World is Crumbling

[Clive]

Around my ears , i just can not cope

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[Ivriniel]

Sorry to hear that Clive.

Care to elaborate? Maybe we can offer some advice…

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[BAM123]

Hang in there Clive. There are alot of peole here that have gone through similar circumstances I’m sure.

I kniw I have recived very good support from members and a different perspective or fresh perspective can often be the lynch pin that helps you break through. Feel free to share iof you want to,

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[Clive]

Well i am totally overwhelmed , i have my own company and i am wondering what to do next . office is a mess , waiting for patent to come through .

lots of good stuff but if i do not get them done just another notch in the so close but o so far away belt .

Wife hates job , want to come work with me but we have no income from this business.

Going into fetal position right now .

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[Patte Rosebank]

Clive, don’t curl up in a ball. Go for a brisk session of walkies instead.

It’ll clear your mind and make you feel like you’re actually doing something (which you are: moving from one place to another, at a brisk pace). Physical exertion beats mental exertion, especially when you’re under a lot of stress. That’s why so many of us are prone to fidgeting when we’re thinking hard, or having to sit through a long meeting.

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[ADDled]

Well, Clive, I think you’ve come to the right place We’ve all been there.

No shortage of advice here, right guys?!

Even if you find one coping skill here, then it’s been a good thing. Even if you can find one positive thing about what you’re going through right now is a good starting point: hang onto that thought.

You’ve working on a patent; that’s a start. A good start. Many of us have great ideas that will never see the light because we felt it was a silly idea after all or a waste of time, or nobody really wants the thing you’re designing. So you are one up on most of us. Most of us live in “quiet desperation”.

<humour>Unless you have ADD, than anything can happen…</’humour>

Office a mess? Does it impact how you work? Can you find what you need, when you need it? EInstein was quoted as saying “If a cluttered desk signs a cluttered mind, Of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?

Try this one from Edison, the poster child for ADD:

“Nearly every man who develops an idea works it up to the point where it looks impossible, and then he gets discouraged. That’s not the place to become discouraged.”

Hope this helps…and good luck

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[Anonymous]

feeling very overwhelmed, feel like i am waking up from tunnel vision, but now life is too overwhelming

is that adhd?

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[ADDled]

Hey there, bobf007!

Unfortunately, there is no simple answer. May times symptoms such as what you are describing often overlap with other things like depression or anxiety.

Have you tried the Virtual Test on this website to help you? In addition, there are other websites for self testing for depression and anxiety. Try the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health:

http://www.camh.net/

Sometimes by confirming or eliminating some possible answers may lead in the direction of the root cause or causes. Doing something (even a small thing by posting here) or a self-test may help give you that little bit of strength to feel as if you are taking control. That small bit of control may eventually lead to defeat the feeling of being overwhelmed. I find that sometimes you have to “trick the mind” by doing a small thing in the direction of where you want to go. Lead the brain. Overcome the inertia.

We have all been there, bobf007. Read some of the posts on this forum: you will read stories about pain and triumph.

The most important thing I can say at this point is to get a professional (such as a doctor, psychiatrist, social worker) to help you sort this all out. They’ve seen this all before and are the ones that can definitively provide the diagnosis and expertly recommend some solutions. Don’t self-diagnose. Setting off down the wrong path can only make things worse.

If you ever get to the point where it’s all too much….please get help. I know this spiral all too well. Call a crisis hotline. They often have access to lists of resources to help you.

Let us know how you are doing, OK?

Hope this helps…and good luck

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[Clive]

Thanks for the support everybody .

What i find that happens is that i have to go back to everything that i has not been completed in past before i move forward on the new stuff.

Which as we all know is completely going to drive you nuts .

Its true , i have no friends to talk to , my wife helped me get to the point of seeing that i have ADD but then give me shit because i can get my act together fast enough .

i know the clutter does not mean that you are not doing anything but its still on the list .

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[Anonymous]

Clive,

I wish I could help you with more than this but this is all I’ve got right now…

1. You aren’t the only one who, for some unknown reason, is compelled to finish that which is incomplete before moving forward. This has been happening to me since I was young (and I am 45 now). I do not know why I feel this way. My Husband keeps trying to tell me about “water under the bridge” but too often I find myself trying to start over just to get a bearing on where I am.

