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How many CEO’s, (okay let’s just say men) could do what they do if they also had to do what we women with ADHD do?
Answer: None. But if WE are the CEO, it doesn’t keep us from killing ourselves trying to do it all ourselves, and all by ourselves.
The Medical Version Of ADHD Traits Includes The Following:
Distractibility
Physical or Mental Restlessness
Overwhelm
Procrastination
Difficulty Completing Tasks
Time Insensitivity
Poor Organization
Low Self Esteem and Self Awareness
Difficulty Transitioning
Hyperfocus
Environmental Chaos and Clutter
Impulsivity (shopping anyone?!)
We all have days that we could answer “Yes!” to everything on this list. But for the ADD woman, every day is this list.
The ADD Woman’s Version of ADHD Traits May Look Like This:
You feel overwhelmed in grocery stores, noisy restaurants, crowds, or at parties.
You are surrounded by piles of unattended papers, bills, and things waiting to be filed.
Cleaning has become an archeological dig.
Packing for trips is a nightmare. You’d really rather just stay home and let them all go away.
911 is not an option. Nobody gets past your front door without advance warning.
You are too embarrassed to hire a cleaning lady.
When you do get it together you feel like an imposter, knowing that at any minute your dazzling carriage will once again become that moldering pumpkin you keep meaning to dispose of.
You either can’t think of anything to say, or can’t stop talking and interrupting.
Most of your day is spent feeling sick, wired, or tired; late, lost, or overwhelmed.
You are frequently running late; for work, for social events, or for an appointment, but most likely you forgot you even had an appointment.
Getting out of the house for anything is an Olympic event. It’s not unusual for you to run back into the house 2 or 3 times before you’ve even made it out of the driveway (I tell people I’m not really gone until at least 15 minutes have passed without my reappearance).
You seem to spend an enormous amount of time every day looking for things you know are right there.
You can’t find your purse, car keys, or even your car if you actually made it to that appointment and are now standing at the edge of the parking lot.
You have more projects on the go than Home Depot on a Saturday afternoon, and although you may be able to do them, and they may be able to help, rarely do you actually complete any.
Your To Do lists are prodigious, impressive, and tacked up everywhere. But you lay awake at night tormented by all the things that didn’t get crossed off.
In your heart you know you are brilliant, competent, and capable of anything, even though there is little evidence of that to the outside world, which breaks your heart a little more with each passing day, which also means you’ve probably already…
Been diagnosed with anxiety and depression.
But whatever else the ADHD woman may be, she is also a marvellous, adaptable, intuitive, sometimes quirky, but always persevering, one-of-kind woman!
You go girl! Your ADD is not the most important thing about you, nor does it need to define who you are. There is a whole host of your tribe waving and cheering you on from the Mother Ship!
Candace Taylor B.Sc. B.Ed. ACG
Coaching Support For Women With Attention Deficit Disorder
www.addmirablewoman.com
email: mctaylor at powergate.ca
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This made me cry.
“But whatever else the ADHD woman may be, she is also a marvellous, adaptable, intuitive, sometimes quirky, but always persevering, one-of-kind woman!
You go girl! Your ADD is not the most important thing about you, nor does it need to define who you are. There is a whole host of your tribe waving and cheering you on from the Mother Ship!”
Thank you for that…it is really hard to not feel defeated most days! :)
Finding the right job, with the right people, has made all the difference in the world. I actually look forward to work, because it’s such a perfect fit…though, of course, some days are better than others.
How do I know it’s the perfect fit? Because I’m not the only one there with ADHD!
Yesss I completely agree with Larynxa. I work with people who have delays and love the work because it’s always changing, never monotonous, I go out, I stay in, I dance and get kooky and they are great!! it’s humbling work, hard sensitive work but.. being adhd allows me to understand some of their issues so they easily relate to my style. I’ve also learned about adapting, self regulation and being more outward centered, all good things. We can become adaptable when we make ourselves be.
I find it strange that I am never late, but a half an hour early. Other then that the post hit me to a tee.
Sirisly, I’m just about to cry, too. Getting my work done gets harder every day and I have fewer successes and more incompletes all the time.
I’m printing this and putting it on my bulletin board. This is so how I feel. Exactly. Every day. Right down to the depression and anxiety.
Larynxa, if you don’t mind me asking, what do you do? I would sure love to find something where I fit in and enjoy it! :)
Wow that was soo me….The depression and anxiety fluxuate, but all else is the same every day all day. Its so imbarassing to say good night to friends then have to go back 2 to 3 times cause I forgot something. Trying to leave the house I have to leave an extra 15 to 20 mins before I leave to run back to the house for something I cant leave with out.
