Finding a consultant – extremely upset and confused. I feel like a failure.

[Tiddler]

Trashman, I realise just how often I’ve felt angry with people but always denied it to myself – because usually anger manifests as tears for me because I ‘don’t know where to put it’ (the anger.)

Deltakingcrab, I’m really glad you posted. It has helped me no end to read all these stories and realise how many people are out there going through similar things to me.

And thank you for appreciating how hard it’s been to get a degree and have a family. We have a very happy marriage, so I suppose it can look very easy to others, but behind it all there is a failed engagement, 2 failed live-in relationships, one of whom was very abusive, plus another abusive relationship, bulimia, OCD, compulsive eating, depression, anxiety, IBS, a spell of illness caused by stress and overwork that nearly cost me the degree and I can’t count how many jobs along the way.

From small things like going to work in still wet clothes from the washing machine clothes or turning up at work in odd shoes (!) to huge things like dropping out of school, dropping out of several night classes and losing friendships it’s just been flippin hard!

Re setting up a support group – I tried that (to help my son who has some special needs too) but I didn’t do a good enough job. I was sending emails to the few people who said they wanted to be involved and no-one was getting back to me, then I got a mail saying if I wasn’t interested, they were going to go ahead and do it without me, which I was really confused about. Until I realised that I’d been sending the mails out wrong and only I was getting them. I haven’t had the heart to look to see what it was this time that I screwed up!

But the upside is that other people are doing it and, presumably, I’ll be able to take my son along when it happens.

So it’s definitely worth a go if you feel like you’re up to it. Maybe you can get it far enough that other people will get involved and then you can let them know you can’t manage alone and see what happens?

Plus, I think you can be kind to yourself now. You know what’s been going on, you’re starting to find out and get help and things will change. I’ve decided to just let the chaotic, impulsive, forgetful, inattentive girl inside me burst free for a while just to see what happens. Trying to keep it all contained has only made me ill so what is there to lose?! So no more beating myself up over it – at least for the next few days…

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[trashman]

Iam glad that you realize what some of your struggles are. the important thing is before you do any thing think of how your partner will feel about it , and how does it affect your kids. throwing caution to the wind might not be wise .it is hard but to keep your self in a somewhat normal place is important in the long term. it sounds like you love is strong ,so lean on it and him. this feeling will pass as fast as it arrived

I always say my wife is doing life with out parole, but if it was not for her i would nod-ought be homeless or dead . it has been 23 years for us and i have to be one of the luckyest people on this earth. i have been driving my motorcycle all day thinking of death, because the lady that is my boss likes to crap on me and lie .so thank-you reading all these post are telling me i am not putting up with this just for me .so life will be one day at a time. the thing about all this adhd and depression is that itis hard to know what is true.i think i am a nut so i allways think everyone else thinks i am to ,but trying to be a happy one. hope this helps.

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[Tiddler]

Thank you. It does help. Very much.

I’m sorry about your boss. I hope things improve soon.

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[Anonymous]

trashman,

are you receiving any mental health help? Your depression sounds very serious. You sound like a nice person, so I am happy to read your posts and try and give some support.

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[Anonymous]

I actually could not read your first post but read second one…couple of comments from me…

as they said hindsight is always 20-20….i think you should understand that what you were doing before was really driven by your ADD (or other mental health problem) and there is really nothing you could have done unless you knew about it before hand..

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[Anonymous]

Hello! I’m also in the UK and I’ve talked to three medical professionals who have dismissed my concerns about ADD OUT OF HAND!

“I don’t think you have ADD, I think you’re depressed…” This was after asking no questions. And she just dismissed my concerns when I said “Don’t you think it’s worth investigating?” Apparently not.

I have a follow up appointment with the GP this morning – they prescribed me anti-depressants and this time I’m printing off the questionnaire results from this site and the info from NHS choices.

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[Tiddler]

Good luck, elkclan. Have you seen the AADDUK site? http://aadduk.org/help-support/specialists-support-and-coaches/ You may be able to find someone on there?

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[trashman]

thanks sugar, I think I AM GETTING THE HELP i NEED FROM MY Psychiatrist. it has only been a few years that I have been on antidepressants . It seems that I am losing my mind or I am just more aware of how un balanced I am . still trying to figure that one out.

the one thing I have noticed that I am not as angry or impulsive as I used to be . I wish I could focus on things for the long term, but my focus and interest comes and goes with the wind . feeling like this seems to be more and more .I don’t like being sad I love making people laugh and smile . the thing is most of the time I don’t know how to read people un less they are smiling or yelling at me. at that point I start yelling back. I am trying to keep my mouth shut.

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[Anonymous]

trashman, make sure your psychiatrist knows how you are feeling. You probably need some treatment re-adjusting since you are still really depressed.

take care.

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[trashman]

Thanks sugar,some days I think this dispersion is worse than the adhd . at the last time my doc put my exffor to 450mg she said that is all she can do for me .I feel lost and angry at times . so then I have to tell myself to stop feeling sorry for myself. it helps a little . I think one of my biggest helps is my friend at the learning association , she has been a great help.I think that the next biggest help is right here. some of you people are worse off than I am , but are so much more able to deal with these things that come along. so please keep the post coming the help me in more ways than one.PS where I live you little avidtar we call a chipmunk but I think the should start calling him sugargremlin, it seems to suit it.

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[billd]

comorbiditity or whatever it’s called. ADHD people are a lot more likely to experience depression, anxiety, etc.

I know – my mother being ADHD lived with both and was in and out of hospitals, the house looked like a pharmacy, etc.

Always remember – you aren’t alone. It’s a big world – and there’s more of “us” out there than you might think – almost all willing to talk, help, advise, or otherwise just be there. Sometimes friends are there just for the asking.

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[Anonymous]

i love little rodents!!! I say Hi to them whenever I see them . that is a ton of effexor. ask your doctor about your treatment plan. may be time to switch meds or make sure you have a correct diagnosis.

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[trashman]

hi, billd thanks for that insight.I think that is important to remember some times it feels like I am the only one out there. its not a fun world on the days you feel you have no value .I have been at my job for almost six months after three month most people get a small in cress . so of course I did not get my little bump up in pay so I started asking the other workers if that was how it worked here everyone told me I would get no raise if I didn’t ask for one , so I started , first I asked my supervisory with no success then I was told I had to go to see her boss and just lay it on the line , but not wanting to bee to pushy I say him come in to her office so I asked if I could speak to him. well,I pointed out that I haven’t missed a day in six month so I was wondering why after three months I didn,t get a small bump in pay. Well thats when he started to cut me down and she started to join him in the assassination of my character . after they finished they said I should bee happy I have a job, if it was not for the fact that I come to work every day they would have sent me home already . they even blame me for things I have no part of or things that were not my job. so after they make me feel like shit they said I better get going had work to do. so I left licking my wounds. I am sorry I asked , but by then it was to late.

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[billd]

Some people are “the boss” for certain reasons, and skills, especially people skills ain’t among the reasons.

(they know someone, they slept with someone, they threatened someone, they got kicked upstairs to get them out of the way, etc.)

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[Tiddler]

Update – I have an appointment for next week. I feel pretty good about it. I suppose my only worry is if he says it’s NOT adhd and he doesn’t have another answer that fits. My life makes sense in an ADHD context. It never did before. So I suppose I’m nervous about not being diagnosed if I focus on the tests too much or something!

Trashman, I hope you’re doing okay today. We call them chipmunks too.

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[Author]

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