Can a person with ADD/ADHD start a group for ADDers.

[Robbo]

Good reading you guys. Very good reading. I got reminded of another real cool thread while reading through this one. Take a look  http://totallyaddconnect.com/forums/topic/work-in-progress/

I’ve found that it’s a good idea to bookmark certain threads here. I don’t always feel like reading the longer ones. But the truth is, when I do get into the right frame of mind to read them. I find them just as satisfying as curling up with a good book.

It’s the folks here that really start to grow on me. Which is better than a book. Huh?.

I’ve found that I’m much more acceptable to myself as a result of making friends with my own little mixture of ADHD symptoms. They’re much less of a problem for me these days.

There’s no cure for ADHD, but I know this for sure.

We can love it(?!). I especially love my ADHD quirked out imagination. And my ADD creativity.

As time goes foreword. I’m realizing that my ADHD symptoms don’t separate me from the rest of humanity the way they used to. I don’t feel like I’m socially unacceptable… just awkward! lol, I can live with that. There are a lot of truly crazy people in the world. We’re just um… very artistic!. yep.

I don’t have such a strong desire to tell the people in my life about my diagnosis. I guess I’m secure enough with the rest of my personality. It’s because I’m much more than just an ADDer.

I bet taming the worst problems that came with diagnosis, as well as no longer being MIS-diagnosed… is a big part of why I’m so much more comfortable in my own skin.

I’m no longer feeling the need to justify my own existence. Like Evelyn, I really know I’ve got a right to the oxygen in my lungs.

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[Evelyn]

OK here’s the unabridged version of the book:

MarieAngell,

Speaking up, the moment something happens ‘gets me into trouble’. But you are right waiting is just as bad. I used to have an explosive temper. I learned how to control it a long time ago when I was working at the Shopping Guide as a graphic artist. Team dependent production will do that for you. I was also fortunate to have a very patient supervisor. I didn’t lose my job until taking care of my “biological father” which, got to be more than a part-time job and full time worry. I was easily set off, which stemmed from my childhood and early teens. Which is a very long story, worth telling though, but I’ll wait this time.

The interest niche is a good idea; I once belonged to the Downriver Poets and Playwrights Group. But I haven’t been back there in a very long time. I enjoyed it most of the time because we would take turns reading one of our poems, while everyone else followed along on extra copies that we brought in. People would write their critique, and sometimes a discussion would be started by the work, about the structure or style and especially if it was cryptic, emotional, or hard to understand. I used to get lots of discussions going with my poetry. I preferred rhyming poetry, but I also wrote pro’s.

Tiny habits, Thank you. I thought it was you, but I couldn’t find the post so I couldn’t be sure. I am in my second week. I had Jury duty the week I was supposed to start so I waited. I read everything I could find on the website. BJ Foggs goal is not to help us, but to find his way in to the workings of how we make habits. His job is to help big business find ways to make people form new habits that increase their bottom line. Helping us is just incidental, I think if he could figure this out without helping us he would. But heck, if he’s gonna use me for research, I’m damn sure gonna get something out of it.

Be sure you make at least 3 tiny habits, they work better that way for some reason, he explained it but it slips my mind. Oh, and remember, only the first 30 seconds count, anything after that is a bonus. So, if you turn on the water, that’s the win. Now, if you step into the water that’s the bonus, but it doesn’t really count. Even if you turn the water off, you have still performed the tiny habit, and therefor accomplished the victory.

You can find places to hang a tiny habit. One of my new ones is:

After I pour a cup of coffee, I will pour a 4oz (juice) glass of water.

I have been much less dehydrated since I started that one. 4 ounces takes less than 30 seconds to pour but sometimes I have to find the glass. I leave it by the coffee pot now though. Sometimes I only take a sip other times I’ll pour a second glass. There have been times that I didn’t drink the water. But I do always pour it now.

Here’s one someone might use:

“After I have my keys in my hand, I will touch the place they belong.”

