Getting really tired of this

[ashockley55]

I work as a waitress.

I’m pretty unhappy with work right now. There’s a lot of unfairness going on. It seems like some workers are doing some crappy stuff, and getting away with it, whereas I will give and give and give to that place (and why?) and they just keep taking and taking more. I spoke with a coworker in the parking lot after work yesterday and she used the phrase “Give an inch, they take a yard.” Lately, I’ve been getting more and more upset about it.

I walk around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to do the best job possible, always stay busy, and I see coworkers lazing around, being as slow and lazy as possible, Recently a few of them sat down in an empty section of the restaurant to talk. One coworker even had a drink brought in to her from another place by a friend to have while she was sitting and chatting with the other coworkers. I get screwed over when a coworker comes in an hour late for work. I get screwed over again when another coworker doesn’t come in for their afternoon shift. No one says anything to me or apologizes. I’m just expected to take it and deal with it.

When a coworker finally got fed up and quit without notice, I offered to step in and fill her spot opening the restaurant. I specifically requested that I get two days off, and not be scheduled six days in a row again like had been done for several weeks despite the fact that I have stated, again and again, that I simply cannot physically or emotionally or mentally sustain working that many days. The thanks I got for volunteering to save their rears was to promptly be scheduled six days in a row, expressly as I had asked not be done. When I asked the scheduling manager about it, he said, “It’s not six. It’s five and a half. I only need you a couple hours that day.” He and I both know I’ll be there more than two hours.

I’m treated unfairly by management when they decide to phase a particular worker ahead of me, out of turn. This happens on a regular basis because they would rather have me stay than the other worker because she never smiles and doesn’t work very hard. Also, this coworker has a second job she needs to get to. So, my good work through friendly service to our customers and loyalty to the restaurant are rewarded by being treated unfairly. When I pointed it out this last time it happened, asking why (as if I didn’t know), my manager was flippant and dismissive. She said, “’Cause that’s how I roll.” I’m ready to “roll” on out of there. Except I need the money. I couldn’t afford to pay my bills if I didn’t have this job to supplement my disability income. I’m barely making ends meet as it is.

I don’t know what to do to get them to respect me, appreciate me, and meet the simple requests I have in exchange for being a dedicated worker. I want a set schedule. I don’t want to work six days in a row. I want two specific days off. I don’t want to work 4, 5, 6, or over 7 hours without a break. I don’t want to be passed over unfairly when it is time to phase wait staff off the floor.

I considered going to the doctor and getting them to write out a directive stating that I can’t work six days in a row, and that I can’t work over 4 hours without a break. (p.s. – the rules about getting breaks don’t seem to apply in restaurant service – workers routinely work over 4 hours with a break.)

What should I do? I guess I’m just not being forceful enough, but they’re not listening to me. They aren’t taking me seriously.

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[Anonymous]

I wish I could be of some help but I don’t know the restaurant business at all, except as a customer. Stupid question maybe, but are there any other restaurants in your area that you could start dropping off resumes? Even if they don’t have any opening now, they might have a position open up in the near future. Where I live there are so many restaurants around that there are always positions available.

I’m equally frustrated with my job. The stress level has set up blood pressure up to new heights ( 😯 ) and I’m dreading going back to work on Monday. I get all kinds of praise (do the best job ever!!) but that does nothing to alleviate the stressful conditions I work under. After things started blowing up all around me because nuclear meltdown conditions had come to fruition (Hey, doesn’t anyone remember me saying this was going to happen?), the powers that be have finally made some of the moves that needed to be made last fall.

The changes won’t happen immediately but will happen ASAP. In other words, not right away since a lot of legal paperwork needs to be filled out/submitted/okayed. So where does that leave me? Same place I was last fall and all the way to last week. Stressed and probably slowly killing myself. But….I get pats on my back telling me that I do a great job, best in my field.

Personally, I would get greater satisfaction if they backed that message up by acting upon my concerns when I first raise them (instead of when they have to try to deal with the issues and freak out when they realize how serious they are).

Sometimes, I think we ADHDers try too hard at our jobs. Our ongoing fears that we’ll do a job badly by inadvertantly missing something ’cause of our ‘brains’ maybe makes us try way too hard to do things better than everyone else. We end up shooting ourselves in the foot because we do things so much better, we get taken advantage of!

We work harder so that we don’t fail and then get taken advantage of because they know we’ll hang in there and do the job when no one else will do it!

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[ashockley55]

“Sometimes, I think we ADHDers try too hard at our jobs. Our ongoing fears that we’ll do a job badly by inadvertantly missing something ’cause of our ‘brains’ maybe makes us try way too hard to do things better than everyone else. We end up shooting ourselves in the foot because we do things so much better, we get taken advantage of!

We work harder so that we don’t fail and then get taken advantage of because they know we’ll hang in there and do the job when no one else will do it!”

Egggg-xactly.

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time at your job, too.

