There's a "tone" to my voice that everyone hates

[kc5jck]

How many of you guys fit the descriptions in this article about the difference in the way men and women communicate?

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/04/01/6-ways-men-and-women-communicate-differently/

Is seems my wife and I fit this to the extreme. And the article is talking about normal, non-ADHD individuals. Perhaps my wife and I are extremely normal.

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[Anonymous]

I wish I had the time and patience to read all the replies, but just the few I read resonate with me. To kc5jck – it IS very confusing isn’t it? Who knows? Is it ADHD? Is it a male/female thang? Is it IQ? Is it learning style? Is it because of a childhood trauma? Is it regional/cultural/familial…? Is it because I was so shy for so long that I finally just burst from the shell and can’t contain it anymore? The original post- the “tone”- was a big part of my last relationship break up. I’m told that I sound as if I’m talking to a child. Well, duh, I’m a teacher of elementary school children with disabilities. And sometimes I feel like I relate more to them than I do to adults. At least the kids have a good excuse- they’re kids. What’s the excuse for adults who bother the he** out of you? My teenaged son has told me for years that I “yell” at him…when I know I’m not yelling. I’m pretty sure it’s “the tone.” But if he didn’t act foolish or do dumb things or try to get me to do things for him, I wouldn’t have to take “the tone.” I’m pretty sure it’s a condescending, you’re-acting-so-dumb tone. I’ve even been told that when I report a conversation as if I were the male speaker, I use a voice that makes it apparent that I think men are stupid. ARRRG! What is THAT? BEcause I use a pretend gruff voice? We all know that everyone is f***ed up, it’s just a matter of how, to what extent, and the effects. I don’t think I’m better than anyone, and I am sure I wouldn’t appreciate anyone making me feel that way. But HONESTLY, I’m not consciously thinking AT THAT TIME that I’m being degrading or condescending. It just comes out. I wish I had a special view finder that let me see myself and my actions as others see them. Right there, on the spot. I think I’d be a much happier person. At least I’d get the enjoyment of knowing that I’d insulted the people I really DON’T like and WISH I could insult- but funny enough those are generally the ones who don’t seem to notice or care anything about my “tone”?!?! LOL.

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[Anonymous]

This is really interesting to me because it doesn’t really match my experiences. I’m often told I’m the most polite person that people have ever met! I am super concious about tone of vocie- to the point where if someone’s tone is just a little ‘off’ (even from, say, tiredness and not frustration) I nearly have a panic attack of how much they hate me. Haha. I guess it’s pretty ADDish to be extreme one way or the other. I’m the first person to be offended when I feel like someone is rude!

But at the same time I also fall into that trap of talking WAYYYYYYY too much about myself. I’m getting better at it lately, but I used to haaaaaaaate myself because I’d hear it and not be able to stop the narcisstic word-vomit from coming out. Haha. It just got to the point where my stories were so exhausting to me, I legitimately became more interested in other people’s stories. Also I hang around people who like to talk more now too, which helps! I find that if someone is not very open but not necessarily adverse to talking, that’s when I talk about myself too much. If they obviously don’t want to speak I’m okay with not talking at all…

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[Tiddler]

Twilightfades, this is more similar to my experience.

I get a lot of social anxiety based around my feelings that I’m picking up negative tones or words. I feel like I notice people’s tone, body language and facial expression and need them to really be able to pay attention to what people are saying. conference calls are a nightmare.

However, although I feel that I’m able to pick up on other people’s body language etc, I don’t think people pick up on mine very well. What ever it is I’m doing or not doing I don’t know but I’m often misinterpreted. My husband needs things to be spelled out but he’s on the aspie side so that’s fair enough, but other people – I think I’m getting it wrong somehow but I don’t know how!

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[Anonymous]

Oh yeah, I avoid phone calls as much as I can, I can’t handle them! I can’t understand people very well and it makes me so anxious!

I agree, I feel like I pick up on tone and body language a lot more than anyone else does and it causes some frustrations some times, though I haven’t run into too many problems with people not understanding mine. Though at the same time I generally try to use my body language to NOT be too noticable and blend in, since I always feel like my speech makes me stand out!

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