Been looking for the positives…

[Tiddler]

I work hard. I mean, I work REALLY hard. I left school with nothing and spent years working and studying until now, when I’m doing an MA at 40. Would I have had to work that hard if I didn’t have ADHD? Nope. Almost certainly not. Would I have felt the need to keep fighting – to keep wanting to do more and more and more? Probably not. The fight is a result of the ADHD – I may never have learnt how otherwise.

I work with kids with special needs in mainstream schools. I get them. I mean I really do understand them and respect them and they respect me. Would I be good at my job if I didn’t have ADHD? Probably. I’d certainly be better organised in it. But would I have such a good relationship with the kids, getting the best out of them with real empathy? Maybe not. Knowing what they go through goes a long way to being able to help them.

I don’t see things like other people do. I miss what others see as glaringly obvious but notice small things that appeal to me, like a turn of phrase or a particular expression that appeals to me. Where’s the positive in that? Well, that I have no clue what colour someone’s skin is, what their accent was like, what they were wearing, whether they had make-up on, whether they have hair or not or even if they have a facial ‘disfigurement’ maybe allows me to spend time with people without prejudgements or prejudice or expectations of what they will be like. Maybe that allows me to have relationships that I may have missed out on if I’d been noticing other things.

I don’t (can’t) manage routine. No positive there, surely? Well, maybe there is. I have absolutely no issue with friends turning up in the middle of the night after fallign out with their partners or needing somewhere to stay after a very long journey. I can drop whatever I’m doing and go be by someone’s side if that’s what they want, without hesitation.

And, so I can’t keep my thoughts to myself, but the upside is that people around me get to know me well and that does lead to open, honest friendships with other people who respect that about me.

I forget everything. How can that be a positive? Well, I’ve never, ever remembered anything long enough to bear a grudge.

😉

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[JimC.]

From my coach’s blog and website: http://www.addcoach4u.com/positivesofadd.

Positive Characteristics of People with Attention Deficit Disorder.

151 Positives.

Ability to find alternate paths to overcome obstacles

Able to take on large situations

Adaptive/collaborative

Adventurous, courageous, lives outside of boundaries

Always finding alternate routes to any given location.

Always willing to help others

Ambitious – you want to be everything when “you grow up”

Artistic

Attractive personality – magnetic due to high energy

Being able to see the big picture

Being able to see the patterns in the chaos.

Being intuitive towards others’ difficulties

Broad focus – can see more, notice things more

Can create order from chaos

Can do many projects at once

Can make people feel they are heard

Can see the big picture

Can talk about several things at one time

Can think on my feet

Career variety

Centre of attention

Comfortable talking in front of groups

Comfortable with change and chaos

Compassion for others and for themselves

Conceptualizes well

Confidence

Constantly evolving

Courageous

Creates connections easily

Creative

Creative writing

Creative – musical, artistic, “dramatic”

Good in a crisis

Good at customer relations

Dedicated

Detail-oriented

Determined to gain more control

Eager to make friends

Eager to try new things

Empathetic, sensitive

Energetic

Entrepreneurial

Excellent organizers using journals and reminders (notes etc.)

Flexible – changes as the situation requires

Fun guy to be around

Goal-oriented

Good at conceptualizing

Good at motivating self and others

Good at multitasking

Good at problem solving

Good at public speaking

Good at understanding others/mind reading – empathetic

Good conversationalist

Good delegator and good at organizing others

Good in emergency situations

Good listener

Good looking and aware of it

Good people skills

Good self esteem, energetic

Great brain-stormer

Great multitasker

Great self-company

Great sense of humour

Great storyteller

Great with kids (central figure around kids)

Hands-on workers

Hard worker

Has friendly relations with their family

Has the gift of gab

Helpful

Helps others who are also in trouble

High energy – go, go, go

Humour, very healthy, quick picking up ideas

Hyper focus !!

