ADHD Journeys and the Unbelievers

[Scattybird]

AliD – ipsofacto is right. There is a lot of physiological/biochemical evidence as well as increasing amounts of genetic evidence – eg http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/09/100929191312.htm

I too am in the UK and found the NHS impossible re my ADHD. It depends where you are. You might want to check out ADHD experts and have a name handy and ask to be referred when you see your GP – or you might be lucky.

Best to get a diagnosis.

Good luck.

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[allan wallace]

Heh, it’s weird how we do have such a quirky perspective on things, and we’re able to see something funny out of nearly all situations…the sheer absurdity of life alone could amuse me all day every day! It’s amazing that most people are just oblivious to it!

I was thinking this morning of a time back in the 90’s when I was by myself waiting to be admitted into one of those ultra-cool kinda undergound nightclubs at about 7 in the morning…yes, I was in lala land, but I had my wits about me. Anyway, this big ape bouncer had popped out to greet the diehards from the other clubs that were arriving, and as everybody was trying their hardest to be ‘cool’ I just pissed myself laughing as I gawped at him pointing at his chest. He had no shirt on under his big jacket and his inflated chest had been burnished with coconut oil, or something shiny. I just couldn’t help laughing at this big poser! It wasn’t a malicious mocking laugh, just a laugh at how ridiculous he looked. Even his doltish glare couldn’t stop me, in fact it made me laugh louder, and he sort of slunk back inside to hopefully put a shirt on or something…meh, the stuff that makes me laugh! Another time I’d had this weird trip, and I was playing pool with some hookers that I knew and some of the local riff raff, when a bouncer that we all knew called ‘Tiny’ joined us. I had heard earlier in the night that he’d been overly affectionate to some drag queens, and I was laughing so much that I was on the ground for quite a long period of time. My body ached from laughing! He was suspiscous at my laughing, and try as I might to ask him about it, I just couldn’t utter a single word before I exploded into laughter again! Man, if that big dumb ox had have known what I was laughing about I would have woken up in an ICU at the Royal Melbourne Hospital a week or so later! 😆

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[allan wallace]

Hmmm, yeah, it was just as well I couldn’t get the words out for Tiny…he’d have half killed me! 😯

Anyway, what is it that the docs are disputing? The legitimacy of the condition? I don’t get it. I had one doc refuse to prescribe a medication in another State of Oz, and when I asked him why he wasn’t prescribing what I’d had before he then began a bit of a rant about drugs in general. I cut him off when I realised where he was going with it, and told him that if it was drugs that I was seeking, a bloody shrinks office would be the last place that I’d source ’em! One wouldn’t have to look too hard for the real thing…even in bloody Antarctic Purgatory (Tasmania)….good luck with it all!

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[Anonymous]

Scattybird – I emailed that link to my psychologist friend and the reply I got was very curt – ‘Sorry. Still completely unconvinced. I hope you find what you want.’ That was it. How unsupportive is that?! And this woman is a team leader in a primary care trust working with adults. I’m actually gobsmacked. I think I’ve offended her ‘professional opinion’. But, she isn’t me and she doesn’t know how I feel or have felt more most of my childhood and adulthood. I had no idea there was so much controversy around it and I can see that I will have a fight on my hands.

I’ve decided to do a little work on me and my son. I’ve made a chart for each of us with each symptom/criteria down one side and the days of the week along the top. I’m just going to monitor his behaviour and how I’m feeling over a couple of weeks to see where the flash point are and to see if his behaviour is worse when mine is (I already know the answer…). Thought it might help to take that along when I finally see a doctor. Just an idea.

Thank you everyone for being here – I think if I hadn’t been talking to you, my ‘friend’s’ reaction might have put me off persuing this any further and I’d be back to square one again, stuck in an unhappy rut watching my son hurtling towards the same unhappy fete as me.

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[allan wallace]

G’day Ali, I don’t know what the process is like in the UK, but here in Oz it’s fairly arduous…for me it began with a referral to a psychologist by a GP for depression, and I was apparently scheduled for 6 appointments, but after what I think was the third session with her, she recommended that I see a psychiatrist for she felt that I had ADHD. I knew very little about it, and thought that she was mistaken for I’d convinced myself that I had chronic fatigue syndrome, anyway after I saw the shrink and answered all of his questions he informed me that I was a ‘text book’ ADHD subject…I was prescribed medication, and off I went. That was in 2008. I had very mixed feelings about it. It was a mixture of despair (Now that I was labelled a looney tune), relief (that there was a clinical reason for my shambolic life), and just a general sadness at finally being diagnosed. I’d avoided psychiatric scrutiny for so long because I feared that I’d be classified as something defective, dysfunctional, and demented, and now it was official, I had ‘mental health issues’, just as many people had suggested over the years…it was bloody demoralising, embarrassing, and exacerbated depression which gave my already low self-esteem a kick down a few more rungs lower than it already was.

