[b482]

I had MAJOR self esteem issues growing up.  Middle child in a family of 7 children.  Poorest family in a private school. Strict, controlling, religious mother. Inability to maintain focus at school to the point I almost failed every grade from 1st through 8th.  I was told I was lazy.  I was told I could do better. I was spanked.  I was grounded.  I suffered through weekly “work detentions”.  I was tattled on by my siblings.  The other kids found me an easy target because they could see how their comments affected me.  I was painfully shy and daydreamed a l0t.  I wanted so badly to be “normal”.  I don’t remember much of my high school years.  I was so sheltered, I didn’t eat lunch in the cafeteria with the other kids, but instead went home for lunch.   I was not allowed to attend social activities.  Even though I attended a small school, when I went to my 10-year HS reunion, people had no idea who I was. 

When I reached college, I decided I was tired of being shy.  I made myself open my mouth and say whatever came to mind.  Well, as you all know, being ADD, your brain-to-mouth filter is not always functional.  I found out other people thought I was funny!  I forced myself to walk with my head up and looking people in the eye. 

I’m nearly 50 now.  I didn’t get diagnosed until my early 40’s.  Up until that point, though I had friends and knew I was an intelligent person, I still had self esteem issues.  Being diagnosed was the best thing that ever happened to me.  I understood why I wasn’t able to complete things that other people could.  I learned as much as I could about ADD, and recognized myself in almost everthing that was said.  Now I could forgive myself.  My controlling mother finally understood me and my relationship with her has improved.  I discovered creative abilities that many other people admired. 

I laugh at myself a lot.  I am very outspoken about ADD and ADHD and all the ways it affects my personality, my home life, relationships, and even my job.  I have discovered that by being so outspoken about it, people come to me when they suspect they may have it, or to commiserate with me about their kids.  I am content with not being a driven career person.  My self esteem has soared with my diagnosis.  I have discovered I have some very strong skills that are appreciated, and laugh that I am very creative, but I don’t cook or keep house like other people can.

We are all unique.  ADD is a bonus and a curse, depending on the situation.  For people who don’t have it, it’s the same in a different way.  We all have something we deal with.  Nobody is any better than anyone else.  And, my favorite; It takes all kinds to make the world.  Don’t feel like you are any less than someone else.  They may be better than you at some things, but you are better than them at others. Instead of lamenting at what doesn’t work for you, rejoice in what does and your own unique skills and traits that make you the wonderful person you are.

Now, I wish I could go back to the little girl who struggled so much and encourage my young self and make her understand that she is worth something.  Help her rejoice in herself.

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[b482]

Good news!  I’m so excited! Finally, after many parent/teacher/counselor consultations, emails, phone calls, etc. I think we may have found the help we need.  We had a 504 meeting with 2 school counselors. One of them has a son with ADHD.  There were no teachers present.  This was a good thing.  All the teachers can see is that my daughter is a brilliant student and joy to have in class.  That’s because she’s highly medicated through the day.  They see that her homework is always late, but that when she turns it in, it’s quality work.  They don’t see her struggling every night with homework, overwhelmed to the point she can’t even start on it.

So, the meeting went great.  Me, both counselors and my daughter in attendance.  They asked her questions that helped her to figure out where the issues were that were causing her not to get her homework done.  Then they addressed ways to help her with those issues.  They did say she is an unusual case for the 504 program because her need for reduced homework is not because she is mentally challenged like most of the kids on the program. The results?

I always send a letter to each of her teachers after the first week of school to make them aware of her ADHD and how it affects her.  Now, once the counselor sees that I’ve sent that email/letter, she will follow up with an email to each of her teachers with the guidelines we set in the meeting.
Large homework assignments will be reduced in ALL classes. (e.g. She will only do enough of the math problems in an assignment to show her comprehension. She will only do 4 sections of a project with 8 sections.)
When she gets her assignments with the rest of the class, she is to go to the teacher and say, “Remember I’m on the 504 program.  What part of this assignment am I supposed to do?” She was already supposed to have reduced homework in her math classes, but it wasn’t happening. By her making this simple request, she reminds the teacher of her guidelines without putting her teacher on the spot.
When she recieves a project assignment (these always overwhelm her), she will follow up with the teacher for clarification on all points of the assignment.  Also, the teacher will guide her in coming up with her idea to complete each point. She gets stalled coming up with the ideas, but once she has that, she can take it and run with it.
We have further work to do on her organizing skills.  She has not established a routine of writing down her assignments and prioritizing them. She has a planner I gave her, an iPhone (spoiled child. 😀 ), and an online calendar in her school software.
She will take 10-minute “brain breaks” after completion of each homework assignment or each hour, whichever comes first.

At home we are assessing her homework each night and helping her decide how long she needs for each portion.  Plus, we check on her every 15 minutes to see if she is progressing.  I think we also finally got through to her at this meeting that it is OK to ask for assistance.  Last night she was stuck on some creative input for a project.  When she told me what she needed, I did a quick Google search and let her pick what she wanted to use from the results.  I hope by doing that, she will learn where and how to search to jump start her idea process.

Keep your fingers crossed!  I’m very hopeful!

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[b482]

First, what is “SAD”?

Second, you described me and my daughter.   Except she is the one who tests off the charts. After finally being diagnosed about 10 years ago, I looked back at my early school years and realized I was depressed even as a child.  Because I experienced it myself, I am able to recognize the same behaviors and feelings in my daughter and explain to her what she is feeling.  We both take Concerta for our ADD/ADHD.  She also takes  Strattera (at night because it makes her extremely sleepy). That helps with her moods and is supposed to also help with her ADHD.  I take Cymbalta for my depression.

If you haven’t heard of it, contact the school counselors at your son’s school and try to get accomodations for him through the 504 program. They can make individual adjustments to accomodate your son’s difficulties. (e.g., reduced homework, breaking down big projects into smaller chunks, additional time for testing, etc.)

Hope this helps!

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[b482]

Computers.  I love learning new software.  So much that I am the go-to person in my entire company and I don’t even work in the Systems department! Plus, when the company upgrades, I usually end up creating and giving a training to my superiors! My fingers itch to get into a good spreadsheet that I can sort and improve usability.

My daughter has the same trait times 2.  She finds drawing and editing software, teaches it to herself and masters the techniques.  She totally amazes me. 

Also, anything creative.  Sewing, writing, drawing, creative solutions, seeing ways to improve processes, colors, arranging, etc.

Communication and grammar.  Early on I discovered my gift for spelling.  Then in college, discovered I liked diagraming sentences and couldn’t understand why it was so hard for other people. I am unable to “beat around the bush” when communicating.  I am very direct, so it’s easy for me to communicate with people.  I am able to read people through their body language very easily. 

My daughter is a science and math guru. (Both were bad subjects for me.) She soaks up scientific facts like a sponge that never dries out.

 

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