Classic ADD moments

[dithl]

@larynxa @blackdog: It’s all good, though I still haven’t found the motivation to deal with throwing away something with that much liquid in it. Better get on it before I have a putrid mess to strain. I shared that story because it still amazes me how this thing, this ADD thing, can be so hilarious – and then absolutely vexing, and at times heartbreaking. Will tell you about the show in “Hijack my thread”. Thanks for asking 🙂

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[jojosephine]

OMG i have to go downstairs and portion and freeze my chicken RIGHT NOW. (and then take my meds-or should i do that first?)

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[Patte Rosebank]

After the unfortunate incident when my little brother defiled a literary shrine, we are all VERY firm believers in “when in doubt, throw it out”.

 

“Don’t Eat the Dead Rainbow – A Cautionary Tale”

We were on a family trip, and the parentals had rented a car, in which Dad was driving us all around England, Scotland, and Wales. Every day, we’d buy sliced meats and buns and fruit, and have a picnic lunch in whatever picturesque little spot we happened to find.

On the day in question, we’d visited Thomas Carlyle’s birthplace in the morning, and had stopped at a tiny local shop (“for local people”) to buy our lunch supplies. A sweet little granny was the proprietress, and she sold us ham out of a fridge that looked as old as she was, and she sliced that ham on a slicer that looked even older than the fridge.

We drove to a lovely little country lane, and pulled to the side of the road for our picnic.  As Mom made the sandwiches, I commented, “Ooh, look! There’s a dead rainbow on the meat!”

Mom said, “Shut up and eat.”  So we ate. She, however, had her usual lunch of tinned smoked oysters, which stank up the car, even with the doors open.

A couple of hours later, we toured the Bronte Parsonage—the home of Charlotte, Emily, and Anne Bronte, and, therefore, a bona fide literary shrine.

I was in the gift shop, selecting a copy of “Wuthering Heights”, when there was a commotion.  I turned to see my little brother come tearing down the stairs. Just before he got to the turnstile, the contents of his stomach got there first.

A moment later, Dad came racing after him, carrying a large sack of sawdust.  And I burst out laughing—so hard I could barely stand up. What perfect comic timing! How had Dad known to grab the sawdust and come running???

I subsequently found out that my brother had already done this performance upstairs. Twice.

At that moment, we realized that the “dead rainbow” had been a warning sign, and that it was just a matter of time before Dad and I would be hurling too. We rushed to find a Bed & Breakfast willing to take in three very ill people (and one who hadn’t had the ham).

We were turned away by several B&Bs, and I took a special satisfaction in knowing that while Dad was in there, pleading for sanctuary, Mom was holding my little brother by the back of his trousers, as he hung out of the car and barfed in the unsympathetic people’s driveways.

Finally, we found a place that would take us in. And then, things got REALLY weird.

That night, Mom introduced us to a really funny TV show that she and Dad had discovered on a previous visit to England:  “Spitting Image”. And it was the episode with the famous “Chicken Song” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQ5AFxzY-nM).

Picture, if you will, two kids, sitting on a bed, hurling violently into buckets, while laughing hysterically at a very silly song on TV. Mom was terrified that we’d choke to death on our barf, and she’d get arrested for “reckless child endangerment”.

Meanwhile, Dad was downstairs, enjoying a traditional Ukrainian remedy (hot whisky & black pepper), which our hosts had obligingly concocted for him. Every so often, Mom would yell down to him that she was really worried about us, and he’d yell up, “What do you want me to do? They’re getting the poison out. Let them do it.”

The next morning, we three sicklings were very frail, but Dad had it the worst, because he HADN’T gotten the poison out, AND he had a hangover.

Somewhat fortified with a breakfast of oatmeal and strong tea, we headed for a supermarket, and stocked up on ginger ale and nectarines (good natural remedies for a dodgy tummy).

Unfortunately, we were all (except for Mom) far too weak to walk across the moors to the ruins of Top Withens (said to be the inspiration for “Wuthering Heights”). To this day, I’ve never been there.

After the incident in Bronte Parsonage, “Wuthering Heights” has been forever spoilt for me. And “The Chicken Song” has a very special place in my memory.

And, most of all, when in doubt, we ALWAYS throw it out!

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[blackdog]

This story reminds me of the tainted tuna incident. Back in the ’80’s there was a whole bunch of tuna sold that was contaminated with some kind of bacteria. And me, mom, and my brother all had tuna sandwiches for lunch one day. Which turned out to have been made with one of the tainted tins of tuna.

I don’t remember much except sitting on the edge of the bed in the middle of the night with my mother as we both sipped ginger ale. It was a very long time before I ate tuna again. My brother still won’t eat it to this day.

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[Galadriel724]

I too have some amazing friends. One day I commented that it must be painful to watch me exist, and the one I was with agreed. I had just, in a PMS induced bit of utter chaos, barreled into a line of senior citizens at the grocery store, then realized it looked like I must be a really rude person, so I did a spectacular prat fall pulling down a display of Cheetos taller than me, just so it wouldn’t look like I didn’t care about old people or something. I don’t know what the something was that they thought about me but I bet it had nothing to do with being rude to old people.
This weekend I made up my mind to declutter and wanted to be prepared and not get overwhelmed when I started. So I figured that instead of using a decluttering checklist I had online, I would find a flowchart. So,done must have made one…. Except no one had. So I decided to. I have never made a flow chart and am not by any means able to do more than basic stuff on Microsoft office. But an hr later I had some really pretty boxes on a page. Then I realized I had no content. So I carefully wrote the whole contents down in text. The flow chart isn’t done because I still need to find a free app or something that makes it easy. I didn’t get around to following my own directions because the weekend was over. And, now, I should be finishing with my documentation that I didn’t bother to finish from work, but instead and typing this and pondering looking for that flow chart app some more.
Oh, and once I bought movie tickets online, and when the machine didn’t recognize my card at the theater had a mini panic about which bill I must have forgotten that got deducted and made them shut my card down. Then I realized I was at the wrong theater. My friend shook his head, said “BAD MEAN TICKET ROBOT!” And drove us to the right theater.