2. I think where the “get your act together” comes from is cultural: this is, in my humble opinion, a more difficult position for a male relative to a female since, for all of the “advances” we (women) think we’ve made, most men are still primary breadwinners in families and most women still expect men to be so – and if the male in the family is not the primary breadwinner, he probably feels he should be and, unless the female of the pair is free of cultural bonds, she probably thinks he should be as well. If I were the male of the house right now, I’d be failing miserably.

I’m not judging (I don’t want you to think I am).

At this point, I am VERY grateful for a highly functional Husband in light of the fact that I was raised in a female-dominant household and have the belief that I should be able to take care of myself and everyone around me financially. (That’s not happening…)

3. The clutter drives me insane and yet I am responsible for 99% of it.

I must repeat: I’m at the wall…

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[Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD]

I know that when I’m feeling overwhelmed, and I am, I have to remind myself that I have to turn down the emotional volume. I’ve lost perspective and everything is monumental. I think it has to do with not being able to filter and organize, which is a big part of what the Pre-frontal lobe does.

The other thing is that all I can see is what’s not done.

And I believe I have to get it all done.

But of course I will never have it all done. Or even a quarter of it. The problem is, I can’t let things go. So they pile up.

Dr. J once told me clutter comes from an inability to decide.

I have thought about that a lot. Interesting.

The only way forward for me, is to do ONE thing. However small. Something that will make a difference. It may be picking up a room. Or part of a room. Or just tidying the top of the coffee table. Or heck, the left half.

Something I know I can accomplish.

And I actually try and throw some things out, knowing that yes, I might one day want that article in that magazine, but then reminding myself that I can probably find the information online when, and if, I ever need it.

It’s about making decisions and in overwhelm, it’s like I have brain freeze.

Just doing one thing, no matter how simple, and even if I only commit to do five minutes of it, is key.

Then after 5 minutes I’m seeing results and I think, “What the hey, I’ll do another 10 minutes.”

I don’t try and do everything, or even tidy the whole house. I pick on area that I can get tidy and immaculate. The kitchen, as much as I hate it, is a great place for me to start. Perhaps because I hate the yucky mess. I get it done, and then the living room and dining room and so on are much easier, almost appealing.

It’s the same when I’m working on a script, or I’ve got tax paperwork to do. I just start the script, even something as simple as creating a Word Document and putting a title on it and throwing down two or three ideas. Most of the time, it’s an hour before I stop and take a breath and I’ve gotten a lot done.

With Tax paperwork, I’ll decide to do five minutes… Just find the calculator and see if I can locate any of the envelopes from the government. If I don’t manage to do that, I allow myself the option of stopping at five minutes and doing something else more rewarding. (And tidying up is always rewarding.) (Plus, when the clutter is bad, tidying up actually means throwing things out. Or better still recycling and donating them.)

By the way, I’d been resisting logging on to the website cause I’m jetting all over the USA doing appearances at PBS stations and I had it in my head that I’m tired, I’ve done enough, I have to save my energy, etc. etc. etc..

So I decided I’ll log on and just read for five minutes and make one comment.

Also, I realize that to move forward I don’t have to get everything else tidied up and finished. When I allow myself to accept that there will be loose ends, stuff undone and messes to clean up, and that’s normal, I move forward.

I really think we ADDers are incredibly hard on ourselves, with impossible standards. And when we fall short we tear ourselves to pieces. When I look at the world today, I have to remind myself that just being a good person for a day is a major contribution to the world. I don’t have to be superman.

And I remind myself that the most successful people I know have all kinds of stuff unfinished, whole areas of their homes that are a mess, tons of stuff they started and never finished… but unlike me, they are okay with it.

In writing this, I’m wondering, do I actually know anyone who judges me even a tenth as hard as I judge myself? And if I did, would I hang around with them?

Hmm.

Try this. But again, pick something you KNOW you can finish. No matter how small. (I used this method to get in shape in 10 weeks for a 622 kilometre bike rally. And when I started I had no bike, I was out of shape, and hadn’t ridden in a decade.)

