It may be too late for me

[Anonymous]

I’ve spent the last week or so looking into the possibility that I have ADHD. Largely based on my nephews diagnosis of Severe ADHD, it’s taken me a while to verify what I kind of suspected. As I watched the videos on this website (which is great, by the way) and reading personal stories from others diagnosed with ADHD, I was amazed that there were people who experienced EXACTLY the same things I have… inattentiveness, fidgetiness, anxiety and all the problems that go with it. Over the years I’ve “developed” ways of compensating for my deficiencies that match some of the recommendations talked about on ADD websites. Unfortunately, I have led the stereotypical life of someone trying to deal with this disorder on his own and I now find myself in a position that may lead me to the lowest point a person can find themselves in America.

I was laid off (my job was eliminated, even though I was a much-valued employee within my department) and have about two months before my funds and options run out. I’ve tried to focus on finding a job but it’s soooo difficult. I’m sending resumes out to virtually every job posting that I might remotely qualify for. I know that, on paper, I’m unimpressive. Being 53 years old without a college degree doesn’t help either. But I’ve never failed to exceed expectations in the jobs I’ve held (despite a few ADHD related incidences). I guess i’ve been lucky that I’ve held jobs that allowed me to use some of my ADHD tendencies to my advantage.

The area I’ve suffered the most is in personal relationships. I have casual friendships but have yet to be involved in any sort of deeper relationship. This has been true my entire life and has me considering that I am incapable of being in a relationship. Just to have a date has become a tarnished fantasy that I try not to think about. You can imagine why. The point is, nearly everyone needs help from others, be it family, close friends, or a significant other. At some point I stopped trying to develop those relationships, based largely on the disastrous results of my few attempts. I’ve always had this nagging feeling that I would have been more successful in life if I hadn’t tried to do everything myself. I just don’t want to be a burden to anyone.

All that being said, I would tell anyone thinking about getting diagnosed as to whether they have ADD or ADHD and what to do… DO NOT WAIT! Find a qualified doctor and start getting the help you deserve. If you’re anything like me, you KNOW you have a lot to contribute to people, society and the world, if you could just find the right path. If you’re reading this you’re on the right path… Keep Going! Again, don’t wait. I can tell you, waiting hasn’t worked out for me.

Should I get back on my feet in time, I’m going to throw everything I can at learning how to live with this life sentence. And I certainly don’t regret having ADHD (even if I haven’t been professionally diagnosed at this time). In a way, my constantly looking ahead, looking for what happens next or the next new thing has me looking forward and thinking I’ve got a 50/50 chance of making it (things will either get better or worse). Those aren’t bad odds even when things are bad.

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[ADDled]

Hi, richzilla_blue!

Welcome to our “safe place” in this world.

That’s a very positive attitude you have right now, although I think you’re being hard on yourself when you refer to “this life sentence”. I’d call it experience and a new beginning. I was diagnosed at 55, and yes, I’ve made all the mistakes in my life that you made in yours.

I see 50 as the new 30 and apparently there is no limit to what we can do because, well, we have life experience and you can’t teach that in school. We’ve dealt with our demons and won. That, and ADD if used for good, is a very powerful combination in my opinion.

For help with relationships, I’d highly recommend “You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Crazy or Stupid” by Kate Kelly and Peggy Remundo. Get the revised and updated version with the blue cover. I’ve just re-read that one and it’s quite helpful.

As far as the work thing it’s extremely tough for everyone right now, but especially tough for us ADDers because of our usually spotty employment history. Now that you know that you’re ADD, use the strengths of that to help channel your job search. Go here for some ideas:

http://www.addcoach4u.com/positivesofadd.html

Or, have you thought about self-employment or contract work? I’m investigating a few things myself right now using the strengths of my ADD and they’re nothing even close to what currently doing.

Hope this helps…and good luck.

