Can a person with ADD/ADHD start a group for ADDers.

[Robbo]

Thanks for posting that link @Larynxa, it’s really cool that those webinars become available for us.

Hi @Evelyn, welcome to one of the friendliest forums I’ve found on the Internet. This is a huge place for finding solutions to any and all of your ADHD and just general life struggles.

I’m glad you’ve shared the details of your life with us here. You’ve managed to handle so really large challenges. It’s especially valuable experience when you share it here. We’ll be watching you and of course caring a lot about how you’re doing.

I’ve been able to keep myself entertained for hours in the past. Just reading through the various and sundry “ADHD adventure stories” all across this forum.

Your story is equally interesting and heartwarming. The peoples lives that you were part of were made much easier and I’m sure you kept them well entertained along the way. It’s true for a lot of us that we get sort of busy with not giving ourselves enough credit for the things we’ve done well at. I can see that you’ve done really well in several other peoples lives.

You’re capable of the very valuable self sacrifice that our world desperately needs these day. Your father in law was one of the more lucky recipients of your kindness.

And now it’s us. So welcome to one of the nicest gathering places on the Internet.

I have gone through may periods in my life when there was “something special” about sleeping on the couch. It’s sorta like a treat of some kind. Maybe it’s about being forced to go to be early when I was a kid. My brother and I used to take turns sneaking out into the hallway and watching the TV, (while parents were on the couch, not knowing I was on my belly in the hallway, watching them watch TV… lol) I guess it’s lucky that they never fooled around, at least that I remember, huh?.

As a teenager, I found it always much easier to fall asleep on the couch after school. When I should have been doing homework. But then when I went to bed… Nope… couldn’t sleep!. N just looked at my annoyingly not done homework sitting there…. annoying me. That’s pretty annoying…

Well crap!. I wonder if MarieAngell is up to something important here. It’s a good question to ask.

What does the couch mean to you?

There’s a whole lot of difference between sleeping on the couch, and sleeping in our bedroom. Could be interesting. I know this. It’s kindof a treat to sleep on the couch. Maybe you just need to give yourself some permission to “have the treat that you most definitely deserve to have”

You’ve done so very much to deserve a nice treat. In the form of a fluffy, comfortable recline on your couch!.

:0)~

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[Patte Rosebank]

@Evelyn, learning and sharing (whether in-person, or virtually) is a great way to help others, and yourself too.  Remember, it’s a *support* group, not a class with one teacher and a bunch of students.

Success depends a lot on planning things properly before you start doing them.  Or, as my dad says, “You’ll never build the Taj Mahal, if you’re using plans for a 3-holer.”  (Now, if I could just remember to follow that advice, every time…)

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It’s a big project to create a new local group.  Before you start, check if you really need to create one.

If there’s already an ADD support group not too far from where you are, then you can just join it.  Ask your local mental health & social services departments, and also check http://www.meetup.com.

If you find out that there isn’t an existing support group, then you can start planning one.

Maybe you could do it in conjunction with your local health & social services departments.  That way, it would have more structure, and you could get support from those departments.  It would be easier than trying to do it all on your own.  Or, you could create a group through Meetup.

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[Patte Rosebank]

Just a reminder:  Always hold your meetings in a public place, and don’t give out your personal address.

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[Evelyn]

M&Ms with Peanuts, thank you for the welcome and another way to look at sleeping on the couch. I don’t really sleep well there for my back, but in my bedroom the heat register blows on my face and it wakes me up. It might be a trade-off.

——-) I just realized that this morning by the way, I woke up in a near panic because I couldn’t breath, almost like a hot-flash.

I have found some valuable information too on this website. The most valuable thing I’ve found though is the people who are willing to listen and try to understand what I’m really saying, even if I’m not sure of what I’m saying.

Another thing that I seem to do is start thinking while I’m complaining, and sometimes what I come up with starts turning me positive again, because I remembered something I did that made me feel worthy of the air I was breathing.

My step-dad was difficult only because his care was constant, sometimes it seemed like 25/7, But the blessings were all those innocent things he did that made me laugh. Those moments of lucidity that only lasted an hour or so, but were really good conversations. The stories he couldn’t remember the details to so he made up stuff to fill in the blanks. And how every thing he looked at was new and wonderful. Except the neighbors tree across the street, He was always going to cut it down, it frustrated him so much he’d get all worked up. The tree is near the end of it’s life and barely has leaves on it. But Jean, the neighbor across the street said that her, and her husband found the tree growing in the backyard so they moved it, together, to the front yard. It was one of her fondest memories. So I never told her how Leo felt about the tree. When I told him, he would calm down. but then ten minutes later he’d start all over again about the tree.

Ok gotta come to the present here.

Now I just gotta do well in my life!!

My sister was living here to help me with paying the bills and other stuff. But she never had the money to help. felt she was entitled to whatever money was left after expenses. In the 3 years I took care of Leo nobody ever offered to help. Until the end, where “if there was one” the big reward would be. But what I did enjoy was having my sister here, now she is moving out and my heart is breaking. It’s not like she was here that much, but I knew at some point she would show up. She is moving in with her boyfriend.

