Sex and A.D.D.

[Anonymous]

Does anyone out there get distracted while have sex? If the phone rings or the dog barks I get so distracted that I can not regain focus. Thank God my husband understands!

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[Darazzzz]

This has always been a problem for me as well. I had no idea what was going on or what was wrong with me. I was just diagnosed at age 44. Looking back now I can see how this and other symptoms have affected my past relationships.

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[Anonymous]

No one ever talks about this part of ADD. I think it is time to bring it to light. I take meds, but it does not help in this area.

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[Bill]

With ADD comes the ability to hyperfocus on something you find really engaging, right? Just imagine what would make sex really engaging for you. What could change so you could lose yourself in the moment? What would change the mood for you? What would draw in your other senses?

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[Anonymous]

I can’t shut off my brain. The same thing happens when I try to sleep.

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[Anonymous]

Hello, I had to chime in on this one…

KC it is hard enough for some woman to climax when you add ADD/ADHD on top of it… it can be next to impossible. I actually giggled at the Bedroom vid as Dr. J said to get all things with batteries out of the bedroom. There is one battery operated device that will never leave mine! Honestly, not trying to be trashy… it would help keep you focussed.

Couple of things that have worked for me:

1. I actually turn the clock away from my visual range and was kind of relieved when I saw that Dr. J recommended it.

2. I have a big dog, 158 lb Newf… I put him in his bedroom/crate or close the bedroom door tight

3. I put the cats away as well or at least keep them away from the door as they “knock” to get in

4. Turn off my cell etc and anything else that makes noise

5. If there are noises outside prior, I turn music on just loud enough to keep me focussed on the… ummm… err… task at hand. This way, I can’t hear the outside world. I actually made a playlist on my iPad and Laptop that has softer music that won’t pull my attention.

6. Going on the music or controlled noise theme, I actually asked my partner to talk to me during. I found the silence deafening and noticed I got easily distracted. Having him talk to me kept me on task.

Cheers and seriously, I think this is an important topic as intimacy between 2 people is a human need and vital to psychological health.

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[Anonymous]

i find it hard to shut off my brain too. i think thats how i got labeled as a daydreamer in school, i couldnt stop my brain from drifting off on a different thought and of course one thought takes you to another and then another…. just like what is happening in my brain right now.

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[liztee]

The other part of it for me is that no matter how much I am enjoying it, I am ready for it to be over fairly quickly. If my partner tries to prolong things I get frustrated and antsy. Anyone else find that?

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[Anonymous]

Yes, I can relate–especially with kids. “Did we lock the door? What was that noise? What if we forget to blow out that candle and the house burns down as we’re sleeping?”

One solution: Battery operated flameless candles.

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[Ivriniel]

You are not alone, KC.

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[Anonymous]

OK, Thursday’sChild, keep the battery powered sexual adornments.

Sex is a natural sleep aid as well.

Many patients in my practice (mostly men but sometimes women frankly) need to use Viagra, Cialis, Lavitra etc. to maintain their sexual energy. Thoughts?

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[Anonymous]

Curious. How does a drug with design to address a physical problem help when the problems with sex are caused by a psychological problem. If you CAN perform but you have the mental maturity of a 5 year old, making sex next to impossible (only ready when extremely tired), is the use of these pills more placebo effect than actual induced chemical response? Rarely being able to get close to someone, and at only 26 yrs old, is sometimes difficult to accept, and even if it were possible that maybe someday this might not be the case, these drugs are so expensive (well beyond anything I could afford and I doubt dudes in their “prime” get these picked up by insurance). Plus, one of my best qualities, my spontaneity, wouldn’t translate to a physical relationship due to having to plan ahead for the pill. Taking these drugs seem like merely jerry-riggin’ a machine to due a task for which it wasn’t designed. Aren’t there somethings that can’t be fixed and must just be accepted?

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[Anonymous]

Max: It might be a placebo. They think it’ll help them with sex, so they feel more confident and *do* find it better and easier.

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[Anonymous]

Never considered my ADD to be a problem in this area but now that I think about it I totally see that is a BIG reason I am struggling with sex. For me to mentally commit to sex it takes ALL the enegry I have. I’m also VERY sensative to touch and I have a huge personal space bubble. On top of that I take antidepressant which lessens the sex drive. All of these factors makes sex well almost impossible I’m really struggling with it. The worst part is my husband and I are trying to get pregnant but I have to force myself to have sex when I am so not mentally there which means I really get nothing from it which then frustrates my husband. I love my husband so much and I want nothing more than to be intimate with him but my brain and body are not cooperating with my heart!

Dr. J is there any medicines out there to help woman increase their sex drive??? I’ve talked to several doctors about my lack of sex drive and no one seems to offer any help.

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[Anonymous]

Dr. J. Thank you… I appreciate the understanding. At 32 and single I take what I can get.

ScatterKat… I posted in Ask an Expert about my meds and other things female hormone related… however, I am wondering: have you had a full estrogen panel, CBC etc done? Alot of MD’s state that your estrogen is fine based on regular check ups but don’t run the full panel.

Also, I know that numbness you feel and I hope it gets better. Can you, or have you, considered coming off the meds for one day i.e. when you ovulate etc? Or even a week that you are “in the woods” for getting pregnant? I come off the Dex and I am a hungry, fridge clearing sex machine so I thought I would suggest it.

Of course I am not a doctor but I do know Dex “holidays” were recommended every so often by my doctors.

I hope it gets better,

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[Author]

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