Parenting & ADD

[ImpactADHD Elaine]

So I sat in a meeting all day, listening to presentation after presentation of people who are engaged and committed to helping people with ADHD. (I’m at the CHADD conference, by the way!:) It was inspiring. AND — it was frustrating. Because I had to hold my tongue a lot — I kept wanting to say, “people, you cannot fix ADHD, we have to teach people to manage it!!” And that’s what’s coming up for me now — maybe because I was in that room all day! 🙂

But seriously — your “mom eyes” know what this child needs. He is 6 years old. What are you trying to achieve in learning to manage your son’s ADHD, and teaching him to manage himself? Where do you want to focus first? What values are most important to you? What’s the benefit of the meds? What’s the cost?

I’m not answering your question about straterra, and for that I apologize. It’s different for every one, so it really doesn’t matter what anyone else says. If you decide to try it, you’ll know soon enough. But whether my daughter had a good experience or not when she tried it probably won’t tell you much of anything.

But I do want to ask you to get clear with yourself — what is your purpose for trying medication at this stage? Is that purpose a high value to you? If so, keep trying til you find something that helps. If not, you might consider waiting until he’s older, and try some other approaches to management like coaching, therapy, or accommodations. There are MANY things you can do to start to manage ADHD, set realistic expectations and begin to teach your child to self-regulate. Medication is not the only solution. It can be slower without medication — but when your child is that young, if you’re not clear on why you’re doing it, you have to ask yourself — what’s the rush?

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[ImpactADHD Elaine]

Hey Lodgson — sorry for the delay! I responded to this last week, but obviously I did something wrong. Technology and I have an interesting relationship.

Anyway, I cannot speak to the issue of Strattera for a little one — each medication affects each individual quite differently.

But I do want to remind you that ADHD can be well treated by a number of different paths! Medication is DEFINITELY NOT the only treatment, it’s not for everyone, and it’s not the end-all-be-all of ADHD treatment, especially for one that young.

At the CHADD conference last weekend I heard several different professionals talk about the importance of psycho-social interventions (e.g. Therapy or Coaching) — and I even heard that it can be helpful to start there, and then add medication later. I’m NOT saying don’t try the medication — but I don’t want you to feel “stuck” to it at this stage, either. He’s really young, and there are lots of things you can try to help improve life at home and at school, with or without medication! We work with parents on these issues every day using the parenting action model — there’s really so much you can do! Remember that what you do as a parent really makes a difference!

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[m]

I am a mother with ADHD and I have two boys with ADHD. Life in my house is pretty crazy most of the time. My eldest is finally doing well at school. He still has problems occasionally and is still not quite where he needs to be, but I am so very proud of the all the hard work he’s done and the initiative he’s showing, both at home and school. But my poor little guy…, he’s drowning. Just when I thought we had achieved some success with one, the other is just starting his nightmare. It’s like watching the sequel of a movie, except this one has more explosions, car wrecks and other such actions. I am back to constant reports from teachers and other staff member from the school. Back to the “I hate school, I don’t want to go, why do I have to, I’m too sick to go” and a few inappropriate comments. Homework is like pulling teeth, mine I mean. I often want a drink afterwards. And if its not bad enough, I went back to school myself only to realize that I have too, and I’m having some of the same issues. (Well, that would explain my grandmother, lol)

I feel like I am in a lifesaver, in the middle of the ocean and there’s a storm to boot.

I recall a comment being made from a movie I saw, the person said to another person “If you do not find a way to do it, no one else will”. That pretty much describes my situation.

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[ImpactADHD Elaine]

m — I know how you feel, baby. I finally got diagnosed around 40 when my third child was clearly GOING to be diagnosed — and it really helped me make sense of my whole life. But here’s what I REALLY want to say — your little guy is ready for your attention, now, but wasn’t before — thank goodness the older one is doing great! Think about all you’ve learned, and how much more you know now than when you were facing this stuff for the first time. You’ve GOT this — and your little guy will be the beneficiary most of all!

