So we're loners so what?

[Anonymous]

Yep, I’m one of those so called loners. I’ve had plenty of days where the only thing I say is what my order is before heading back home. It’s 8:30 pm right now and the only thing I said today was I wanted my turkey sliced thin (before avoiding the cashiers and using the auto check out line). Weird thing is I’m not depressed and quite content. It’s.. as scatty has said… my norm.

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[trashman]

I think over time I have become a loner ! I guess I am too out going . after a short period of time people get sick of me. I used to try harder when I was younger. now I just spend time by my self , its just easier.

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[Amy]

I’m not sure I”m a loner per se – but I am an introvert, and to recharge, I need to be alone. Like REALLY alone, as in no one else even in the house.

Amy

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[Scattybird]

Hi KazamaSmokers – welcome to the forum. Yes it is a cool site isn’t it. Incidentally I love your photo – is s/he yours?

I know what you mean about travelling alone. Many years ago my (ex)partner and I went on a camping holiday in Scotland. It was of course very wet and to cut a long story short he went home and I continued alone – I was just being stubborn and I was so annoyed with him that I had no intention of going back home with him! Anyone that can’t be impressed at the site of a golden eagle isn’t the ideal partner for me.

Anyway, that was the best thing I could have done because after that I had a lovely holiday. I met so many really interesting people that I wouldn’t have met otherwise and I also realised that going away on ones own is actually fun. I wouldn’t have done it if I hadn’t been pushed into it and I have had some nice trips on my own since.

I have just returned from a work trip and spending every waking moment with colleagues really tests the ability of my ritalin to do its job and keep me calm.

For example, we had the opportunity of going a little way into the jungle. How many people get that opportunity and how many times in my life will I get that opportunity again? Not many if ever. So the people I was with were crashing around, shouting, laughing etc. Great – so no chance of actually standing quietly and seeing any wildlife then. Grr!! I suspect one of them was being loud on purpose because he was scared of seeing anything exciting. Sigh.

I suppose it’s a bit ironic that the one with ADHD (me) was the one that wanted to be still and quiet!

So…yes there’s a lot to be said for travelling alone.

Trashman – try not to turn yourself into a loner if it’s not your ‘natural state’. I find that I am managing to train myself to be less effusive (if that’s a word) and basically not try so hard when I am with people and it takes them a bit longer to get sick of me. But then we should be true to ourselves.

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[trashman]

Thanks!

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[Robbo]

Hey good post Scatty, you gave me an idea I haven’t though of in years. I used to go on long drives by myself, tons!, but just forgot, kinda because of gas prices n health issues. I’m a lil forgetful in general, what a weirdo huh? I’m good to go nowadays though. I’m sure I can find some friendly people in Santa Cruz where I lived a bunch of years ago. Only about 3 hours away. Just hanging out by the sea is something I keep talking about, thinking about, but not actually doing cuz I couldn’t find people to go with. Now is the perfect time too!. I don’t know why I haven’t thought of just going by myself… just a lil brain flatulence I guess. Thanks for helping me air out my cranial cavern Scatty lady .

I’ve been feeling a lot of rejection lately, surfers are a different breed, more like us… soulful, down to earth. I’m sure I can find some folks just to hang with for a short time, then go off with my music… Or maybe I’ll meet a cute surfer chick and who knows what’s in store for me… Ya nebber know right?

Stranger things have happened. Hek, I ain’t chopped liver. I’ll just keep my mouth shut. yeah right, uhuh, you betcha…

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[Scattybird]

Hi Robbo – haanging out at the sea sounds like a great idea. There’s always something to watch.

Sorry you’ve been feeling rejection recently. Not nice – sadly I think it’s part of being human and not just unique to ADHD humans. Stay happy – we’re always here Robbo.

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[allan wallace]

Fantastic stuff! I’m so glad that I was directed here ….I too am a loner, and dread social events. I loathe the terms ‘mingling’, or ‘networking’ *shudder*….I used to just get blind drunk to avoid having to talk to people, and when I discovered alternatives to booze I preferred the dark loud techno clubs where I could just dance and be lost in the music! The banal chatter of bores induces nausea, and sadly my lack of social skills saw me in too many unpleasant situations. Fights because of irritation, or offence given to strangers. I just seemed unable to to tune into the humdrum crap, and learnt to be self-sufficient. As I went to a zillion different schools as a kid I learnt how to fight so even though I stood out and was usually a pariah I didn’t get pushed around because I could fight pretty well . I used to get a kick out of smacking bullies around. A skinny weird blonde kid that loved books beating up the loud mouthed troglodyte was always something of a shock to the onlookers that somehow must have felt cheated. Like seing the Christian kick the crap out of a Lion at the Colosseum or something….but yes, the term ‘loner’ has become polluted as whenever there is a particularly heinous serial-killer, or random act of madness, there is always the condescending reference to the the ‘misfit’ as being a loner….little wonder that those who shun the security of the woollen herd are regarded with more than just a hint of wary suspiscion, eh? 🙄

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[Anonymous]

It is actually not good to be dubbed as loner, as you may know there is fears inside with them. Try to be out in the open, explore good things, be part of every activity your family and your friends have. Be an advocate to a certain cause, in this cases you will get to know more everything outside.