Hypersensitive – very empathetic and good at non-verbal communications

Idea generator

Imaginative

Impulsive (in a good way) not afraid to act

Initiators

Intelligent

Intuitive

It’s ok to not finish everything

Learning as much as I can to help children and others with adhd

Less sleep is good (midnight to 6 am)

Like to talk a lot

Likes learning new things

Look at multidimensional sides to a situation

Lots of interests

Loves to cook and be creative

Magnetic

Master idea generator

Mentoring others/helpful

Mentoring people with low self esteem

Modesty

Move on fast – never hold a grudge

Multitasks well

Never bored and rarely boring

Never intimidated to try new things

Non-linear, multi-dimensional/edge of chaos

Not afraid to speak mind

Not contained by boundaries.

On stage and ready

Optimistic

Outgoing

Passionate

Persistent

Philosophical

Holistic thinking

Playful

Pragmatic

Problem solver

Profound

Quick thinking

Quick witted

Relates to people easily

Resistant

Resourceful

Saves money in the short term by forgetting to file tax returns

See and remember details – recount them later

Sees the big picture

Socially adaptive and flexible.

Spontaneous

Stabilizer during difficult situations

Stable

Successful

Takes initiative

Tenacious

Theoretical

Think outside the box

Thinks 2 meters ahead of the world

Thinks big, dreams big

Thorough

Tolerant

Unconventional

Unlimited energy

Unorthodox

Versatile

Very creative, able to generate a lot of ideas

Very hard working to compensate – workaholic

Very intuitive

Very resourceful

Very successful

Visionary

Visual learner

Willing to explore

Willing to take risks

Willingness to help others

Witty

Won’t tolerate boredom

Works well under pressure

Worldly

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[Bibliophile]

I agree with you, Tiddler. I see little positive coming out of the ADHD symptoms.

The impulsivity, especially the emotional impulsivity has cost me friends and jobs over the years.

The inability to self motivate for any sustained period of time (or once the hyperfocus has departed) means that rarely is any skill mastered or anything completed. I am not good at networking because I cannot sustain the interest or motivation. The exception is video games as I only play for set time periods, they remember where I was, and I can take months or years to complete it with no penalty.

The fidgety/restlessness is fairly neutral. I just get up a lot. To compensate, I have become very good at chunking and prioritizing items. This doesn’t mean that I work better than others, just I have to go about it in a more regimented fashion and account for the wasted time.

Hyperfocusing or perseveration, call it whatever you want, is great when it is on something I am supposed to be doing. The problem is that I have little control. I often get fixated on something, not in a ritual way like OCD. I just can’t break away from a tangent. This can last for seconds or be reoccurring over days. When it pairs with my impulsivity, it results in fixation on purchasing an item that I may rationally know is not a good investment or wasting time, including something irrelevant in a report that serves no purpose, etc.

I do work fast, but I don’t think this is a symptom as much as a compensation for a deficit. My attention span is like an hourglass, with a set amount of sand. Knowing this, I work very, very fast to compensate as the task will not be completed if the hourglass runs out of sand before I am finished. Also, I try and complete tasks right away as I know anything pushed to the horizon will either be forgotten or never completed.

I do not buy in to the increase in “creativity” that others espouse about their ADHD. Sure, I think thoughts quickly, blurt them out, love to solve problems, but I cannot compare what is going on in my head with that of another given they may be thinking just as fast, but not expressing it like I feel compelled to do. I am not artistic. I have a good ear for music, but have never been able to master a musical instrument, having tried with different instruments repeatedly over the years. I am great a jerry-rigging IT solutions, but I am not sure I classify that as creative, more good at solving a problem with a quick solution that may not be the best in the long-term.

I am not trying to wallow or blame the ADHD. It is who I am after all. I just wanted to point out that the downside of the symptoms outweighs the odd positive and that the latter are often compensation skills and not the symptoms itself. I was diagnosed very young so this is not a new world for me. This is something I have consciously been fighting against for many years. I know that Ned Hallowell has said that he wouldn’t give it up if given the choice, but I am pretty sure that I would as I think it would improve my quality of life. Treatment has helped. Writing about it is cathartic as long as I don’t wallow in self pity.