Mine belong on a hook next to the front door, so as soon as I have them in my hand “for whatever reason” I always touch the hook by the door. If I’m on my way out it’s almost like that’s where I got them from, so I’ll put them back there when I come in. If I’m cleaning, picking up, or doing laundry and I get the keys in my hand, I will touch to the hook; that’s the victory. While I am there, I might even hang them up; that’s the bonus.

I am glad I could be of help for you too. I know how you feel about not having any habits, I think that is an ADD thing too, it seems like we never do the same thing the same way twice. Like we have no pattern or structure, but I have found that we do, they are just not as ordered as other people who have visible patterns to their lives. I have very few habits and the ones I do have I didn’t realize were even habits. That is until I found a few things I could be sure I would do every day. * I always get up at some time, *I always get a cup of coffee, and I always watch the 11:00 news, which is over at 11:30. I will usually fall asleep sometime between the weather and the sports. Then the TV would stay on another 5 to 6 hours, wasting electricity. That’s the part that really got my dander up; all the lights on and the TV with no-one using them. ‘Course it gave the passers-by a better view inside the house—just sayin’.

Ok, y’all tired of tiny habits yet? Sorry.

But it seems that everything we do follows a series of little actions that have to be done in a certain order. We can use one of the little actions in the series to attach a tiny habit to. And just like Lego’s we can build something from there.

————————————————-

Yes I’m going to have to start an ADD support group if I want a local group— Ok all you guys pack your bags, I’ll just put all this stuff in the shed…

Seriously though, I like your idea about focusing on one big issue. But how many ADDers do you know that will really stay on a focused target?

…besides hyper-focus!

I haven’t contacted the woman I spoke about earlier *blush* I forgot, I was wrapped up with the website thing. By the way she does have a name, Erica; I have avoided saying it up to this point because my sister’s name is also Erica. It can get confusing.

Un-fortunately the scream room isn’t anywhere near me. But I have scared the cats a couple of times, without taking out the vacuum cleaner.

Caregiving… I gave all I had, I gotta recharge the batteries here. I thought I was going to go into caregiving, it was my plan until I was faced with it. First, I was supposed to go into caregiving with the company who provided respite care for me and Leo, when the lady found out I wasn’t a certified CNA she started to backpedal. She finally offered me a job that would be 6 days a week, but only two hours a day. And I had to commit, not take days off and it was 20 minutes one way for $7.50 an hour, mileage not paid. I declined. I wouldn’t have been able to get another job, full, or part-time. I would have been getting ready or driving all the time, and 12 hours over the course of 6 days, half my weekly pay would have gone into the gas tank. 12 hours, over the course of 2 days would have been more acceptable. I would have had 5 other days to schedule a second job.

No I haven’t thought about listing a room for rent–yet. It is an option. It has only glanced off the top of my brain once or twice, but I have 6 months of steady labor getting this house in order for someone (that isn’t family) to move in. Plus I have 3 cats of my own, and my sisters cat which makes 4 cats. One is in heat and I need to remove the carpet now—spring can’t “sprung” fast enough.

See I knew they would come out eventually, wow it’s 3:00 am.

Nighty Nite

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[Evelyn]

None of us are offended by the way this is worded are we?

“Seriously though, I like your idea about focusing on one big issue. But how many ADDers do you know that will really stay on a focused target?”

When I read it back to my self after posting; it pinched a little. Please don’t anybody take this as a dig or bad mouthing. If I offended anyone I’m sorry.

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[Patte Rosebank]

@Evelyn, we joke all the time about not being able to stay on target.

If you saw the meanderings through the Private Message thread about “That little yellow badge on your photo”, you wouldn’t believe it.

