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Perhaps this may sound nuts to read; it’s fit and natural to question your faith.
I’m Anglo-Catholic; “twice the incense, half the guilt”, someone once quipped. Two mass lituriges used are from the Book of Common Prayer, and the Book of Alternative Services. No Latin.
But I get it. The liturgical dance can become a snorefest if not done right. From lack of uniformity when raising the host or genuflecting, to very unstimulating homilies. It’s very arduous to focus on what’s being said, even be it a lesson or gospel reading. This sense of shame (nee guilt) and low self-opinion have been with me for as long as I can remember, though not one single incident can be cited which would have caused these false perceptions. A kick-ass coach advised on how one can become aware of these perceptions (not feelings), through mindfulness meditation.
This past Sunday in the church calendar was Holy Cross. Now, dare I imbue guilt by saying that God as described in the Gospel, sacrificed His son to save the world. But that wasn’t quite the focus of the service. I canted Psalm 42, verse 6: “Why art thou so full of heaviness, O my soul? And why art thou so disquieted within me?” Yeah, it was tough to keep it together through the next and final verse before canting the Gloria. “Oh put thy trust in God…”. One of the intercessions was an ask to turn shame into thankfulness and praise. Yeah, I somewhat lost my shit there, too. Noticed at the end that I wasn’t the only one wrestling with a demon.
I’m reading articles about this: Jesus said to go into your “inner room and shut your door” in secret to pray to the Father. In other words, “shut up”, i.e., “meditate”. Headspace.com offers decent and free audio files for mindfulness meditation. “Put your trust in God” – Well, obvioiusly. Morever, put your trust in yourself; the only difference between you and the priest is a ring around the collar.
Keep Going.

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