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Re: 'God' is punishing you

Re: 'God' is punishing you2011-05-29T04:25:06+00:00

Post count: 303

Your mom being sensitive doesn’t seem ironic, it seems appropriate. If ADD is highly genetic, it has to come from somewhere, and guess what a symptom of ADD is? Hyper-sensitivity. Sounds like a possible link to ADD in your genetic family tree. Of course, this could be part of her anxiety, as I’m discovering some overlap between the two, while looking into anxiety with my daughter.

Also, if there is something wrong with you, she might feel she is to blame, as she raised you. This might account for the sensitivity, too. By laying the guilt on God and whatever you did to piss God off, she’s trying to deflect off her and back to you (and God).

I hate when people ascribe pain to God, as in “God is punishing you,” or it is “God’s will,” or “God is weaving pain so you can experience life to the fullest” (what nonsense!). But I don’t think you are writing to be convinced of this. If you were, you would have posed the question differently, but it sounds like you know what is true, so I’m not gonna go into it anymore.

What was I gonna say….

Oh yeah. Do you think this might be generational?

In my parents generation (mid-70’s now), people do not discuss these problems openly. They were expected to “suck it up” and move on. Anything like ADD was seen as a character flaw, and certainly wasn’t addressed in adults, while it was just beginning to be medicated in children. My father won’t address his ADD at all, and even my brother, diagnosed as a child, thinks he’s outgrown it, and he’s only 40. Anxiety is one of these things, too. It was just seen as something you need to work on yourself, which is why I suspect your mom feels she’s fixed it.

As an another example, when I had a miscarriage, my midwives warned me not to expect sympathy from the older generation, as they just do not allow themselves to publicly discuss such things and were expected to immediately just get over it and try again (a sentiment I found repeated in that stupid “what to expect” book, that I promptly tossed into the garbage). I thought this was weird when I heard it, but they turned out to be dead on, regarding the older women in my life. There was a certain shame surrounding the subject, as if it were the woman’s fault she couldn’t carry a child. I think this attitude also includes any psychiatric problems. Basically, reproductive problems and psychiatric problems are shameful, private, and not up for discussion.

Yes, it was a stupid thing to say, but it sounds like you’ve come a long way with her, and she with you. I’m glad you’ve been able to find some good ground with her.