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I understand that it takes decades, if not centuries, to arrive at “settled science.” I understand that we’re just beginning to plumb the mysteries of the brain, of the human personality. I suspect that what, today, we call ADD is likely in the future to be understood as a more complex congeries of various disorders, each with its own name or moniker.

Still, I find it disturbing is that “an expert” would suggest that attention deficit, which millions of us have to contend with, is nothing more than a figment of our overactive imaginations. That’s what the doctor seems to imply, above. If he’s right, we all need to go back to the drawing board and figure out what lies at the vortex of our inability to control our attention spans, our debilitating impulsive and compulsive behaviors. Cheeseburgers? Scented soap?

Moreover, it astonishes me that Dr. Hallowell lacks the perspicacity to understand that “successful” means a lot more than career “success.” Heck, I invented a product and started a business that made millions of dollars. I’ve been written up in the New York Times; in Entrepreneur magazine. So what? I’d trade it in a second for a serene neurology that would have allowed me to be a better father, a better husband, a better friend, a better employer or employee, a better everything. ADD is not just about personal success (though it certainly is about that, too), it’s about our ability—or inability—to connect with others, to give others the everyday support THEY need. When we talk about ADD sufferers, we’re not just talking about those of us who have it. We’re also talking about those poor folks who have to put up with us.

Lindstr, I’m glad Ritalin is giving you some relief. I can’t seem to tolerate any of the meds. And though it may be an ADD overreaction, I’ll admit I also have a hard time with people who want to call the plague a bad cold.

BTW, speaking of hope, someone once said that Gratitude is love projected into the past; Charity is love projected into the present; and Hope is love projected into the future. We all must hope. We just have to, whether we feel like it or not.

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[Wgreen]

Oh Lord. What a mess.

I’m afraid nobody on this site can help you. We don’t know you. We don’t know your wife. We don’t know your history. We don’t know whether ADD lies at the root of your problem, or something else.

What is undeniably true is that many ADD people put terrible strains on their relationships. We are compulsive, we have tempers, we can be terribly narcissistic. And we don’t see the awful pain we cause those we care about… and who care about us..

Someone once said a marriage doesn’t start when you say “I do.” It starts one day when you wake up and ask yourself what the H*** have I gotten myself into? Alas, that sort of thinking doesn’t resonate with many people these days. When the emotion lies shattered on the floor and what “will” there was has dissipated, there’s not much to be done. Unfortunately, the modern world has become ambivalent about marriage. Divorce is so commonplace, its hard to find support, even among friends. You certainly can’t beg for love. It has to be given freely. And it must always be cherished and nurtured as the great gift is it.

What’s done is done. What will happen in the future is uncertain. Healing, if healing is possible, will take time and patience.

I hope both of you find the grace to work something out. But certainly, whatever happens, get help.

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Here it is in a nutshell: the debate that rages among ADD sufferers. Some see the disorder—or the creativity and mental agility that often flow from it— as an amazing “gift.” And in some ways it is. Some ADDers have helped change the world. But others point out that the Trojan Horse was a gift. They see the inability to translate that mental agility into action because of procrastination, daydreaming, and lack of focus as more of a debilitating curse.

Perhaps we also should ask all the people who live and work with ADDers what they think. My sense from several posts on this site is that many people who have the disorder are largely oblivious to—or in denial about—the relentless pain and frustration they cause their spouses, parents, kids, and others who care about them. That should be factored into the equation, too, ¿no?

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From “The Creativity Crisis,” a July 2010 article in Newsweek: “A recent IBM poll of 1,500 CEOs identified creativity as the No. 1 ‘leadership competency’ of the future.”

Really?

Now, if these CEOs are serious, people with ADD should be at a premium, assuming of course they can remember to show up at meetings, control their tempers, give others a chance to speak, and keep from losing the things they need to get their jobs done! (thus the coach)

The problem is, CEOs and senior execs don’t appear to be walking the walk. For example, human beings don’t usually vet potential employees anymore, computers do. I doubt seriously that flagging creative potential is a “core competency” of HR software. But, alas, if you can’t impress the computer, the hiring manager will never know you exist. Once hired, you have to conform to a certain set of predictable expectations in order to score well on annual reviews. Because our technology-obsessed world has turned HR into a quantitative enterprise (as opposed to qualitative), I don’t know how these CEOs propose to identify and nurture the creative potential they say is so important. If companies were really serious about this, surely they would be more “creative” in their hiring and promoting.

