July 6, 2011 at 5:20 pm #89786
AnonymousInactiveJuly 6, 2011 at 5:20 pmPost count: 14413
Has anyone else found themselves still being bullied relentlessly even as adults? How about bullied by those online that are considered ‘friends’? How have you dealt with it?
The best way so far that I have dealt with the bullies is by doing poetry such as the one currently on my deviantart page. I am just looking for other methods on dealing with this issue.REPORT ABUSEJuly 7, 2011 at 2:18 pm #105626
AnonymousInactiveJuly 7, 2011 at 2:18 pmPost count: 14413
Great post !
I think bullying is all about control. I am only guessing but if we look at those that do bully you will find issues with in them that there were control issues maybe through traumas in there own lives that substantiate there behavior. That said it might be best to avoid those that do bully and find anything that promotes positiveness and understanding. Some as you retreat to art, music, writing, nature, sports etc. I believe being able to understand the persons reason they may be bullying you may help you to cope with the bullying behavior. I suggest not bullying back (although i wonder if our society is sending mixed signals re that). I am still one of conviction not to retaliate through physical or mental violent means but reaching out through understanding and a kind heart is better for you as an individual.REPORT ABUSEJuly 7, 2011 at 5:21 pm #105627
Curlymoe115MemberJuly 7, 2011 at 5:21 pmPost count: 206
I think that anyone who has ever had more than one job in their life has to deal with at least one adult bully. This individual makes it their life work to ride herd over those people that they want to get rid of, and they usually do this one or two people at a time. Usually because of the attrition they cause at work they usually make it to a middle management or supervisory position unless they are stopped by management before this happens. Someone with ADD or ADHD often makes a good target because we already stand out and they are looked at as a person who is always looking out for Managements best interests. When I meet these type of people I eventually just concede the field. If the management is unable to see what they are doing and I am being penalized at their say so, then this is certainly not the type of workplace I want to be in. Then I stay home for a while and lick my wounds.REPORT ABUSEJuly 7, 2011 at 7:15 pm #105628
memzakMemberJuly 7, 2011 at 7:15 pmPost count: 128
ludragonslegacy-very nice poem. I have had someone steal my cyber name and now he is trying to “flame” me. Thats what my daughter calls it. This is a 15 year old kid who actually created an account on this website to track ME down. He had used one of my emails several years ago requesting payment for membership on a Disney game site. I’m not sure if that is illegal or not but I got really pissed. I have done some investigating and found out a few things about him but I’m not sure if I want to persue this kid. It just made me really angry. Fortunately, I tend to forget he’s out there but I get reminded every once and a while.
My daughter wants to get all her friends to “flame” him back but escalating a war never ends it. What do you think I should do?REPORT ABUSEJuly 7, 2011 at 8:00 pm #105629
Patte RosebankParticipantJuly 7, 2011 at 8:00 pmPost count: 1517
@memzak, what that kid has done is ILLEGAL. Stealing your cybername and impersonating you and defaming you online are tantamount to the kind of massive violations of privacy that the News of the World was caught doing.
Now is not the time to engage in a “flame war”. Now is the time to calmly & rationally go to that kid’s parents with your concerns. If they fail to take the matter seriously and discipline their juvenile delinquent son, then you should go directly to the police.
This isn’t a case of “just being a kid”. That 15-year-old is breaking the law. If you’re in the USA, his acts are FELONY offences. In Canada, they’re Criminal Code offenses. They are also violations of privacy, which fall under the domain of the Privacy Commissioner. He and his parents could also be leaving themselves open to a lawsuit. Cases like this turn up on “Judge Judy” all the time.
I know you feel bad about going after this kid, but, if you don’t, then sooner or later, his little games will land him in jail.REPORT ABUSEJuly 7, 2011 at 8:50 pm #105630
AnonymousInactiveJuly 7, 2011 at 8:50 pmPost count: 14413
The internet has opened up a can of worms… to much he said she said. I am confused when do we hold kids accountable for there actions.Crap there are laws on the books I have no idea what they mean. What if one kid gets hold of an others computer and starts typing stuff. ikes… wait the US govt can solicit my kid to join the military to kill another kid of a foreign country at age 18 but i cannot trust him enough to drink a beer until he is 21……And what about not talking or texting while driving and I see the PD guy driving and talking (please he is not talking to HQ trust me he is talking to gf or wife) and who says this world is not f-d up.REPORT ABUSEJuly 8, 2011 at 5:49 am #105631
AnonymousInactiveJuly 8, 2011 at 5:49 amPost count: 14413
Hmm. Bullying. I have been the victim a few times, but have found the only way to get out of it is to stand up for yourself. The bully in high school who tormented me regularly finally interrupted my hockey practice one day, and got quite rough with me, and I (in a frustrated impulsive move) turned around and whacked her across the thighs with my stick under the pretense of going for the ball. We both ended up in trouble, but nothing could be proved so we just got a good talking to. She left me alone after that, and her best friend ended up being quite friendly to me in the following years.
I have found the same with patients who get nasty. Most of the time, if you refuse to tolerate their behaviour, tell them so, and walk away, then you generally earn their grudging respect and they are better behaved for you. Not all the time, as some people have other issues which cause their behaviour and nothing on the planet will make them think about what they are doing, but many are just taking their miserable life out on others because they can.
