Dr. Umesh Jain
is now exclusively responsible
for TotallyADD.com
and its content
Dr. Umesh Jain is now exclusively responsible for TotallyADD.com and its content

The Forums Forums Emotional Journey My Story 26 years of my life feel like a complete waste ADD, oh yay, lucky me!

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    To Tiddler: I just posted my strengths from that test if you read that post that I posted 3 posts back (The really long post lol.) Unless you meant what I think my strengths are without anyone else’s input. Being as honest as possible as I always am on here I would have to say my top 11 strengths consist of: Computers, unusual and creative Writing/ Ideas, I always did good in Literature and English class, Reading, Spelling, my determination and conscientiousness, if rewarded and praised I can be a very hard worker. If I would have tried harder in High School I think I would have done better in Biology and Chemistry, (B and C avg. in Biology, C and D avg. in Chemistry), World History Even though my grade avg. was only 77% -81% from what report cards I still have, but a lot of that was because I am a lot more interested in Ancient Rome, rather than let’s say learning about India.

    I would have continued but I actually have my 11th and 12th grade High School Transcripts right here. 😳 Now keep in mind this was an Adult Education school and I only attended this school because I was 17 going into 11th grade and the original high school wouldn’t let me attend because of my age, (I was held back in Kindergarten and failed 7th Grade) haha! ya I know funny huh. Maybe these grades may shed some light on my weaknesses/strengths and give you the reader insight on how I do in certain subjects.

    1. Internet: Making Your Life Easier I: A

    2. Writing Improvement: B ( Christian Teacher hated me because I was goth, not kidding, so I should have got a B+ I busted my hump in that class.) but whatever I got a B :D

    3. Short Stories: A-

    4. U.S. History I: B

    5. Leaders Who Shaped U.S. History: A-

    6. Intro To Computers: A

    7. Consumer Economics: B

    8. Computer Applications: A

    9. U.S. Government: B

    10. Geography: A-

    11. Psychology: A+

    12. Sociology: B-

    I wouldn’t take these grades seriously considering it was an Adult Ed. And I think the real high schools work was probably harder than this schools, we had a smoking room for those old enough so we could smoke in there during break between classes which was only 7 minutes, classes were 2 hours long a piece, and we didn’t have to go on Fridays which was AWESOME! And we could graduate with 19 Credits instead of 22 needed in real high school, I still recieved my diploma and got a Silver Tassel for a 3. something GPA I was late to my own Graduation I didn’t figure I would win anything so I missed what they said my GPA was lol. (skipped the achievement ceremony before the Graduation.) and yayaya Psycology my only A+ don’t even go there because the teacher was my favorite and I did a lot of extra credit and wrote like 10 different biographies on Ancient Roman leaders for ex. credit to raise my grade if I missed a paper or something to raise my grade again. Run on sentence again I know.

    Nonetheless, I guess I shouldn’t be so hard on myself but I don’t like to boast so I find every reason to doubt my abilities so that I not only don’t come off as arrogant or boasting, but I try to be a realist and realize that I probably wouldn’t have done as well in real High School. This school also only required 2 yrs of Math and 3 yrs of Science instead of the 4/4 req’d in regular high school. If Science and Math came into the equation you would have seen a D or F in Math and a C or D in Science more than likely, so don’t think im all A’s and B’s because I’m not.


    BTW Robbo let us know how counseling goes! Thanks to everyone else for any and all feedback, im really surprized I was able to get a thread going. :D I’m hoping that together we can all try or succeed in helping people on here, with any issues that we are struggling with. If I need advice or help this is where I go, pretty sad when you can’t count on your family – the exact people who are supposed to love and care for you.


    One of my weaknesses is not reading the whole thread when I post on the internet! Sorry I missed that earlier bit! They’re good strengths, for sure!