All this to say, i agree with ADHDplus: alerting powers-that-be that you are ADD and need a coach could backfire and tank your career.

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[Wgreen]

Well, at least you’re in an industry where ADDers abound.

You probably already know the drill: First, get somebody who knows what they’re doing to vet your demo/portfolio and C/V. Make sure there are no glaring typos on the resume, and make sure it pops. Stress your skills (personal and professional) and experience. No lying or gross exaggerations.

People swing both ways on cover letters. If you’re an ADDer and decide to include them, you’ll want somebody to proof each one.

You’ll need a strong video demo of your work. If you want to narrate it, get somebody with pipes to do it. If you have access to a good music library, you might consider scoring it, as well. It really makes a difference. In any event, tweak it until it sparkles. Then upload it to the Web (Youtube?) or—better—your own website. Put a profile up on LinkedIn. Get as many recs as you can. You can upload your portfolio there, too.

Then network like crazy. But be advised, most people in the media biz won’t put in a good word for you until they’ve seen what you can do and think “Wow.” There are just too many wannabes.

Good luck.

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Blurting is an ADD specialty. If we suffer from a deficit of attention, we make up for it with an abundance of chatter!

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Unfortunately, many people fall through the cracks in the same way you did.

And when you think about it, it’s understandable: for centuries, Western civilization (formerly known as Christendom) believed in free will—the ability of people to exercise their moral wills to make good or bad choices. Researchers working on ADD suggest that this particular neurological disorder impairs the moral will. People who suffer from ADD/ADHD make life choices that often lie outside the boundaries of what is considered prudent, acceptable behavior—not because they are bad people, not because they do not know good behavior from bad, but because they are driven by compulsions that are bigger than they are. Though they try as hard as they can, they cannot get organized, they cannot focus, they cannot sit still, they engage in dangerous activities, etc.

This is revelational. And, if true, it turns centuries-old notions on their heads. Many people, understandably, have been reluctant to accept that this can occur. They insist that all humans have the ability to make choices, for good or bad. To admit that a neurological impairment can short-circuit free will is not a place they want to go. In fact, it’s a place they can’t and won’t go, because it would mean jettisoning their core beliefs.

ADD poses all sorts of problems for those who suffer from it. But it also poses considerable problems for people who have to live with ADDers… and people whose theology/worldview is predicated on the free exercise of the will. They certainly have a lot to get their heads around.

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Awful stories.

Devastating consequences.

Someone once said our strengths are our weaknesses but our weaknesses are our strengths. That said, we all know what our weaknesses are: inability to focus, disorganization, (often) problems with frustration and temper, a tendency to interrupt others while they speak, the list goes on. The upside: “magical thinking”—the ability to see a forest before others see a tree, strong intuition, and often, great people skills. (A lot of ADDers are terrific sales people.)

There is a great irony we see every day that creates a dilemma for the ADD-challenged: “normal” people are often UNFORGIVING of inattentiveness and disorganization. ADDers, on the other hand, are expected to give people who lack insight and creativity a pass. A lack of attention to detail is a sin. An inability to see possibilities and solutions to difficult problems is not. The fact is, in the eyes of the general public, ADDers’ problems, which are abundantly apparent, trump their talents, which can be considerable but are harder to perceive.

Several members have already posted suggestions for ADD-friendly jobs. Others will weigh in. All I would offer is what to avoid—any job that requires an ability to perform tedious tasks on a tight schedule. When you see that in the job description, do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. Run for your life!

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Thanks for your response.

I’m just curious. I once heard a lecture by a (European) academic who seemed to suggest that ADD was largely a North American phenomenon, implying that American (and Canadian) doctors were over-diagnosing it, creating an fictitious epidemic. In his next sentence, he derided what he viewed as the over-use of stimulants to treat it.

Maybe this was just his own bias. And I do know from experience that clinicians in the U.S. and other countries don’t always see eye to eye on a range of issues. So I was concerned that reliable international statistics might not exist.

If they do, and if they show interesting patterns, it would be fascinating to speculate about the ramifications.

By the way, I know a Ukrainian family, and they indeed have been ravaged by ADD. Interesting.

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[Wgreen]

Where I’m from, they throw you in jail for giving medical advice if you don’t have an M.D. after your name. They throw you in jail if you offer legal advice without being admitted to the bar. So, since I’m not a psychiatrist or neurologist or certified ADDologist, I’ll play it safe and not offer any advice about a relationship with an ADD partner. Still, I’ve been told by a former spouse that it’s hell a lot of the time.