Initially I responded in the way that I always respond to things: I was in denial, and I ignored the diagnosis. The meds lifted my spirits a bit, and at times I did see the rut that I had buried myself in, but I knew that the meds alone weren’t going to be a panacea. I needed to accept that I couldn’t hide from it anymore, and as hard as it has been, I’ve had to accept that I can’t do it alone. I need support, and I need to try and understand the condion which has so adversely impacted upon my ability to be the person that I’m capable of being that I might be able to somehow dilute the potency of the self-destructive tendencies that are inherently a part of me. I shamefully admitted to myself that I’ve never really tried to achieve anything because I expect to fail. I’m so used to not seeing anything through, and I’m so accustomed to letting people down that I realised that I’d become defined by my procrastination, my knack for fucking everything up, my disregard for myself, and my utter lack of motivation was due to my close association with abject failure! I’d become such a prolific loser, and so accustomed to being blamed for all disasters within 100 miles of me that I fatalistically learnt to just cop my whack, even if the wack had nothing to do with me…but, I could take it! Gee, I didn’t intend this to be depressing! I shan’t waffle on to much longer, but suffice to say, I’ve had my kicks up the backside from ‘authority’. From my very first day of primary school, to being expelled from my last high school, to the courts, and to being ‘banged up’. I’ve taken what they’ve dished up and not capitulated. They can’t, and never will crush my spirit…I don’t hate police, but I certainly hold most of them in contempt for being the spineless donut munching gnomes that they are! It really truly pisses these clipboard clutchers off that not everybody is terrified of them! They detest the impertinence of one person to defy a bloody army of them with a one fingered salute! Meh, don’t get me started on the bloody intrusive gnomes…just because one doesn’t wilt before them it doesn’t mean that one is a bloody one man crime wave either….

Hmm, I’ve gone off on one too many tangents, where was I? Ah yes, I just wish that I’d had my diagnosis in my teens so that I could have avoided so much of the shit that I had a magnetic attraction to. Even as disasters follwed me like the trails on comets, my most profound regret is the people that have been let down and hurt by my actions, or inactions. I deserved all that I copped, and then some, but it gnaws away at me the ones that I’ve burnt along the way. I wrote apologies for my cheating to a few girlfriends that I lived with, but there are countless souls that have suffered because of my kamikaze lifestyle… Gee whiz, you’d think that I’d watched too many crazy movies if I was to document the crazy rollercoaster ride. Even me with my panoramic imagination couldn’t make this stuff up lol! I can scarcely believe it myself, and I don’t dwell on it. I really should have been dead so many times….I hope that they don’t stuff it up with your lad. They must accept that treating this is so much better for everybody, and I hope that he doesn’t have to wait until middle age for a diagnosis as I did. I’m just lucky that I made it there to get diagnosed…. ,yikes, it’s late, and I’m tired, and I’ve probable waffled on far more than I intended to. I certainly began this post with a completely different purpose in mind. I’ll offer up something more sensible tomorrow. Goodnight and good luck…

Allan.

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[allan wallace]

Crikey, please forgive my rambling mumbo jumbo dripping with typos and TMI! I hope that I haven’t alarmed you, or anybody else…my brushes with mortality were almost always due to my own stupidity, carelessness, inability to regulate my own intake of alcohol or drugs etc.etc. It doesn’t mean that all ADHD kids are going to be headed down that same ruinous road…my defiant streak was honed by being buffeted by those ‘authority figures’ along the way…parents, teachers, cops etc. I was always blamed, belted, and punished, often unfairly, for things that I did or supposedly did. Anyway, it gets better, that’s all that I know…

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[allan wallace]

It’s odd that there isn’t a delete option! I’d like to torpedo the jibberish from last night…is there a way to circumvent the fora?

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[ipsofacto]

Sadly, most people believe what they want to believe. If people relied only on evidence, religion would be in tail spin decline, trickle down economics would only be found in history books, and ADHD would be an accepted fact.

It’s a weird world.

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[Anonymous]

One of my sons hardly speaks to me because of my cluttered house. It makes me so discouraged and sad. Another of my sons has undiagnosed ADHD and his life is a train wreck of botched relationships and drug abuse. He is very angry and needs therapy for that and needs to be diagnosed for ADHD and whatever else he has. I think he’s already been diagnosed with OCD which I also have. The same son that judges me, judges his brother, too, and just has no understand of either of our problems. He’s a professional person, too, but he’s just not interested enough to learn anything about what we’re dealing with.

We (other son and I) both are very depressed–yeah, we’ve both been diagnosed with that, as well, as I’m sure many of the rest of you have been. To make matters worse, we live in western WA, usa, where it rains about nine months of the year–the other three we have drought conditions.