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[ashockley55]

Oh, and, just to update, I went and checked, and……were ya’ll aware that there are not federal laws mandating that workers get a rest break or a break for a meal? At all? Laws vary state to state, by my state (North Carolina) doesn’t have any law addressing breaks.

This seems ridiculous.

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[Anonymous]

Ashockley55….Canada is not the same as the US……..at all. Labour standards, social issues, social safety nets…medical care…the list goes on and on. Truth is we only speak a similar language…..that’s it….and share a common border. So, human rights, social issues, politics and general mindset of the population of the two countries are really quite different….like I say the only similarities are the “similar language” thing……and that’s only because of the origin of the British settlers in North America.

Strange maybe but true…..

Toofat

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[Anonymous]

I so totally hear you, I waitressed for years and can totally relate, eventually I figured out that running around like a chicken with my head cut off was only adding to my adhd symptoms where I thought it was helping! I was good in crisis situations fast thinking on y feet and loved dealing with people But I woke up and realized that the connstant zingging back and forth the noise levels on busy rush times and the restraunt changing (I would get bored and move to a new restaurant every year lol) was hindering me as a person! I cut down on my hours during the week and tried a temp agency where I eventually fell into a house cleaning agency, I thought oh yeah here I go I can’t even clean and organize my own house right I’m gonna b able to do this lol! What do you know I’m good at it! After 6 months my boss started to irritate me and I felt like I was being squished into the linear box again so decided to go out on my own (at this time I had just started meds) It gave me the push to write lists on accomplishing what needed to be done, I quickly became popular with new clients, and quit my job at the restaurant, most of my clients are home when I’m there and love to chat and I feel like I am really helping people! By being able to schedule my own clients in a calendar book and not overdo it everyday I have wayyyyy less stress! The noise has stopped a lot in my head and the confusion is less I am also not as tired! Just thought I would share my story because I never thought I would have been capable of being more than a waitress and btw I charge $25/hr because I have a criminal record check done and liability ins which was really cheap to do but makes clients feel better so I make as much as I did waitressing Don’t sell yourself short, you can achieve you just need to do what makes you happy not more stressed!

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[ashockley55]

Toofat – totally forgot I was speaking to an international forum here. How small-minded of me. 😳

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[kc5jck]

If you would just try harder to pay attention, you would not have forgotten.

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[ashockley55]

😆 <– That thing kinda looks like my upper lip is trembling, but it’s supposed to be laughing. Ha!

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[JimC.]

@ashockley55: I can’t believe you’re a waitress and do so well! If I took any order with 2 things or more, i would forget the darn thing by the time I got to the kitchen. Also the table where I took the order. You need to congratulate yourself for doing a very difficult task that is very demanding at the best of times. Good for you. Seriously.

On another note, I suspect you are setting your own standards much higher than your co-workers. If I may suggest it, step back a second, take a deep breath, and try to look as objectively as possible at your job. Then try to perform at a level that is very good, but don’t kill yourself in trying to be “perfect”, nothing and no-one ever is. While it’s admirable that you try and try and try, it’s not serving you well,an while it’ll be hard to do this, just try to accept that ‘very good’ performance will more than satisfy your customers and clients. And it may offer you a modicum of respite and relief. Ignore the rest of the lazies, you can’t help them so don’t waste your valuable time worrying about them.

Good luck, Jim

P.S. – saw an American ad this a.m. on TV, ownyouradhd.com, quick test and sponsored by Shire (Adderall) but it’s free and might be a bit of help as you seek diagnosis?

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[ashockley55]

Here is the letter I took to my managers today:

To Whom It May Concern:

As an employee with a disability, I am making a formal request for the accommodation of a modified, part-time schedule as allowed by the Americans with Disabilities Act.

I have made this request informally, but as of late that request has not been honored.

Despite requests to the contrary, I have repeatedly been scheduled to work or have been called in to work six days in a row.

Because I have felt a great sense of loyalty to my workplace and camaraderie with my co-workers, I have extended myself beyond my abilities in order to help out during a time when it has been my understanding that there has been a shortage of staff.

However, due to my disability, I need to work a part-time schedule. I cannot work more than five days in a row, twenty hours per week, or more than four hours per day. I need two days in a row off in order to rest, recuperate and prepare for the next work week. I also need a stable, set schedule so that I can find and keep a routine.

I am able and happy to work Tuesday – Saturday. I am able and happy to come in and open the restaurant each of those days, as I understand that that is an area of particular need at this time, with the recent loss of another employee. I am not able to also stay and close those shifts, or to take on any extra days or shifts.

I am aware that management accommodates schedules for co-workers that have other jobs. It is my hope that you will also be able to accommodate my requests as a disabled, though loyal and dedicated employee of nearly three years.

Here was the response as I documented it:

One manager says, “So you went home and thought all this up?”

In response to an assertion in the request, Manager says that I haven’t been working six days in a row. I point to the schedule behind me. He acknowledges, “One week.” I point to the previous schedule next to it. He says, “Okay, two weeks.” I advise him that I have been repeatedly scheduled 6-day weeks since before Christmas, despite repeatedly asking that this not be done.