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[trashman]

wellcome ,I am just in the middle of finding out myself @ almost forty eight . I have spent almost all my life trying to find what i was really good at so far nothing. it is already a bit better just knowing that I am not just a loser and lazy. I have also find it a big help knowing that all over out there are other people a lot like me . I also have found that it helps being able to give it a name. I have also found that meds help me alot . so againI I say WELLCOME.

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[Anonymous]

Thanks ADDled and trashman. It’s just now starting to hit me… the idea that I’m NOT broken or defective but uniquely different. What a relief! Knowing that there are others who feel and think like I do fills me with optimism and hope. Thanks for the welcome, link, and reading suggestion… I’m definitely going to pick that book up when Borders bookstore sends out another 40% off coupon.

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[JimC.]

Welcome to the heap! couple of thoughts: on the book, libraries are free, just borrow the book, you’ll finish it in less than a week anyhow. Take care of you 1st: get good sleep, eat well (no junk foods etc), and exercise, if even a walk for an hour or so. Give yourself a break…you’ve worked darn hard so far in this life, give yourself credit for doing well. If sleep is an issue, I find 5 HTP (50mg) is a real help for me – just one at bedtime – never mind the mfr wants you to take 6 a day! I’ve been taking protein smoothies for breakfast after being told they will help, I don’t feel they do but do it anyhow. Regardless, after I started to take care of me, I seem to be getting a bit closer to “normal’, whatever that is. bottom line, I feel better, look better,(OK more rested), and perform better with more enthusiasm and fear no failures like before.

Good luck on the job front, most of us have been there, done that.

Jim

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[Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD]

I found it very empowering when I realized that there is actually no cutoff age for dealing with my ADHD. And there’s no timetable, schedule, set way of doing it, order in which it has to be done, areas you absolutely have to deal with, or even any kind of finish line or final goal.

Mental health and having strength, power and mastery of your mind is pretty much the same as physical health. In fact, the brain is an organ, right? It’s allowed to have problems like any other body part. Considering the complexity of the brain and the fact that the universe itself only exists because our brains make sense of it, I’m shocked everyone doesn’t have a dozen issues!

If you think of your brain as a muscle that you can train and build, like any other muscle well, hey there are 60 and 70 year olds who ran their first marathon this year. They did it by building their muscle. And there’s no set finish. Not every senior citizen has to work themselves up to a level of fitness to run a marathon, to be able to benefit from exercise.

It’s all good.

I have to remind myself that this is an ongoing process. Just like my physical health. If I stop exercising, I lose muscle, fitness, energy, stamina… I backslide. (Oh, I am so back-slidden right now! I started walking to work about three weeks ago.)

In terms of physical health you can start an exercise program and keep building muscle as long as you want. You could even target the muscles they want to build depending on whether you’re interested in a marathon, swimming a lake, lifting weights or playing tennis.

Same with your brain. The big difference I suppose with internal organs like the brain, compared to muscles, is that it’s not easy to see the improvement. When I got in shape for that bike rally, I could see the difference in my legs. I lost 25 pounds of fat and put on at least 15 of muscle. My loose clothing and droopy pants were a constant reminder that I was making progress every week.

With ADHD the improvement is often hard to spot. So I find keeping a journal, and taking some of the ADHD tests again every month or two, will help track progress. If you take the tests again and again you may notice that under a symptom like, “I have trouble finishing complex tasks” that your answer has gone from VERY OFTEN to OFTEN. And then to SOMETIMES.

I know how often I think I’m stuck and it’s only in looking back, or in talking with my wife, that I see how far I’ve come.

So take the pressure off, give yourself time, and do what you want. It’s your life.

