Been looking for the positives…

[Anonymous]

@toofat…. I’m not implying that one cannot have special gifts and talents. And I do not encourage one to think of himself as average. In fact, I do not encourage one to try and rank themselves among others at all!! I do , however, believe that a preoccupation of self, whether too much or too little, is not healthy!

Why you say? For me, this is what causes a lot of my social problems. I’m so preoccupied with myself and my thoughts that I miss cues, messages and sometimes direct communication from others. Not all, but for some ADDers, this is what gives us that aloof look.

Although, I’m not trying to be selfish, if I don’t constantly make myself aware of the fact I’m preoccupied with myself and my thoughts, then that’s what I am.

So even with my special talents, I am just like everyone else. I want love, friendship, stability, a meaningful career centered around my gifts and passion and to be accepted the way I am.

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[Anonymous]

Gman, you have to take some of the posts on this board with a grain of salt or ignore them altogether. You have to find what is right for you, not what is right for these other people. If their message is not for you, then let it go.

It is hard to live a life with no regrets. I know. I’m filled with them. It is also hard to love oneself when growing up feeds you a message that your difference is a disappointment to society. These are two very difficult habits to overcome. I can understand how one can find oneself trapped with their own thoughts in their own head, always trying to predict what is the right thing to say and then trying to figure out if what you did was the right thing.

Some of us have thick skins and can overcome any negative feedback. And some of us may never develop that kind of skin.

What you can do is start to develop some new responses to things that upset you. Try breathing. Just some deep breaths, like you’re slowly filling a lake in your belly. Then slowly let it drain, relaxing as you do so. It helps to fill your mind with something, like counting, to push aside the distractions so all you are doing is breathing and counting. The point is to just push any other thought out of your head, even for just the span of a few short breaths.

I know, impatient as I am, it’s hard to keep it going for long. But I’ve found it more effective than just “willing myself” to not think about things. If you can relax, you can face things with a mind that’s just a little calmer.

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[Anonymous]

Absolutely! I understand we all have a vision…we must, our brain insists on it. We also rationalize what we see through our vision and of course turn it into an interpretation that is our reality. I get that too. I also under stand my vision is flawed and therefore so is my reality. Fact is, everybody’s vision is flawed, or different, as are the realities that ensue…….that’s just the way it works.

I guess the point being…….there is no doubt, issues abound for some folks, there is no denying it….nor would, or should I….it’s not my place, ever…. but as noted…….this is a positive thread. This thread appears to seek affirmation of the possible, or a glimpse of potential attributes and….. dare I say….even examples of reveling in the good stuff, some of us experience. An attempt to find some joy in Mudville.

It seems very difficult to bring an upside to the table….it is often met with….hmmmm……opposition, for lack of a better term. I understand why….clearly…..so when a “Posi” thread does appear, I’m all over it.

I guess any person looking for a little sunshine, hope/optimism, in what could essentially be their cloudy day, week , month…life should be able to find some sunshine here too……..yes??? I’m jus sayin’…….

Toofat

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[Tiddler]

Yes – I’m looking for the sunshine. We all have stuff we CAN do. ADD doesn’t take that away from us.

The less consumed by what has been holding me back the stronger I’m feeling. I’m in a real whirlwind of a place right now, moving from despair to hope, and I want to keep moving until I find out how to work with my strengths.

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[Anonymous]

@ Tiddler

Start small…. ( not like ickle ) ! xx

Add colour to your home, greens/yellows/light blues. Your home envio is a reflection of you, start there is my advice xx

WOFH

Pete xx

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[Tiddler]

Thanks Peter.

I do love those colours.

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[Anonymous]

That’s great Tid……we can all stand to work with our vision…figure out where the flaws and distortions lay…….and focus on replacing those pieces. Time….time, effort and desire…….it took us a long time get here….it will take a while to make the changes. It’s all part of the journey……yes???

It’s 3.24……..glad somebody else is up!!

Toofat

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[Tiddler]

I’m in England, toofat. It was about 9am here I thnk. But I often post here in the middle the night. Sorry you were awake at silly o’clock too!

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[trashman]

how do you guys know, if what you guys are dealing with is normal, or related to your adhd or something else?

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[Tiddler]

Trashman, I don’t know. Is it ADHD that’s caused my sleep problems or my problems with past domestic abuse or something else? Ultimately, it doesn’t really matter. I have ADHD and I have a past that is very sad in parts. The two BOTH cause issues. I like unpicking things but ultimately it doesn’t matter. The end result is still that I lie awake.