Anyway, it’s just hard enough to have ADHD, and then to have other people who are supposed to “love” you, judge you, instead, without ever even trying to hear you out. Everything I say to this son, he replies, “You’re just using that as an excuse!!” He even said that when I told him the grief resulting from the death of another son eight years ago, made my clutter problem worse; he said I needed to “get over it!”. I wish I could get myself to a place where the judging by this clueless professional son of mine would not make me so sad and depressed.

Maybe I’ll feel better next time I visit here; maybe I’ll feel more upbeat. I have a good life; I’m retired, am a member of an art guild and a quilt guild, play in a ukelele band, and am part of a knitting group. And I have an understanding husband who feels our son is being very harsh with his judgement of me.

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[Anonymous]

Allan, your message was just fine. If you can’t rant here, where can you? If you take the feds out of the equation, I’ve had a fairly similar trajectory through life, but I have managed to PRETEND enough that I’m normal and just like everyone else that I’ve managed a few of the usual milestones you’d expect by 42. But now I have no executive job to hide behind (I took redundancy and wrote a novel) I’m all alone with 3 children at home and I can’t pretend any more. I haven’t in the least minded being rubbish at any of the jobs I’ve done, but I do mind being rubbish at being a mum, so that’s why I’m very happy that I’ve come across this and I feel ready to face the fear.

When I do see my son’s future life, I do indeed see drugs, alcohol, many many girlfriends, and a pretty mad life. I know he’s going to be a bloody nightmare of a teenager unless I do something NOW. I also see that he has massive potential too – he’s ridiculously clever (half the problem) and is very creative. He also isn’t the least be scared of blatently lying so I’m hoping he’ll be a top level lawyer! Lol – only joking. He hates authority too much for that. I know that step number one to help him is to help me and finally sort my stupid head out!

Ipsofacto – got another reply from my therapist friend. She must have gone away and had a think. She’s coming round for a cuppa tea and a ‘chat’ on Friday. Should be interesting!

MonkeyBarb – that’s very sad about the child that you lost and of course you will never ‘get over it’. I wonder if having family therapy might not help if your sons would be willing? Maybe your angry son hasn’t properly grieved for his brother and that’s why he’s attacking you. Felt very sad when I read your post.

I’ve had a really good day so far. After feeling very glum over the weekend and drinking too much wine, I got out in the sunshine in the park with my youngest then did 20 minutes on the rower listening to metallica full blast and I’ve made an appointment to see a hynotherapist. Feeling much more positive since I’ve been on here.

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[allan wallace]

Ali, It’s great that you’ve managed to navigate your way through some turbulence, and that you’ve found some solace in reading about others in similar predicaments. You’re right in recognising the need to provide your son with guidance, for if he has already developed a distaste for despotic types, he’ll need to learn how to interact with those types in such a way that he doesn’t find himself as a target for their sanctimonious wrath…after many years it has a cumulative effect which manifests itself in such a way that just about every word and deed that one is responsible for merely exacerbates that unwarranted and intrusive scrutiny, or attention….it becomes a bloody perpetual nightmare!

You make some very incisive observations! Fear is something that I’ve been mentally wrestling with recently. Not obvious fears like spiders and bugs etc. but, my deep seated and long held fears. Like failure. Letting people down. Attempting things that had hitherto been regarded as impossible. Understanding myself properly. Being an effective and attentive parent. They are just some of my fears…I love art, but have grieved at my own inability to master something as basic as kindy standard stickmen! I tend to focus too much on what I can’t do, rather on what I can do. I also have a love for music, but I have never attempted to learn how to play an instrument. I’d love to be able to play the piano, flute, or violin, but I’ve never even tried before because I’ve already convinced myself that I’d be crap at it, and would just be setting myself up for even more derision and scorn…I’m just beginning to embark upon that quest to try and make sense of what ADHD is all about, and as daunting as it is I realise that I must not procrastinate about it and persist, even when I don’t feel like doing so, for it’s the only way that I’ll be able to confront whatever it is that lies ahead. The alternative is to just go and lie on some train tracks, or throw myself down in the middle of a busy highway, because after decades of inertia I cannot , and will not, continue to just sit in a state of paralysis wondering why I’m always floundering on the pavement like a fish out of water… 😆

Monkybarb, your story made me very sad too when I read it. It troubled me for quite a bit of the night last night…*sigh*…how lovely would it be to live in an ADHD town where there was no big town clock? No judging of one another? Just a willingness to accept one another exactly as we all are, without the need for pretence, or without the pressure to impress one another? It would be so lovely to be on good terms with everybody, and know exactly where we all stood with one another, and the knowledge that all inevitable ‘fall-outs’ would be eventually amicably resolved devoid of any lingering rancour, or bitterness? *sigh* Our biggest challenge is just living cheek-by-jowl with the turbo-charged robots, no? Oh, and as for the ingrate son? I’d give him a quick kick up the arse and speculate on what would hit who first on the way back to terra firma after being hurled out the front door: the bag on the lad, or the lad on the bag? He needs some home truths imparted…and the sooner the better! 👿

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[Robbo]

Hey great!, another cool thread for my newest “best of ADD” folder. I decided to have some coffee today, so I’m a lil spun, (it only mellows me out if I drink a very small amount. But my apt. is getting so messy I can’t stand it. I don’t take ritalin any more. The wellbutrin is working well enough. I could also get evicted if there’s an inspection. It’s a low income housing complex. So I’m really needing to get my butt busy.