Part of me is glad, because I will be able to rearrange the house the way I want to. But I spent so many years alone that it just hurts. I really didn’t expect to feel this way. I just don’t understand it.

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[Patte Rosebank]

Part of me is glad, because I will be able to rearrange the house the way I want to. But I spent so many years alone that it just hurts. I really didn’t expect to feel this way. I just don’t understand it.

That sounds like the same sort of feelings you probably had when your step-dad finally lost his battle.  (My mom felt like that when my grandmother died, after 10 years of Alzheimer’s.)

Even though your sister is just moving out, you still feel a sense of loss that she’s going.  And it’s coming so soon after you lost your step-dad, that it’s a double-loss.

Just as with your step-dad, it’s a loss that you knew was coming, and even though it’s a relief to no longer have all those duties and obligations you had, it also means that you’ve lost the sense of purpose that all those duties and obligations gave you.  You probably also feel guilty for feeling relieved that it’s over.

These feelings are perfectly normal for someone in your situation.  Let yourself grieve a bit.  You need to take the time to mourn your losses, before you can move on.  If you feel it getting too overwhelming, reach out for help.

Remember, you’re not alone.  You have our quirky little community here to give you a virtual hug and reassure you that things will get better.

If you need a laugh, I find that watching Bill’s ADDventures (http://totallyadd.com/category/bills-addventures) always lifts my spirits.

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[Evelyn]

Larynxa, I did look in meet-up, nothing is there. I’ve looked at my mental facility too. nothing there not even for children with ADHD, which is odd. So if there is going to be one within driving distance of me I will have to put it together.

Now that I think of it though, There is a woman who is the director of a caregiver group who also has ADD. She might be able to help me. I think I’ll give her a call.

I’ll let you know how that goes.

Your dad sounds a lot like my dad. And funny you should call it a 3-holer your dad must have been rich we only had a 2-holer (We lived in Missouri), but he always talked about adding on.

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I have found some tutorials online that is helping me with my website stuff. I haven’t done anything yet, to my website, but I am learning about some stuff with WordPress, which is what I have at the moment to work with.

I learned how to make what is called a child theme for the theme of my WordPress so I can make any changes I want without messing up the original. and if they update without letting me know, the theme that is, it won’t effect my modifications.

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[Evelyn]

Larynxa, It took me all day to compose that post up there, you sent your post while I was composing it so I missed it until after I sent mine.

I think you are right, plus it’s mixed in with the feelings that I don’t know how I’m going to pay the bills. She wasn’t helping but she would say she was going to, now she doesn’t have a reason to feel obligated. I’m not trying to reduce my feelings to remorse over being taken advantage of, but I think it dose play some part in this, even if I don’t like to admit it. I even have a very hard time asking her to pay her share, I have only asked her for money once. But I was working at the time.

Maybe it was because I was afraid I would chase her away. I don’t really know but I think if I keep thinking about this too much I’ll cause myself more problems than I have.

And yes I do have to catch up on my grieving, It takes time though and is very debilitating. Unfortunately the world won’t wait ’til I’m done. I hate sounding like a broken record but bills have to be paid, and I don’t know where the money is going to come from. The mortgage scares me the most, because it is handled by my step-dads credit union, which has made working with them difficult because I had a bankruptcy back in 2005, and caused them a loss. They wouldn’t have honored Leo’s power of attorney if I hadn’t threatened to move his accounts to another credit union. I can’t change who holds the note until I’ve been working a year or I get a win-fall of about 26 tho. Which would cover the mortgage and a years worth of bills.

Any way I just have to find a way to keep going and worry about the grieving later, or just have bad days. I don’t know… I do play the lottery once in a while.– pray for me to win.

I’m hoping if I can make this internet thing work for me soon enough I may be able to avert a catastrophe. I can write. I can make sense when I write. So maybe it will work.

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I may be taking you guys up on that virtual hug a lot! Quirks or no quirks. I do feel guilty sometimes.

I’m kind of angry too, but I can’t quite put my finger on why, maybe because there is so much to be angry about. Maybe there is nothing to be angry about hard to say right now.

Most of the time I just want to hide. Walk away from everything, and just be a soul at large. Of course it won’t solve anything, and I’ll be really homeless too. Wow this is so big.

I don’t think I know what I want.

Maybe I should stop now.

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[Pamela]

Support and friendship are a strong foundation for a support group.  I think the correspondence above proves that people with ADD can definitely start a group for ADDers.

Remember, you’re not alone.  You have our quirky little community here to give you a virtual hug and reassure you that things will get better  (Larynxa)

Support and stories that are shared seem to give  hope to others.  I think ADDers are making a difference to other ADDers by listening to each others stories.  Helping another person can change the direction of your own life.  Yes…this is a quirky little community that makes a difference and I’m glad to be a part of it.

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[MarieAngell]

Evelyn, I’ve been away from the forums for a few days, but I want to catch up on all  you’ve written about, so please forgive the long post that follows.