    @ Nellie so far i’ve looked at the Non-Verbal Learning Disorder and for some reason I was never told why exactly, but I was in Speech classes at a young age, and was in Speech Class for quite a few years I remember, I also remember being pulled out of class for a strange class even in Middle School where I would play board games or just talk to the teacher (no idea if that’s speech class or a counselor lol) so maybe my parents actually did care to an extent but it didn’t help anyway. I did have very poor handwriting, I don’t think i’m agoraphobic though because I can go outside and not freak. I’ve always sucked at Math, I always felt the teachers moved through the material way too fast for me to learn it correctly, also I still don’t think I would understand it anyway. Very interesting though, that is something to look at considering I did feel like I was always different from everyone else, spatial perception I think is fine though. I took a test at Lumosity on spatial perception and I did pretty good. ADD Innatentive and that particular learning disorder are very hard to differentiate though. I’m going to look at the rest of these links now before I get distracted and never do :mrgreen:

    Thanks again for the info!


    @Nellie I did see the Strength 2.0 link on another site as well called ADDworld I think where a mom of an add teenager recommended it, but I’ve also seen bad reviews on it due to not actually explaining much, and I am skeptical about blowing my $ on wasteful things. I only have like $15.00 in my account so I’m a bit worried about what I buy if you can understand. It has nothing to do with buying anything, but my personality is to overanalyze and be careful of what I spend my $ on since I am poor lol. I do have a job but it’s only $350 every 2 weeks so you can see how far that goes :P . I gotta eat dinner before I get griped at but thanks for the link anyway I appreciate the help Nellie!


    @DVIS thanks a bunch for the links i’m going to check them out right now after I light this cigarette :)

    @ me + regular post now! I also wonder if the reason I started using drugs is because of my issues which is probably the case, because I didn’t care anymore and when you don’t care about life or yourself you tend to gravitate towards drugs.

    I find it extremely funny that the Government spouts their propaganda about Mary J being a gateway drug, when the one they advertise the most (ALCOHOL) is what my gateway drug was. That’s another thing that really irritates me is that it’s okay that around 75,000 deaths on Avg (data from 2005) result from Alcohol, and yet to this day not a single death has been recorded from Marijuana use alone. We should all know which would be the safer route to take, but because the govt. makes money off of Alcohol that makes it okay. And I can guarantee that once Mary J is legalized which would probably never happen because the govt controls us and doesn’t want us on drugs because drugs let you think, and the govt doesn’t want us to think, they want to keep us numb and stupid so that they can control us, and I gotta say they are doing a pretty good job at it. I just wish more people could see that.

    Maybe only open-minded people like me can see that I don’t know. The information is out there and just by looking at the death ratios alone should be common sense. I also realize that banning Alcohol won’t work lol we all know what happened when they tried that – the birth of the Mafia.


    Well call me a quitter, but I’ve looked up a few articles as I have in the past as well, and I don’t think Writing is for me. Most Writers go to conferences, read and research for more hours than it takes to actually write a book, and even if you have a part – time job or no job it can still take 2-3 years to actually finish the book. It is extremely beneficial to meet Agents, Publishers, Editors, etc. and since I have Acute Social Anxiety and a Profound fear of driving I know that’s never going to happen. Maybe once I get on medication and all that fun stuff, I may be able to do that, but i’m also not going to waste 3 years or more making no money at all just to see if my book will even sell. The profession seems extremely risky, and personally I know that I give up easy, and I already have without even trying. I’m going to continue to find my strengths by myself if needed, or with the help of a Career Counselor.

    More research is needed on my end to find another route to take. I know that it’s not all gloom and doom for me, because I do have other strengths that I can focus on, such as, Computers, Psychology, Ancient Historian, Healthcare, and not many else to really choose from. I’m trying to stay positive here but for people like us with serious issues it really doesn’t seem like ther eis much hope for us.

    I’ll come back later so that i’m not talking to myself here. :P I need to do some deep-thinking and figure out my future before it consumes me even more.