Spend some time reading on ImpactADHD — search homework, or school troubles, and you’ll be amazed to find how much you already know, and how much you are NOT alone!

Hang in there — and feel free to ask any questions that might help ease your path! Hugs, Elaine 🙂

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[goober2001]

Hello everyone,  I’m wondering if anyone knows of any certified ADHD coaches in Saskatchewan?  Looking for my teenage son.

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[ImpactADHD Elaine]

EdgeFoundation.org has certified student coaches and will match you with a good fit — tell Denise I sent you! Also, if your son is really interested in coaching, it’s a great idea and I highly recommend it! If you’re son is a bit resistant, however, you might want to talk to us, first 😉 so you don’t waste your money!

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[addmom]

Hello,

So glad to have found this forum today– while doing a search in hopes to find appropriate support for my 12 yr. old son who was diagnosed with ADHD 2 yrs ago.

After his phsyco-educational assesment, he was accepted to a gifted program at his school.  We thought this would be best because the process created an IEP for him and would help (we hoped) his teachers to “get” him as well as provide an environment with other kids he could fit in with better.  To some degree that happened, but in other ways his distractedness and inability to complete homework has become worse.  The structure in his class is now much less rigid and his assignments are more project-based which requires more organizational skills, time management and focus- all of his weaknesses.  After this long and frustrating process we thought his placement  would be a blessing, but it seems to have created bigger challenges.
We just went through 2 weeks of torturous sitting in front of his computer screen working on a long-term assignment whith barely a paragraph to show for it!  We have tried various strategies – chunking his work,  with free time breaks in between,  prompting him, having long and short talks ….. most recently  he has had his electronics priviledges taken away for as long as it takes to complete his project.  2 weeks later, here we are with only frustration to show!  We really need help!

I have looked into child psychologists and tried to find some who specialize in kids with ADHD,  but have been hesitant, wondering if they would be the right “fit”  Just today I also found a couple of specialized clinics and was wondering if anyone has had experience with these?  Does anyone have experience with ADHD clinics for kids in Toronto?  I have come across Springboard, but never heard of them before.  Any recommendations please?

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[addmom]

Hello again.  : )  Just checking in with a question- I realized my first post should have probably started with my question rather than a lengthy intro.

Has anyone had good experience with ADHD psychologists/ coaches/ clinics for kids in Toronto?
We are hoping to find CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) type approaches. We are also interested if anyone has had good experience with natural or homeopathic remedies which help with focus.

Thank you!

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[e123tu]

Hi, I’m back after a long while with more questions about my young adult relative.

As I wrote on page 1 of this thread, my relative went to my ADD coach for three sessions. He convinced her that his case is much milder than mine.

However, vanity aside, I believe I’ve been doing fairly well lately, with less procrastination and more accomplishment than ever. A lot of it has to do with working for myself.

In comparison, my relative is really floundering. He took a detour from non-ending community college to try living on his own in another state. About three months later, his grandparents drove a great distance to rescue him from an emotionally very dark place, and now he is living with them (temporarily, they hope). But as wonderful as they are, they consider him a problem and want him to snap out of it.

His positive points are: he’s smart; he’s great at technology; he loves cats and gardening; he’s well spoken. His obstacles include:

putting off learning to drive;
never having held a job more than a few weeks;
not tuning into other people’s feelings very well;
talking at great length and volume about topics no one cares about;
acting like an expert in areas he knows little about and discounting others’ input;
withdrawing temporarily or permanently when he doesn’t like a conversation;
never cleaning up or taking care of himself or others;
staying up all night playing networked video games and sleeping all day;
and having few in-person friends outside of the family.