It began as just a note from @Rick, telling us Beta-Premium Members about the yellow badge in the corner of our avatars.  This led to a discussion of the significance of the “big golden P in the corner”, and you can imagine what sort of riffing that led to…

The rest of the thread meanders through:  “Kibbles & Bits”, celebrity on the subway (being recognized by Transit Security does NOT mean you’re famous), Canadian vs. U.S. football, Rick’s early comedy work (http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=frantics+comedy&oq=frantics+comedy&gs_l=youtube.3), the Ikea monkey, Ikea assembly “disasters”, the webinar for new members, the making of the “Adventures With Bill” segments on “The Red Green Show” (http://www.youtube.com/user/TheRich227/videos?query=adventures+with+bill), one member’s involvement with the famous mattress commercial in which Richard Simmons gets flattened by a bowling ball, how we can spread the word through social media, who does the memes (Rick’s daughter), estimating how many new Premium Members we’d have by a certain time ( @Fabulous won.), the fact that the internet is for cats…and porn (though not together, as there are laws against that sort of thing),  some very silly pun-laden riffing on the idea of cats & porn (“Kitty porn arouses strong felines”, “Puss in Boobs”…), people coming back to the thread & discovering heaps of messages, yoga pants (low-rise is bad; Flexees control-top is good), a very funny children’s book called “Pants Off First”, discussion of the upcoming “Procrastination” webinars, showtune philosophy, nudging Rick to do the bloodwork he foolishly admitted to us that he’d been putting off for a long time, discussion of the upcoming 2nd “Procrastination” webinar (so much information that it could be a 12-week course), and the observation that stuff expands to fill however big a handbag you have.

Nope, ADD’ers sure CAN’T stay on target!  (But we do take some mighty interesting journeys!)

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[MarieAngell]

Evelyn, it is hard for ADDers to stay on target, which is why it’s important to lay out guidelines beforehand if you’re going to have a support group that helps people make progress. Having 2 coordinators can help get the meeting back on track if one falters. Then having a social time at the end can give people a chance to conversationally wander as much as they want.

Also, I understand that caregivers are mostly overworked and underpaid. Perhaps there is something you could start as an entrepreneur, like paid trips to take people to doctors and shopping.

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[Evelyn]

Oh that is some funny, funny stuff. I put “her first period” on Facebook I hope that’s OK. My friends “Non-ADDers” are going to freak out. They think I wouldn’t say sh** if I had a mouth full. Well, I’d probably have to spit it out first, but you get the idea.
They always tell me I’m funny, but I’m clueless, I never know what is going to make them laugh, and it usually catches me off guard. Usually I’m trying to be serious when it happens. But when I try to be funny, it always bombs. I get these blank stares that send me off into a corner someplace ’til I get over it. Which is part of the reason I don’t socialize much.

My Dad introduced me to the Wyandotte Community Players as an artist, I wanted to work behind the scenes, which I did. But you know hind-site, I didn’t speak-up and tell them that I actually wanted to perform, because I didn’t think I could. I was only comfortable with paints and chalks. So I was the art director for two plays then that was the end of it. I wonder if they are still around, the playhouse is long gone.

———————-)time passes…

Yup, it’s called the “Wyandotte Community Theater II” now, and they have invitations for both auditions and back stage work. Interesting.

My Dad (father) said he helped form the players a long time ago. He was very cultured, my grandmother seen to that, He could sing, tap dance and play piano, but he never passed any of that on to us, because he said we should make our own choices. But we weren’t exposed to any of life’s possibilities.

My Dad was 45 years old when I, the first born, came into the world. I was 8 years old when we moved to Missouri. That was a whole ‘nuther world from the place I knew and loved. 1968, the riots were in full swing, and we got the heck out of Dodge.

One day I was in school trying to impress Michael (my first crush) the next day we were on the road, passing cows, and horses. Just that quick.

There had been some talk about moving, but I thought it was just talk. My dad would use the information to set our imaginations into overdrive. You never seen a bunch of kids pick-up their toys so fast as when he said they could be left behind if they weren’t put away where we could get to them. That wore off after a couple months. Then we were gone, the adventure had begun.

