[curlysue]

If you are a girl and I am guessing you are, if effects us differently.
You said no academic troubles, girls can flourish in school, it’s structured and has consequences and we get to learn and please the teacher. Your brother has it, it runs in families. Look at activities that you both loved and hated as a kid. how much time did you spend cleaning your room compared to reading a book.just an example.

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[curlysue]

February Check-in

I almost forgot to do this. February was a hard month, I think part of it was a case of I’m sick of this winter crap, this winter is getting a tad ridicules. I also slacked off on these goals due to a number of factors. I’m not absolving myself of responsibility, I am ultimately responsible for not working on my goals, but there were factors that made it more difficult. Some were my ADD, SAD, depression, and work stress. So a difficult month, but now its March, new month means a fresh start.

1. Story: I’ve been writing Fanfiction. I’ve got to, no, I want to open my story doc and actually work on it.
2. Affirmations: I’m not doing this one.
3. Community: I did go to the bar with a friend. My mom has been regularly inviting my friend over on weekends for dinner. I also occasionally join the cheering section for a friend’s kid’s game.
4. Pay back Family: Another one I’m not doing any thing with.
5. Pay bills: while I’ve not missed a payment on anything, things are tight between car trouble, a short month (all hourly employees can understand that one) and a manager that forgotten pick up the pay checks. Yes, you read that right, forgot.
6. Organizing: Well, I did spend 15 minuets one day this month and today I got a new file box.
7. Business: It got sold, sadly not to me. I spent so much time thinking and fantasizing, that was a sign I was not ready. Of course there is a coffee counter for sale in town, hmm?
8. Jewelry: I’ve not even been making any, a sign things have been mentally hard for me.
9. Self Care: I’ve done my nails every weekend this month.
10. Books: I haven’t cracked one open.

Writing this makes think I’m being to hard on myself. Am I? Its been a hard month for me but in some areas I tried. And while It does look like did nothing l didn’t stick my head in the sand. Maybe I’m grasping at straws, trying to find the good, the accomplishments, or I’m fishing for someone to say ‘you’re doing fine’? l need to think on this

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[curlysue]

February check in:

I’ve been slacking and disappeared for a bit so I’ve decided so do a monthly check in an my goal list.

1. Story: I’ve been writing fan fiction again. I keep getting distracted by other’s characters and stories despite this desire to write my
own stories.
2. Positive Affirmations: No dice. Thought about them. I should tell you guys what they are.
3. Community: I’ve hung out a few times with a friend of mine, but nothing else really.
4. Pay Mom back: I have $600 saved up for this. Still have not told her.
5. Financial Responsible: I bought quick books, got it mostly set up, and the other day I made a payment on all bills not setup for auto withdraw.
6. Room: That lasted a week.
7. Business: l made a pro/con list. Thought abort some stuff. Decided not to respond to Blackdog because you were not saying what I wanted you to say but chose to say what needed to be said. You pointed out money issues and about going it alone. Now I’m pouty. :p
8. Jewelry: No movement, lots of thinking.
9. Self-Care: I think this of is the one I did the most work on
a. Got a SAD lamp and use it nearly every day.
b. Shaved any legs, it was either that or braid it.
c. Hair cut, I’m horrible at getting regular hair cuts and am known to slack off on it. I have a friend that dyes my hair but will only do it if I get it at first. Oh, the joys of curly hair.
d. I found these nail sticker things that look like an expensive manicure. I like them. Though I’m thinking about getting a manicure just because.
10. Self-Help: I got the a couple of them out.

Reading this over I’ve realised I wrote it with a lot of negative language and put myself down. I’m going try to rewrite this with positive language.

