[hstew]

I think it’s the rare exception that someone only has ADD,  unfortunately.  YOU know it’s not an excuse.  I know you’re young and it’s got to be so hard to let those comments roll like water off a duck’s back.  But, do your best.  I had a friend (who is so darned cute) tell me to talk to myself, “I’m a duck, I’m a duck, I’m a duck!” with arms pulled up like wings, ROFL.  It was so funny that I decided to try and it does help me.  Humor helps a lot.  You seem like you have a lot of personal strength, which is awesome!  Hang onto that.  You’ve got a tough road ahead, but you can navigate it.  Hang in there!

REPORT ABUSE

[hstew]

Hi, Alice!

Hey, when it comes to telling people, I agree with RitaFaye–be careful who you confide in.  Kind of shocking that your mom would offer such a hurtful, unsupportive response.  My initial reaction to that is:  maybe she has it too if she identifies so personally with what you’re telling her.  It has been shown to be a hereditary condition.  If you trust and share with someone and they reward you with skepticism or criticism, the best thing you can do now is drop the subject and quietly tell yourself that they don’t understand.  Educate yourself.  Read everything you can get your hands on.  Watch all of the vidoes.  There are some great videos in the TotallyADD store:  http://totallyaddshop.com/products/facing-the-world-dvd#.V_AmVPArLIU http://totallyaddshop.com/products/to-tell-or-not-to-tell#.V_AmtPArLIU

Maybe you could even share the videos with your mom!  Later on, when you have a good handle on all of it, you could try to politely educate (or, another option:  intellectually bodyslam 😀 ) someone who reacts with ignorance and insensitivity.  But, until that point, take care of you.  As hard as it may be, you’ve got to try to shut out and minimize all the noise from the haters.  There just isn’t enough energy in one person to deal with all of that all at once.

So, I’ve been working on this post for a while and not sure how much to include.  Decided to err on the side of too much vs. not enough.  Bear with me if I get too wordy or preachy!  ADHD is a hidden disability, so you can’t really show anything obvious to the average person to prove you have it.  You can’t point to your wheelchair and say to some skeptical jerk, “See??? I need a ramp to get to the same places you do!”  To make matters worse, it doesn’t seem to be well-understood, even within the medical community, nevermind in the public-at-large!  So, this is the big Catch 22:  if you tell people about your ADHD, they have a high likelihood of misunderstanding your disability and associated difficulties/needs; but, if you don’t tell, they may not understand that you have a disability and may come to some very damaging explanations of their own for what they see as problem behaviors.  It’s tough either way.  Couple all of that with the fact that many of us are both lacking in a well-developed personal support system AND ultra-sensitive to rejection and/or criticism.  It can make for a real nightmare.  I know, I know, “thank you Captain Obvious,” right?  Hah, just trying to make sure you know it’s not just you having trouble with the issue.  So, be gentle with yourself.

My suggestions to you (if you haven’t already done all of this!):

1. Find a qualified and experienced medical professional to help you identify and quantify your strengths and weaknesses, your specific difficulties, diagnoses, and potential treatment options.  This is absolutely the most critical first step, in my opinion.  No easy task to find the right person and get an appointment.  But, well worth the time and effort.

2. Once you have a diagnosis, depending on the level you’ve been effected, you might qualify for assistance from the government.  Here in the states, ADHD is a disability recognized by the federal government.  Check in with the local disability advocates and find out if you can get some help!

3. If you can afford it, I highly recommend that you find a professional to talk with.  A good ADHD coach and/or cognitive behavioral therapist can really help.  Think of it this way:  you are wandering in an unknown wilderness and could really benefit from having a guide.

4. The need to share your experience is totally normal and understandable. You did the right thing by reaching out to a community of people dealing with the same things you’re dealing with.  I’d take it a step further and try to find a group of people who also have ADHD in your area, with whom you will be able to meet, relax, and forget about censoring yourself.  There is likely a support group in your area–try an internet search.  Share your struggles and successes without so much discomfort.  Ask advice about professionals, treatments, strategies, etc.  There will still be people who don’t entirely understand you, but it will be better.  And it will help to validate your feelings and diagnoses.  Seriously, I highly recommend it.

5. Finally, try to remember that YOU ARE AWESOME.  You made it all this time without even knowing you had any issue, right? That’s incredibly impressive!

So, do what you can above.  Then, using your amazing new support system, strive to define and come to terms with your disability and adapt to a world that isn’t configured ideally for the way you operate.  ADHD and all its’ possible associated conditions and compatible treatments are different for each one of us.  I like the way Dr. Amen explains it—you need to find the accommodations/treatments that are right for you the way someone who has sight issues needs to find the right glasses.  It will be a full-time job (at least for a little while!) for you to figure yourself out and take care of yourself, physically, emotionally, etc.   This world just happens to be configured for differently-abled people.  But, lots of us have figured out how to make it and thrive anyway, because we are flexible, creative, resilient, and…awesome!  😀

Hope this helps.  Hang in there!

