Why is ADD such a sensitive subject for some people?

[billd]

>>having a neurophysiological condition that does not cause you any physical pain and the symptoms can be elimiated or at least greatly reduced with diet, supplements, coaching, applying techniques, educating those around you or medication and in most cases when the right combination of these factors are applied you can actually obtain funtionality and have a good quality of life overall should not be viewed as a bad thing. <<

Slow down a bit please sherri – no offense, but You might want to change the word “most” to “many”, and “elimiated or at least greatly reduced” also may be true for a good number (thankfully and hopefully) but is not true for many of us. The numbers of us on the many ADD forums is a testament to that, IMO.

My youngest son and I are pretty decent examples. Reduced somewhat would apply there. Manageable at times, other times, I’m on the edge of having work, or have a day where nothing goes right, and nothing gets done.

Like the sleep center doc (who also is VERY familiar with ADD and all the different treatment, believe it or not) said to me yesterday – “the drugs may help, it may take a lot of time to adjust doses, and some people just won’t get results from them”. She said it might help, it might not at all, or it might a little.

She bluntly told me looking me squarely in the face – “Bill, you are in this for life, this is a forever thing”.

Even in the ADD worlds – even the forums, there’s a big divide and misunderstanding….. in part because we are all different even without ADD, and with ADD – there’s very mild (can be controlled with good planning, changes in routine, etc.) to very severe (even meds help very little, thus planning and organizers are not used or can’t be used) and all those in between (probably the majority??)

I think the struggle here is that you mention “educating folks” where in the places I’ve lived and worked, that education falls on def ears, and at times, makes things WORSE. That’s the whole subject of this thread……… for some that “education” might help, for others, no, or even worse. Now my boss (and I pray he doesn’t read YOUR post here!) believes that since I’m on meds and some things have been suggested to help, I’ll be all fine and I should easily accomplish all tasks, and behave just like everyone else.

Right.

Also I’d argue that it doesn’t cause pain – because of the things that often accompany it, maybe are part of it, or are caused by it, there’s pain. Physical pain at times. Headaches, for example…….

My pain, my struggles are all very real. (and the neuro-psyc I see connected it all – said it was “part of it”.)

I’ve tried the “educate those around you” bit – it can backfire at times. Be VERY careful with that one, and some simply don’t want to hear it, or won’t believe it. (“there’s none so blind as those who will not see” is a favorite song verse)

Check with the folks in this forum who have spouses who still don’t really get it…….. I suspect the ADD party has tried hard to “educate” them……. some it works, and some it’s to no avail.

My successes are all very real, also. Some would even envy my position and accomplishments. (a lot of people I know envy my shop, even our home, modest as it is)

I”m working on it, it’s all I can do………

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[memzak]

Hey mouse11 you sound like a debate moderator or a college professor.

I am most interested in the comments about free will. Does anyone else besides sdwa and munchkin feel like they don’t really have total free will? I have started researching the subject for my book and I am very interested in others comments on this subject of free will.

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[Anonymous]

I don’t think the problem is “free will” so much as “will power.” I’ve grown up with people telling me over and over again to “just try harder.” Often taking tests was a an ordeal for me because the pressure and the stress would undermine my concentration to the point that I sometimes wouldn’t finish in time. The harder I tried, the more stressful and more elusive the goal became and the more frustrated I would become because (as I was so often told) I knew I could do it.

I don’t know how you would define will power but I think for folks like me, it’s in very short supply.

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[memzak]

Will power according to Dictionary.com is:

1. “Control of one’s impulses and actions; self-control.”

2. “The trait of resolutely controlling your own behavior.”

What bothers me is that we do not think of the brain and brain function as a physical thing. Part of the reason, I supposed, is that we cannot “see” thoughts. I propose that “will power” is part of “free will” and is under the control of our brains just as moving an arm is under the control of our muscles through our brain. If the part of our brain that controls the movement of the arm is damaged, the arm does not move or is limited. Therefor if parts of our brains are not formed the way most peoples are and are not functioning “correctly” then we will not be able to do things as well as they do if at all. No amount of yelling at your brain to do better is going to help.

Your problems with tests have more to do with the minimal functioning of the executive area of the brain. They harder you try the faster the glucose level in that area of the brain drops and the worse you do. Telling you to “try harder” just uses this glucose up even faster and stresses you out. Even while relaxed I can only do certain things for a short time unless it is something I feel passionate about. The passion is like self-medicating allowing the “hyper focus” which is actually getting stuck on something interesting. I even forget to go to the bathroom in that state. I know this explanation is a bit simplistic but long posts are hard for most of us to read.

Anyone else have thoughts on free will?