I’d really like a re-do.

A northern “redhead”, with an attitude, and attention problems, in the southern backwoods is not the place to discover culture.

5 year-old’s were driving pick-up trucks, and everybody’s hands were always waving around, and people dressed funny.

Some experiences in life take a really long time to become lessons, and even longer to become useful.

OK let me get my oar’s in the water here, there is a Whirlpool up ahead.

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[Evelyn]

No body responded, on Facebook, now I’m freaked out.

I couldn’t get a hold of Erica, the lady I was talking about for the support group. She won’t be in until Wednesday. So I sent her an email, a very long letter.

Spaced the way Larynxa suggested to me. Thank you for that bit of advice it is helping me too. I am hoping it will be easier on the people I write to too. I understand how full pages of text can be daunting. when I think back to my copy and paste days. I found that much of my time was spent reformatting the information to make it easier to read. I should have applied that into my emails and blog posts too.

I also sent a similar message to the Peer Support Staff Supervisor. He sounds important. Hoping to get the local Mental Health facility to help me with this endeavor. I’m hoping to hear from him tomorrow.

I have to say though I am shaking in my boots. I want to help the people in my area but this could be more than I can handle. I am as afraid they will agree to help me, as I am afraid they wont.

Letting the needs of other people control the course of my life for the last 10 years has had its advantages. The responsibility of making my own direction is a daunting task. So many things are enticing I want to do everything, experience everything, and belong to everything. But I have to choose.

Decisions get harder over the years as it is, I let my circumstances make choices for me. Now I am paying the price for putting all those decisions off. Now I find myself driven to tears over every little minor decision.

Every decision involves a sacrifice, and I don’t want to sacrifice anything. But I find the one thing I hate sacrificing the most is time. But it doesn’t matter what I do in 5 minutes or 5 hours, when the time is gone all I have left is what I did with it. And that was up to me.

I don’t do myself any favors by being indecisive, much of my reasoning is that I will miss something else, or I won’t have time for something else. Sometimes it’s clear of what that something else is. But most of the time I don’t have a clue.

I wish someone could tell me how to fix this.

I remember looking at a (one) big clear plastic beach bag with green and blue designs on it full of papers, I had poetry, magazine articles, writings, legal papers, business papers, notes, school papers, photos and a myriad of other papers that I kept thinking I would get to… some day!

That day never came I now have at least 8 banker boxes of papers, maybe more. I’ve been able to get rid of some things but the majority I always think I’ll eventually get to. The hording of paper information expanded to include books, and now files scattered all over my computer. I have a big mess.

Sometimes I think if I can confront that one issue and get it handled everything else will fall in line. (Oh and the handle it once trick… don’t work!!) I can’t find a category list that fits properly, not even one that I make up myself. No I’m not blaming everything on that one little problem that is just one of the obstacles, the amount of time it takes to do the task is another obstacle (I know spend 10 min every day; don’t work either). No this is something I need a large block of time maybe even two weeks.

I thought about that… All my papers, five changes of clothes, and a hotel room with room service and several experts on different types of business papers at my beck-and-call a box of garbage bags and 3 or 4 hanging file plastic banker boxes.

But when I think of something like that all my other obligations seem to turn on me, and cause even more anxiety.

Everything is important!

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[Evelyn]

Are we all done in this thread???

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[MarieAngell]

Evelyn, I don’t know if you need or want more from this thread. I read your last post yesterday and have been thinking about it.  I can only advise you to draw upon your patience in pulling together a support group. People respond in their own time and often need reminders.

I feel the need to address the issue of long posts. Yes, I write them but I shouldn’t nor should you.  People read differently online.  These 2 articles explain it better than I:

http://www.slate.com/articles/technology/the_browser/2008/06/lazy_eyes.html

http://www.nngroup.com/articles/be-succinct-writing-for-the-web/

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[Patte Rosebank]

@Evelyn, don’t worry if it takes a while for someone to respond, or if a thread seems to fade away for a while.

