The Walking Lonliness of the Nearly Departed

[Anonymous]

How does one remove nearly 60 years of low self-esteem? Catch phrases and cute videos don’t cut it when nearly every aspect of your life has been undercut by bad wiring. I’ve reached out for help a number of times over the years but it seems that unless I respond yes to the question, “Do you have suicide thoughts or do you have thoughts of harming yourself?, all I get is patronizing dribble. My life has been made manageble however once I found a chemical combination that would control my temper but the sky is still cloudy, the smell of rain is still around, and I’m still swerving to miss the pot holes.

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[Anonymous]

That’s a REALLY good question. I know I’d like to know the answer to that one. Most often I’m treated like it’s my fault… that it’s all just a matter of willpower. “All you have to do is believe in yourself.” Oh really? Gee, why didn’t I think of that. I wonder if those well-meaning advise givers ever think about how utterly useless their “wisdom” is. Obviously not.

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[trashman]

I have had all those thoughts, yes very dark ones i ofen think the world does not need me and my family would be beter off with out me . i think the only reasons i have not done or tryed to kill myaelf is i dont like how people speak of people that kill themselves and knowing me the way I do I would probobly do that wrong to. so then fear also comes into it for some reson. I like how open and honest i can be about my feelings or worried about what you all think of me. and yes i have low selfesem isusse. it seems my two sons also have this problem. i guess its in the dna. the sad thing is i can not help myself how do i help them. and then it is all to overwellming. thanks for letting me rant. sorry for the downer.

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[trashman]

well i got my test results the doc said i dont have add or i am not adhd , so like every where else i dont belong. thank you. good bye.

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[ADDled]

Trashman, if your still here:

Get a second medical opinion, or third even until you get an answer. And it’s not like we’re going to kick you out because you think you don’t belong here. There may yet be something that can help you.

Karlsgateharley and Trashman:

About suicide. I can pretty well be safe in saying that most everyone (including me) when dealing with issues related to ADD or any other mental health issue consider this as an option.

The pain you feel right now will be passed on to those who knew you. It’s never too late to start to make small significant changes in your life.

I don’t want to get all Zen Buddhist (via Alan Watts) on you but : “You are not that person [that you were]. The only person you are is right now”. And that person you can change.

When you feel like suicide is the only option, please call for help. Whether it’s a close friend, a therapist or a 24 hour suicide prevention hotline. Don’t let this get the better of you.

The other thing I remember is when I was talking to a First Nations person when the subject of suicide came up. He said. “Don’t go where you’re not wanted”…Those words have stayed with me.

Hope this helps…and good luck

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[Anonymous]

I have just found out I have Centeral odiou problems. Can’t spell that one and when i looked into it the symptoms it is close to the same sysmtons a ADHD except we have problems saying words.

I’m upset because I had to do everything and figure it out for myself even though the Dr knew I had speaking problems.I went to the hospital and book for my hearing and central adiou test . My hearing is great it is my proccesing, isn’t.

So if you have a hard time with saying words check it out the systems cross over. The thing of it is my bother commited suside and he was only 21 don’t give up on yourself. I don’t have friends I keep people at bay. One thing is that if there is something wrong don’t give up on yourself I went on my own and booked in about my hearing and speech. I’m feeling very low knowen that no matter what I learn unless I stay incross into that one subject I’ll lose what I have have learned.

So I have every one lined up to help me get my G.E.D I started Monday only to find out yesterday that I won’t be able to retain all those subjects to pass. When I tried before one subject I got 93 in algebra,that was about four years ago. Now my pretest on Thrusday I couldn’t remember my factions. That was only a four year span without doing it. I forgot it all. With this new information about proccessing information, I know I’m going to be wasting every one time if I do go forward to get my G.E.D and I don’t what to do. The thing is all of our lives we have given up on ourselfves and been beaten down. Having people pissed off with us, and our selfasteem is low. I have decided that I’m worth the effect maybe no one else think so, but at some point with all of our problems we have to make ourselfves think about what we want in life. Maybe every one else has given up on you or me,but at the age of 53 I finaly decieded I’m worth the effect.