REPORT ABUSE

[hstew]

@tanpix, that is too funny about the shower thing.  That’s usually how my shower gets cleaned.  I decide it’s finally too gross to get clean in, spray it down with cleanser, throw on some shower shoes, then scrub it before I scrub me.  Hah!  Much easier to rinse it all down when you’re in there with the shower head going, isn’t it?  😀  And no clothes to ruin with the bleach!  Probably not the best idea to breathe in all those fumes, but…well…shower’s clean!!!

@scattybird, glad to help.  I honestly didn’t pay much attention to the audible.com ad at the end other than to jot down the name and author of the book.  But, since you pointed it out, I may look into checking out a membership for myself!  Audio books rock.  Best way to keep the road rage down, IMHO.  Also a fun way to put yourself to sleep at night with a good story, although that leaves us with the issue of having to try to figure out where exactly I fell asleep…  hehe!  BTW, thanks for the sympathy in the other post.  Much appreciated.  🙂

REPORT ABUSE

[hstew]

Just saw this video and thought you guys might like it:

“Is ADHD An Advantage?”

(Looks like I added the wrong link, earlier.  Oopsie. Ha! Fixed now!)

REPORT ABUSE

[hstew]

Yeah, agree that it’s a bit slow around here.  Where did everyone go?  I wonder…

Kudos to you for staying positive!  I really think the key to improvement for you is going to be finding ways to simplify your life as much as possible so you have fewer things to deal with overall.  It’s going to have to be something you whittle away at until you just one day realize things are feeling a lot better.  Most likely won’t be an overnight, massive change.

Lists are such a pain.  I like to put mine on my smartphone and I use a really simple Google app called ‘Keep.’  It’s free, has a search function, and is accessible from the computer if I can’t find my phone.  Hah!  I know you said you don’t like using computers, but I love it for things like grocery lists and daily to-do lists.

Here’s another idea:  treat this as if it were your best friend’s life in chaos and you were trying to be helpful and make things better for him/her.  Ooh, a shiny *new* project!  We like those.  Quick, bust out some posterboard and fat colored markers!  1) Identify issues, 2) Identify potential solutions.  And it’s open-ended!  Be creative!  Get excited!  And then try putting some of your ideas into practice.  Keep tweaking until you start feeling less chaotic and twirly.  😀  Or until you get bored with it, of course.  LOL  😉

REPORT ABUSE

[hstew]

Can totally relate.  The thing that kills me is that if we’d been born *boy* creative geniuses with forgetful and sloppy tendencies, we’d already have found understanding women to take care of all the mundane crap we can’t seem to wrangle on our own and allow the genius part to soar.  Society is tough on women with ADHD.  Stress saps your creative energy.  So, just try to be gentle with yourself and set some realistic expectations with regard to fashion and style.  Focus on the important stuff.  Avoid leaving the house in a tizzy because of a dumb old fancy wardrobe snafu.  Get a functional, comfortable, tag-free, easy-care wardrobe together that all matches so it won’t matter what’s clean or what’s dirty.  There’s tons of this stuff in style right now, so you’re in luck!  Comfort and confidence are sexy in any outfit.  Have a small number of special outfits put together only for special occasions and give yourself twice or three times as much time as you think you need to get ready for those times.  Keep your make-up and hair routines simple.

Choose and stick with special spots for all the important things you tend to lose.  I hung a little basket off the inside front doorknob to keep keys and sunglasses in and then picked special spots in my purse for these items and others and it has made a HUGE difference.

Pay yourself compliments as often as possible.  Celebrate the small victories.  🙂  Take the time to soothe yourself when things don’t go your way.  Simplify and save your energy for rocking the world with your awesomeness.  Hope some of this helps.  Hang in there!

REPORT ABUSE

[hstew]

I tried it for a week (which is the low dose they start you out at) and had some pretty yucky side effects, such as increased anxiety and irritability, sleep disturbance, difficulty urinating, and mystery pain.  So, a week is all I lasted!

REPORT ABUSE

[hstew]

I agree with a lot of what the previous posters have said.  I was diagnosed with inattentive ADD at 42 after what I call a ‘series of unfortunate events,’ including the death of my best friend, job loss, and loss of significant other brought my symptoms to a head.  The diagnosing pro said that up until that point, I had been able to make accommodations for myself to deal with everything on my plate.  But, once the volume of static got too high in the ol’ noggin, I just couldn’t cope with it all.  So, obviously, stress made a big difference for me.  Maybe you’re finding that it’s harder to keep all the balls in the air because there are a few too many new ones?  Interesting note:  I was tested and found *not* to have ADD in college.  I think the science has come a long way in 20 years.  Also, I have read a lot about hormonal changes having an effect on the severity of symptoms–disclaimer:  I am not a doctor.  😉

I also have issues with anger management when woken up out of a deep sleep.  Seems like this is pretty common.  Totally agree that holding a purring cat is just what the doctor ordered.  But, my personal experience is that even a small amount of alcohol hurts more than it helps in the long run.  I prefer organic kava tea and deep belly breathing.  Hang in there!

REPORT ABUSE

[Author]

Posts