[helpwithboyfriend]

Larynxa & kc5jck ,

I appreciate your feedback, Yes 6 years is a long time .  In the process of dealing /living with him and having a highly demanding job I got job burnout, and developed anxiety. The reason it will take me a while to move on is I put all the investments and money I had for retirement into getting us a new house in the country. I need financial time. I am learning what is setting off my anxiety at home and other and learning the techniques to deal with it. Plus, learning about what he has.

We had a big melt down, over how to defrost ice that was in two buckets that were left outside. It was then that I decided to take my engagement ring off .  I Just had enough. But I am so proud of myself for standing up for myself in the process. Normally, I would internalize the anger and frustration just to keep the peace.(very damaging).

Since the ring is off he has been different, and actually is trying to learn about Adhd and is going to go back on medication ( has been off for at least 10 months) he was taking vyvanse.

I believe he also has ODD Oppositional Defiance Disorder, which besides the clutter , ignorant words, and controlling behavior adds a whole other extremely difficult level.

There was a time that I thought we had the world by the ass and there was nothing we couldn’t do , but I know now that I am still capable but need a different lifestyle than one that leaves me exhausted, used up and mistreated.

Imagine ADHD and ODD in a child.

Now imagine, lack of education,lack of a good nurturing home.

In fact, imagine a child hood of abuse and partying from alcoholic family members and seeing your mom getting beaten. Sexual abuse of this child by an uncle at a age 3-5.

Now imagine, that child is a man and 50. In his second relationship. had no idea for 48 years he had ADHD, and works in a course/ cowboy type environment for most of those years.

How does he get a loving nurturing life with a woman, when he has no clue what that is. I have been banging my head up against the brick wall for so long that I think it’s now flat on one side. lol!!

Here is the bright side, I know more about myself and how strong I really am. I believe I have influenced him for the better and have helped him see that there is a better way to live , even if it has been in small glimpses. I know that god will see each of us through this whether it be together or apart.

I love the videos, and we are going to see Dr Chokka at the ADHD centre again, yaha!

I know he needs more than what I can do or give…. this is why its time for me now.

thanks again!! for listening . xo

 

 

 

 

 

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[helpwithboyfriend]

First time here …so here I go .

I can totally relate, My newly diagnosed boyfriend for which I have been involved for 6 yrs is similar but not the same.

We both left our other relationships to be together , for me it was the end a relationship that simply grew apart. I am not add and my ex-spouse is not add. For him, it was the advancement of a better life and the break from a relationship that grew cold and loveless.

I have seen and feel some of the things you have been through. I entered into this relationship with the Idea of giving 110 percent and 110 I gave .  To my dismay and refusal to believe that my new partner could use and break my heart a million times.

I know now – his impulsiveness is with the drama of chasing other women, the getting away with the lying , the manipulation and control of me.

I went threw a lot and did not know what I was dealing with but now I see and understand things that have made life for me clearer. I will help him as much as I can with his /adhd but have made a clear decision that my life will be better if I move on.  It will take me a couple of years to prepare but my life will be better and less stressful. It is a horrible place to be when you pour your heart and soul into a relationship that just drains you emotionally.

I wanted so badly for it to work out that I twisted myself into knots trying to satisfy his selfishness, putting him above myself and telling myself that ” if I love him enough he will see”, ” If i’m kind,loving nurturing enough he will treat me better” . Not the case….. :(!

your not alone….. , im not alone ….it just unfortunate.

tks for listing…. xo all.

 

 

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