The point is to stay positive about your life, even with ADHD. Recognize that your path will be different and keep going forward as best we can.

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[Bibliophile]

@JimC

So many of those are generalizations or could be applied to non-ADHD people as well. Some make no sense at all. For example, we are in no way “STABLE,” quite the antithesis actually.

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[JimC.]

@Bibliophile

List was intended to show there are possibilities for positives; of course it is a general list and not all apply to all people. Many don’t apply to me for example, but maybe to others.

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[Tiddler]

My list was intended to be an example of how I’ve found positives in the difficulties I encounter. I think that’s the most important part of my journey towards understanding myself so far. ADD makes things harder for me but sometimes things that don’t come easy are the things of most value.

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[Bibliophile]

I didn’t mean to detract from what you perceive as positive, just to impart my own interpretation of my symptoms’ effects. I think too often we associate our personality traits or skills/gifts as stemming from the symptoms, when they may be separate, as you indicated once above, Tiddler, or originate with the coping mechanism.

What I got from your statements is that you have found ways to work within your skill sets and abilities that allow the ADHD symptoms to be minimized or in some cases beneficial.

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[Tiddler]

Bibliophile, thanks for your response. I don’t think there is any positive trait that comes from having ADHD. It’s a disorder and I’m okay with that. But every one of us has strengths and what I’m finding now is that some of my strengths have undoubtedly come from learning to cope with the symptoms.

This is a really good thing. I have a lot of positive qualities that for a few months I simply could no longer see, because all I could see was what was holding me back – my ADHD. But now I’m turning a corner and seeing not only that the ADHD has held me back but that, in some ways, it has enabled some of my strengths to be tested and developed.

This is true of any hardship. I’m stronger for having dealt with some pretty crappy things that life has thrown at me. Sink or swim. I’m glad I’m swimming – for the most part!

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[Anonymous]

Funny, it’s hard to imagine we have the same thing going on….really hard….. it’s confusing! I hear you Biblio & Tid …….I do…..that’s what is so odd about all of this…..isn’t it?? How people can be diagnosed identically and yet are as different as cornflakes and tractor tires….(and don’t start telling me the similarities hahaha)……I’m amazed… truly amazed.

I do relate to the list and relate in a large way…….could it be it nurture , circumstance, chemistry differences….I don’t know…..or maybe we just differ……as do all of the non-ADD people of the world?? I guess you could pick any demographic or segment or culture and find people whose life seems to align with them, and they are pleased as punch….. then, just a easily find the converse and maybe more in that demographic???? I do know there folks are non-ADD folks, who struggle as well……and struggle painfully, in all walks of life. I’m not trying to minimize anybody’s life or the adversity they face or have overcome…….I just…wonder at it all.

I don’t know where I’m going with this……I guess it just shows the struggle the Medical Profession must be having……trying to wrap their arms around this ADD thing. When one thinks that really this site is populated by and large by those who struggle (not always) but by and large….does that mean there is (some %) out there that reap a so-called benefit……..how would we know…. they don’t come here looking for support or assistance…….. sooooooo……I continue to wonder about us all.

Toofat

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[Tiddler]

This is really interesting. I feel as if, for the moment, I’ve fallen right into the middle of the ‘gift’/’curse’ camps. This is a disorder and I don’t believe any of the symptoms are positive, so to that end I’m in the ‘curse’ camp. However, I also know that adversity forces people to work harder somehow – whether it’s fighting for our lives or dealing with grief or trying to make ends meet with very little money, or maybe dealing with a disorder or illness.

And everyone has strengths – including all of us. Although some people feel these strengths come with their ADHD, I don’t see it that way. They’re just a part of me, like the ADHD is. The strengths, the faults, the good, the bad, the joys and the sorrows – all just me.

