Re: Name that feeling!

[memzak]

Steffie thanks for the encouragement. I have been in a funk since Sunday, crying almost all the time. I have a lawyer and I haven’t called them yet because I’m scared. I have so many emotions and so many thought and it all piles up. I just got my car back yesterday because my sister offered to pay the impound charge. I got light bulbs and insurance so my car is legal again but this was all done with continuous help. I was frozen. I couldn’t initiate any action on my own.

My daughter’s friend, who has been through hell in her short life, has recognized Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in both me and my daughter because of the prolonged stress we went through for several years. I started to tell her a little bit about the years of continuous stress and verbal abuse from my husband and she started telling be about her father, who is in prison for raping her and fathering her child who was killed in a car accident last year and I felt like I haven’t been through anything like what this girl has been through so why am I so frozen. She keeps going and I am stuck.

I have endured verbal abuse all of my life and a couple of years of being slapped around. Is it because my abuse was more subtle? Someone breaks a bone in your body, you know it’s not your fault that the bone is broken. Someone tells you that you are stupid you start to believe it so you don’t recognize that as abuse. I know this intellectually but it keeps haunting me every time something goes wrong. And lately, every time something goes wrong, it takes me longer and longer to get over it and get moving again. Right now I feel like I am just waiting for the next bad thing to happen.

I’m tired of fighting the world. I might go back to the county mental health place.

REPORT ABUSE