    Hi again GaiusJulius175,

    You’re still young, you’ve got options. I encourage you to go with what you really enjoy. That’s the key, really liking what you do. Your interest in science sounds a lot like mine. My trick is narrowing down my focus to a smaller number of subjects. At the same time I allow myself to read and explore many other sciences and philosophies just for entertainment. Moderation is important. Too much time spent on entertaining myself has used up a lot of time I would like to have spent learning about the few subjects I’d like to make some kind of career out of.

    I’m not the person to give advice on grammar or writing, just like you decided to do, I’ve kept .rtf copies of nearly all of my posts here. I look back and see how much I’ve grown, or not, this also keeps me humble. As I’ve mellowed out and become more focused, I’ve noticed my older writing could have been edited much more than I did at the time. I’m not too hard on myself about that, just honest. It’s nearly impossible to find many old posts of my own here.

    Here’s a trick on finding posts/threads on any subject you want here. Let’s say you want to find info on Grammar. Just type in

    Grammar site:totallyadd.com into the google window. The search result will be a long list of old posts that include info on grammar.

    Early on in my time spent here, I started writing my posts in a text editor. Many times I’ll finish a post, let it camp out on my desktop. Maybe in a first drafts folder, usually just left in an open, saved text editor window. I’ve found that after a few hours, or even a day, I have a better perspective about exactly what I wanted to say, as well as how helpful or useful the post is; then I decide if I should post it. Some end up in my own personal journal only. Many of them have been asking for help, even those could have been edited more. They were good enough, served a purpose. So I have no regrets.

    I’ve been really fortunate in that I’ve found medications that work well enough for my own bundle of ADHD characteristics fairly quickly compared to many folks here. My ability to communicate would not have improved without these medications. Eating more healthy has been difficult, but it’s better than putting up with the sour batch of apples my life felt like for so many years before I got here.

    The one thing I think I would have done differently, now that I’m nearly done with my first book, is to get more books on ADHD earlier on in my recovery. I’ve had the luxury of time I was able to spend here reading, that was a decent enough substitute, but I’m learning more from just the first book I’ve gotten. I’m ready for another book already.

    It’s not all that clear if you’re smoking weed. I know you think it should be legalized, I don’t have an opinion on that. One word of caution I do have for you, if you do smoke it; pretty much all of the doctors that specialize in ADHD will not be willing to prescribe medication to a person using pot, be honest with them, tell them the whole truth. The side affects of smoking weed alone can make a non ADDer look as if they have it. Your brain will still be developing until your 25. I heard that just today on Dr. Phil as he was talking to a couple pot smoking teenagers. I know for a fact that the stuff made my symptoms much worse. I doubt I could have made much progress using weed, or any other recreational drug. Even alcohol can keep us from feeling the growing pains that are an important part of the long road learning to live with ADHD. Exercise is a much better way to get your dopamine levels elevated. Low dopamine is likely to be one of the root causes for many of our ADHD problems. It’s important for you to be honest with you most of all. Don’t worry about what we think. The folks that are going to help you the most here are not the ones who will judge you harshly according to your political opinions or what you believe. Dig deep into this gold mine of experience. You’ll find golden wisdom.

    I read much more than I write, (usually) that works best for me. My ability to read has improved since I’ve been working my way through the threads here. Medication was like reading glasses. There’s no substitute for time spent learning what ADHD is and isn’t. Good luck, and stick it out for the long haul man.