If you do decide to try this method of doing a few minutes on something, it helps to have someone to report to.

So maybe just leave a note here for us, saying, “I’m going to spend 15 minutes cleaning up the stove.” and then go do that. And let us know whether you succeed, get distracted and diverted and detoured, or whether the sense of accomplishment has you move forward and do more than 15 minutes. Making a pledge to others about what you are doing is hugely motivating.

Cause then you get the pleasure of reporting success!!!

SUCCESS, like failure, IS CONTAGIOUS.

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[Clive]

Thanks Rick ,

I enjoy your work .

Thanks for the insite , i also have Dyslexia and i attend some one on one workshops for that , and took some information from that helps now .

1. Dial down the inner speak

2. Bring things back to focus with you mind eye

3 skips my mind for now LOL

Another thing i have found myself doing which everybody should do , is not trying to control things that you have no control over .

I can not control my patent application and parts delivery that goes a stray , i can shout and stamp my feet and piss off a bunch of over people but what does it really do ,nothing but put my blood preasure up .

And i think thats where i get undone .

I am doing the 5min interval thing and things are getting done .

Hi SkyGypsy

Thanks for your insight , my wife is wonderfull person and i know that her frustration is partly with me but also the healthcare system

for dragging there feet for getting my diagnosis ,and getting me started on treatment , i have two freinds that just went to there GPs and prescribed ADD drugs straight away .

I have worked in the HVAC industry since i was 16 years old ,I am great at the emergencies terrible at the mundane stuff.

So i tend to wait untill the flame are at the door before i did anything about it , this has improved a lot since my diagnosis.

Again thanks for insight

Cheers

Clive

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[Anonymous]

@Rick, this statement you made helped me:

“…when I’m feeling overwhelmed … I have to remind myself … to turn down the emotional volume. I’ve lost perspective and everything is monumental.”

The kicker, and I think @Clive alluded to this in his post above, is that I am usually the cause of that which is overwhelming me! And I sit here and look at the simple things I could have done to prevent the current fiasco, flog myself, reach some low point, and climb back out.

Over and over and over and over again in my life and I wonder why the hell “everyone else” seems to be able to handle their lives so well and, somehow, I get going, get going strong and drop the ball. Amazing. Good thing it’s a rubber ball.

@Clive: The Health Care System: Do it your way. If you get frustrated with the lack of progress, go to a GP. Or, go over, in your head, the progress that HAS been made so far. That might help you see some forward movement if your current endpoint is “get meds.”

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[Anonymous]

I am sure I am not the only one who had felt these emotional crashes. I too had my share of slipping into depression. The key to over come these set backs is to take a time out. Stand back and take a look at your accomplishments. Ask yourself what had I accomplished? It maybe hard but you must motivate yourself to take these completed tasks and use them to build toward the next goal. The feeling of accomplishment is very powerful. Its potentials are limitless and it can be a very powerful tool to over come depression.

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[billd]

It’s that “where are we going, and what am I doing in this handbasket” feeling – I know it well.

It too, shall pass. Been through a couple of divorces and I get SO emotionally “attached” – beyond “Normal love” that I was a total basket case. I look back now and think, gee, I was a total idiot, a bumbling fool then, wasn’t I” and determine to not do it again. I probably would, but I like to think that sometimes I learn……

>>but also the healthcare system

for dragging there feet for getting my diagnosis ,and getting me started on treatment<<

YES YES YES. Not on the ADD, but on other things, I’ve made my rounds and they STILL don’t get it. Since 2 years ago, my neck feels swollen, and when I lay on my back I can’t breathe or swallow. when I turn my head, my throat feels like it’s closing off. My throat hurts and feels dry a lot, and I have a LOT of trouble eating = swallowing certain foods – need water to wash it down. It started suddenly. Things get stuck in my throat. But 2 GPs and 2 ENTs swear I look just fine, not a thing wrong. Oh, then why did the gal at the dentist office comment on how my throat looked while she was cleaning my teeth??

I guess they really are just practicing then…….

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