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“It is hard and we certainly fail more often than we succeed. The important thing is to keep trying no matter what,” says the Librarian. She is right.
Since this is a Canadian website, allow me to quote the Algerian-born French writer Albert Camus:
“La lutte elle-même vers les sommets suffit à remplir un cœur d’homme; il faut imaginer Sisyphe heureux.” [= The struggle itself towards the summits suffices to fill a person’s heart; it is necessary to imagine Sisyphus happy. (In Homer, the gods condemned Sisyphus eternally to roll a boulder to the top of a mountain in the Underworld, only to watch it roll back down every time. The gods of antiquity evidently believed there was no more brutal punishment than relentless, futile labor.)] ADHD is a boulder we constantly try to push up the mountain. You either keep pushing, or it rolls back and crushes you. Maybe one day there’ll be a cure. For now, we try this, we try that. Sometimes we have some successes. But mostly we just keep pushing. And we try to avoid total nihilism—we “try to imagine Sisyphus happy.”
You’ll get suggestions here and elsewhere on the sight that might make life a little easier. Good luck.
REPORT ABUSEL-C–You’re going to have an anger issue here if you’re not careful
. You need to start another string—”Dealing With Frustration!”BTW: I LOVE your comment on meditation. Teaching a severe ADDer to meditate without pumping him/her full of some drug would seem to be akin to teaching a fish to play the tuba. Maybe it’s possible, but…
REPORT ABUSEL_C– I want to thank you for pointing me in the direction of Russell Barkley. He rings true, and he certainly speaks to my condition and experience.
But there is so much static out there, it’s often hard to know what to think about ADD. To make matters worse, everybody has “an expert” they can quote to defend their own point of view. (e.g., the psychiatrist who posted the other day, claiming ADD/ADHD had been a great asset to his career. Then you have Dr. Barkley over on Youtube categorically asserting that all credible research proves ADHD does NOTHING, EVER, to make you more successful. Period. Au contraire…)
In fact, how many times do you read an article about anything controversial and see “recent research suggests/proves” in the first paragraph? It has become the bunker-buster of thoughtful discussion and debate: “I have a scientific study on my side, so you’re wrong and I’m right. Not only that, but you’re a moron!” The problem, as NYT columnist David Freedman has pointed out, is most (medical) research findings wind up being debunked within three years. So what are we to believe? What’s the truth? Sometimes I feel like all the time I spend reading about ADD—and other things, as well—is just a massive waste of time, and that I’d be better served continuing to bump into walls and trying to wade through, say, Plutarch’s “Parallel Lives”—if I could ever finish it.
REPORT ABUSEAlrighty—a mental-health clinician adding some voltage to the conversation!
The theory that ADD is a disorder of the Industrial Revolution is not new. Many have argued that human beings are not neurologically hardwired for a sedentary lifestyle. Indeed, a vigorous exercise regime seems to mitigate the symptoms in many sufferers, ¿no?
Too, I’ve heard it said that many people with extremely high IQs often present ADD symptoms—the ditzy professor syndrome. Happily, IQ often trumps the other issues.
I have the disorder, and I also managed to have a career that conferred considerable “intellectual, financial, and prestige advantages.” Still, the damage to other aspects of my life has been devastating. I don’t think I’m alone. Then there are the countless others who make Willy Loman look like Donald Trump, the ones who never make it out of the gate. I’m glad you think your ADD gave you a leg up. Congratulations on finding your vocation.
As a psychiatrist and therefore official “smart person,” you might find James Trilling’s American Scholar article about his family and ADD illuminating (Trilling is the son of famous New York critic Lionel Trilling). I’ve cited it before: http://www.highbeam.com/doc/1G1-54756983.html
REPORT ABUSEKT— I wouldn’t pretend to know why, but compulsive lying is fairly common among ADD sufferers. And I’m talking about lying for the sake of lying, not just to cover one’s butt (though there’s certainly plenty of that, too). I could offer theories, but they’d only be guesses. Suffice it to say, ADDers are prone to all sorts of compulsive behaviors, including gambling, shoplifting, and… lying.
I suspect this phenomenon makes it even harder for therapists to work with ADDers since patients often refuse to come clean about all their issues. And it can make it almost impossible for those ADDers to establish relationships—their partners quickly learn they can’t trust them to be honest about money, about fidelity, about anything. Alas, where there is no trust, there ain’t much.
As you say, you “hate” the lying. I don’t doubt that for a second. You just can’t help it. I’ll certainly give you credit for admitting something that many ADDers won’t.
REPORT ABUSEZsaZsa–That’s all interesting stuff. Synchronicity.