All I want to do is go to art school, to take two course’s part time student none credit. I’m an artist folk artist of course. I have been working on my art for years I do sell my work but I want to bring art to people with add and all other problems. Art and animals witch is man’s best friend are wonderfull look at different things in life that is in the arts. Wood carving, painting my days go by with my music and art. People in my family don’t respect me but something inside of me is in a fight of my life. . So many of us are left on our own at our age with our problems. So if you can’t keep a job just like me I get fired. Selling hot dogs at events even Canadian tire will let you set up for a fee. I know people who make about 400-700$ a day. There are ways to make money run your own business .I have started permaculture for gardening to sell garlic and tomatoes. I think we make wonderful farmer’s go to the markets and sell your stuff. But don’t give up on yourself, think outside the box for work .I know this is an long message and I hope it help. Is there any one here can help I have been looking for a place in Oakville or in the area of Toronto that might have space to rent for a art showing. I have had showings down here but I don’t know were to start in Ontario. Any sujestion would help. By the way we are looking for clamdigger’s down here.

Clamdigger

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[Ivriniel]

Apparently Central Auditory Processing Disorder and ADHD are similar enough that there was some suggestion at one point that that they might be the same thing:

http://spi.sagepub.com/content/17/3/235.abstract

Have you talked to the people who have rented you art space down east to see if they have any contacts in Toronto? They might be able to suggest something.

Maybe you could find something on the Ontario Arts Council Website?

http://www.arts.on.ca/page11.aspx

There’s button factory arts in Waterloo, but that’s a bit far from Oakville: http://www.buttonfactoryarts.ca/exp_programs.html

What sort of art do you do?

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[Anonymous]

I do pointillism folk art, some people say it looks like rug hooking and realism. I did have a group showing at the Rosenbery Can’t spell it in Toronto. I don’t know any artist that had a shown out side of Nova Scotia. My work has been in Parliment building in Ottawa I think it was the art place they have a art store in there.and Nova Scoita art Gallery and group showings.

Thanks for some sujestions I’m going to look into it.

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[trashman]

hi I just got my report sent to me turns out i am borderline adhd with some learning difaculttes. and my adhd is found even when i am an 72mg of concerta. turns out according to all the test i have a a low side of average IQ. so what i have always thought is true that i am not very bright. iam SORRY . for my emoutional departure but with what the doc told me to what i understud i felt very lost. so once again I would like to join in the group. thanks

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[Ivriniel]

Trashman, I can’t imagine how hard it would be to receive that sort of news. Please, don’t let it define you. The IQ test measures a very narrow definition of human intelligence, and was based on a lot of assumptions about how the human mind works. As a matter of fact, the original test that the IQ test was based on, the Binnet test, was intended to determine a child’s strengths and weaknesses so that they could receive help in their areas of need.

Did your Doctor give you any sort of written report? If you didn’t understand what they were telling you (which is entirely understandable, given that they just dropped a bombshell on you) would looking at the report help?

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[Anonymous]