1. Story: I’ve been practicing narration through fan fiction. I still want to write my own stories.
2. Positive Affirmations: I’ve been thinking about them.
3. Community: I’ve hung out with a friend of mine and continue to seek at other opportunities.
4. Mom: I’ve made a substantial start (I don’t know if I really wrote that one negatively the first insist think it might have been fine).
5. Fiscal Responsibility: I purchased QuickBooks and am in the process of setting it up.
6. Room: I struggle with this one. Aha! Got my dry cleaning done and a bunch of laundry put away.
7. Business: I’m still exploring this. I’ m wondering if my fears and insecurities are part of the roadblocks I face. Thank you, Blackdog for your input, you’ve given me things to think about.
8. Jewelry: I’m made a mental list of ideas.
9. Self-Care: I’ve done a lot of work here, mostly I think because of my SAD light. See previous list. Actually, I’m redoing the list.
a. I use my SAD lamp 4-5 days a week
b. I shaved my legs, no jokes about it.
c. I got a hair cut, then my friend dyed it. Regular hair cuts are a struggle but my one friend encourages me.
d. I got some of these nail stickers, I’ve been giving myself manicures with them. I like them. I think in the spring I think I’ll get a professional manicure and pedicure
10. Self-Help: I’ve located a couple of books I want to re read.

That’s better.

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[curlysue]

Blackdog, thanks. You’ve given me some things to think about in regards to the store.

I have taken an important step in the paying of bills. I bought Quicken. I have installed it. And I have downloaded my bank records. Then I found out how far in the negative I am. That was a real eye opener. I have to add all my bills and some budgeting information but I needed to stop and process the state of my finances. The good news is that it isn’t as bad as I thought it was, but I’m in the negative.

This will impact my applying for financing for a business if I decide to go that route.

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[curlysue]

I am going to do challenge #1, eat only.

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[curlysue]

Blackdog don’t let the piles win. It’s OK to restart. One thing I have to remind myself is that I don’t have to do it every day, I can do it today and if I don’t do it again until next week that is OK. Thing is sometimes you have to give yourself permission to mess up.

So I did a pro/con list for#7. I still like the idea for the business. Now I am trying to think what to do next. How do I buy a store? Do I really want to buy a bookstore? Can I come up with the money? Am I just being a wuss because I am scared? EEK! !!! Last night I was not allowed to think about it, I was hoping everything would be clearer in the morning. It wasn’t. I have to Google about how to buy a business.

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[curlysue]

That works for me too. the part were I get into trouble is staying with it. It is a real struggle to keep do something like that. It’s something I have to work on.

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[curlysue]

Also got to check out the rant.

And thanks for your kind words and support.

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[curlysue]

Oh god.
LOL
I’m going to leave it there for entertainment.
I did carefully read it over before I posted it. That kind of thing is an error I never pickup on.

Ok, so now I need to tell myself why these particular goals. Before I break them down and make any plans, I need to say the why behind them and reconcile them with my Values.

So here we are:
1. I fantasize about being a writer. I want to be one.
But.
But I don’t take any action.
While I think I’ll be some great undiscovered Atwood, I don’t know. I need to try. I like to think I have the sole of a writer.

2. I am, like a lot of you, recovering from/dealing with depression.
I’m sick of it.
I don’t wait to be depressed anymore.
Positive affirmations are a tool I believe will help me. If I can brain wash myself into thinking what a loser I am, then I can brainwash was myself the other way.

3. I’m lonely.
Plain and simple.
I don’t want to be lonely. I know someone who passed away recently, lived alone, he was dead a week before his mom got worried and decided to check on him.
I don’t wait to be him.

4. She says I don’t have to but I need to.
I just do, or the lesson is incomplete and wasted.

5. I had been doing very good with this one but I lapsed, and there are things I want to do that require a good credit rating.

6. I mostly wait to rain in the chaos.
I am being consumed by my junkie.
I also have decided not to clean my room. All my life I have been “need to clear my room”. Since I’ve yet to maintain a clean room, I have come to realize that I never will.
What about organized?
Right now I just moving piles of crap around: want to sit on a chair, got to move stuff, want to go to bed, got to move stuff. That time can be better spent doing what I enjoy.