I’ve never taught in a classroom, but I have kids. So I think about these things. How do we teach our youngsters to think, to innovate, to connect dots? German educator Kurt Hahn, best known in the US and Canada as the founder of Outward Bound, once admonished educators not to “indoctrinate” their pupils. “Indoctrination is the work of the devil,” he said. I suspect his concern was that students need to experience and observe the world around them and be encouraged to draw their OWN conclusions. Of course, as you say, that doesn’t mean we need to jettison the memorization essential to mastering history, physics, world literature, math and the like. True originality emerges from the way we respond to what has come before us. Intellectually, we all stand on the shoulders of others. But we must all be critics—of the past and present. To accomplish that, it seems to me we need to do (at least) two things: we somehow must find a way to teach our children to THINK MORE CRITICALLY. Then we need to instill in them the courage to take ownership of their own ideas, ideas that others may find risible, while remaining open to other possibilities.
So, out of curiosity, how does an ADD teacher, for whom creative thinking would come naturally, teach kids who are not ADD—and thus (generally) not as naturally disposed to connect dots in interesting ways— to think the way she does?
REPORT ABUSEA couple of comments on the reading issue:
1) Somebody needs to publish/produce audio versions of textbooks. Kids with reading disabilities—whatever the cause—can really benefit from being able to listen to a text while they try to read it, particularly now that technology allows listeners to vary the speed of a recording without changing pitch. It also helps keep minds from wandering.
2) I was told recently (by an academic) that some current research suggests we somehow are able to recall considerably more information from a printed page than from a digital one. Interesting—and curious—if indeed true. If this is not just some unfounded rumor (and my source is second-hand), gleaning information online or on e-readers may be even MORE of a challenge for kids who have problems with reading comprehension and recall.
REPORT ABUSEJune 1, 2011 at 3:43 pm in reply to: Worried that stimulants will exacerbate my anxiety, but desperate for relief #104493SG, you should change your handle to “Poster Boy.”
The problem with ADD is there’s rarely a quick fix. It’s not like acid reflux. What’s more, if you see five clinicians, they’re likely to suggest five different strategies. In the mean time, you watch your life fall apart.
As for the stimulants—why not give ’em a shot? If they cause an uncomfortable uptick in anxiety, throw them out. Or see if there is something else you can take that will bring it (the anxiety) back under control. The real danger for many on stimulants is skyrocketing blood pressure and the associated consequences. But you’re 27. Certainly check with a doc, but you’re likely safe on that score.
Alas, here’s the kicker: ADD/ ADHD is a disorder of the will, a neurological obduracy; there is a disconnect between what we want to do/accomplish and our ability to convert our intentions into action. Some inscrutable, sometimes sinister, force is at the controls. A forum offering advice for ADDers is almost oxymoronic, because we often can’t muster the will to take advantage of it. People tell us to change our diet. But we can’t. Exercise! But we can’t. Employ certain mitigating strategies. But we can’t. Make lists. But we can’t. Do this; do that. But… we just can’t. At least, not for more than a week or two. So, unable to change our lifestyles or habits, we despair. And we hope for a pill, any pill, that will help give us our lives back.
Good luck.
REPORT ABUSEI’ve said all I can say on this subject. Others can continue to add their own perspectives. But I would add one final thought:
Many, MANY people who post to this sight have written about the “ah-ha” moment when they realized they had a neurological “issue”— a point in time when the puzzle pieces started to fall into place. As we began to understand that many of our problems had neurological roots, we wanted others in our lives to understand that, too—”We don’t WANT to be compulsive or impulsive or short-tempered or inattentive or scattered, we just are. We’re hard-wired that way.”
Still, be that as it may, we all have to take ownership of whatever we are and strive daily to make the best of it. It’s not enough to expect others to understand our plight and always adjust their expectations to accommodate us. We have to work to to make adjustments, too. Adjustments at home. Adjustments at work. Adjustments everywhere. As members of communities large, small, and intimate, we also must try to understand and respond to the needs and feelings of others, as well as strive to meet our legitimate obligations.
I will always be an advocate for people who suffer from ADD/ADHD. But I think I also have a moral obligation to show compassion (and concern) for those others who have to deal constantly with our numerous, sometimes serious shortcomings. That compassion can manifest itself in many different ways. People we love and who love and care about us deserve nothing less—along, of course, with our deepest, eternal gratitude.
Further, this forum member saith not…
REPORT ABUSEMay God bless people who find themselves in marriages to people who repeatedly cheat; lie, squander money; can’t control their anger; repeatedly take unnecessary, dangerous risks; etc., etc., etc.—whatever the reason.
(It’s funny. As I write this, I just heard a piece on TV about unfaithful spouses. A psychologist who specializes in marriage said one characteristic many unfaithful spouses share is a compulsion for thrill seeking. Now isn’t that interesting.)
