[richardab]

I was once like that, Shutterbug, in fact I was like that most of my Master’s program last year, and it resulted in very few true friends.  And also, I hated that I wasn’t letting myself be myself.  So, I have a feeling that what the others have said is correct.  We should try to censor ourselves if we think that something might offend someone, but it if it something rather silly and won’t reflect badly, just go ahead and say it.  It is good to be good humored and funny.

 

 

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[richardab]

Perhaps what irks me the most about the article is that if the author were to substitute “cures” with “treats”, there would be no argument at all.  There would be nothing to argue.  Both a healthy diet and regular exercise have been proven to treat ADHD.  A significant run has been estimated to be the equivalent of 2 hours worth of medication.  And a healthy diet is beneficial as it provides more fuel for our bodies and brains, so that our brain can work more efficiently and effectively.  Oh well, I guess we all have to deal.

 

 

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[richardab]

Back to the point.

How do you know when she wants to do the deed?  This is for guys who really find it very hard to figure this out.  Well, look at her.  Her pupils will probably be dilated, she will be smiling a lot more than usual, and she will have that special smile that women only use when they have these thoughts in mind.  She will be very touchy: more than usual.  She will probably be taking glances at your crotch or your butt.  She will try to entice you by giving you really good views of her body.  Women generally have a really strong awareness of their body.  If you have an amazing view of something, she is more than likely doing that on purpose.  She will be extra flirty with you.  All of these are signs that she is interested.

Most importantly, think about where you are in the relationship.  These are signs of desire, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything specific is going to happen.  Women will usually give you little verbal hints to let you know that they are ready for that stage of the relationship, but they won’t communicate to you verbally for it to actually happen.  That is up to you to figure out.

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[richardab]

There might be some men out there who really are clueless when it comes to #8.  How do you read her signals?  How do you tell the difference between flirting, and when she is in the mood?  How long should you wait before you begin to have sexual relations?

The first mistake that men often make when they first start dating is they confuse flirtation with sexual interest.  This is a very easy mistake, because it utilizes the same part of the brain.  The first thing you need to understand is that two parts of the brain are being used here: the part of the brain that is in charge of sexual desire and a different part of the brain that is in charge of rationality.  Her cues are going to look very similar, perhaps identical when you first meet her and she is flirting with you and when she wants to have sex.  Again, this is because that sexual desire part of the brain is being used, but that doesn’t mean she wants to have sex.  It means she is attracted to you.  She has checked you out, and if she is perfectly honest with herself, yes she has looked there.  But this is all instinctual.  DO NOT make the mistake of thinking that this makes her easy.  You checked her out too!  And yes, you did look at those places.

The difference is largely to do with that rational part of the brain.  That rational part keeps us in check.  It is the difference between us and other animals.  It says, yes, I am finding this person very attractive.  I like looking at them.  And yes, I have had fantasies, but I am not ready yet to follow through.  I need to get to know them better.

Understanding this is very important to getting that first date, and then getting subsequent dates.

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[richardab]

Which leads to another point.

Rule #9.  Talk to her about your friendships with other women.

Your partner cares about you and has a lot of strong feelings for you, so she will have worries about you being with other women.  Why?  You have to think about it from her point of view.  To her, you are a desirable person.  That is why she is with you, because she has desire for you.  She sees you as intelligent, charming, handsome, attractive, funny, fun to be with.  The result of this is that she is going to assume, understandably, that she isn’t going to be the only woman in the world to be attracted to you.  That is why she constantly asks you about your female friends.  It doesn’t necessarily have to do with what you have or haven’t done with them, although, obviously if you have done something she doesn’t approve of it will make it worse.  But you could be completely innocent and loyal, and she will still have some worries.   Again, because she assumes that she is not the only person in the world who can be attracted to you.

What can you do about this to prevent both of you from going insane?  The first thing you can do is be completely honest with her about your friendships with women.  Don’t leave anything out.  The next thing you can do is take her feelings into account if you interact with any of your female friends regularly.  Your not going to want to take any of your female friends to dinner, or to a dance.  Limit your interactions to getting coffee.  Try to plan so that your interactions with friends happen in groups.  This will help your partner relax.  And finally, use your best judgement and follow your values.  Don’t cheat.  If you follow the rules and do not trespass on her feelings than she will be much more willing to allow you freedom to make your own decisions.

 

 

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[richardab]

I would also like to point out that most of these rules apply to any relationship a man has with a woman: whether this woman is a friend, a family member, your girlfriend, your wife, your mother, your boss.   Obviously there will be no sexual activity involved unless it is a romantic relationship, but the rest of these tips will result in better friendships with women as well.

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[richardab]

Thank you very much for your comment, Larynxa.  Yes, indeed, all of these rules are things that both partners need to follow, and, of course I am aware of this.  My choice of pronouns is simply to keep it simple.  These are things that, based on my own humble understanding, women care a lot about.  I will add more when I have the time.  Thanks again!  🙂

Rich

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