Being sociable is such a big pain yet we need it. Sigh. I have problems in this area and don’t have all the answers. My son’s therapist has been addressing this issue. She’s getting him to think of strategies to connect with individuals about one thing at a time. For example, he has a friend who’s not interested in as many things as my son. So when they get together, my son’s going to suggest they play a video game together because they have that in common. The boy may become his “video game friend” or their friendship may expand over time. He and I are both trying out some new special interest groups to see if there are activities or events that might eventually result in satisfying social interactions.

The therapist also suggests incremental steps to socializing. Rather than going to an overwhelming party, simply say hello to someone at the store (for example) to re-orient the connection with people and experience success rather than failure. And if you have failures, think non-judgmentally about what you felt during that failure and how you might do better next time. I’ve been trying these things and they’re helping me.

My son sees a cognitive therapist and there is a big difference with her as opposed to other therapists we’ve seen. It’s very goal-oriented and direct–which could explain some of your frustrations with therapists.

This therapist is very insistent on speaking up at the moment something happens. At first, this was an unnerving idea, because, I’ve been like you–unsure, keep the peace, etc. But my son has had some real difficulties with bottling up his feelings and then exploding in anger. Expressing himself has been tricky because it’s not always comfortable or elegant, but he’s becoming better and better at it. His overall mood has improved as well (win-win!). We call him the Truth Police now, because if we’re not direct, he’ll call us on it. So we’re all in this thing now!

I’m the one who brought up Tiny Habits. Your habits are much better than mine! I really like Tiny Habits, but I struggled with finding habits to hang new habits onto. I love your idea of turning on the shower right away–I’m terrible with timing my shower, postponing it throughout the day. But I couldn’t think of a way to make it a habit and you solved that. You’ve inspired me. Thank you!

I live in a large city and I can’t find a good ADHD group, so it’s no surprise to me that there isn’t one near you. Starting one can work if you make it as simple as possible. Even better if you can find someone to help coordinate it and/or lead it with you.

I’ve been to some ADHD and some non-ADHD groups and I urge you to have a very specific topic for each meeting (which can be as simple as The One Biggest Thing I Accomplished This Week) and to strictly time-limit both member comments and the length of the meeting. This would be great for support as well as having some social aspects. Go for it!

Having your sister move out is difficult. I can understand why you’re experiencing mixed feelings about this, as well as general feelings of anger. You have a lot of reasons for anger! There’s a company that designed a “scream room” for their employees. That sounds marvelous to me.

Sounds like you were a wonderful caregiver. I know you’re exhausted by doing that, but, still, if you’re up for it, it’s always difficult to find good caregivers. Would you be willing to take someone into your home again, either as a caregiver or a roommate? Is there much demand for that in your area? Are there any respite programs for caregivers in your area? Respite might be something you could more easily take advantage of as a professional caregiver or providing respite care might be a source of revenue for you.

Have you considered listing a room for short term rental on a service like Airbnb? Airbnb is nice for a single woman because it has some verification aspects. I know several people who’ve had good experiences with that both as providers and users.

Uh oh. I’ve gone all ADHD on you. Stopping now.

 

 

 

 

 

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[Evelyn]

Pamela, Thank you for pointing out the above correspondence, I sometimes rush to the latest posts without re reading what I’ve already written, which also puts out of my mind the responses to those posts.

I can’t express how much this quirky little community has helped me over the past several weeks. These are the connections I wish I could have made with my peers while growing up.

I don’t even have this with family. I truly feel warmth in my chest, or pressure, or something, it almost hurts.

I do know it is emotion though, and not last nights chicken/cabbage casserole.

With my family and friends there is really a void when it comes to talking to them about my problems. Not always, they do sometimes hear me, or feel me. But it is usually brief, and I can sense their discomfort.

Thank you, for listening to my stories and helping me feel.

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[Patte Rosebank]

I don’t even have this with family. I truly feel warmth in my chest, or pressure, or something, it almost hurts.

@Evelyn, that sounds like it might be the warm glow of happiness.  When you’ve been down for a long time, you tend to forget what that glow feels like.

(If it turns out that it *is* the chicken/cabbage casserole, don’t try to suppress it.  Some things are better out than in.)

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[MarieAngell]

Evelyn, it goes both ways. Your resilience is amazing.  Sometimes it’s hard to relax with people who don’t get it. It’s nice to be able to talk to your own kind. That’s why I know if you started a support group, it would be so welcome.

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[Mary]

What an amazing thread ~ Y’all ROCK !!!

 

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[Evelyn]

MarieAngell,
Nothing to forgive “seen my posts?” I can be a little long winded too. Plus I do like to read. Especially on this website it is either informative, entertaining, or something I can identify with.

I am having trouble composing tonight. I have it on my word processor but I just keep getting really off topic. You know like an ADDer.

The words will come out. Eventually.

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[Evelyn]

Larynxa, My Mom, God rest her soul, Found a saying someplace, but I found it the other day in some old papers:

“Never hold your farts in.
They travel up your spine to your brain.
And that’s where ‘poopie’ ideas come from.”

Of course I changed the word in single quotes from it’s original spelling.

If it’s not the chicken/cabbage casserole, thank you guys for helping me feel happiness.

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[Author]

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