    @ Robbo Thanks for the post man. I’m going to try to chill out and watch some of the Ancient Roman Documentaries I have on my computer even though I’ve seen them 100 times. I did smoke, whenever I could get it starting at 16 years old but very seldom at that age, because of my people issues and driving issues you kind of have to be an extrovert to get drugs like that. :)

    The last year I smoked the most, and that’s only because I had a few hookups through someone else who had the hookup. So it still wasn’t me but the other person who knew people. I did smoke around 21-23 often when I could I used to get it from my Manager lol. Ya so much for Kroger’s (Biggest Grocery Chain in the U.S.) great reputation huh. The last two months i’ve been clean, but I just now started looking because I’ve been going nuts being completely out of a drug to turn to, I quit my DXM (Cough Syrup) and YES it does screw you up horribad if it has DXM in it and you take at least 240mg of it. I did that from 15-26 as of just a few months ago. I’m sure my insides are all messed up from that, all in all honestly I’ve done it at least 300 times or so more or less. I can’t stand sh*t talkers so if you can trust me then i’m not lying and considering 11 years of abuse lol getting up to 300 is pretty easy when you do it a few times a day to a few times a week on average. I did go a month or so without it due to $ issues and or fear of pharmacists finding out (People tend to notice when you buy cough syrup 5 times a week in July lol.)

    But here I go again with my so called short post. Don’t get me wrong i’m not 100% on legalization due to the pros and cons of doing so, I just lean more towards legalization due to the extra revenue we need and FREE WILL that we supposedly have. As far as I know FREE WILL means if I choose to smoke or do drugs then that’s my decision, not the governments.

    Thanks for the post though, i’m going to give my brain a break for a few hours on career outlook so I don’t go insane.


    Just a few thoughts…….

    If I read you right…it would appear you’ve ingested enough drugs of one sort another in your life to stock a small pharmacy, cough syrup included……maybe….and I only say maybe…… it’s time to look at another avenue????? I also see from your posts you have put in a huge amount of time and energy…..reading and studying….psych…history politics etc etc….. on a myriad of topics, certainly enough to be able quote statistics and studies…. and all of this seems to be driving you to distraction. I may read you wrong but all of this seems to bring No Joy To Mud-Ville????

    So it might be time to close those doors, at least for a bit, change your channel…..it’s yours to change remember!!! Get outside and exercise…..exercise hard to exhaustion, sweat drenched……as many times a week as possible……at least 45 min /day. Eat….eat food that looks like it’s natural state….raw vegis, fruit, nuts, and protein in the form of fish, lean beef….and nuts….drink water all day long. Try a good vitamin regime……too.

    These things are natural…..they feed your body and your brain…….oxygenate yourself…..increased oxygen and blood flow to the brain…and blood flow does wonders!!!! A robust healthy body supports our brain, our thinking, our self-image and self-esteem…..which are critical to overall well being. Screw the other stuff for a while……GET STRONG!!!

    It will likely take time to turn things around for yourself…..after all it took 26 years to get where you are……….but could the downside be…a healthy, fit body body….and extremely healthy brain and out look ….living free of pharmacology????

    Just a thought…………I know it has worked for me all my life……….at 62 it still works!!!!



    @ Toofat Thanks for the reply. I’m not sure if you missed the fact that there’s a 99% chance that I have Predominantly Inattentive ADD + Severe Social Anxiety, Generalized Anxiety, and Major Depressive Disorder, as well as headaches, and a few drug dependencies. Eating healthy requires money, it’s hard enough paying rent as it is let alone spending $20 dollars per meal lol. Therefore I can’t just flip a switch and become happy-go-lucky as your seeming to imply, unless I comprehended what you were trying to get across the wrong way. And like I said before I am taking St. Johns Wort, and Ginko Biloba for brain circulation and Mood Support. Those are cheap enough to where I can afford them (off brand dollar store) same exact thing if you ask me.)

    The exercising is hard for me because I would have to get out and then I’d worry about everyone looking or watching me and what they were thinking (this has been a lifelong issue and I can’t just get over it or quit thinking about it.) It’s an automatic response. I could do it inside, however all I do inside in my room is 15 pushups 5-6 days a week. I’m so skinny that I have to start low and build myself up before I start overexerting myself. My father died at 44 last March, because of overexertion that caused a blood clot to go to his brain (aneurism that killed him.) He exercised all the time, didn’t do drugs, besides some red wine here and there, ran marathons, rode a bike for miles, etc. So considering all of that hasn’t helped me much either considering I don’t want to overexert but what I’ve always believed is everything in moderation is best. For all I know I could die around his age as well if not before then. Me and my dad were just alike in a lot of ways, as well as looking like one another to a T. Because of my failure to show emotions I handled his death pretty easily so that has nothing to do with any of my issues, I’ve had these issues since I was a kid.