It’s just our ADHD brains, flitting in and out, following whichever threads catch our eye, then forgetting where we were before, maybe re-discovering those threads again someday…

There are so many different threads in the Forum now, some of which date back a couple of years.  It’s really interesting what you can find if you explore them.

There’s so much information and personal experience and encouragement and humour in the Forum…if we could just remember where we posted it!

 

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[Evelyn]

MarieAngell,

I am sorry. I don’t mean to infringe on anyone or make anyone feel uncomfortable. I will check out the links you suggest.

Thank you for being candid. But this is the first time I’ve ever been guilty of talking too much. It’s actually kinda nice. I usually have trouble saying what I’m thinking. This forum has given me the voice I never had.

I will try to tone it down.

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[Evelyn]

Larynxa

I wasn’t complaining — I was referring to my friends on Facebook really!

Also I didn’t know if maybe a thread is supposed to close or not. This is actually the only forum I’ve stuck with.

You are right I should explore more, I get stuck in one place. It’s sorta the same syndrome as not liking change. I’m really bad with that. It was my Mom’s number one complaint about me. “Now if I could just use that syndrome to my advantage” I’d have something.

———————————————————————–

On Topic here, Erica did finally call me back, and she agreed to help “If I couldn’t get help from the GC. I stopped in to see if Rick the “Peer Support Staff Supervisor” would speak with me. He said he got my email and that he would get back with me. my guess is that he is thinking about it.

Erica also gave me a suggestion on a free location for the group to meet. So it looks like I may be a little further ahead in this endeavor.

Thank you for helping.

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[MarieAngell]

Evelyn, I apologize for sounding curt. I would never want to discourage you from expressing yourself here on the site.  I’m glad you’re making headway on forming a support group. Very promising news!

I was concerned you were becoming convinced lengthy online communications were no problem as long as they were formatted with white space.  In starting a support group, especially, your messages are going to need to be succinct and clear.

 

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[Evelyn]

Maybe you can help me say what I mean in one sentence rather than a whole paragraph.

I try to write so, nearly anyone, can understand me, but I end up having a book.

I’m still learning.

Larynxa’s suggestion didn’t imply to me that writing long posts was a good thing as long as I space it right. She was letting me know that when I have a thought change, that I should allow the reader some space before I brought up the next thought.

I’m teachable, I may get excited, and go on and on, and I might forget everything I was taught sometimes. But I don’t know what to do about that one.

I found if I ponder my thoughts too long I lose them to something else with less work or more entertaining, to me not necessarily everyone else.

By the way, you guys are the first to hear most of this stuff, and I feel blessed to have been able to share the little I have already.

Thank you

My alarms are working–

I’m supposed to be painting the hallway, so I’ll get back to this in an hour or so.

 

 

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[Robbo]

According to me, and maybe a couple other of the flaykie people in this camp.

It’s anon stop never-ending support group/play party/dry shoulders, n also a place to talk about what’s really going on…

At some point, I mean after we get done acting like a very childish grown up adults. We do indeed get really really real about what’s going on deep deep deep down in the debts of our imaginations and fear ridden minds.

Later, the stuff we talk about sinks into our hearts.

And of course we share it. Dump it, let it go. Don’t pick it back up hopefully.

It may not be all that wise to attempt anything therapeutic on the Internet. But the status of our health care system is such that. Well crap you guys…

Have you been paying attention?, I mean, not to me. But this whole dang community. We’re helping each-other to climb out the debts of despair, loneliness, and confusion. (And also to find professionals to elp us out) It’s a lot like help, jus without the h.

That H you guys. Well shit… DGMS!

Also Rick makes a lot of really cool video’s for us to watch when we can’t stand to read another dang word.

That helps like tons! you guys…

Totally

R-

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