Regards.
Jimmy of http://www.digitekprinting.com/digital-copy-center
“a digital copy center in San Francisco,”

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[blackdog]

Looks like SPAM to me…

But spammers sometimes do us a favour by resurrecting these old threads. This is a good topic for discussion and everything here resonates so much with me.

Like Miguel said in his original post, my mom worried about me being so withdrawn, though she never really tried to force me not to be. Other people have tried to force me and push me into situations that make me uncomfortable, and that was very stressful, to say the least.

I need my alone time. I like to go for walks by myself, sit in the park and read a book, or just sit by the lake and watch the ducks. It’s not really that I don’t like being around people. I actually get really lonely at times. But I need space, and time to recover after social encounters.

Like  Scattybird and shutterbug said, it needs to be on my own terms. I get very uncomfortable when forced into a situation I don’t want to be in or don’t know how to handle. Like the Christmas parties at work. They were the worst.

I always remember one time when I was at a pub with a few friends and they were all playing pool and talking and joking while I sat on a stool by myself watching them, feeling completely relaxed and content. And then one of them came over and asked me what was wrong, why I wasn’t having any fun. I responded that I was having fun. And I meant it. But no one believed me.

Why is it that people can’t believe that we are happy doing what we want to do? Why do they always think we need to be like them and do what they like to do? Like our spammer friend says, it’s not good to be dubbed a loner. Because then no one wants to be friends with you, because you aren’t “fun”. And that’s when loner becomes lonely. Unless you are lucky enough to make friends with the right people.

 

 

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[ramblinon]

Funny how people have their preconceived notions or perceptions. I’m always so outgoing, full of energy, so to is my (undiagnosed) brother, and when either of us is quieter than usual, we get that same thing @Blackdog “Are you okay?”

Sometimes I just need to stop….but that isn’t too often. But I hope as my meds get worked up, the impulsive chattiness will subside.

But as my wife said, “I like you the way you are. I don’t want to loose the person I know to medication.”

Ramblin On

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[trashman]

I think you are all right. Its on our terms. I think I am becoming more and more of a loner because I have a great gift of offending people or think I am , so I drive them away!! Its just easier to hide in my basement . the only thing I am good at is losing friend. so if you find me annoying. sorry!!!!

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[ramblinon]

@trashman

I hear you….I’ve been able to successfully upset many bosses, even got fired by a few, so about 7 years ago I started my own company so now I can’t get fired, and I try really hard not to offend.

Years ago I thought that I’d just “tell it like it is.” The world ain’t ready for that yet!

Get the %$$^^# out of the basement!

Ramblin On

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[shutterbug55]

Great observation, Blackdog!

I think most people out there need other people, because if they were alone, there would be nothing to their lives. It is as if the people around them are mirrors, and they need to see themselves. We, on the other hand have rich lives inside our heads because we exist separate from people, some times by choice and sometimes not.

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[iamroy]

First User Aka Miguel( I assume) : If you are referring to NYC , please feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk to …I grew up my entire life constantly questioning everything thus limiting my social performance in real-time … I made the mistake of accepting my parent’s (and worse, rising verbal reinforcement from “others” ) mentioning of my “shyness”…

In the reality of things I was using my beautifully working mind to formulate brilliant ideas (it may help to think about your mind like this as well) . The only problem with this reality is that the history of ideas involving our “apparent” disorder , makes us vulnerable to the captivating effect of new information and pre-conceived notions(insert text-book psych definition lol) that come from our peers…USE USE USE IT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE!

HOW you will ask? ( as I have done on thousands of social situations)- Everyone OF US is different …I try to LITERALLY enjoy the people who take an avid interest in my presence… The fact remains that the human mind in general, does not accommodate every single detail in its immediate setting, respectfully more-so longterm..Now I know this may sound different and knowing our gift , it most likely will though if you can possibly use it to your benefit , I’d be happy that I know of someone I helped… In the end if it doesn’t help I lay one last suggestion. Are they really important ? Is  social-activity really important? Who on earth can give proven scientific analysis on >99 % hypothesis that understanding people in these situations can provide the best absolute BENEFIT TO YOU? If there isn’t one finding of this data, I say keep doing you… because in the end…If you truly enjoy being alone and producing vivid awareness within yourself, that is what makes you happy…I thank you for your mindset as it has thus re-validated my decision to not go out with my friends who “need MY, ME, MYSELF now” to pick up women.

#FUNLITTLEDEFICITGAME >> (Quantity of our unique thoughts per second, lapse, what ever ) x .0000001 = The mindset of someone “different” .

 

 

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