So, if my ADHD was stolen from me in the night I’d do a merry dance of joy. but given that it’s here, what have I gained from fighting it? And that’s what I’ve written above. The ADHD didn’t give me those strengths – it just made me use them, maybe?

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[Tiddler]

I often wonder at that too, toofat. That maybe there are ADDers out there who don’t come here because they don’t need it – they’re merrily plodding along being impulsive and erratic and forgetful and innattentive and it’s all tickety boo for them. Maybe even to the point where they enjoy the surrounding chaos and can thrive on it.

If so, I’d like to be them.

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[kc5jck]

Perhaps the success of someone with ADHD lies in identifying negative characteristics and learning how to capitalize on them in a positive and creative way. The constant struggle to do so helps to develop our creativity and ability to find alternative solutions to problems.

Go back and read the 151 Positives as 151 Coping mechanisms that must be developed by the ADHD person in order to succeed and see if, in that context, the list makes more sense.

So you “Can do many projects at once” because you can’t focus or maintain attention sufficiently long to complete even one.

2455987.39177

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[Bill]

I too have struggled with this issue and have come to the realization that I can’t take all my “bad” parts, label them as ADHD and get rid of them. I am a package deal. You get all of me or none of me. The issue is identifying the obstacles in my way and dealing with them one by one. I am highly creative and highly intelligent, but early on I could see that less intelligent people were a lot more successful than I was. The ADHD diagnosis opened up new possibilities for me, but it didn’t change who or what I am. ADHD medication has not turned me into an overnight success.

What I have decided to do is ignore my ADHD diagnosis. It was a useful way to find medication that actually helps me, and it has sensitized me to tasks and situations where I tend to fail, but beyond that, it has no practical use. My family, business and personal situations bring out useful and not so useful parts of me. That’s what I need to deal with, not this theoretical group of symptoms called ADHD.

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[JimC.]

OK visualization time: for me it’s like running across a pond, jumping from lily pad to lily pad before each one sinks, while wearing kaleidoscope glasses in bright sunlight. Onlookers on shore shout “you’re not going to make it” among other lines.

So as all of you say, & knowing my weaker points now, I’ll embrace the rush of making it across the pond while trying to enjoy it. The onlookers with negative stuff (you’re not applying yourself) can take a hike, I’m busy enjoying the excitement of the dash across the pond.

The occasional wet foot is inevitable, but hey, it’s way more fun than being “normal”.

Jim

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[Anonymous]

Tid I do believe that is a distinct possibility…….I do, but I see those folks maybe absent for different reasons!! Funny as I read your post “they’re merrily plodding along being impulsive and erratic and forgetful and innattentive and it’s all tickety boo for them.”……..I went back a number of times…it made me think…….really think. See the fact is ( tell if I’m off here)….your vision tells you those labels are negatives……and those traits cause you heartache and concern…..yes??? Fair enough.

See, I don’t have those traits ( I don’t think ) not to any real detriment, and I think there are others out there like me, and they too fall mainly on the list posted by JimC. See….that list is almost all I see….a lot of that is my life!!!! I guess, there are no behavioral descriptors that go along with your erratic, forgetful etc comments …….sooooo……..really, it’s hard to get a handle on, I can’t be sure even about the degree of what we are speaking. The point is here I am…..I am ADD….and vastly different from the Linears yet…..quite different here too………..what the hell???

What comes to mind is……this is a woefully inadequate way to communicate….but we try. “We endeavor to persevere” ( Chief Dan George ). I would really think from time to time, I would enjoy face time with folks from here but…..$$$ and time…and and and…ya I know …..wishful thinking.

By the way…..I hope this is not taken as being dismissive….or……off-handed………in any way… there is no way to really communicate feelings…or ….or any emotion or empathy. I know and understand what your describing ( I have a bit of that )….ah hell, I’ll leave it there.

Toofat

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