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[Patte Rosebank]

@Galadriel724, I LOVE your “Cheetos pratfall” story!

It demonstrates the main reason why I decided to devote my life to laughter.

Whether it’s accidentally-on-purpose falling spectacularly into a display of Cheetos, or accidentally-for-real walking down the Vegas Strip for half an hour trailing a long tail of toilet paper from the back of your trousers and laughing about it when a mortified security guard points it out to you (done that!), or doing something silly just because you thought it might be fun and make a good story—it’s incredibly empowering to be able to laugh at yourself, and to be able to say, “I MEANT to do that ridiculous thing!”

And it makes other people think you’re remarkably self-assured (and fun to be around) too!

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[blackdog]

High school commencement ceremony. Everyone was gathered in the gym waiting to go into the auditorium. I decided to run to the bathroom quickly because I didn’t know how much longer it was going to be and I hate it when I get stuck somewhere and I have to pee.

I was wearing a knee length dress and rather tight panty hose, which is rare for me, and made me somewhat more awkward than than usual. I raced back to the gym, afraid that I had taken too long. Everyone was still there. After a few minutes of standing around chatting we were told to line up and get ready to go in.

I was standing  in line when one of the other girls came up and tapped me on the shoulder and pointed down towards my backside. I turned my head to see that the back half of my dress was tucked inside my underwear with the panty hose pulled up over it.

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[Galadriel724]

Thinking about the shiny object concept and just realized something. I can’t believe I didn’t connect the dots before. On my birthday in July my coworkers decorated my office.
I’m attempting to put the photobucket link in here:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v400/galadriel724/d0e87b9c-532d-4b4b-b95c-88e8b60b5c2b.jpg
Haven’t done this in a while- usually just copy the actual pic…
I seriously didn’t connect this with the shiny object cliche. Not sure how I could have missed it.
EDITED WITH RESIZED PIC, IGNORE NEXT POST.

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[Galadriel724]

Hmmmm, that didn’t go as planned- should have resized, but if you click the picture it comes out ok.

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[blackdog]

Due to technical difficulties this post will be seen at a later time. We now return you to your regularly scheduled forum reading.

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[blackdog]

So I went to the doctor today to get my new prescription for Vyvanse. I was not having a great day, feeling kind of depressed. But I was pretty calm and focused. And as I walked into the building I started to think again, maybe it’s not really ADD.

i went into the drug store to buy a drink because I was thirsty. As I was walking back across the lobby to the elevators I thought something about the floor didn’t feel right, like it was kind of rough and bumpy. I looked down to see that all the tiles (or maybe it was carpet?) had been ripped up. I turned back as I was waiting for the elevator and looked around. The benches and plants and everything that used to be there were gone too. The lobby was completely empty. Now how did I not notice that on the way in?

Because I was watching the flashing snowflake lights in the drug store window and looking at the strings of red and white lights they had twisted together and hung over the door.

Nope, it’s definitely not ADD.

I also forgot to drink the juice. It’s sitting in the cup holder in the van right now.

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[Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD]

Ha ha!  I have a soda pop story to follow your ‘juice tale’.

Years ago I was getting guitar lessons. And I would be dropped off and wait for the teacher to be ready. So I went into the convenience store in the strip mall and got a pop. In a glass bottle. And they had straws. So I popped the straws in the bottle, and they stuck out about two inches.

I wander around the store, pretending I’m not trying to stare at the adult magazines.

And I bring the drink up to my mouth, suck on the straws, and yet, at the same time, tilt my head back and raise the bottle, like you would if you didn’t have straws.

There’s a two inch gap between my mouth and the lip of the bottle. And it pours out all over my jacket. I had to buy one of those small travel packets of Kleenex. And then a second one when I did the same thing three minutes later.

D’oh!

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[mewithadd]

ADD moments 🙂

Order Coffee via drive thru, pay for coffee and drive off without coffee!!  Yes, my classic moment today 🙂

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[blackdog]

@mewithadd That kitten is the cutest one I have ever seen. Until the next one I see. 😉

You just answered a question that has perplexed me for years. Why do people pay for their coffee and then drive/walk away without it? One time when I was working at a place that sold cakes a customer picked out a cake, had me write on it, paid for it, thanked me, then walked away and left it on the counter.

And of course, I didn’t notice she had left the cake on the counter until she was gone. It’s funny that I never connected the dots before.

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[lsdcat]

I may find this funny someday.  I put a bowl in the sink to fill with water. Deadly boring standing there watching water run, but then I thought of something that I could run do quickly outside and run back in and the bowl would be full.

After several hours of working in the flower garden, I wandered back in to a flooded kitchen. Yikes. It took me three years to clean up the mess, because earlier that day I had started preparing to wash the bedroom walls and had taken everything down off the walls and moved furniture to the middle of the room. For some reason, I decided that would also be a good time to clean out the closet, so cleared it out and put everything in the middle of the room with the furniture.  I had to abandon the bedroom project to get the water cleaned up, terrified the whole time the landlord would find out and evict me, or that I had done serious damage and be liable for the cost, so I’m trying to be secretive about it.  That didn’t work because the water had seeped into the neighbor’s kitchen. Actually, I never really did get it all back in order. I moved.

That was the third time I’ve done that. So the rule is NEVER TURN BACK ON RUNNING WATER-NO EXCEPTIONS.  Another rule is Never Turn Back on Pot On Burner, but that’s another ADHD story.

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