<<“Heh, it’s weird how we do have such a quirky perspective on things, and we’re able to see something funny out of nearly all situations…the sheer absurdity of life alone could amuse me all day every day! It’s amazing that most people are just oblivious to it! “>> LOL!, I found my twin. Hey allan, I think I’ll start calling you my “brother from another mother” sound okay? hehe. I’ll get working on that email I keep sayen I’ll send ya. You’ve got so much to say here it seems like we don’t need to trade email. But It would help me to finally start talking to someone about the truth about how the wheels under me have fried my brain and burned my soul. Denial has more endurance than I do, but it’s wearing down.

MonkeyBarb!

I’m glad to see you back around, you’re another one of the folks in this camp I can relate to the most. So much of what you say reminds me of my own painful family problems. I’m glad you’re involved in the ukalaylee thing and the rest of those social gathering things. That kinda pushes me to work harder at showing up for the groups n stuff I’ve got. Mine’s mostly therapy stuff. Anyways, I’m glad to see that friendly looking long faced doggy again. The look on his face reminds me of how I used to feel when around authority figures of any kind. Kinda like “Oh crap, how did I screw up this time?”

I’m not a musician, but I’ve read about how playing music, and keeping in time with others, even just a metranome can help rewire some parts of our screwy brain hard wiring. Of course ADHD can’t be cured, but lot’s of the other causes that have damaged my executive function can, and are being healed. Not all of our problems are from ADHD, I know that’s the case with me. I’m talking about neuroplasticity. There’s a lot more information available these days about how many of us have had minor forms of brain injury. In my case it was in football, later, mountain biking without a helmet. And of course an accident 16 years ago was a huge bonk on the head. The point is, there’s tons more hope we can make real progress than ever before. I have faith in the science of neuroplasticity, and faith in my own ability to not give up easy.

When it comes to family, not being able to give up has caused me tons and tons of pain and grief. It’s probably cause my parents a lot of extra grief too. I try not to think about them much, but if I did, I’m sure I could find tons of ADHD features in these characters. They are real characters too. I miss them a lot. They’re both still alive, but the relationship finally…. well, I’ve finally just given up. I don’t deserve the mean things my mom says to me.

I better quit before this turns into an therapy session.

Peace

11-5-12

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[DareToBeHappy]

A couple of those first quotes really struck me.  When I was officially diagnosed, I was halfway through my second year of university, and felt validated, but also skeptical.  If I’d had this all my life, then why was it never an issue before?  Why did everything become so overwhelming so suddenly?  How could I expect my parents to take my diagnosis seriously when I’d found my Dr. on my own, gotten tested, and told them myself?  And how could I expect my parents, anyone else, and even myself to admit that I had a learning disability?  “you don’t have ADHD. You’re just looking for an excuse for your laziness” was exactly what my family met me with when I told them I was first diagnosed three years ago, and again about a week ago when I expressed how I’d been feeling about returning to school.

And I can’t lie.  Sometimes, I agree with them.  In fact, sometimes I feel like “I just don’t believe ADHD exists” and that I’m searching for an excuse in order to shirk feeling like a slovenly, mopey, self-indulgent house cat.

Other days, I totally identify with everything I read here.

I have my rare days, however, when I try to stop thinking altogether and simply do, so that diagnosis or not, support from my family or not, I’m still accomplishing things regardless.

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[darktendril]

Explaining ADHD to someone who’s never had it, and in particular to someone who believes the whole thing is fake, is like trying to explain an orgasm to a bicycle.

LOL!! Too true

I have not told anyone that I have diagnosed ADHD, except for one friend who I strongly suspected also had it, encouraging her to get tested.  (Her therapist told her no, but sent her to a psychiatrist anyway – the psychiatrist said definitely yes ADHD!)

I have come to a point atm where I honestly don’t care if people believe in ADHD or not.  All I know is that my brain works very differently from most other people I know, and that medication helps me to function a bit more like “normal” people do.  Call that what you will 🙂

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[Patte Rosebank]

I guess they don’t believe that specific genes have been identified in all cases of ADHD (except for the tiny percentage due to a brain injury) either.  DRD-4 is the biggie, so far.

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