    I do appreciate the posts and everyone’s opinions :D I just thought i’d get that out if you haven’t read all of my posts on here, which explain a lot about me. So no, i’m not one of those who complain about having my issues for 6 months lol, I’ve actually dealt with these issues my entire life, and if it was so easy to get over wouldn’t I have done that by now? I used to want to be a Nutritionist, so i’m not uneducated when it comes to eating right, exercising etc. Another part of my issues is that I give up extremely easily, and it’s hard for me to stick to something. A lot of it I think has to due with instant gratification, I am extremely impatient so if I don’t see any results in 3 days I tend to say screw it and give up, of course I need to work on that but I think a lot of that has to do with the ADD perhaps, and it’s hard to overcome those personality traits without help.

    I hope I covered everything there, I should go eat so I can take my morning St Johns and Ginko this morning before I forget. 😯


    GJ175….I hear you……I do…it isn’t my intention to preach, it’s not my place…only share. Optimism and exuberance are my downfall….

    So having said that….here is some info….contrary to popular belief….eating healthy is not expensive at all. Here is an example of a super salad…..a head of lettuce is $2.00 plus or minus a few cents…a fresh tomato $0.45…1 slice of whole wheat bead $0.15 and a smear of butter well that’s pennies…..a carrot $0.25…. one oz. of oil & vinegar for dressing $0.10……a few sliced almonds to sprinkle on for protein $0.75….sprinkle with pepper. There you have a super meal, nutritious as hell too…..if you added a meat dish in there add $3.00 tops for a chicken breast…..use half the breat sliced thin so $1.50. Also the lettuce will last at least 5 meals… sooooooo…..add it up…….let’s add a small box of fresh strawberries $2.00 for desert……. and they will last at least three meals.

    Supper……$3.70 not including the strawberry desert??? I could go on and on with breakfast and lunch but I think the point is made! Feeding one’s body and brain is not a $$$$ issue……it is choice…..personal choice. As for time…15 minutes from counter to table including cooking the chicken…….not bad……….well, maybe 20 minutes!!!!

    As for exercise…….sure it can all be done in the privacy of one’s home or room. Being skinny is not big deal…..I was very very slim all my life too. Remember, resistance training not only oxygenates the blood and the brain, but it also builds muscle and hence shape!! More importantly ALL studies indicate a regime of vigorous exercise does wonders to relieve depression and anxiety….the longer term the exercise the more benefits derived by the individual.

    Just information for ya…….what we do or don’t do with it is our choice…I get that. It’s not my place to tell you, or anybody else what to chose or do in or with their life EVER…..just paying forward what I know and what works for me…call it encouragement if you will.

    I also understand difficult, I do…..I acknowledge I can’t fully comprehend your situation because that’s you and your unique and I would never presume to. What I can “share” is that on some level, I understand taking steps, making changes, is hard, very hard and, staying the course long term and the problems associated with all of that are also challenging, very much so. A couple of things I’ve learned with regard to that are…..I can get up every day and no matter what happened yesterday…..I can re-start today………and secondly…… if nothing changes then nothing changes.

    I believe, we are all stronger than we think…… :)



    Awesome post! @Toofat

    Ya It’s hard too differentiate if it’s me alone or a combination of me and my issues making it harder for me to say no, last night I was like well I haven’t smoked in 2 months so I won’t have to worry about it being in my system, but last night my uncle and his daughter came over and she had some, and of course I feel into the trap and smoked after being woke up and told wake and bake lol. So, I instantly failed at that (my fault because I could have said no.) I have a very low amount of willpower as does anyone who has dependency problems, especially if it’s offered. I know I definitely need to work on my willpower, but you also have to realize that when no one is there to help you such as family, friends, if you have any, co-workers, boss etc. Drugs are always there for you.

