Bullying

[nellie]

Peter, Lol I went to primary school in the 1960’s in a crappy little school – they barely had teachers let alone counsellors. I think the library was only open once a week It was still quite an authoritarian regime. Matter of fact they were still allowed to use corporal punishment on boys. So the likelihood of a teacher having sympathy for me were probably slim to none. But your idea of checking records is an interesting one. Maybe I’ll try and do that. Although since the school was closed down at one point I somehow doubt I’ll have much luck.

It would be really interesting to see if any comments were made in a record of some sort. When I got my ADD assessment done I was looking through my old report cards hoping for insight. I think there were maybe two actual written comments, all the reports were just tick marks in checkboxes throughout my entire primary school years. But who knows, maybe they were just an incredibly lazy bunch of teachers and treated everyone the same! way!

So Allan you were a reverse bully? I guess it’s the get them before they get me strategy

Tiddler how awful. It’s astounding that this sort of thing still goes on. With all this PR surrounding anti-bullying campaigns these days one would think things should change more swiftly.

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[Fabulous]

Hi Nellie,

You are not alone. Even today, it seems to me that too often the schools that actually *are* acting on bullying are doing so mostly as a means of limiting liability and/or managing their public image. While bullying-education activities and events are staged, bullying goes on in the classroom and when it is reported the response is along the lines of ‘well-what-did-he-do-to-cause-it?’ My friend’s son has ADHD and is 10 years old and he is being bullied by a pack that seems to grow in number every day. The school does nothing but suggest that he has done something to deserve it.

And therein lies the rub: victims of bullying are stigmatized.

They are told not to play the “victim”. They are accused of not standing up for themselves. They are made accountable for their bully’s behavior. Or, they are accused of paranoia, conspiracy theories, and of making false allegations. And when they stand up for themselves they are vilified — many a victim is accused of being an aggressor.

Worst of all, bullying causes so much shame in the victim that a self-stigmatization takes hold. You hate to do anything to call attention to the bullying because you dread the stigma and the shame of being the “victim”.

The stigma then extends to the victim’s friends and acquaintances. This is what causes the friends to abandon the victim — they fear being stigmatized too. Isolation results. This is the shunning behaviour that causes incredible harm to the victim — both physical and psychological — disarms them even further, and enables the covert bullying that sees the victim defamed, discredited, ridiculed, and tried in their own absence. When someone confronts you with aggression, you have options for how you react. But when the aggression is covert, you’re kept in ignorance and isolation and your options are taken away.

It took me decades to get to the point of being able to admit what happened to me. I identified as a strong, smart, capable person, so I ran from the “victim” hat; never naming the problem. I was ashamed. But when you have been damaged by bullying, denying it doesn’t help. It only makes things worse and enables the bully. And the people who are around the victim need to be able to name it too. It takes guts.

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[Patte Rosebank]

Victims of bullying are usually treated the same as victims of sexual abuse. If they report it, THEY are the ones who have to defend themselves, and they’re often not believed, particularly if the abuser is known for charitable works—like Jerry Sandusky, Jimmy Savile, and many a priest and Scout leader.

In positive news, it was very satisfying to hear that a group of 8 girls was arrested in London, Ontario, last week, and charged with criminal harassment, for their bullying ways. Hopefully, they’ll get just enough jail time to show them what it’s like to be bullied and unable to escape from it.

Maybe that’s the answer. Instead of just complaining to the schools, parents of bullying victims should go to the police and file formal criminal charges against bullies. That way, it will be treated as the serious offense that it is.

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[Fabulous]

I like that idea, Larynxa. I feel so bad for these kids who are getting bullied mercilessly, including online.

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[allan wallace]

Yeah, bullying is something that I detest. Yet, for all of the protestations, slick campaigns, handing out of t-shirts, and putting up of plaques and posters, it will continue. It always gives me a bit of a buzz when I hear about a bully getting a serving of poetic justice…don’t let bullies make your lives miserable. They are weak, and only seek to elevate themselves at the expense of somebody that they perceive to be even weaker than them. Give the next bully that targets you a verbal barrage, or even better, a smack in the gob!

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[Fabulous]

I like that, Allan! I need to find a good resource for legal revenge strategies …

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[Author]

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