august when he starts the new school year he’ll be off to a better start(hopefully). for me, i’m going to do blood/urine/hair tests for myself first to deterime “foundational” supplements/address any underlying issues, and also do more research on meds and breastfeeding. maybe i’ll start ds on synaptol or other homeopathic too in august.

any info/feedback would be appreciated!

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[Scattybird]

g.laiya – thanks for finding this thread. I don’t remember reading it before (of course that doesn’t mean I haven’t!).

I am not sure about supplements – I think we can overdo them sometimes. Too many vitamins etc can sometimes be not overly helpful.

In the past I tried tyrosine – not sure it did much. Fish oil, multivits and minerals (at recommended dose – perhaps B-complex) are good. Those together with regular meals, exercise and getting enough sleep help. The reality for me was I used to forget to take the vits, I never got to sleep at a sensible time and I procrastinated so much I never had time to exercise! – oh, and I’d forget to eat regularly. So…natural remedies in my head consist of trying to lead a healthy life style. But that’s not easy with ADHD.

I am now taking meds and I have to say I wouldn’t go back to the unmedicated days. I am terrified they stop working…got to worry about something I suppose.

I was so relieved to read the experiences of other middle-aged inattentive women. I thought I was the only one with piles of laundry and washing up and paperwork! I can’t count the number of times I have had to buy ’emergency’ underwear and shirts because I have failed to do my washing! It’s such a relief to know I am not alone!

…..And yes I think ADD symptoms get worse at a certain age. All my ADD symptoms are as they have always been if I look back honestly. The new thing is the complete forgetfulness. Before, I would eventually recall what I had forgotten but not now! So I think I can differentiate between ADHD and perimenopause.

I don’t have the responsibilities of those of you with children so I really admire you all!

Meds have helped but I am trying to get work back on track and still can’t cope with house and work. But I can see balance eventually sometime down the line. When I was diagnosed I just wanted answers and had no intention of taking meds. I am glad I tried them and although it takes a while to hit the right dose/drug it’s worth it. They help to get structure back into life. My hope is eventually structure will become habit…but I suspect I am deluding myself!

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[Amy]

Me! Me! ::waves hand in the air!::

I’m ADHD combined type. I get really hyper when I’m enthusiastic or excited about something, but I can also be in the spacey/zoned out camp too.

I was diagnosed in adulthood FWIW. I survived in HS and college (barely) by making good grades by covering it up and taking the easy way, but I struggled with other issues. A lot of friends would joke that “I was SO ADD!” but little did they know they were right!

When I hit the “real world” though, my ADHD problems really came on strong. I had a hard time sitting in a cubicle and I couldn’t stand the 5 jobs I’ve held since staying home to take care of the kids. I did OK in them and never got fired, but I had the regular ADHD type issues and I’d always get dinged on them in performance reviews.

Parenting has been a real struggle as well. I have a 3 1/2 yr old and a 7 yr old, so they demand my constant attention (what little of it I have). I love my children to death, but I am really bad about comparing myself to other moms out there who seem to not struggle as much as I do and feeling guilty about what I do and don’t do with them. My house is a complete wreck and I’m embarrassed to have people over.

Medication has really helped though. I take Focalin XR and regular focalin as a boost in the afternoon and evenings. I also take a fish oil pill 2x daily and a multivitamin. I try to exercise but that is hard with two little ones.

It is nice to hear from other ADHD women and moms!

Amy

http://acatwithadhd.com

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[Scattybird]

Amy – in my book what makes a good mother is not whether the house is a wreck or not, but the love that is shown to the kids. Spending quality time with them is what’s important. S*d the housework. Looking back on my teenage years my mother and I had great fun – it was mostly borne out of ADD-stupidity but we had some laughs. That was more important than whether the house was tidy.

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[Anonymous]

There’s a reason I have 89 pairs of undies. But mine weren’t bought when there was a laundry emergency. Most were bought PRE-laundry emergency so that when there was one I’d be ready.

Dishes – we don’t run out because I now have my mom’s set as well as my everyday set and the good set. Silverware can be a problem

Supplements – I take fish oil – hoping it will help blood pressure too. And a good multi-vitamin and B-complex.

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[g.laiya]

scatty you’re so right that one problem with supplements is remembering to take them consistently! i have the same concern if i go on rx med for this – i’ll have to do a phone alarm system or something i guess. i started a krill oil supplement about a month ago for benefits unrelated to add(wasn’t even on my radar then), but haven’t really noticed any positive changes – maybe too early or too inconsistent? anyway, i do think i would benefit from rx med to help me with add symptoms, but figure supplements can only help, even if just a little.other healthy habits…yes,know they are important/can be beneficial… think it’s just harder for people with our issues. i’ve always pretty much been a nightowl and have had various sleep issues all my life. regular meals? not since grade school. exercise…most of the time seems like i just don’t have the time, but even when i do have time i can’t seem to muster the energy/will. back when i was working regularly and making good money i had planned on buying a treadmill/eliptical for home. sure wish i had because i can at least see doing it while watching tv or surfing the web or just daydreaming….and not worry about needing someone to watch my kids. well, will have to somehow figure out another way. i also have seen a lot of mention of meditation, but i never was able to when i tried in the past. never tried moving meditation though -will have to try that sometime.