    I do appreciate you sharing your knowledge, and admitting that you personally can’t relate to my issues. I personally think my issues are more extreme than most (not to boast) and that may be the reason why I have such a hard time overcoming them without some kind of help, this is the reason why I believe I need medication of some sort, because I’ve never been able to just get over my issues or surpass them in some way. I have had Individual Education Plans (Special ED help, Caseworker etc.) in school, as well as so called -Speech Classes, and a few therapist/counselors which obviously didn’t help any. Therefore I have reasoning for my curiosity of what medication may have in store for me.

    I don’t mean to sound so negative but “it is what it is”. Thanks again for taking the time to care and write back. I do agree that I personally need to try harder instead of giving up so easily, but the struggle to do so coupled with my issues make the process that much harder.

    Thanks again.


    I have taken a few online tests, trying to determine my strengths but much more research on my end is needed. I have thought a lot about taking the route of becoming an Ancient Roman Historian but as I’ve said earlier in a previous post, only 30,000 Historians exist in The U.S. and it’s an extremely cut-throat profession because of this. A Masters degree is also required for most entry level positions, which obviously strikes fear into people like me who have self doubt about his/her own abilities. The pay is also pitiful around $40,000 yearly if your lucky to even make that, + the state you live in etc. My fear elevates to everything in life, social, Driving, dealing with people, moving states, travel by airplane, etc. Good luck if your scared to drive and or relocate to try to find a career or a job. Many people tell me quit freaking out because I have a job, but I don’t like to settle for a crappy $9/hr job sorry, so ya I do freak, because this job does not give me job security or enough money to help me to put money away.

    Anyway, i’m still on the lookout for any strengths that I do have, and seeing what careers or jobs that have an emphasis on those strengths. My main problem stopping of course is finding out what those strengths are and having 100% proof that those are my actual strengths. I may have to suck it up and wait until all my paperwork goes through and I can finally, regularly see a doctor and they will be able to help me the most i’m sure. It’s just hard for me to sit idly by waiting, and waiting while my life passes me by every day. I did play World of Warcraft for 6 years, and was actually able to quit myself because it definitely didn’t help my issues, but it did give me something to focus on besides myself all the time. Now it’s been 4 months or so since I quit, and maybe that’s why i’m over obsessing over everything even more now, because I don’t know what else to do lol, whereas at least video games gave me an outlet to obsess over the game instead of myself.

    I have to do some more research so trying not to make this another novel :-)

    Thanks again.


    One thing I forgot I didn’t attend College due to change, fear of driving and finding out where the college is located ( I get lost going in a circle in a car 🙄 ), and of course all the people and cramped rooms I would have to deal with, and how hard the work may be due to my math and science noviceness. Online college ya I know, but some courses require hands on work i.e. probably Computers. I also have a fear of borrowing money I don’t have and being able to pay it back without going into debt. I know that the Government wants us to pull money out to further try to control us. Like this buy gold crap on TV, like they did in 1929 and then the govt confiscated everyone’s gold (this did happen look it up if you don’t believe me.) I believe that all these loans are part of that scam along with the buy gold, silver, diamonds etc. In this economy the best way to make money seems to be to invest in DOW especially since we are currently around 13.2000 up from 11.5 only 8 months or so ago. But you need money to make money.

    And yes I’ve tried the so called money put aside by the govt. to help with Scholarships and Grants but what they don’t tell you is that to get these programs you either have to have been an honor student, or living ina certain area to receive them, or to write an essay that i’m sure has to be the top 100 in the U.S. to even qualify, so ya big waste of time.

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