Can one of the moderators with the proper credentials offer poor Melissa some advice here? Or would that be unprofessional? Or Illegal?

(One last thing Mel. If your spouse actually has managed to read THREE books, as you say, some of us would wonder whether ADD is the correct diagnosis…)

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Why, this topic is absolutely fascinating!

In just a handful of posts, I’ve learned all about electrical currents (in the US and UK), the effect they can have on brain function, and a wonderful coinage: “symptomatology.” Wonder who came up with that one?

What is truly amazing is how far we’ve come in the last 100 years in plumbing the human personality. Freud and Jung revealed the enormous power of the subconscious to shape behavior—an idea that was completely alien to people before their pioneering work. More recently, we have come to understand that neurology also plays a significant role in defining personality, perhaps more consequentially than psychology. Now we’re beginning to understand how certain exogenous factors (like a bad shock or blow to the head [and who knows, perhaps diet and exercise?]) can affect neurology, in much the same way that traumatic events (combat or abuse, for example) can affect psychology. It turns out that personality is a complex palimpsest. And for people who suffer from mental-health issues, it can make it hard to know where to turn first. Therapist? Neurologist? Psychiatrist?

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[Wgreen]

A little inspiration from John Steinbeck:

Many ADDers, when young, hear adults tell them repeatedly they’ll never amount to anything. Hell, some people hear it their entire lives.

Interestingly, Nobel-prize-winning novelist John Steinbeck once had a professor tell him he couldn’t write, that he’d be an author when pigs fly! As a result, Steinbeck adopted a “motto”: ad astra per alia porci (To the stars on the wings of a pig). It’s reportedly printed in all his books.

I’m not suggesting Steinbeck had to overcome ADD/ADHD. I’m just saying that when it comes to life and career, pigs occasionally taxi out and take off. Good luck gang!

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[Wgreen]

I think it’s interesting that ADD people would be interested in personality profiles when they have a disorder that distorts personality. To pick up a Jungian thread, many of us have “shadows” that are often so dense that our true personalities (i.e., the personalities we would have were it not for our neurological issues) can be locked away, even from those who know us well. We know that medications have the potential to change personalities radically. But sometimes those changes are distortions, too. The question many of us struggle with is, “Who am I really?” Or , “Who would I be, what could I achieve, if I didn’t have to contend with ADD/ADHD?” If one is happy to live with ADD and the resulting personality it produces, Myers-Briggs might be instructive. But for those of us who struggle with our ADD (not to mention the psychological baggage that rides along) and want desperately to mitigate it, Myers-Briggs falls short. It has no algorithm that enables it to penetrate beneath the disorder to reveal a hidden, uncorrupted personality. Only effective treatment over time—if you can find and afford it— can shed some light on that.

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[Wgreen]

Hey Paul,

I think it’s very hard—though not impossible— for (untreated) ADD people to be effective managers. If you feel you did pretty well, you deserve a pat on the back. Good managers lead by example, and we don’t always excel in that department: Our desks are a mess. We find it hard to get things done on schedule. We’re scattered and unfocused. You know the drill. Moreover, I think some people with ADD are often reluctant to hold employees to work standards that they, themselves, do not —cannot meet. That is often noted by staff and exploited. And the problem can be exacerbated by a poor self image fueled by constant frustration: we’re smart, we’ve got the ideas, we can see a forest before most people see a single tree. If only we didn’t have to contend with our disorder, we could conquer the world. But we do, so we constantly beat ourselves up.

I don’t know what the answer is. If the business were yours, you could try to find a few people to do the things you can’t. (I’m sure you’ve heard the old saw that entrepreneurs need to be working ON their businesses, not IN them. I don’t know anybody who’s is good at everything. And it doesn’t take long to realize we don’t have the time to do everything. It’s time-consuming enough just to worry about everything.) Suffice it to say, I feel your pain. I’ve run a multi-million dollar business, and every day was a challenge, a constant emotional gyration between concern and panic, between frustration and despair.

Good luck with your coach. I think many mental-health professionals are just starting to get their heads around the dynamics and true insidiousness of the disorder. To be fair, it doesn’t help that ADD sufferers present different, sometimes contradictory symptoms. In any event, I wish you the best going forward.

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