i also think add symptoms are worse with hormone changes, and also with stress.

amy, i really understand about feeling guilty about what we do and don’t do as parents.as a parent, and primary caregiver, i know there are areas that are problematic, that i struggle to improve but still come up short. having patience and being prompt…neither are my strong suit…there are others…. i also know there are areas that i shine. i guess our goal should be to maximize our strengths and minimize our weaknesses. my focus is to help my kids be healthy, safe, and happy, to make sure they know they are loved, to teach respect for self and others, ….i could go on and on……and i hope to enjoy/have some fun with them along the way. keeping the place tidy is not high priority…at least not most days. so i , too, don’t like to have people over – at least if i haven’t recently been in cleaning/organizing mode…same goes for my car…it is what it is.

so i’m wondering is being non-confrontational, people-pleaser, mind goes blank/loss of words when faced with strong anger and such part of add inattentive type or is it just coincidence that many also have these qualities? or is it just that it’s more common for women to have these traits?

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[Scattybird]

g.laiya – I bought a cross-trainer with the intention of using it whilst I watched TV. It was good for throwing my coat onto when I got home. Sadly that was all it was used for.

How old are your children? The reason I ask is I spent a Christmas with family recently and my niece has two small girls. They also had a Wi. So we spent a lot of time playing games on it, and the games included the girls. By the time I’d played dancing games, skittles, tennis etc. I had found muscles I didn’t know existed. It was surprisingly good exercise but family fun too…… and that wasn’t even the Wi-fit.

Re meds – I set alarms. If I forget during the day I generally know – I can feel the effects wearing off. I also only have on me the number I’d take in a day. That stops me from taking too many – or if there’s a delay after the alarm has gone off (sometimes at work it’s not easy to pop a pill) then I can count them to see if I took a dose or forgot….! It’s a good idea to have spares though in case!

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[g.laiya]

scatty the wii is a great idea – we actually got wii and accessories handed down to us when my parents downsized into an assisted living facility…..but before had a chance to set it up and try it (admittedly because i procrastinated) they needed the wii back to use to get access to netflix. we still have the accessories so guess i can just get a new wii…depending on how much it is. it would be good fun for me and the kids to do together. son is almost 8 yo and daughter is 4 1/2 yo- i think it would be ok

and the reality is i don’t have money for one of the larger cardio machines, and it would be challenging finding space for it too. will have to look into that.

i might consider getting one of those pill organizers with built in alarms too….

ttfn!

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[anniea]

Hello all,

glad to revisit this topic. My mom had a GREAT saying… MY HOME IS CLEAN ENOUGH TO BE HEALTHY AND DIRTY ENOUGH TO BE HAPPY.

I grew up with clutter, papers, stuff in the basement, you know.. (Dad was ADHD probably)… my mom was his secretarty/coach…. We always had fun with my parents, camping, and they supported anything we wanted to try.. me and my sisters more artsy/fartsy and my brother more athletic.. My Dad managed to write, submit and defend his thesis for his Masters in Education. He had to work at focusing, but he did it. When I realized everything they did.. I was/am truely in awe of them.

So when I had my girls, I have clutter, but no filth (there is a difference). I figure the dust is protecting the surfaces of the furniture. I have been working on the clutter, and it gets better, for a while.. I try to be gentle with myself, as I am only one person.. we always have a box in the dining room for give away. This is for everyone to contribute to… we take it in every couple of months sometimes more often.. depends on if the tidy bug has hit.

MED BOXs I RESISTED for years… I am a nurse, and I set them up for mentally ill clients… and I am NOT mentally ill… until my gimpy friend told me she had one and to quit whining and just do it… shoot… it works.. I hate when she is right.. I wasn’t even 50 at the time. Now I can tell how I have been with taking the supplements and ritalin and anti depressants very importnant.. and how many times in the week I missed them, which helped me see when I missed more than I took how my weeks went.. I am a hard sell really.

KIDS are only little for such a short time, so buy more underpants, and when they are old enough to do their laundry I was off the hook for their cloths. and they can do towels and sheets… The house can wait… fun with the kids is important.. as long as there aren’t vermine, and bugs cohabitating in the house… ( I personally will not tolerate that).

I ate better after I had the girls I ate more regularly and a balanced diet and everything.. it helped like crazy.. but now I am back to meat and potatoes… and cereal for dinner sometimes.. PROTEIN really helps like crazy for focus.. hey eating regularly is the first step..

CHANGES HAPPEN BUT not all at once, and NOT OVER NIGHT… two steps forward, one step back.. breath.. eat, sleep, there is always tomorrow to do different.. gently, one day at a time please.. A SANE MOTHER is a good thing…

Just what I am thinking today anyway.

Thanks for

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