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[Anonymous]

I’m 53 and one lousy work record. One thing I know people do is selling hot dogs my sister’s is always getting layed off because of cut backs. She got herself a hotdog cart and does events. Canadian tire lets people set up for a fee. Business loan will help out there. But I know she had mad 1,500 in a day. This other guy I meet work for a computer company quite his job to sell hotdogs because he could make better money and no stress. Clamdigger

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[Anonymous]

im 26 and in a similar position my main problem is getting the clinical diagnosis i need my GP agrees it is most probably ADHD but there is only 1 ADHD specialist that we know of in england and getting to see him is proving impossible (due to NHS funding). I was being medicated on respiridone that was making me overly tired ( i slept for 2 days) not good when you have a 16 month old daughter to look after then i was put on oxcarbepazine which seemed to be working to an extent but then i found out i was pregnant so the meds were stopped (now 12 weeks pregnant) due to dangers to baby i am now unmedicated and struggling with the “temper tantrums” or “mood swings” and my brain working overtime i feel very stuck and very alone. My husband is great and does his best but i still feel iscolated. any help suggestions would be great.

thanks Vixter XX

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[Anonymous]

Richzilla_blue,

I am just like you. It is neat to hear that I am not alone. I just found out that I have sluggish cognitive tempo. I have always had big time anxiety. I have gone thru terrible depression. I have found exercise and diet helps me a lot. Stimulants were the worst thing that I have done. I was nuts for 5 months and didn’t know it. Read books on cognitive behavior therapy. Learn as much as you can about yourself. It will get better. A good phrase to use is, I can’t change it. Put the crap behind you . Enjoy the power of now. You are a new person. Good luck

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[Anonymous]

Vixter

I’d strongly recommend re-posting your questions in a separate thread, perhaps in the Ask an Expert category. Your questions are important and might be overlooked in this thread. I hope you get some useful suggestions. ( In the context of you being pregnant, I doubt that much would be attempted with medication, but there might be some help with finding a specialist in the U.K. or coping with the emotional struggle.) Good luck.

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[Anonymous]

Skunk thank you ill try xx

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[Anonymous]

Vixter, my heart goes out to you! Bless your husband for being there for you. Support from family members is so important. And congratulations on your new baby! I hope that you are able to find some information here or from your doctor to deal with the ADD symptoms without the meds until you have your baby.

Richzilla_blue, I agree with previous poster not to look at ADD at a life sentence. We have some very unique qualities that make us very good entrepreneurs and our affinity for “risk-taking” suits us perfectly to starting our own businesses. Even while working, I always had side business for a couple of hours a week, because “real” jobs have always been just plain BORING to me (except for the security of the paycheck). I am 55 and semi-retired, but was still working full-time to support myself because my retirement wasn’t enough to survive and I was a compulsive spender. I lost my job and vehicle in late 2009 and was forced into full-time entrepreneurship. Now I’m selling on eBay and trying to get an arts and crafts enterprise going (when I can focus). It’s been a struggle and I’m not making a lot of money, in fact, sometimes I am downright broke. But I believe it’s been a blessing in disguise. It’s always been my dream to be a full-time artist and writer, but I always complained that I never had the time. Now I do and I can’t make anymore excuses about why I can’t do it. And I believe I can do it. It’s just a matter of when and how.

Family support is important. Try to surround yourself with people who will be positive and supportive. If you can’t, you have friends here who will cheer you on. And never, ever give up on yourself. Focus on success. You will succeed, but it won’t happen overnight. Sometimes there are opportunities hiding right in front of our eyes, but we don’t see them because we’re focusing too much on our situation. One thing I’ve learned about myself is that I get tunnel-vision, then get over-whelmed and start running in circles and getting nothing done. I’m trying to learn to think “out-of-the-box,” but it’s not easy. Sorry if my post sounds preachy, but I say this for myself as well. NEVER, EVER GIVE UP!

Good luck to you in whatever you decide to do!

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[Anonymous]

65+ here. These enterprises, you are applying to, are having financial troubles of their own. Mediocrity is not going to help them find their way out of their situation. Us, ADHD, types are anything but mediocre,

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I find it difficult to view ADHD solely as a disorder. I view it as a family of related traits and/or skills, with a physical and genetic framework. Skills without a discipline based on knowledge and knowledge of self, is a disorder regardless of the framework. The ADHD trait/skill set has serious social ramifications and medications can make us more acceptable to others. In my family, I take the meds and my wife feels better.