7. There is a great business opportunity in my community, my dream business. I have to be practical and proactive.
That means stop dreaming.
Act!
Look at the dream in a practical manner and examine it. Maybe its right, maybe not.
I need to figure it out.

8. I sell jewelry at the farmers market, only it doesn’t move. I need a plane, focus, a direction.
I might even need to let it go.

9. Guess what I don’t do a lot of?
I won’t accomplish a thing if I don’t take care of me.
I want to do a lot, a lot more then this list. Finishing this list will let me accomplish other amazing stuff.

10. I don’t have to do everything I read in self help books.
I do know some stuff won ‘t work for me. Some stuff will.
None will work and nothing will charge if I don’t do anything.

I need to remember to read this now and then.

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[curlysue]

Thanks Rick. I’ll try them. Up here in Grande Prairie adults don’t have ADD apparently.

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[curlysue]

Thanks for the comments. I think I have a habit of blaming the wrong part of me. Looking back at that post in a calmer head space I realize that what I wrote was text book ADD.
I have been addressing the issues with the ticket. I womaned up and talked to my mom. She laughed. Then she handed me $5000! She knows me.
Of course now I’m all upset about what am I going to do without her someday?
But I do feel better and she will be easier to pay back then the credit card.

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[curlysue]

In my own research I learned that Bi-polar and ADD are closely related. According to You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?! If you are diagnosed Bi-polar then ADD meds can trigger a manic episode (p. 359), so do be aware of that. You can have a combination of both (p. 377). So yes you can have both. My father is Bi-polar and we have the same doctors treating us, the joys of small town life. But seriously, while the doctor should consider your family history it should not be the sole deciding factor in anyone’s diagnosis. So many disabilities/illnesses/what ever look like one thing but on closer inspection is something else. Good Luck

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[curlysue]

Hi, I tried to respond to this thread a couple of weeks ago but the whole log in posting issue was p*ssing me off. But it looks like i is sorted out.

for those you you who are not able to marry a librarian (Gardener I do think that is the best method if I can only find one) and do not have/use an e reader here is an idea. My local library in Alberta is part of the Trac system. All library’s in Alberta are linked. when travelling I can return my library book to any library in Alberta. that is not the best part, the best is i can access my library online. i can look through and select books. reserve them or send a text to my phone with the dewy decided and get it out. of course i can get books from other library’s too. this means that while I still get 10 books out, there will be one or two that I actually read. and the library will send me a text when things I order are in and when things are coming due.
Not on the trac system but still cool is that i can request/suggest material that I cannot find anywhere in the system, like say a certain Documentary on ADD. they let me know it was in so I could watch it.

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[curlysue]

I’m in for a support group. I have been looking for something but there is nothing for adults in the area. I have thought about starting a support group of my own. but how? as someone with add is that something i could handle when i get overwhelmed by my laundry pile? sorry i think i’m having a down day. I don’t know were i’m going with this

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[curlysue]

I can understand your anger but I came from a small (two child) family and did not get diagnosed until a couple of years ago. Family size did not matter in my lack of being identified. My anger and resentment was directed at the school system. Why didn’t they notice? They sent me to special Ed for spelling but never mentioned or explored why I was reading stuff beyond what was age appropriate and struggling to spell simple stuff, I still can’t figure a lot grammar and spelling stuff. No one mentioned dyslexia. I asked my mom

and she sever remembered it being mentioned in the course of my school career. Its obvious when you look at my handwriting. My parents knew something was wrong, but I was the quite one, the good little girl who got good grades, nothing wrong with me. Academically everyone was more worried about my brother. The school appointed psychiatrist did not see any problems, of course he was only going off a file and one conversation. Changing schools and even changing school systems did not catch anything was off. Before was identified (I’m trying to change my thinking from diagnosed) I knew that if my brother were to enter the school system today they would ld him as ADHD immediately. I think why I did not get Id was a combination of stuff and lack of knowledge and understanding were the big stuff

Please note I wrote this before work and am now posting it

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