Trashman I have a low I Q also but I bet you can do other things like people with high IQ can’t. Those test arn’t all that great what is a high IQ any ways. I ended up at a mensa get together and I said well I better go my IQ isn’t 120 they said no stay. Well they said it was the best night they ever had. I challenged them.on intellegents One was a landlord the other was a teatcher none of them were up there in a job market. And I started talking about commen since.. thatis what will get you though life. My mother with grad 5 education ran a business. The smartest man in the world 175 IQ is a bouncer at a bar. I bet there parents braged about him growing up but I bet there not braging now. My uncle can build boats but he can’t read or write by this starndard he would have a low IQ I know people who learn visuly like I do, I learned cake decorating and I went home and did it and became cake decorator started a business. This school teacher want to learn so I taught her it took all afternoon just to do a couple of things. So did she have a low IQ.? I know alot of people down here that have money lots of it with grade 4or 5 education have a home and did well. Those test means shit. You take a hundred years ago when all we had to do is learn how to run a farm learn how to work on things and learn to servive. The average person only had grade four or five low reading skills. So were they dum ? now a days everything is base on how smart you are but not one kid I know today can work on cars build a house. There is differenn’t levels of smart one book smarts the other commen since smart and visualy smart. My husband is book smart but that is all I have the other smarts. So don’t beat yourself up. Years ago I would of did great but today it is all about book smarts but they don’t even know how to deal with a fuse box , I want a list from you telling me what you can do. And post it. And I’ll post mine. And I can find clams on a beach some people can’t Clamdigger

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[Patte Rosebank]

I have a very high I.Q., but I haven’t been able to do much with it, because my E.Q. (how I use my smarts) is relatively low.

“Book smarts” vs. “life smarts” is why there are so many people whose parents force them to go to university instead of vocational college, because the parents are convinced that a degree is the only way to guarantee career success. This has led to overcrowded universities and huge numbers of people with degrees, wondering what to do with their lives.

A couple of years ago, the colleges had a big advertising campaign, trying to change this perception. I’m not sure how successful it was.

What I do know is that I always felt like a fish out of water when I was at university. My parents insisted I go to university instead of to a college, because a degree was a guarantee of success. They also insisted that I study English, since I was good at it—at least, I was until I got to university. As for the “guarantee of success”, there’s a reason why there’s a song called “What Do You Do With a B.A. in English?”. If I’d been allowed to study theatre (tech. or performance) or broadcasting, I’d have been much better off, emotionally and financially, than I am now, because I would have been trained in exactly what I needed to do these jobs. Instead of just having a piece of paper that says I can spell, use proper grammar, and read & analyze literature.

And I wouldn’t be having recurring nightmares that the university has just called me to say they made a mistake, and I actually still need one more credit to get that degree.

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[anniea]

Trashman, You said you have learning difficulties hello!!…IQ is BS…we learn differently…I personally have test anxiety(ies)..so if I RAEALLY want to do well or NEED to do well I freeze..and then I look dumb on paper..but I NOW KNOW I am NOT stupid…I do have stupid moments…shoot human again..Please..remember not to forget your sense of humor…I did last year and I was mizerable for wks…better again now…but having a hard wk…sense of humor is packed deep and I can’t find it…but I KNOW it is in here somewhere and I am going to find it…You will too…hang on…

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[Anonymous]

I am finding this all quite amazing. At age 61 I realize that, like my siblings, I too have ADD. Didn’t think I did because I wasn’t hyper. Tried an ADD drug a while back and it was quite amazing. I was able to focus for the first time in my life. Side effects were bad so I stopped taking it, but am rethinking… Feeling a failure is quite strong as of late. Not wanting to work. I have NEVER wanted to work. I am much better being an entrepreneur which I have tackled many times. Failure there too because I would not/could not do the paperwork required. Didn’t have enough money to hire it out so quit each and every time. I also seem to lose interest quickly. Once I get things up and going I get bored. Any ideas on that? Any ideas on what I could actually do to make a decent living using the gifts I have? I am pretty right-brained – artistic, creative, love to write, etc. I am really good with people too. Thanks for your suggestions!

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[trashman]

reading all these posted,it feels like we are all able to have an entrepreneural spirit. i have tried to run a few ventures that have failed due to lack of money,then all the stress of prodution and money to live and keep the biusness afloat . then when i would shift in to hyper focus and the phone would start to ring , people always looking for there money . so with that presure the anxiety and then the depretion. at that point it just a matter of time when i would shutdown and the focus and fugtion was gone . the only thing left was deep disspare.the last thingwas to try to forget and move on to sumthing new.this is a 1to2 year process. any one else find life to be like this.

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[Author]

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