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Debbie,

Bless your heart! I truly know what you are experiencing in this angst with your long time employer! Sigh. When I read your post, I wanted to reply immediately but knew I needed to sleep on it…IF I remembered you the next day, then I would reply with a fresh mind. Next day: Oh, that lady!! I MUST write her! Having my 2nd cup of coffee warmed, having taken my meds, then found the coffee I lost, I am ready to offer a serious consideration for you in the next few days and months. I just turned 56, am ADHD w/Innattentive Presentation…diagnosed ADHD only 4 years ago.

No doubt a lot more has transpired in the almost couple weeks since you’ve posted! Honestly I can only offer a good news/bad news scenario…praying my experience does NOT discourage. I 150 percent know why you feel the shock of their reprimand. Your coworkers’ advice came because they love you! Not only that, but they like and most likely admire you. People who have worked together as many years as y’all have become family. So consider that to fight the write-up and feelings of injustice is up to your stamina, time to invest in the fight and then your future there with this specific employer. Please know that I encourage you to challenge them ONLY IF you have that kind of strength. I did fight and don’t! For me, NONE of the fight/challenge was worth it in the end!

You may not have the stamina either but possibly, like me, didn’t know that you didn’t so here’s what I encourage you to REALLY do this year. Look 5-15 years ahead. You are young, and 15 years in a new gig or even 2 more new gigs is PLENTY to continue with those retirement savings. Say you have 15 years more to work. As your cool, more mature, wise woman self, maybe kids are older?, coming upon empty nest? …you are/have already/or will be entering a liberating AND most challenging period of life—-ugghh, hard to even say it, that ole “M” word—-cough, choke…menopause! I have had NON-ADHD women say that menopause is a bear. Couple it with ADHD, and it’s now on steroids…again, though liberating! There were times when my road rage (in control now) chasing some punk could have taken me to jail, or worse, got the poor thing or me killed! Why in the heck would I bring menopause up? Because, my dear, not too many of us ADHDers stay with one employer as long as you! …and YOU are to be admired! Consider though that after this write-up, your angst will only double, then TRIPLE….is it time to move on? No, NOT with the anger that you were corrected after decades of dedication and awesome work and REALLY? a write-up after only one day?! But is it time to move on for YOU, the skills you offer and a change? You deserve a change! “But my retirement fund, my peeps…” whatever, it will work out should you decide to move forward, and this way, you can focus on an upbeat, positive outlook instead of their nonsense. You stay? My experience is that their (the employer) challenges, coupled with your life changes are going to exasperate, accelerate, make you cry, keep you up at night, drive your friends and family nuts because we tend to obsess…only to be sleep deprived, working as hard as EVER and wham—-WHAT? they upgrade your write-up into a probation!!!??? Bottom line, to them, it is business. No time for your ADHD despite your years of dedication! I don’t recommend telling them about your ADHD. MAYBE even take my recommendation a step further and CHANGE your career altogether?? Go further in time…change it 2 or 3 more times this next 15 years! The ADHD brain is boosted learning new skills and developing even more coworkers. Trust me, the money you are making now and the “security” a long time employer provides is NOT worth it! It isn’t! Consider a complete change, girl! Talk to family, doctor, friends but it is time to move on, my friend! Best wishes for your success!

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DeeDorian: Feel free to correct me if I am wrong. An accountability buddy would be someone that she can check in with to share that she accomplished a goal. For example, she says “I have got to start walking to get some exercise!! I’m going to 3 times this week.” Then when the week is over, she would report “I did it!” Accountability buddy would say “yay, hoorah, you rock!” or if she did less walking “that is good, but I think you could and will meet your goal next week!” only positive encouragement.

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