And the sleep problems are helped, regardless of the cause, by a more positive state of mind.

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[Anonymous]

Trash……i believe we are complicated creatures. I don’t think that is up for debate actually…..and your question resonates with me. We are such a conglomeration of nurture, chemistry, socio-economics….environmental experience…..and not the least which is the constant bombardment of media and media messages, everywhere, all the time . I dare say that media may well be one of the largest influences on people their lives and mental state today……. at least in the more technologically advanced countries.

Pressure on, and expectations of, people are also on an ever increasingly steeper and steeper curve….expectations of children…infants actually, to start their life transition and path at an ever increasingly early age. In some circles if you don’t go to the right play-school, or prep-school, your doomed at the tender age of 4. Really….see I believe that’s crazy….really crazy??? Everybody must excel…..or be labeled a cast away….labeled by whom??? TV blasts messages at people for years and years on end…not just the news media which is owned by the top 10 $$$$ families in the US, with their own agenda of having it ALL……..but advertisements too…. they have an agenda, and it’s not your health or welfare!!. There is a reason commercials and magazine covers cost huge money to produce…..if you think they don’t have highly paid Psychiatrists working on all advertising campaigns to determine the best way to get into the psyche of the market…… one would be sadly mistaken. So with all of this stimuli bombarding people from womb to tomb is there any wonder why people struggle with a myriad of issues……let alone trying to determine the source or root of their issues??? Are people confused….stressed….feeling odd…like they don’t belong and don’t measure up…..can’t keep all the balls in the air? Ostrasized, if they appear to be other than what is vogue or different from the model ……of course……..my gawd look around…….it is nuts out there…..crazy actually and spiraling!!!! Well screw em…..I won’t play…..never have really…..I don’t believe it’s healthy…..I’m my own man and it bothers people……a lot!!! Tuff shit!!!

I’m not a big conspiracy theorist by any means….not at all!!! However, I do try live my life aware…..by that I mean aware of what is out there, the marketing establishment…the political machine and the tools and money at their disposal and how they are used and the morality they deploy to meet their end. I know what this sounds like….CRAZY…….but it is my belief that those contrived stimuli are mostly ineffectual once you understand them.

So when you ask, how do you know what it is that brings dis-ease and dis-chord to one’s table ADD, OCD or what have you…I try and share this….. read, learn, talk, educate oneself……not only about your history your nuturing and chemistry but about your environment micro and macro…….find out how you relate to all those things, understand what you truly believe, where you got your information and why. I try and stay cognisant of all those things, all the time and I have brought my children up to be the same. Question question question…..why , what do I believe….. what is my relationship to this information….if any at all. I’m not pre-occupied I’m just aware, it actually is stimulating and I enjoy it…….and it’s freeing.

All of this fits nicely hand in glove will self awareness…..they are a little inseparable………in the end…..awareness allowed me to step off and step aside………and let that crazy shit just go by. It is like subliminal advertising…..it only works when the target is unaware!!!!

Or sumthin’ like that…….

Toofat

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[trashman]

thanks,Toofat I think I have to stop trying to fit in and just be me.I like being a nice caring person if the people in my life just want to drain me dry, maybe I should just get used to being who I want to be and to bad for the rest of the world, that’s hard for me to be like that but may be its time I learn. then I don’t have to fit in.

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[Anonymous]

No Trashman, you don’t have to fit in – you just need to learn as much about yourself as possible. When you know certain things overwhelm you, you can develop a strategy to deal with it. Let’s face it, until we’re old and retired, (and sometimes even after that) we’re going to find ourselves in positions that we would prefer to not be in. Learning some good coping strategies to deal with those situations means that they will not take as big a toll on us. And then we can learn not to dread them so much and with that set of worries removed we can be better equipped to do what ever it is that we do best.

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[Anonymous]

Hey Gameguy….easy on the “Old Retired’ stuff buddy!!! Some of us resemble that remark!!!

Trash…..that’s just me…..I share, and do what’s right for me…….and I studied the other stuff (1) To be aware of the world, really aware and (2) To be aware of how I needed to, or not to fit within it…….according to my vision of it.

My heart tells me what’s right…..I just need to listen…….it tells me how to be……without regret.

Toofat

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[Author]

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