26 years of my life feel like a complete waste ADD, oh yay, lucky me!

To Tiddler: I just posted my strengths from that test if you read that post that I posted 3 posts back (The really long post lol.) Unless you meant what I think my strengths are without anyone else’s input. Being as honest as possible as I always am on here I would have to say my top 11 strengths consist of: Computers, unusual and creative Writing/ Ideas, I always did good in Literature and English class, Reading, Spelling, my determination and conscientiousness, if rewarded and praised I can be a very hard worker. If I would have tried harder in High School I think I would have done better in Biology and Chemistry, (B and C avg. in Biology, C and D avg. in Chemistry), World History Even though my grade avg. was only 77% -81% from what report cards I still have, but a lot of that was because I am a lot more interested in Ancient Rome, rather than let’s say learning about India.

I would have continued but I actually have my 11th and 12th grade High School Transcripts right here. 😳 Now keep in mind this was an Adult Education school and I only attended this school because I was 17 going into 11th grade and the original high school wouldn’t let me attend because of my age, (I was held back in Kindergarten and failed 7th Grade) haha! ya I know funny huh. Maybe these grades may shed some light on my weaknesses/strengths and give you the reader insight on how I do in certain subjects.

1. Internet: Making Your Life Easier I: A

2. Writing Improvement: B ( Christian Teacher hated me because I was goth, not kidding, so I should have got a B+ I busted my hump in that class.) but whatever I got a B

3. Short Stories: A-

4. U.S. History I: B

5. Leaders Who Shaped U.S. History: A-

6. Intro To Computers: A

7. Consumer Economics: B

8. Computer Applications: A

9. U.S. Government: B

10. Geography: A-

11. Psychology: A+

12. Sociology: B-

I wouldn’t take these grades seriously considering it was an Adult Ed. And I think the real high schools work was probably harder than this schools, we had a smoking room for those old enough so we could smoke in there during break between classes which was only 7 minutes, classes were 2 hours long a piece, and we didn’t have to go on Fridays which was AWESOME! And we could graduate with 19 Credits instead of 22 needed in real high school, I still recieved my diploma and got a Silver Tassel for a 3. something GPA I was late to my own Graduation I didn’t figure I would win anything so I missed what they said my GPA was lol. (skipped the achievement ceremony before the Graduation.) and yayaya Psycology my only A+ don’t even go there because the teacher was my favorite and I did a lot of extra credit and wrote like 10 different biographies on Ancient Roman leaders for ex. credit to raise my grade if I missed a paper or something to raise my grade again. Run on sentence again I know.

Nonetheless, I guess I shouldn’t be so hard on myself but I don’t like to boast so I find every reason to doubt my abilities so that I not only don’t come off as arrogant or boasting, but I try to be a realist and realize that I probably wouldn’t have done as well in real High School. This school also only required 2 yrs of Math and 3 yrs of Science instead of the 4/4 req’d in regular high school. If Science and Math came into the equation you would have seen a D or F in Math and a C or D in Science more than likely, so don’t think im all A’s and B’s because I’m not.

@Nellie I did see the Strength 2.0 link on another site as well called ADDworld I think where a mom of an add teenager recommended it, but I’ve also seen bad reviews on it due to not actually explaining much, and I am skeptical about blowing my $ on wasteful things. I only have like $15.00 in my account so I’m a bit worried about what I buy if you can understand. It has nothing to do with buying anything, but my personality is to overanalyze and be careful of what I spend my $ on since I am poor lol. I do have a job but it’s only $350 every 2 weeks so you can see how far that goes . I gotta eat dinner before I get griped at but thanks for the link anyway I appreciate the help Nellie!

Well call me a quitter, but I’ve looked up a few articles as I have in the past as well, and I don’t think Writing is for me. Most Writers go to conferences, read and research for more hours than it takes to actually write a book, and even if you have a part – time job or no job it can still take 2-3 years to actually finish the book. It is extremely beneficial to meet Agents, Publishers, Editors, etc. and since I have Acute Social Anxiety and a Profound fear of driving I know that’s never going to happen. Maybe once I get on medication and all that fun stuff, I may be able to do that, but i’m also not going to waste 3 years or more making no money at all just to see if my book will even sell. The profession seems extremely risky, and personally I know that I give up easy, and I already have without even trying. I’m going to continue to find my strengths by myself if needed, or with the help of a Career Counselor.

More research is needed on my end to find another route to take. I know that it’s not all gloom and doom for me, because I do have other strengths that I can focus on, such as, Computers, Psychology, Ancient Historian, Healthcare, and not many else to really choose from. I’m trying to stay positive here but for people like us with serious issues it really doesn’t seem like ther eis much hope for us.

I’ll come back later so that i’m not talking to myself here. I need to do some deep-thinking and figure out my future before it consumes me even more.

@ Robbo Thanks for the post man. I’m going to try to chill out and watch some of the Ancient Roman Documentaries I have on my computer even though I’ve seen them 100 times. I did smoke, whenever I could get it starting at 16 years old but very seldom at that age, because of my people issues and driving issues you kind of have to be an extrovert to get drugs like that.

The last year I smoked the most, and that’s only because I had a few hookups through someone else who had the hookup. So it still wasn’t me but the other person who knew people. I did smoke around 21-23 often when I could I used to get it from my Manager lol. Ya so much for Kroger’s (Biggest Grocery Chain in the U.S.) great reputation huh. The last two months i’ve been clean, but I just now started looking because I’ve been going nuts being completely out of a drug to turn to, I quit my DXM (Cough Syrup) and YES it does screw you up horribad if it has DXM in it and you take at least 240mg of it. I did that from 15-26 as of just a few months ago. I’m sure my insides are all messed up from that, all in all honestly I’ve done it at least 300 times or so more or less. I can’t stand sh*t talkers so if you can trust me then i’m not lying and considering 11 years of abuse lol getting up to 300 is pretty easy when you do it a few times a day to a few times a week on average. I did go a month or so without it due to $ issues and or fear of pharmacists finding out (People tend to notice when you buy cough syrup 5 times a week in July lol.)