As for work place bullying, I realise that sometimes it can be done in such a way that nothing can be proved. I worked with a girl who wouldn’t talk to me unless it was to pass on a request from a patient. As we were the only two nurses on our ward for 10 hours at a time, it made things very uncomfortable. And my boss told me that as I was the girl’s immediate superior, I should deal with it. I just let it go, considering that if she wished to try and make my nights at work miserable, then she mustn’t be very happy there and would soon move on, especially if I refused to take the bait and let it get to me. I continued to joke around with the orderlies and patients as if I had no cares in the world, even though I really hated coming to work, and sure enough, she left shortly afterwards.
Not that the above will always work, and is by no means the perfect solution, especially if you have to deal with depression, or other issues, and bullying just puts you over the edge. But it’s certainly made me into a stronger person, and I feel better able to cope should it happen to me again.REPORT ABUSEJuly 8, 2011 at 11:19 pm #105632
laddybug3MemberJuly 8, 2011 at 11:19 pmPost count: 226
I told my bully this: “I thought you were adult–I guess you are still have a high school mind.” That was the last time that bully messed with me.
My favorite was a bully telling me that he spread a rumor, because his friend knew me and knew I was not where he (the bully) said where I was. The bully then said he hated me, and I thanked him for his honesty. He did not know what to do with me after he said he hated me.
Normally, I act that it doesn’t brother me (even if it does. When that happens I run to closet place the bully can’t go and cry), or say something witty.REPORT ABUSENovember 25, 2011 at 7:16 pm #105633
sa_chaMemberNovember 25, 2011 at 7:16 pmPost count: 3
I had been bullied three times now from the workplace. I did stand up for these bullies and got the loosing end because they fired me. I supposed it is cheaper to get rid of me rather than their management people. I am now unemployed , sad , alone and depress.
Though not officially diagnosed (I cannot afford the assessment fee) I believe I have ADD. I have mixed reactions, I am glad I can now put a name to what is going on with me and yet I am sad and angry that is affecting my career and livelihood.. I am helpless that I cannot do something with it. I used to be earning a decent amount of money and hold a pretty nice job. Now I do not even know if I will be hired and if I do get hired I am afraid my ADD will sell me out.REPORT ABUSENovember 27, 2011 at 1:58 pm #105634
AnonymousInactiveNovember 27, 2011 at 1:58 pmPost count: 14413
I’m so sorry that happened to you. It is an absolute shame!!! I have a bully at work and have reported them 2 times now for inappropriate behavior and yet he was only told to apologize to me. I expect this will happen again as upper management doesn’t seem to want to really dig in and deal with this person. I believe that this will only stop when something dramatic happens, such has a law suit, or an EEO complaint. I am not overly excited about having to go through such an ordeal, but the anxiety involved and the many other effects this person has on me make it difficult to believe that the problem is rectified. Good luck and don’t give up!!REPORT ABUSENovember 28, 2011 at 1:48 am #105635
shutterbug55ParticipantNovember 28, 2011 at 1:48 amPost count: 430
I am sorry, Sa_cha. Been there and done that and got the boot.
My bully is my brother and a couple cousins. They find endless amusement in the fact that I am inattentive, and impulsive. After 56 years, they know which buttons to push and make me loose it. I can’t fight back, cause I look like the bad guy.
If you have the chance to get yourself diagnosed, take it. It won’t stop bullying, but it will change the way you handle it.REPORT ABUSENovember 28, 2011 at 1:01 pm #105636
sa_chaMemberNovember 28, 2011 at 1:01 pmPost count: 3
Thank you DBaker001 and shutterbug55 for your comments. It is such a pity! I am a moving target and wherever I go they find me or I find them. I just want to disappear and re-incarnate as a flower or something so that I will not go thru with this anymore.REPORT ABUSENovember 28, 2011 at 6:25 pm #105637
billdMemberNovember 28, 2011 at 6:25 pmPost count: 913
In the states, there are laws requiring the employer to provide a “safe work place” and it’s not referring to OSHA equipment. You don’t have to put up with BS from employer OR employee.
In most locations, there are also “anti-bullying” laws and rules regarding bullying in school.
The down-side is that proof is often difficult at best.
I went through it a lot in school. Luckily, not at all really in college – it was more like pranks and messing around – and those of us who were bullied in earlier life saw it differently, joked back, and knew that if it did cross the line, it wouldn’t have taken much to stop it.
I face other difficulties at work – luckily, where I work, however, would never tolerate ANY form or bullying or harassment, they take it VERY seriously.REPORT ABUSEOctober 18, 2012 at 5:24 pm #105638
FabulousMemberOctober 18, 2012 at 5:24 pmPost count: 173November 14, 2013 at 4:09 pm #122867
TechdogMemberNovember 14, 2013 at 4:09 pmPost count: 19
Have been bullied since grade school and later on at work seems more so after I turned 45 . I always worked hard kept totally focused on my work for pride in myself and pleasing the customer as well as my employer . Been bullied for being part aboriginal , my age , my speech problem , and becoming a mason . Have always tried to better myself through night school and seeking guidance with someone more experienced .But seems strange in my last three jobs all the above repeated itself ? I tried to seek legal advice and never got any. Talked to my employer and it got worse .REPORT ABUSE
Dealing With Bullies2011-07-06T17:20:20+00:00
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