Oh yes, for sure, and I get sooo tired of it all the time. I find that I am so glad that I am now retired, did so early because my last job just finished me. I wanted to leave my career on a high note, using all that I had learned over the years, but all that happened was that I hit the wall of it being totally unsuitable for me…on the road, working with all younger people, not computer literate enough, late for meetings, “taking too much time with clients”, that one really hurt. I finally was so depressed I went on sick leave, and never worked at my career again.
At home I had problems with not being able to get anything organized, creating problems with my husband around money because I could not get out to work anymore. Even with counselling. I was already dx with ADD and on meds, but it was not enough. I have become a widow, have learned to live alone, had many disasters along the way, including financial. Now it is better, I have support from a monthly coach, a man in my life [was widowed], and my kids are grown.
However, every day I still battle with all these things, albeit from a position of more understanding, and am better with myself. Sometimes it is still too much though, to get out, to do laundry, dishes, vaccuuming. I have disposed of much of the clutter in my life, making my apartment more roomy for me, I go day to day….cant take meds anymore bc of a cardiac problem, but the greater simplicity helps greatly. My guy will do anything to help me, although he has some trouble understanding exactly about ADD in adults. I cherish his patience, caring and love.
This blog can double up as my autobiography. :( The closing paragraph gave me much needed boost. Thank you :)
This blog can double up as my biography. :( and the closing paragraph cheered me up, gave the much needed boost.
I’m new here, in this reality. While I don’t have a formal diagnosis yet, there can be no doubt. I see for the first time ever that the behaviours I’ve had all my adult life are not my fault…I’m doing the best I can, it’s just never good enough for those judgemental, pompous, anal types in my life. I just never knew that my struggles were the exact same for other people too. I’m not alone and that is comforting. Thank goodness for this website; it’s been a great resource for me.
Thank you for this. So accurate, my heart breaks a little just reading it.
Yes! Yes! yes! and yes again, Now if only I could explain it that way to everyone who teases me about my many lists and “Projects”
I feel guilty all the time, about not getting ‘stuff’ done. I regognize all the symtoms described here. I just realized I must have it too, when my youngest son was diagnosed with ADHD a year or 2 ago. My oldest son, now 13, has ADD (diagnosed at age 8) and so does my sister. We know now that our dad has it too. All the pieces fell into place. My dad and me never got diagnosed though. I’m not sure it will change anything. These blogs are very helpfull though, thank you for that. I can recomment everyone dealing with this disorder to read as much about it as you can. It did help me and my boys…
Question for you; How can we organise family (1 and 2 years old), when we can’t organize ourselves and when the partner also seems ADHD… a bit less affected though.
For years i kneew something was wrong with me. I’ve met psychologists saying that i was just anxious, then depressive, the last one: post-partum. My mom paid me a psychiatric evaluation in a ADHD private clinic (i live in Québec, Canada). I’m wating for the results. I have my master to finish, my babies to raise, the house to clean, find a (decent) job… and i spend my days feeling guilty/frustrated everytime i forget a knife(or other thing that could be dangerous for the girls on the counter, can’t focus(cook, laundry, cleaning) cause the kids are playing/crying around me, i don’t work on my thesis, i don’t bring money at home.
My doctor said i should look at my agenda and make lists (if wouldn’t loose it); the psychologists making the adhd evaluation said that it’s great for kids to have a mom with such an imagination, i’m sure you are crafting with them (if only a wasn’t spending my time walking and start cleaning everywhere at the same time again and again).
I feel that my kids and partner would get a better life with an other “fonctionnal” wife/mother. I’m exhausted, burnt, loosing faith. I’v lost my friends since i got the girls (moved out of Montreal/no money).
What do people do when they can’t pay a coach/psychologist/ergotherapist, or any other “ists”?
Sorry for every english mistake; it’s my (almost) second language.
There is no blog in frech!!!!
I am 40 years old, married and diagnosed with ADHD (Inattentive Subtype) at 35 after our two kids were diagnosed with ADHD. What really worked was finding stimulant medication that helped and a job that fit my interests, abilities and ADHD perfectly: substitute teaching. After 6 years in my new career I am soaring, but I still have to monitor my forgetfulness and intensity of focus. The stimulation of a constantly changing environment and the structure provided by regularly ringing school bells keeps me on track.
En français (pardon, mais ce n’est pas ma langue maternelle) pour <>:
Quand mes enfants étaient jeunes, je me suis senti submergé par les demandes, les demandes de mon mari et la cuisine, le nettoyage, etc. Il est utile d’écrire les listes, bien sûr, mais mon objective étais toujours ma relation avec mon mari. Chaque semaine nous sommes allés sur une date (pour le petit déjeuner, le souper, un film). J’ai pris beaucoup de siestes pendant la semaine, et j’ai toujours aidé mes enfants avant j’ai fait le ménage.