But I now understand this is not a forum for this kind of discussion, because we all have different notions of what ADD really means. For some it’s a “blessing.” For others it’s just a nuisance. For many it’s controllable with medications and therapy. For those people, the original post would make no sense. It would seem “completely off the reservation.”
I draw no lines. They aren’t mine to draw. I am no expert on the the great mystery of grace. Still, for those of us who have debilitating symptoms of ADD/ADHD and cannot afford or tolerate the medications, I still maintain marriage is an option that should be approached with great caution. After all, we all want to be be a blessing to those we love, not some sort of curse. And while no one can see what unanticipated perils the future may hold, I would always argue that none of us should make any promises s/he knows s/he can’t keep. If that’s an antiquated notion, so be it.
REPORT ABUSEWant some insights into medical research? Read this: http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1998644,00.html
REPORT ABUSEI am not an academic, so I have no advice to offer. But, let me congratulate you on the successful conclusion of your graduate studies. Most ADDers never would have been able to tackle all the reading necessary to pass the comps—even with special accommodation—much less finish a dissertation. Those are both remarkable achievements for anybody with ADHD.
REPORT ABUSEFor what it’s worth, I found this nugget on the website of ADDitude magazine:
(°First, I should define an abbreviation: For people living outside the U.S., the “ADA” is “The Americans with Disabilities Act,” passed by Congress and signed into law in 1990 by the first President Bush. Among other things, it prohibits discrimination based on certain disabilities.)
“—I take medications for my ADHD. Do I still qualify for accommodations on the job?
—The U.S. Supreme Court ruled in Sutton v. United Airlines, Inc., and again in Murphy v. United Parcel Service, Inc., that if a person has little or no difficulty performing any major life activity because s/he uses a mitigating measure, then that person will not meet the ADA’s first definition of “disability.” In other words, if you are vision impaired but can correct that impairment by wearing glasses, then you are not considered disabled. Likewise, if ADHD is successfully managed with medication, then it might be difficult to claim ADD as an impairment.”
So here we have a precedent.
What might this mean in an Ohio courtroom in this case? Since you have been diagnosed and are seeing a qualified clinician, it could come down to whether you are on any mitigating medications. And if not, why not? If you are, you could argue, perhaps convincingly, they don’t work very well. If you aren’t, well, you’d have to have a good excuse: inability to pay for them, serious side effects, etc.
But, but, but—ADD/ADHD might allow you to mount another interesting defense (if you’re brazen enough to try it): If forgetfulness is the main issue, I wonder whether you could argue you don’t take your meds regularly because… you keep forgetting!!?? And get away with it?
*Caveat: I am not an attorney licensed to practice law in the State of Ohio and so nothing I say should be construed to be legal advice. In fact, you probably should forget you even read this post.
REPORT ABUSEWell, questions about the law are tough on an international forum. Laws vary by country, province or state. I have NO IDEA how courts deal with such things in Canada…or California for that matter. Too, I’m not a lawyer/solicitor. So what do I know? But your question begs another: is ADD/ADHD viewed as a “legal disability” in Canada or any American state? If it is, you might try to use it as a defense.
Even if you’re not allowed some sort of statutory protection, you might walk in armed with scholarly research that addresses your particular issue. Ya never know—some judge might give you a break. Weird things happen in courtrooms.
REPORT ABUSE“ADD/ADHD is not a severe mental handicap.”
Really? Then what YOU have and what I have are not the same thing. What I have is a debilitating neurological disorder. There’s nothing “wonderful” about it.
It has been suggested before by some members of this forum that perhaps we need two bulletin boards: one for people who have a hard time finding their keys and reading a book, and another for people whose lives have been turned upside down since childhood by an insidious disorder.
It’s clear that many forum members are talking about apples and oranges. That makes conversation difficult.
But Cakat01, you do bring up an interesting point:
It is true that many ADDers have made enormous contributions to the arts. Many of those artists also have led tormented lives. Vincent van Gogh reportedly cut off his ear so he’d stop hearing voices. I don’t know that VVG had ADD. Even if he did, I think it’s certain he also suffered from something else even more sinister. But was his fabulous art worth his personal hell? I don’t know. (It should be noted that many people without ADD/ADHD are also amazingly creative.)
But let me be clear. Perfectly clear. I’m not talking about creating a world that is “ADDfrei.” My point is simply this: If one has a severe neurological disorder that, for whatever reason, is difficult to mitigate, a disorder that stands in the way of having a true, loving partnership, then PERHAPS one should consider refraining from making covenants one can’t keep (unless your significant other is fully aware of your handicap and doesn’t care.) Some, above, have called that Naziism. I call it an act of charity. In any event, I’m not talking about everybody with ADD/ADHD—just a subset. And you know who you are.
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