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Put your, out-of-the-box, ADHD skills to work. Our “creativity” may simply be that we are well practiced at quickly reassembling reality, when our focus snaps back to earth. But, whatever the mechanism, we are damn good at it.

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Life is a life sentence. It’s not what we do, but rather what we do with the little time (and resources) we’ve been given (LOTR I think). Every time I’ve tried to give-up, I’ve failed (not meant to be funny). After about a week, I just can’t stand being in that particular frame of mind – not enough interesting things to poke my nose into.

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Giving up is boring. You won’t like it.

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[billd]

If I can survive, ANYONE can. I should have been dead several times. I’m here.

You just need to look around and find the glove that fits you. It’s not easy – if it was, I wouldn’t be here as I can do some pretty complex things.

The rather “funny” thing about it all with me – I find some project I’ve done in the past, or find plans I’ve drawn up for things I made, or think back at something I made or repaired or have otherwise done – and it’s like “that wans’t me, I can’t do those thing” or “I sure can’t recall doing that or even HOW I did it”.

I’ve fixed things that I don’t believe I have the skill to fix – and yet, at that time, when I needed it most, it was there for me. Where is it now? No way I could do the same thing again, I’m sure of it.

Weird, but let yourself get there and when you are there, what you need will be there too.

Doesn’t make sense, does it? It’s like my brain can’t hold all the skills I have, and I lose some of them so others can come forward when I need them. but if I need an old one again, I look back at my notes and scribbles, and I try the task – and wow, there it is again, but now I’ve lost what I had when I was doing yesterday’s task.

HAH – I don’t have the guts to give up – it’s too scary.

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[Anonymous]

Ditto on “billd”s comments.

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The best description, I have, of what it’s like to be ADHD (the negative side only) is that trying to control my focus is like trying to hold my breath. Sure, I can do it – for a while.

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The trait I like best, is the ability to participate in the “spring boarding” of ideas. I find great satisfaction when somebody takes one of my, less than perfect, ideas and transforms it into something viable and useful – or the other way around. I’ve learned that being the winner in the exchange of ideas, is a hollow, unrewarding, victory.

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Notice, I didn’t say supportive. Agreement and acquiescence are neither necessary nor sufficient. I felt good, when an opposing idea was enhanced by something my idea exposed.

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When it comes to social support, for me, it must be a knowledgeable social support – like this forum. I find unknowledgeable sympathy very annoying. Anybody else have some experience with this?

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Family, friends, and co-workers (an engaging social matrix) are a necessary component to this ADHD friendly process. It does wonders for one’s attitude.

=== (subject change)

The psychiatrist, who got me on medication, was ADHD ignorant. The choice of medication (Concerta) and dosage (108mg) was a joint effort. Concerta was the initial choice, because it worked for my daughter and grandson. The dosage process took several months. Basically, I had a pile of 18mg capsules. I started out on 54mg and bumped it another 18mg every two weeks. At 126mg, I sensed a physical reaction. Not a high, but weird. I backed off to 108mg and, from inside my head, everything went back to normal.

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Externally, my wife noticed a lot of changes. The principle changes she noted were:

– more pleasant to be around

– no emotional blow-back from interruptions

– reduced temper flair ups when “mother nature” was being uncooperative

– more willing to engage in collaborative (and boring) household chores

I too, found her to be more pleasant. Very important, since I had recently retired and was around the house a lot more.

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At the initial meeting with this psychiatrist, he told me in no uncertain terms, that if I lost or misplaced the script, he would not replace it. Obviously, he was a bit uncomfortable and was not going to enable drug abuse. And, no, I didn’t get the whole pile of capsules at one time. The engagement was very responsible and heavily monitored.

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[Author]

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