Another manager asks me to print and bring to him a copy of the Americans with Disabilities Act. I tell him that that is not my responsibility.

He also tells me that I have to go to the doctor and get a statement saying that I need the accommodations requested. I tell him my disability is already known to the company. He asks me, “Before the interview or after the interview?” and keeps repeating, “Before or after the interview?” He asks me questions about my disability, asks me what disability I have, and asks me why I need the accommodations requested. He mentions that he has a friend with PTSD that works full time. He briefly presents a scenario that would cause hardship to the restaurant if my disability were accommodated. He tells me that he is going to “know all about all this ADA stuff by tomorrow morning.”

He tells me that he is going to let the General Manager know, and they will tell me what they decide.

I felt belittled by the “So you went home and thought all that up?” comment and I felt very attacked by all the questions and demands that the other manager made. Really? Print out and bring them a copy of a federal act?

p.s. – JimC., thanks for the comments. I think I do well at it because it allows me to run around like a chicken with my head cut off and expend some energy, but it also makes me a nervous wreck because I’m always worried I’m going to forget something or say the wrong thing, etc. My nickname at work is “Squirrel.” I used to be a high school teacher. That didn’t work. At all. I also tried working at a movie theater. That lasted two hours. So did the job at a book store. Literally, two hours and I went to the manager and told them I had to leave. I couldn’t take just standing there quietly in one place at the cash register all day. I’m highly educated, but I’ve got this….problem. ha ha. So….work doesn’t work so much.

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[Scattybird]

Wow ashockley55 – that’s an impressive letter. Good for you!

Sounds to me like your boss is a jerk. Keep the upper hand here. You can run rings round them and it’s obvious you have the intellect to play a good game with them.

I think Jim’s advice was excellent. He has a good point. I see the ‘willing horse syndrome’ where I work. Some folk just don’t make an effort with some jobs and they end up doing less than others. They can then focus on the bits of the job they enjoy whilst the rest of us carry them.

Sounds to me like your boss is taking the p*** but isn’t clever enough to know what to do now! Good luck with them and take Jim’s advice.

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[Anonymous]

Hey no prob Ash55……I’m just sayin……good luck with your struggle. No slight intended…….

Toofat

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[Anonymous]

HI,

Great letter!! I too can write when it is about me or I am passionate about something!!! This is definitely a positive trait!!!

I was just wondering if you work for a chain restaurant or a single owner restaurant?

You may want to think about sending a copy to the owner or the head office (kinda like an insurance policy lol) just so they know what is going on, let them know that you love working there, enjoy your job and in order to provide the best possible customer service you know they require of their employees that you need this situation handled in a positive way, that instead of just slacking off or not putting 100% into your job, you felt comfortable enough to talk about your disability as you have been with the company 3 years and value their employment, but you are worried that this situation is not being properly handled due to misunderstanding and misinformation about your disability and possibly some discrimination because of it.

When the owner receives this he/she will invariably ask the manager what is going on which may make the manager more aware that this is a real issue and that he may have been mistaken in your treatment!!

You say you used to be a teacher? Have you ever thought about doing your own tutoring business, regular kids/people, esl maybe or kids who have adhd/add and scheduling your own time around what works for you? Maybe not standing in a classroom for 8+ hrs works specific for you but scheduling blocks of time throughout your days would work better so you don’t have to be bored all day, still have free time to do what you want and not have to focus for looong periods of time, plus you may get some satisfaction with helping people on a one on one level? Just my 2 cents

JimC_-After working in the restaurant industry for many years us adhders can actually balance very well in this environment!!

If for example they are in small dose quick task activities (at least I did anyways), you only have to complete one small task then run off to the next thing, however I did need to write every table order down, could not do multiple tables at the same time (meaning could not do drinks for 5 tables at the same time, just one table drinks, next table drinks, and so on and so one) if I happened to walk through my section and get multiple things for multiple tables then I had to write a short form list according to table number as I was walking past, back to condiment, drinks, food station, check the list then organize everything on my tray in order that I was going back to tables lol!

Believe it or not there are many, many of us who work in the restaurant industry, create our own coping skills and earn a lot of money ie: tips due to our strengths in this industry like, we are full of energy, have great short form quick communication skills, read the situation in a more black and white way and tend to make people laugh, we generally can problem solve relatively quickly as a lot of us are forward thinkers

I just eventually found I needed more out of life (after doing it for 14 yrs) and could not handle the stress and noise level and constantly running around like a chicken with my head cut off anymore lol!

Good luck ashockley55!!

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[JimC.]

Don’t know if this is any help but here goes: NC labor law states:

” Discrimination—Any employer who retaliates in any way

against an employee for filing a complaint or assisting an

inspector is breaking the law. The department will investigate and may prosecute employers who take such action.”

http://www.nclabor.com/posters/English/Labor_Law_Poster_English.pdf

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[Author]

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