But here I go again with my so called short post. Don’t get me wrong i’m not 100% on legalization due to the pros and cons of doing so, I just lean more towards legalization due to the extra revenue we need and FREE WILL that we supposedly have. As far as I know FREE WILL means if I choose to smoke or do drugs then that’s my decision, not the governments.

Thanks for the post though, i’m going to give my brain a break for a few hours on career outlook so I don’t go insane.

@ Toofat Thanks for the reply. I’m not sure if you missed the fact that there’s a 99% chance that I have Predominantly Inattentive ADD + Severe Social Anxiety, Generalized Anxiety, and Major Depressive Disorder, as well as headaches, and a few drug dependencies. Eating healthy requires money, it’s hard enough paying rent as it is let alone spending $20 dollars per meal lol. Therefore I can’t just flip a switch and become happy-go-lucky as your seeming to imply, unless I comprehended what you were trying to get across the wrong way. And like I said before I am taking St. Johns Wort, and Ginko Biloba for brain circulation and Mood Support. Those are cheap enough to where I can afford them (off brand dollar store) same exact thing if you ask me.)

The exercising is hard for me because I would have to get out and then I’d worry about everyone looking or watching me and what they were thinking (this has been a lifelong issue and I can’t just get over it or quit thinking about it.) It’s an automatic response. I could do it inside, however all I do inside in my room is 15 pushups 5-6 days a week. I’m so skinny that I have to start low and build myself up before I start overexerting myself. My father died at 44 last March, because of overexertion that caused a blood clot to go to his brain (aneurism that killed him.) He exercised all the time, didn’t do drugs, besides some red wine here and there, ran marathons, rode a bike for miles, etc. So considering all of that hasn’t helped me much either considering I don’t want to overexert but what I’ve always believed is everything in moderation is best. For all I know I could die around his age as well if not before then. Me and my dad were just alike in a lot of ways, as well as looking like one another to a T. Because of my failure to show emotions I handled his death pretty easily so that has nothing to do with any of my issues, I’ve had these issues since I was a kid.

I do appreciate the posts and everyone’s opinions I just thought i’d get that out if you haven’t read all of my posts on here, which explain a lot about me. So no, i’m not one of those who complain about having my issues for 6 months lol, I’ve actually dealt with these issues my entire life, and if it was so easy to get over wouldn’t I have done that by now? I used to want to be a Nutritionist, so i’m not uneducated when it comes to eating right, exercising etc. Another part of my issues is that I give up extremely easily, and it’s hard for me to stick to something. A lot of it I think has to due with instant gratification, I am extremely impatient so if I don’t see any results in 3 days I tend to say screw it and give up, of course I need to work on that but I think a lot of that has to do with the ADD perhaps, and it’s hard to overcome those personality traits without help.

I hope I covered everything there, I should go eat so I can take my morning St Johns and Ginko this morning before I forget. 😯

Awesome post! @Toofat

Ya It’s hard too differentiate if it’s me alone or a combination of me and my issues making it harder for me to say no, last night I was like well I haven’t smoked in 2 months so I won’t have to worry about it being in my system, but last night my uncle and his daughter came over and she had some, and of course I feel into the trap and smoked after being woke up and told wake and bake lol. So, I instantly failed at that (my fault because I could have said no.) I have a very low amount of willpower as does anyone who has dependency problems, especially if it’s offered. I know I definitely need to work on my willpower, but you also have to realize that when no one is there to help you such as family, friends, if you have any, co-workers, boss etc. Drugs are always there for you.

I do appreciate you sharing your knowledge, and admitting that you personally can’t relate to my issues. I personally think my issues are more extreme than most (not to boast) and that may be the reason why I have such a hard time overcoming them without some kind of help, this is the reason why I believe I need medication of some sort, because I’ve never been able to just get over my issues or surpass them in some way. I have had Individual Education Plans (Special ED help, Caseworker etc.) in school, as well as so called -Speech Classes, and a few therapist/counselors which obviously didn’t help any. Therefore I have reasoning for my curiosity of what medication may have in store for me.

I don’t mean to sound so negative but “it is what it is”. Thanks again for taking the time to care and write back. I do agree that I personally need to try harder instead of giving up so easily, but the struggle to do so coupled with my issues make the process that much harder.

Thanks again.

One thing I forgot I didn’t attend College due to change, fear of driving and finding out where the college is located ( I get lost going in a circle in a car 🙄 ), and of course all the people and cramped rooms I would have to deal with, and how hard the work may be due to my math and science noviceness. Online college ya I know, but some courses require hands on work i.e. probably Computers. I also have a fear of borrowing money I don’t have and being able to pay it back without going into debt. I know that the Government wants us to pull money out to further try to control us. Like this buy gold crap on TV, like they did in 1929 and then the govt confiscated everyone’s gold (this did happen look it up if you don’t believe me.) I believe that all these loans are part of that scam along with the buy gold, silver, diamonds etc. In this economy the best way to make money seems to be to invest in DOW especially since we are currently around 13.2000 up from 11.5 only 8 months or so ago. But you need money to make money.

And yes I’ve tried the so called money put aside by the govt. to help with Scholarships and Grants but what they don’t tell you is that to get these programs you either have to have been an honor student, or living ina certain area to receive them, or to write an essay that i’m sure has to be the top 100 in the U.S. to even qualify, so ya big waste of time.