So, my question is this: If he doesn’t realize how bad his ADHD is, and no one wants to consider whether he has Aspergers and/or executive functioning disorder, is he destined to be homeless? Is there a practical way to approach anyone close to his situation (father, grandparents) with useful information and advice? Are there places in central New Jersey that can help young adults with multiple issues like these? Are there places where he can get group help and/or group living?

Many thanks in advance.

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[cher]

Hey, I’m mom to 2 amazing, brilliant, hillarious, wonderful ADD kids! (In my eyes).

Like so many stories I’ve read/heard, while my child was going through the testing process for ADD all the boxes checked off for me as well, and we’ve been going in circles ever since! We are not on medication and have been trying to implement strategies to no avail!!! I’m a do it yourself kind of gal so have been doing lots of research, BUT like the webinar I listened to yesterday (thank you for that btw) I know what I need to do but just can’t do it! Most recently I’ve gone through a CBT program, and a wonderful MBSR program (loved both and got so much out of them) but here I am again…. Looking for help!!

I am so frustrated and feel like I’m the worst parent, wife, friend, daughter, sister, aunt on this planet. Can’t make anything stick, nagging, fighting, yelling, overuse of elecronics, workaholic just a few struggles to mention. I am really not a group therapy person, can’t afford a coach, and could easily become a recluse!!! I’m trying to help everyone and am getting NO WHERE!! Any direction will be helpful before I completely destroy the future for my children! Oh and did I mention as an added bonus I’m peri-menopausal!

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[ImpactADHD Elaine]

Hi Cher

First — I really want to go out for a coffee or a walk with you :)! Fabulous post, and a terrific example of how fast your brain is moving and how hard it must be to keep up with it!

I’m writing because I officially have permission to invite you to a place where you can learn specifically about HOW TO parent complex kids, even if you’re a complex adult! 🙂 Check out ImpactADHD.com and let us know if it feels like what you’re looking for — if so, then email us and we’ll tell you more! But first, make sure it feels like a good match for you (if this is feeling sorta like internet-support-speed-dating, well … )

There’s really a lot of minor things you can do to shift the way you parent so that you and your kids all feel more successful — we’d love to help 🙂  Elaine

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[cher]

Hi Elaine,

Thanks for your reply.  I will check it out, I think I’ve been there before in my web travels.  I’ve been to so many great websites,  Totally ADD really resonated with me because of the humorous take on it – makes it relatable for me.

I just really am feeling overwhelmed these days and for lack of a better term need to get my poop in a group!

I don’t know whether to start with myself or my kids or both or just my kids or my kids then myself – see what I mean…

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[ImpactADHD Elaine]

I hear you — I figure I gotta keep laughing, it’s what keeps me from cryin’ 🙂 — we’ve learned that when you take care of managing your approach to your kids, it really helps everyone. We have this model that we use, that comes from coaching, called the Impact Parenting Model — and it is a 6 step process that you can use to manage all kinds of conflicts and challenges. It starts with Taking Aim — and that’s a big piece. Start by identifying ONE thing that you’d like to see changed — and try to get as specific as possible. Doesn’t matter if its for you or your kids — but the more specific, the better. “Homework” or “Mornings” is too general — think about “getting started on Homework” or “getting out of bed in the mornings” — or “taking care of myself ” (radical, I know) — choose one place to start. Then, let em know how that goes and I’ll giv eyou the next step 🙂

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[cher]

OMG there are so many things we need to change I get overwhelmed just trying to pin one thing :/

My youngest (12 yrs.) has great difficulty sleeping and sleeping alone (I sleep with him 99% of the time).  I know how crucial sleep is so I’m thinking that may be a good place to start.   Is that too general – maybe how to get to bed earlier or getting to bed…

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[ImpactADHD Elaine]

GREAT place to start. Now, collect information (step 2). Is it trouble with getting to sleep? staying asleep? What do you know about what’s going on? what’s in it for him/her? how is it playing out? what is important about changing things (for you? for him/her?).  Turn on your curiosity and see what comes up!

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