Worst advice – and from a therapist, no less.

[MK]

I thought this would go well into a forum labeled as the most extreme.

Before I was diagnosed with ADHD, but seeing a counselor because I was so frustrated (and yes, depressed) because I couldn’t get my work done (or done on time), she would make me a list as I spoke, write “Just Do It”, hand me the list. OK. Wow. Thanks. So very helpful. Just do it. I called her the Nike therapist. Just do it. OK. I hope you hear the sarcasm dripping off every word.

She was amazing. Amazingly ill-equipped to counsel someone with ADHD.

Think I feel better just having gotten this out. Phew! Sooooo many years ago. 17, actually. Wow.

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[Anonymous]

What has happened in the last seventeen years? Have you been able to handle things? Were you able to get another counselor?

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[MK]

Ah Burnsey, kind of you to ask. Yes, once I got the diagnosis I began the journey of self-education on adult adhd. I attended two of the ADDA conferences (St. Louis and Chicago) back when they were still huge conferences. Read a lot of books. Had some counseling for awhile. Have been on several different ADHD medications over the years, (currently on Vyvanse) and am happy to report that finally last spring I was able to stop taking the antidepressant that I’d required for years and years. All is much better, though of course I still struggle with everything ADHD and do wish I had been spared this, despite any positives it has brought my way. Once you learn about all the strategies that you need to use to supplement what your brain won’t do, you have to remember to use them – all those strategies. That’s the kicker!

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[Anonymous]

Hi mklmswv,

Your user name is….challenging. Anyway, I’m curious about “all those strategies” you mention. Many of the books I’ve encountered usually spend a long time describing symptoms and never get around to the nitty gritty of really helpful hints. Am now trying to get thru Nancy Ratey’s book. Would you share some of the strategies that you have found useful? Getting off the computer and time management are difficult for me. (The only computer help I’ve discovered is to just NOT go online.

Thanks Jayzee

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[MK]

Hi Jayzee,

The user name, well, I had to find something I’d always remember. Initials plus degree. That works for me. So – pick up Terry Matlen’s book (whether you’re a woman or not – great tips/strategies. Check out her ADD Consults. Read online forums. Go read articles at http://www.Additude.com. I subscribe to the paper magazine and as a subscriber can access all articles online. Read articles online by the experts and leading names in the ADHD world: Sari Solden, Nancy Ratey (I’ve started her book too. Actually I’ve started many. Hopefully I’ll finish hers.) Ed Hallowell, John Ratey, Ari Tuckman, Terry Matlen, and the various websites that are virtual “gathering places” for folks with ADHD where strategies are exchanged. ADDitude has that too, a “forum.” I’ve gotten excellent ideas from other people with ADHD. Interesting article about time management and “gadgets” here: http://www.addcopingskills.com/articles.php

Check out Edward M. Hallowell’s “Adult ADHD: 50 Tips on Management” http://www.addresources.org/article_50_adhd_tips_adult_hallowell_ratey.php

Other notables: Tara McGillicuddy, Patricia O. Quinn, MD and Kathleen Nadeau, PhD – the latter two’s page is ADDvance.com.

I have signed up for e-newsletters from the key players over the years and dredge oodles of strategies from those.

Go to the “Helpful Resources” list of articles on the ADDA site (www.add.org), here’s the link: http://www.add.org/mc/page.do?sitePageId=96818&orgId=atdda

I develop certain “routines” that I try to always follow so that I don’t goof up, such as NEVER putting my car keys in my coat pocket, because then I’ll leave my purse (wallet, etc.) at work (or somewhere, but not WITH me…) Keep keys in my purse. Just simple things like that. However, it is 2:44 a.m. and I’ve still not gotten 1/2 way through a report due tomorrow, so hey – I’m not using my strategies to keep from Task Avoidance very well, am I? LOL – ug…. (!!) On wards and upwards. Back to my report, off the ‘net. More later…

MK

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[Anonymous]

Those words make me shudder…. right behind “pay attention more” “just try harder” and “you just need to listen to me more”

I’m glad you found the diagnoses and moved forward your way

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[Anonymous]

Oh boy do I hear you! On top of that is, “We’ve gone over this so many times, why isn’t it getting better? You must not be listening to me.” or “What is so difficult about this that you can’t do it” and “This should have been done by now, what the heck have you been doing with your time anyway”.

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[Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD]

When someone asks, “What is so difficult about his that you can’t do it.” you might explain that you don’t think in a linear fashion. It’s not the difficulty of any step, but the fact that there are so many. Then have them break the task down into chunks, or steps. “What do you want done first?” Then do that. “What next?”

The other option, though it’s a bit rude, is to turn it around and demonstrate that your mindset is different. Like, I could say, “I get up onstage in front of thousands of people. What’s so difficult about that? Why can’t you do that? It’s just walking. You can walk, for God’s sake, can’t you?” Of course that’s just me. But you may be able to use an example of something you can do that many others can’t. “I can sing, why can’t you? It’s just muscles and vocal chords? What’s so difficult about that?”

Mind you, that’ll probably just tick them off.

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[wolfshades]

Wow Rick. That’s perfect! “..you don’t think in a linear fashion”. I never heard it put so simply, so succinctly. I’m going to use that.

Thanks so much!

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[Patte Rosebank]

That also explains why I’m so great at research. I can find the most obscure information, which nobody would ever think of looking for, amazingly quickly. Especially now that so much research is on the internet.

And I love the fact that most people are far more afraid of giving a speech in front of a crowd, than they are of dying. Me, I’ll not only get up on a stage in front of hundreds of people, but I’ll go up there without a script and just improvise. And I won’t limit myself to the stage; I’ll go right out amongst the people and interact with them one-on-one. Sure, I get a bit of the butterflies when I’m waiting to go on, but mostly, I feel like a race horse in the gate, ready to spring forward as soon as I get my cue.

That’s my “normal”, and I would never trade it for their “normal”. I’d rather have ten minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.

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[Anonymous]

I don’t think in a linear fashion….interesting. That is probably why I am never able to be much help to friends doing mechanical work or putting up vinyl siding or anything else that needs linear thinking. I will also use that one. Now if only I could find a linear way of explaining that I don’t think in a linear fashion.

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[Patte Rosebank]

How about: “I’m a DVD in a world of VHS”?

A VHS tape is sequential access (all the info is on it, but you can only get to it by going through the contents of the tape in order), but a DVD is random access (all the info is on it, and you can instantly jump to whatever you want…or to whatever else looks interesting on it).

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[Anonymous]

Mom used to call me a Picasso girl in a Mona Lisa world.

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[Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD]

You could argue that ADHD people don’t fit into the world.

But I think that’s changing. We may not have fit into the world of the last century so easily.

But as we move into this century, with the Internet and computers and surfing and grazing, it’s more suited to our brain style.

Now I wonder if the modern world is actually created by people with ADHD.

After all, they say Silicon Valley and Hollywood are awash in ADHD.

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[Anonymous]

HA! I had some one say that to me. Why don’t you just do it. He was also the one that told me i don’t have to be mentally superior and to settle for mediocre. the quack lol

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[Author]

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