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[Anonymous]

I think some people think ADD is “an excuse for bad behavior” both when it occurs in children AND in adults. It’s just so easy to disbelieve or condemn something when you don’t have it or nobody in your family does. It’s sort of like people with no children saying “MY child will never do that!!” And, of course, we who HAVE children, and have had them around for awhile, KNOW that our children could very well do whatever-it-is, at least if we’re in touch with reality, we know that. Or maybe it’s because I have six kids that I believe that so thoroughly! (smile)

Anyway, I’m 68 and I’ve found myself condemning things in the past that I now understand, because I’ve either had experience myself with the thing, or my kids have, or my friends have. There’s nothing like LIFE to educate you–“The School of Hard Knocks,” they call it, and it’s a really GOOD school–what you learn there, you never forget…….but I digress.

There is nothing like ignorance to make a person sure they know/understand EVERYTHING. So if it turns out I have ADD, I’m not going to advertise the fact, because I don’t expect a lot of understanding from the world in general. But I would wish for a little more understanding from my family and extended family. I’ve had problems with both lately, which is one of the reasons I’m seeking a diagnosis.

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[Anonymous]

I have beat myself up a lot for “lacking willpower.” I hate having something wrong with me that makes people think I’m morally deficient!!! Is there any other disorder where the possessor gets blamed for having it?!

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[Anonymous]

I’m pretty sure my “immediate family” doesn’t want to hear this about me,either, TooFat. (I’m sure you all can tell that I didn’t read all the responses either–I posted my own response, and now I’m going back to read yours, and responding to YOUR comments–sorry.)

I’ve had trouble with one of my grown kids and with a sister-in-law, both giving me trouble with why I didn’t inform the wider family about a sudden medical emergency my husband experienced last spring, sooner. I called about 20 hours after he was admitted to the hospital, but these relatives didn’t think that was soon enough. It hurts my feelings that they never once worried that I may have been over-whelmed (I was) or in shock myself (I was). They just lit into me and made every unkind assumption about me that they could. That was eight months ago and I still feel emotionally battered and bruised. Somehow, I feel to expect acceptance and understanding, at least from these two individuals, is not reasonable or realistic. I wish I could accept THEIR behavior without feeling so hurt. I guess maybe this belongs in a new thread. :>(

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[Anonymous]

Thanks, toofat. I tend to forget that good friends are something to be cherished rather than taken for granted. I also need to make sure I don’t wear them out so they are there when I need them, and vice versa!

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[Anonymous]

Tru dat , No_Dop!!!! We can be wearing, can’t we. Our boundless ability to go on and on and on and on, on any given topic……is something I have worked at caging. It took some ….hmmmm….diligence on my part but, I find silence a good friend now.

Toofat

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[Anonymous]

People are verry judgemental, even amongst adders, and thats why alot of people try to conceal they’re ADD, keep it within as a self defence to the outlook of others upon them.

If people cant accept or understand they’re own ADD, how can they believe others will. It’s just human nature.

Great posts in this thread. Kudos to you all!

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[Anonymous]

I shared with some folks at work about my ADD trying to explain some of the difficulties with organization, patience, and getting back on task after an interruption (my job consists of constant interruptions btw) and some folks were understanding and others used it as a tool to judge me. My side affect of the medication of teeth grinding is causing the most judgement right now because according to one coworker my solution of chewing gum occasionally is very “non-professional” and inappropriate. I don’t get it, but we’ve gone round and round but this person is going to be sarcastic and judgmental if I’m seen chewing gum, even though I don’t do it often at all. I’ve also been rated down in performance evaluations by a superior with the comment: you understand why you kind of get running around and forget what you were doing because of ADD. My thought when I heard that comment is ADD is a real disability but we get judged for it instead of allowances for it like other disabilities despite the law. This comment and some others is what led to me seeking a diagnoses and medication.

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[Anonymous]

toofat, silence is getting a bit easier now that I’m on stimulant meds (that sounds so FUNNY). I don’t feel as strong an urge to jump in and say my bit, although I can still go on and on, I’m not completely aware of that yet, you know, when everyone else is desperately looking for someone else to talk to or wants to change the subject, and you just won’t let it go. I think it stems in part from years ago when nobody would ever listen to me. I still get left out of conversations a lot but now I’m more forward about getting a word in, it’s just too many words sometimes … I can’t seem to apply the brakes.

This was a much longer post a moment ago, but I put the brakes on it and edited it.

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[caper]

I’ve found most people accomodating. I’ve even used it for light humor; “sorry I forgot to email you back… I have to stay on top of my ADHD!”

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[Anonymous]

Actually, I might not talk about it openly, but it creeps in my day to day relations with others.

As an example, everyone at work know’s if they want something from me, for me to pick up or get something, they have to write it down, we have a dry erase board for that. If it’s not there, I am not responsable I tell them, it becomes they’re responsibility to write it down and not just tell me on the fly. I can then focus my energy on what is on the board and not waste time thinking of what i am forgetting that so and so told me.

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[billd]

where’s that thumbs-up smiley again??

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[Author]

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